Always Leads Back to You
by Dinx
Summary: Do you believe that 2 people can be made for each other? Bella and Edward tried dating in their teens and again in their 20's, but couldn't get it right. Will fate bring them together again in their 30's? Will they have a chance at a future... together?
1. Chapter 1 The Beginning

**Authors Notes: **

Beta is Xrxdanixrx. She is awesome.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. Although I sometimes feel they may own me! No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 1 (The Beginning)**

My name is Bella Swan, and life is good. I'm the happiest I've ever been. Things haven't always been that way, though. I've had my fair share of fun and heartache; excitement and uncertainty; love and loss. All roads have always led me in the same direction, toward where I am today. I think I've always known that, even back at the beginning of it all. The day that I met him.

March 1992, 11th Grade

My father was in the military so we moved around more than we stayed put. I was rarely in the same school for more than one year, and this year was no different; except that my father retired and decided to take a position as the police chief for a small community in Maryland, just outside the Washington DC area. While I was happy that my dad finally wanted to lay down some roots for our family, I wasn't going to count on staying. Moving to a different place every year was what I was used to. While I didn't like it, it's what we did. My father's retirement was right before Christmas, so we had spent the holidays moving and getting settled into our new house.

My mom had always wanted to live in a cute little cottage, so when my dad was offered the position of Police Chief for the town of Garrett Park, he jumped at the chance. He had been promising my mom that he would retire for several years and she had been more than patient. He could see that she wanted more time with him and wanted to settle down in one place for a change. Garrett Park was close to where he and my mom grew up, and he found her the perfect house. It was a quaint, stone, cottage-style house with lots of windows and wooden shutters. It was surrounded by a big yard with lots of trees and a stone path leading to the front door; it looked like it could have popped out of a storybook. In fact, my mom called it her Hansel and Gretel house.

It didn't take long to get settled. My mom was so excited to finally have her dream cottage and a permanent address that she stayed up late every night getting everything unpacked and put away. The house was smaller than most of the other houses in the neighborhood, but what it lacked in space it more than made up for in charm. It really was a cute house. The downstairs had your typical rooms; just inside the front door was the entry and staircase leading upstairs. Off to the right, was a fairly large living room with a stone fireplace. On the other side of the house, after walking through the living room, was a big kitchen with a wall of windows by where the table sat, overlooking the back yard. There were also hardwood floors throughout.

The upstairs was also kind of small, but had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. My room was on the front side of the house and had a window overlooking the front yard. There was a smaller bedroom off the hallway across from my bathroom, and my parent's master bedroom and bathroom was on the other end of the hall, overlooking the back.

Garrett Park was a unique community. From inside the town, it was like you had stepped back in time. It was just outside one of the largest cities in the US, but you would never know it from the look and feel of the place. It was a historic town consisting of 154 acres and Victorian style houses set back from the sidewalks. The two and three story houses had wrap around porches, cross-gable roofs, and large expansive yards. The town also had their own little country store and post office, which sat right along a B&O railroad train depot. It was all very different from the kind of city life and housing we were used to.

The people were extremely friendly and welcoming, and many of our neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves and welcome us to the neighborhood. The fact that my dad was the new police chief may have had some influence on that though.

I quickly settled into a routine and once the holidays were over, found myself at yet another new school. It was the beginning of a new semester, a new year, and a new life. There were all new classes and teachers and lots of new people to meet. I always excelled at school and got good grades and moving around a lot makes a person develop a certain amount of people skills. As a child I was painfully shy, but learned to get over that by moving to a new school every year. I wasn't overly outgoing and didn't like to call attention to myself, but I was friendly and didn't have a problem making friends. In the few short months we had been here I had made several new friends, many of them on the first day of school.

Luckily, I had my driver's license and was able to drive myself to school, as I would not have wanted to ride the dreaded school bus. I wasn't up for dealing with the overly crowded, slow moving vehicle that would ultimately force me to sit next to someone I probably wasn't interested in talking to. Plus it was just kind of lame. I wanted to make a good impression and the school bus definitely wasn't the way to go about it.

That first day I was greeted by a group of people. First was a boy named Mike Newton. He was average looking like me, with blond hair and blue eyes, and was very outgoing and friendly. He quickly introduced me to his friends, who I sat with at lunch. They were a small group consisting of two other guys: Tyler and Eric, and three other girls, Angela, Jessica, and Lauren. They were all pretty nice to me, at least at first. Angela was, by far, the nicest out of the bunch.

As fate would have it, there was another new student who started the same day as me. Her name was Rosalie Hale and we met in the office that first morning. She was easily the most beautiful girl in the school, with her curly, long blonde hair, dreamy blue eyes, and super model body, but had a great personality, as well. She was feisty, I'll say that, but very friendly and outgoing, and we became fast friends.

The days were passing in typical high school fashion, nothing too out of the ordinary from any of the other countless schools I'd attended. The inner social structure of the school was much like any other American high school. There were definitive cliques that made up the social hierarchy: jocks, cheerleaders, nerds, theater kids, punks, stoners, goth/emo kids, and, of course, the beautiful people. However, the strange thing about all these groups was that there was a hybrid group of people that was an eclectic mix of some of each type of student. This is where I fit in.

~xxx~

It was just another day, another boring hour of sitting in the school guidance office for my third period assignment as office aide. I was already far ahead of the rest of my classmates when I started the new school and, in an effort to keep me from advancing too far ahead and becoming bored in class, my academic counselor assigned me as an aide to the guidance office to fill up some of my schedule.

Some days the counselors actually had me run errands, like delivering notes or messages to different classrooms, or retrieving students that were needed from class. However, most days, I would just sit on the couch inside the office and do homework or read. This was one of those days. As I sat studying for my fifth period Spanish test, in walked the person who would forever change my life. The one who would turn the world as I knew it upside down.

"Mr. King, Mr. Cullen," greeted Ms. Cope. "To what do we owe the honor of your presence with us today?"

I looked up from my seat on the couch to the two people entering through the office door, Royce King and Edward Cullen. Both boys were tall, good looking, and both had quite the reputation at our school. I had only been a student there since the beginning of the semester, but had already heard about some of the antics and trouble they had gotten into. They were practically inseparable and were friends with the most beautiful people in the school. While I knew who they were and had heard plenty of stories, I never really gave them, or should I say _him_, a second thought… until that day.

"Hi, Ms. Cope," they both stated innocently with dazzling smiles on their faces.

"We know that we're supposed to be in class," Royce explained, "but I forgot my English paper at home this morning, and Edward gave me a ride back to my house to get it! We missed second period, though, and I was hoping that you could write us a note to be excused from class."

While Royce was pleading their case with Ms. Cope, I looked up from my book to see the most beautiful pair of green eyes staring back at me; Edward Cullen's eyes. I knew that Edward was good looking, but I underestimated the extent of his beauty. He was tall, easily 6'1", with pale, smooth skin and a perfect complexion. Not at all like the other boys our age who were just coming out of their awkward puberty stages. No, Edward was perfect. He had a chiseled jaw with the most amazing hair and eyes I'd ever seen. He looked like he stepped out of a magazine. His hair was a unique shade of bronze with copper highlights and was styled so that it was neatly messy, looking like he just rolled out of bed. However, the best part of his face was his eyes. In the quick second that I took to look up, his eyes penetrated me with their sheer beauty. The color was a rich, emerald green and I found myself wanting to get lost in them. My heart skipped a beat, my stomach began to do flips, and I immediately looked away from him in the embarrassment of our eyes locking. I tried to play it off that I was uninterested by rolling my eyes and looking back down at my book, but I had a feeling that he knew better. My traitor face always gave me away, and I prayed that he couldn't hear my heart about to jump out of my chest.

"Gentlemen, you know that you are not to leave school grounds without parental consent or notifying the office prior to leaving," Ms. Cope admonished. "And this is not the first offense for either of you! I cannot keep excusing your deliberate breaking of the rules."

"Ms. Cope, we know that we've been in here many times, and that you've always been more than fair. We just hope that you look at the circumstances," Royce begged. "We've been trying to be better students and follow the rules. When we've been here in the past, it was for slacking off and being disrespectful. Today was different. Even though we left the campus, we were trying to be responsible. I really needed to get my paper and turn it in. I need to pass English in order to move up next year. Please try to understand," he implored.

"Yes, please, Ms. Cope?" Edward added.

"Fine!" Ms. Cope gave in. "But this is the last time I'm going to help you with something like this. Do we have an understanding?"

"Yes, ma'am!" They both replied, smiling.

Ms. Cope looked disappointed, but it seemed she had a soft spot for them. They were definitely charming, and it appeared that they were perfectly aware of this skill. After they received their notes, she told them to get back to class. I stole another quick glance as I heard the office door open and saw that Edward was looking back in my direction. When my eyes met his for the second time, he was on his way out the door, smiling at me with the most adorable crooked grin. I thought I was going to melt, so again, I looked away, and he left. Little did I know that this encounter would be one of the most significant of my life.

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, we learn a little bit about Bella and what her life is like. She also encounters Edward for the first time. She seems intrigued by him. What do you think he thinks about her?

Also, Garrett Park is a real town in Maryland. I grew up very close to there and always loved the neighborhood. Some of the information depicted on the city is accurate, though they don't have their own police force and the citizens are completely fictitious. Here is a link to get a better idea of what it looks like there, should you be interested: www (dot) garrettpark-md (dot) gov/album (dot) php?album_id=2

I'd love to hear from you. Reviews make me write faster! ;) 


	2. Chapter 2 Introductions

**Authors Notes: **

Much love goes to my wonderful story beta, Xrxdanixrx. I seriously couldn't be doing this without you. You are amazing. *Mwah* And to all the girls on Twitter, thanks for your kind words and encouragement.

I do not own Twilight. That honor goes to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, like to play with her characters. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 2 (Introductions)**

Things started to change after my encounter with Edward. In Spanish class the next day, Jessica sat down in her usual seat next to mine and asked me the strangest question.

"So, Bella, you didn't tell me that you know Edward Cullen. When did the two of you become friends?"

"What?" I confusedly replied. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, he's in my first period English class and he kept talking about you this morning," she responded.

"He did? What was he saying?" I asked.

_God I hope he didn't notice me ogling him. That would be just my luck to have him tell everyone I was some kind of freak._

"No, no! Uh-uh! I'm not dishing on anything until you tell me how you know him," she said with a devious smile on her face.

"I… I don't really. Ya know how I'm an aide for guidance during third? Well, he came in yesterday. He was looking at me, but I didn't make anything of it. We didn't have a conversation or anything," I explained.

"Hmmm… and that's it? You haven't had any other interaction with him?" she asked.

"No, none! Why? Did he say we have?" I asked worriedly. I had no idea what he could have said, but I was starting to panic. It couldn't possibly be good.

"No, but he seems very interested in you!" she exclaimed with a huge grin on her face.

"How so? I mean, what did he say?" I asked, feeling the color rise in my cheeks. _What? How is that possible? Interested in me?_

"Well, his friend, Royce, is in our class, and he kept talking about you to him."

"Okay, but what was he saying?" I inquired. _Damn it, Jessica! Stop beating around the bush about it and just tell me._

"He kept talking about how gorgeous the new girl is and how he wants to get to know you," Jessica stated. _That explains it; he's obviously interested in Rosalie._

"Yeah, well how do you know it was me he was talking about? You know I'm not the only new girl in the school. Rosalie is also new, and she is totally beautiful. He was probably talking about her," I retorted.

"Bella, he was definitely talking about you. I know because he was talking about your _long brown hair_ and _big doe eyes_. Does that sound like Rosalie to you? Because last time I checked, she was a blue-eyed blonde. Besides, he also said your name. He called you Isabella!" she exclaimed.

"Really? That is so weird. I mean, why would he be interested in me? He could have any girl he wants," I countered. _Weird is an understatement. I'm utterly plain and insignificant. He must be confused or something._

"Yes, and he's had many of the girls in this school. You're new, though. Maybe he wants first dibs since you haven't dated anyone else here yet. Besides, it's not like you're bad to look at," she remarked.

I didn't know if I should be offended by her possible theory or flattered with her off-handed compliment."Yeah right! I might not be horrible, but I hardly put myself in his league!"

"So, what are you going to do if he asks you out?" she questioned.

_Like that's gonna happen._ "I don't know. He hasn't even spoken to me," I told her.

"Well, are you interested?" she asked me.

"I honestly don't know. He's obviously beautiful, but I really don't know him… other than what I've heard about him, and that isn't very good," I explained. _Don't even think about it, Bella._

"I totally think that you should talk to him, Bella! What harm could it do?"

"We'll see. If he talks to me, I'll be polite and speak back, of course. I'm not just gonna walk up to him, though," I replied.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I don't have any reason to. Just because he says one thing about me to his friend, and you overhear it, doesn't mean anything. I don't want to look like an idiot!"

"I suppose," she said. "But he didn't just say one thing about you. He talked about you throughout the entire class. I really do think he likes you."

"Whatever! Let's just see what happens," I told her. _Don't be ridiculous. Nothing is going to happen._

"Okay, whatever you say! I'll be listening to see if he talks about you again tomorrow," she replied.

"Okay, but don't hold your breath," I uttered.

~xxx~

The following day I started to notice him in the hallway. I didn't know if it was because he started taking different paths to get to his classes or if I was just more aware of him, but he seemed to be in whatever hallway I happened to walk down. He was breathtakingly beautiful, but kept to himself, only talking to his friends. I was starting to think that Jessica was trying to pull some kind of prank on me with her story of his interest. Otherwise, he would have talked to me, right?

About a week passed, and Jessica continued to report to me every day about how he would talk about me in her English class. He would discuss what I was wearing and relay how beautiful he thought I looked to Royce. She said that he wanted to know more about me. He was wondering what I liked to do for fun, what kind of music I listened to, if I had hobbies, what my favorite foods were, etc. He would discuss all these things with Royce, but had yet to talk to me.

Then one day, he discovered that Jessica and I were friends, so he started asking her questions. She complied and answered some of his inquiries, but told him that he should just talk to me. We were both kind of surprised how someone so perfect and desired by the girls in our school could be so seemingly afraid to talk to little old me.

It took another couple of days, but as Rosalie and I were on our way to the cafeteria, Edward and Royce approached us. With a shy look on his face, and hands in his pockets, Edward stood in front of me; head slightly bent downward with his eyes looking up at mine, and he said, "Hi." I almost thought I was going to melt right into the floor until Rosalie elbowed me in the side and brought me back to reality.

"Hi," I said with a jump as he gave me a smile.

"You're Isabella, right?" he asked.

"Uh, yes… I mean, Bella. Everyone calls me Bella."

"Bella," he said with another smile. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"Yes, I know who you are," I replied quickly. _Oh, good job Bella._ _Make yourself look like even more of an ass by being rude._

"Oh, well, okay," he said with a strange look on his face. "This is my friend Royce," he continued while acknowledging the person next to him.

"Hello," he said, smiling down at Rosalie.

Hi," we both replied to him while Rosalie elbowed me again. "Oh, this is my friend, Rosalie Hale."

"It's nice to meet you both. We were wondering what you guys are doing for lunch today?" Royce asked.

Rosalie replied, "We were just going to grab something in the cafeteria."

"Cool, do you mind if we join you?" Edward asked.

"Umm, yeah sure, if you want," I replied, biting on my bottom lip. _Jesus Bella. The best looking guy in the school is talking to you and you are standing here like a bumbling, uninterested idiot. No wonder he had that weird look on his face earlier. He's probably wondering why he's even here at this point._

"Shall we?" He motioned down the hall toward the cafeteria, and we began walking.

We made our way to lunch. Rosalie and I each got a salad and some water and Edward and Royce got pizza and Cokes. Normally we would sit at our typical table with the rest of our friends, but today we sat at a table with just Edward and Royce. This caused quite a stir in the cafeteria, because Edward and Royce never ate at school. They didn't normally stay since our lunch period was open. People were staring and talking. It was uncomfortable and exciting all at the same time, but I guess that was to be expected. It was only logical for everyone to wonder what they were doing eating with us. Things were changing, though, and life was going to be very different from that point forward. Edward Cullen, the most popular and beautiful boy in my school, was now a part of my world.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Okay, so I have 8 chapters of this written. 5 of them are just about ready to post. I would get them all posted right away, but I think you might get upset at the length of time between updates. So, I'm going to try and post these weekly. The first couple of chapters are shorter, but they get MUCH longer as we go along and will eventually earn the mature rating of the story. That being said, I hope you all are patient. I promise you won't regret it.

Oh, and come follow me on Twitter: I'm Dinx219 on there.

Now please go and hit that review button and let me know what you think so far. It gives me great pleasure and Edward appreciates it! :P


	3. Chapter 3 Getting Acquainted

**Authors Notes: **

To my wonderful beta, Xrxdanixrx. I seriously heart you, bb. You make this story so much better.

As always, I don't own Twilight. That's all Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own a somewhat unhealthy obsession with wanting to do dirty things with her characters. :D You may be asking when that will happen in this story. Patience, my pretties. Patience.

Now on with the show...

Chapter 3 (Getting Acquainted)

Lunch with Edward, Rosalie, and Royce went well. I was really nervous, but Edward was surprisingly easy to talk to. Even though it was the first time we talked, it almost felt like we had known each other for a long time. We made small talk mostly and exchanged phone numbers. Edward had asked if he could call me later that evening and I, of course, said yes. Rosalie and Royce seemed to hit it off, as well.

After school, I went home and went about my daily rituals of helping my mom with dinner, cleaning up, and doing homework. It was probably around seven that evening when the phone rang. I was up in my room doing homework when I heard my mom ask who was calling. A few seconds later, she called up the stairs and told me I had a phone call, but didn't say who it was. I had my own phone in my room, so I picked up.

"Hello," I said into the phone.

"Hi, Bella. It's Edward," I heard on the other end, while not hearing the downstairs phone disconnect.

"I got it, Mom!" I yelled, and she finally hung up.

"Hey, Edward! Sorry about that!" _Gosh my mom is annoying! I can't believe she was trying to listen. Ugh!_

"Oh, it's no problem. My mom does the same thing," he said, laughing quietly. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I? I know I said I would call you tonight, but we can talk another time if you're busy."

"No, it's not a bad time. I was just doing some homework. I can talk, though," I told him.

"Okay, good. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I was actually kind of bored and really not wanting to do homework, so I'm glad you called." _That's better. Be a little nicer to him this time._

"I enjoyed our lunch today," he said next. "I've wanted to talk to you ever since I saw you that day in the guidance office."

"Really?" I asked him. _I already knew this from what Jessica had told me, but I thought I would play along. Having him affirm it was definitely nice._

"Yeah, I wanted to say hi and talk to you while I was in there, but didn't know what you would be thinking since I was… kind of in trouble."

Remembering that morning, I smiled and said, "I wasn't thinking anything bad. You should have said something. I promise I don't bite!" _Where the hell did that come from? I'm never this flirtatious._

He let out a big laugh and said, "Well, hopefully we can make up for the lost time. I'd really like to get to know you, Bella."

"I'd like that, too," I replied.

"Good, then tell me about yourself," he urged.

"What would you like to know?"

"Everything!" he replied. "Tell me where you were born, where you've lived, what your family is like, what you like to do for fun, what kind of friends you've made here, what you want to be, what kind of music you listen to, your favorite color, food, band, book, memory, hobby… whatever! I want to know it all!"

"Wow! That's a long list of requests. Shall I list them all off in that order?" I asked with a chuckle.

He laughed and said, "However you want to do it. Just tell me whatever comes to your mind first."

"Well, I was born in a small town in Washington called Forks. I lived there for a couple of years when I was really young, but I've moved around a lot since I've been in school. My dad was in the military, so we moved quite frequently with his transfers."

"That must have been hard, having to make new friends each time. Do you think you're going to stay here for a while?" he asked me.

"I hope so, but I don't know. My dad retired this year and he's been promising my mom that we would stay put. I've gotten so used to moving that it will be different to stay in one place for any real length of time."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, not bad, just different," I answered.

"So, what brought you to Maryland?"

"Both of my parents grew up in the area, and my mom really loves it here, so my dad decided this was the best place to come."

"What about you? Do you like it here?" he asked.

"I do. I love our house and I've met some pretty nice people so far. School is… well, it's school. I do alright, but I don't love it. I'll be glad to go to college."

"What do you want to study? Do you know what you want to be?"

"Not really. I've always loved reading and writing, and I really like to paint and take pictures, but I haven't decided what I want to do for a career. I guess I still have a little bit of time, though. What about you? Tell me some things about Edward!"

"I've pretty much lived here my whole life. I've lived in the same house and have had the same group of friends since Kindergarten. Not really all that exciting," he stated, sounding somewhat ambivalent.

"There is something to be said for that, though. I think it's nice to have that kind of stability. I sometimes feel like I've missed out on having those kinds of strong bonds with people. Moving around a lot doesn't really allow me the opportunity. I think you're kind of lucky," I assured him.

"I guess. It would be nice to be able to recreate myself in a new place every once in a while, though."

"How so?" I asked.

"I'm sure you've heard stories about me by now? Word travels fast in this place, especially in the halls of our school," he replied in a wary tone.

"I may have heard some things," I said, blushing. _I've heard a lot of stories about him, but should I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him continue?_

"Just don't believe everything you hear. I'm not a saint, but not all the stories about me are true," he said emphatically. "People love to stretch the truth, especially when it's about me."

"Okay, well then I promise to make my own judgments. How about that?" I offered.

"That sounds fair. Just know that if someone tells you something about me, and it freaks you out, that you can ask me, and I'll tell you the truth. Deal?"

"Deal. Besides, you seem pretty nice so far. Maybe it won't even be an issue," I tried to reassure him.

"It's always an issue. Trust me," he groaned.

At that moment, I just wanted to hug him and tell him it would be okay. I felt bad for him. I didn't know all he had been through. I knew that he was friendly, popular, gorgeous, and charismatic, yet there was an underlying sadness and loneliness there. I had to get to know him better. I wanted to understand him.

"Well, I'm not worried about it," I told him, and changed the subject. "Tell me about your family."

"I have a sister, Alice. She goes to our school. Do you know her?" he asked.

"I've seen her, but I don't really know her or much about her. Are you twins? I know she's in our grade, right?" I wondered.

He chuckled. "No, Alice and I are not twins. Do we look alike to you?"

"Well, honestly, no. You're almost complete opposites," I stated. "But I guess I just wondered how you would be the same age."

"It's because I was adopted," he quietly replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, I hope that doesn't offend you, uh, or that it's not a touchy subject. Ugh, never mind!" I rambled. _Way to put your foot in your mouth. You're_ _such an idiot!_

"No, it's okay. It's not offensive. I'm actually really fortunate to have my family. I think they were the ones who got the short end of the stick in the whole thing. They are all really great," he said reassuringly. _Wow! I can't even imagine the things he's gone through in life so far. This beautiful boy, who looks so perfect on the outside, must have so much going on inside. I want to know him._

"So, it's just your parents, you, and Alice?" I asked.

"Yes. My parents had Alice and they really wanted another child, but my mom couldn't have any more kids. Alice was two years old when they decided to adopt. My mom is a social worker and came across my case. My biological parents died in a car accident, and since I had no other immediate family, I had nowhere to go. I was also two at the time, and my parents thought that it would be perfect for Alice to have a playmate that was the same age. So, they adopted me, and I came to live with them."

"Gosh, Edward. I had no idea. That sounds really sweet, but sad, too. I don't want to upset you, so if you don't want to talk about any of this, you don't have to," I assured him.

"No, it's okay. I don't mind. It's actually kind of nice being able to talk to someone about it. I don't really talk to my friends about this kind of stuff. I mean, they all know the whole story, but we just don't talk about it."

"Do you remember anything from before your adoption? Do you remember your biological parents?" I asked him.

"Not really. I think I dream about them sometimes, and there are flashes of things that come to me once in a while, kind of like déjà vu. Makes me think it might be a memory, but nothing substantial. I was so young when it all happened. My real memories are with the Cullens. They are my family."

"Are you and Alice close?"

"Yeah. We get along great. We have our moments, but I couldn't ask for a better sister. What about you? Do you have any siblings?"

"Nope, it's just me. Boring, right?"

"Well, I wouldn't trade Alice, but not having to share with someone else all the time might not be so bad," he said jokingly.

"It's alright. It does get lonely, though. I'd love to have a brother or sister to talk to and lean on from time to time. It's not always fun just having my parents, ya know?"

"Well, you can always talk to me or lean on me if you need to," he told me.

"Good to know. I'll keep that in mind," I said, smiling, feeling the red rise up on my face.

"Well, it's getting kind of late. We've been talking for a while, and I know you have stuff to finish, so I'll let you go, but do you think you might want to hang out this weekend? I think Royce really likes your friend, Rosalie. Maybe we could all go out and see a movie or something," he said optimistically.

"That sounds good," I replied. "I'll ask her what she has planned tomorrow."

"Okay, well I will see you tomorrow in school then. It was nice talking to you, Bella."

"It was nice talking to you, too, Edward."

"Okay, well sweet dreams, beautiful."

"Thanks, you too!" I replied, with my heart about to beat out of my chest. "Good night."

"Good night." And we hung up.

The conversation started out with me feeling excited, nervous and curious, and I still felt all those things when it was over, but so much more. I knew that Edward was gorgeous and friendly, but I got the sense that there was a lot more going on with him than just what met the eye. It was so easy to talk to him. He made me feel comfortable and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. He also seemed to confide in me. I couldn't stop smiling after we hung up, and I just knew that I was going to have some _really_ sweet dreams that night.

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, tell me what you guys think so far. It seems like these two are hitting it off. Is there anything that you are wondering about or do you think you see where this is going? I'd love to hear from you, so please go hit that review button.

Some fic suggestions: There are two awesome authors that you need to check out if you haven't already. The first is Holly1980. Her story, The Sovereign Six, is amazing and it just wrapped, but you can find her newest story, Keeping the Faith, on here as well. Another incredible author is fngrcufs. Go check out her story, Not Who I Thought You Were. It's also on FF. I think you'll love their stories as much as I do.

I'll see you next week! =)


	4. Chapter 4 First Date

**Authors Notes: **

As always, huge thanks to my wonderful beta, Xrxdanixrx. She makes your reading of this story so much easier, as they make my writing better! This story wouldn't be the same without them. Hugs and kisses to you guys.

To my Twilighted validation beta, SunKing. She is super awesome and always gets the new chapters added lightning fast. Thank you so much! You're the greatest, bb!

I don't own Twilight or its characters. *Sigh* I do own an active imagination that lets me dream up different scenarios to put them in, though. Enjoy...

**Chapter 4 (First Dates)**

The next few days passed and, finally, the weekend came. Edward and I hadn't eaten lunch together again since Wednesday, but we talked on the phone every night. I got to know Edward a little more and was looking forward to going out with him, though my friends at school weren't as supportive of it.

After we had lunch together that first day, it was the biggest topic of conversation for the rest of the week. Everyone wanted to know what was going on. They all had so many stories to tell Rose and I about Edward and Royce and the trouble they had been in, the lies they had told, and the countless girls they had screwed over. And whether it was out of jealousy or with good reason, even Jessica, who seemed eager to have me talk to Edward at first, was going along with the discouragement. They warned us not to get involved and that we should just stay away, but Edward didn't seem so dangerous to me, and Rose didn't feel uneasy about Royce, either. Edward and I had talked for hours every night, and he seemed sweet and gentle, somewhat sad, and possibly misunderstood, but not deceitful or unkind. Plus, I had told him that I would give him the benefit of the doubt and make up my own mind about him. I wanted to keep my word.

We made plans to meet up at the mall on Saturday evening. We were going to grab something to eat at the food court and then head over to the theatre to watch a movie. Rosalie and I were riding together in her car, and Edward and Royce were riding in Edward's.

I drove over to Rose's house so we could get ready together. She insisted that she was going to help me put together the perfect outfit, not to mention do my hair and make-up. While I'd never been one to make a big fuss over these things, I must say, I was happy for the help. Rose looked drop dead gorgeous and had excellent taste in fashion. I knew if anyone was going to doll me up for the date, it was going to be her.

Rose and I hadn't known each other for long, but we were getting along great. While we didn't have much in common, we seemed to bond over being the new kids at school. She was from a wealthier family and had just moved from the west coast. Her mother was a former model, and her father was a business executive for a large corporation that had offices all over the world. He had recently taken over as head of their office in DC, which was what brought them to Maryland.

Rose was an only child, like me, and both of her parents traveled a lot, which left her home alone in their large house in Bethesda. We would take turns spending nights at each other's houses and were practically inseparable on the weekends. When her parents were home, she liked to come to my house, and when her parents were away, we would stay at hers. I didn't ask a lot of questions, but it didn't seem like Rose and her parents were very close. She didn't talk about it much, so I thought it best not to force the issue. When she wanted to talk, she would let me know.

I got to her house at about four that afternoon, and we headed up to her room. I had brought a few potential outfits with me and started to lay them out on her bed for her to look over. We decided on a denim mini skirt, a thin, navy blue V-neck sweater from the Gap, and my navy blue Pumas. Rose decided to wear a red Betsey Johnson spaghetti strap sundress with a denim jacket and some strappy, red velvet platform shoes. Once we had the outfits finalized, we began to do our hair and make-up.

Rose decided that she was going to do my hair in long wavy curls like hers and apply the perfect colors of make-up to accentuate my features. She said I had great eyes and needed to show them off by applying the right make-up, so I let her go to work on me. When she was done, I almost didn't recognize myself. She had done a great job. Even I thought that I looked good, and that was saying something. She definitely had an eye and a skill for style. I almost felt comfortable standing next to her. She was breathtaking, though, and I didn't think that I had quite reached that level.

When we were all ready, we headed out to the mall. It was about a ten minute drive from Rose's house and we were both really anxious to see the guys. Rose and Royce had been talking on the phone every night, just like Edward and I, and they seemed to really hit it off. Rose really liked him, and from what Edward had told me, Royce liked her just as much.

We got to the mall and made our way to the food court. Since we were going to be grabbing dinner before the movie, we decided that was the easiest place to meet up. As we walked, Rose and I chatted.

"Oh my god, Rose, I am so nervous. Do I look okay?" I asked, somewhat panicked.

"Don't be nervous, you look beautiful, Bella. Do you really even need to ask that? I put you together tonight, so you look fabulous, of course." She smirked.

"It's just that Edward is so gorgeous. I've never dated a guy as good looking as him, and when I look at him or even think about him, I feel like my heart is going to jump right out of my chest. I just don't want to say or do anything stupid tonight."

"Just be yourself. He asked you out, remember? He wouldn't have done that if he wasn't interested. Royce says that he really likes you. I really don't think that you have anything to worry about. Besides, he's just a guy, so don't stress!"

"I hope you're right," I replied.

By the time we got there, Edward and Royce were already waiting for us. They were standing casually at the front end of the food court and they both looked so damn sexy in their jeans, t-shirts, and leather jackets.

"Hi, ladies!" they both said eagerly as we approached.

"Hey guys!" we replied.

"Have you been waiting long? Parking was a bitch," Rose added.

"No, we've only been here a couple of minutes," Royce answered, laughing at her comment.

"So, what are you guys in the mood to eat; Chinese, pizza, Mexican, burgers, chicken? Ladies choice…" Edward said.

"Pizza sounds good!" Rose and I said in unison.

"Okay, Sbarro it is!" Royce affirmed.

We went to Sbarro and each picked out our pizza and drinks. The guys paid while Rose and I got a table. We sat together and talked about our weekend so far, then decided which movie we would see when we were done. Since the guys let us choose the food, we let them choose the movie. They, of course, chose _Basic Instinct_. What guy wouldn't have chosen the movie that had the naked hoo-ha in it!

After we ate, we walked around to the movie theater and got our tickets. The guys had taken care of dinner and the movie, so Rose and I bought popcorn, drinks, and candy. We made our way into the theater and found the last four seats that were together. Apparently everyone else wanted to see that particular movie, as well.

We sat down, Edward on my left, Rose to my right, and Royce to her right. The lights were lowering, and the previews were just about to start, so there wasn't much time for conversation. The setting did, however, provide just the right amount of stimulation to send my active imagination into overdrive.

Edward was sitting so close to me, our arms and legs touching, as we sat in the packed movie theater seats. The warmth of his body was calling out to me, and I just wanted to curl up into him. His hot breath was on my neck as he whispered in my ear to make sure I was comfortable. Chills shot down my spine and went straight to my center. The tingly sensation it caused left a pool of wetness in my underwear and left me wanting to feel what his touch would be like. I didn't know where this was all coming from. I wasn't exactly experienced in this area. I had barely even kissed a boy by this point, but Edward stirred up a reaction in me that I couldn't explain. I wanted to grab him and run my fingers through his hair. _Oh, his hair_. What I imagined it to feel like in my fingers. Fingers… his fingers, oh god, they were beautiful, long fingers. What I wouldn't give to know how they felt on my body as they explored their way over me and in me. And his lips, how I wanted to kiss and suck on his lips and have him do the same to me. It was all so overwhelming.

I was so glad that it was dark in the theater and he couldn't see my face clearly; I was sure it would have given these thoughts away. He couldn't know I was thinking or feeling these things. Not yet... It was too soon. I had never had feelings like this about anyone, not even the few guys that I had dated before moving here. I had only known Edward a week. His effect on me was scary, fascinating, confusing and powerful, all at the same time, but I knew that I couldn't act on it. I didn't want him to get freaked out, or worse, think that I was some kind of easy skank to fuck and toss aside.

I didn't just feel a physical attraction to him, though. I wanted to be close to him, to care for him, and to know him better than anyone else did. I wanted him, despite the fact that we were from two totally different worlds and despite everyone telling me to stay away from him. I was drawn to him. He was like a magnet to me, with a strong gravitational pull that I couldn't escape if I'd wanted to. But more than anything, I wanted him to know me and feel that way about me, too.

I'm pretty sure that I missed half of the movie due to the fact that I had so many thoughts running through my mind. Edward wasn't doing much to help my resolve, either. He had taken my hand in his and began rubbing soft circles on the top with his thumb. It was electrifying. I wondered if he could feel it, too. The sheer touch of him, in the most innocent of ways, was all encompassing and was almost more than I could handle.

When the movie ended, it was late, and the rest of the mall was closed. There wasn't anything else we could do besides walk to our cars. Royce and Rosalie walked ahead, talking quietly, while Edward and I trailed behind.

"So, Bella, do you think it would be okay if I take you home and Rosalie takes Royce?" Edward asked.

"Umm, as much as I would like that, I don't think tonight would be a good night for it. My parents kind of have a rule that they need to meet a guy before I'm allowed to go out with him. It's old fashioned and lame and I hate it, so I didn't really tell them about our date. They think I'm just hanging out with Rose tonight. Plus, my car is at her house since I'm spending the night there."

"It's cool. I mean, it makes sense, since your dad is a police chief, that he would be protective like that. My dad is like that with Alice, too. I'm pretty sure most dads are like that with daughters," he said, laughing.

"So, you wouldn't be too freaked out to meet him next time? Uh, I mean, if… if you wanted to go out again," I stuttered as the heat started to rise up my neck and face. _Shit! How do you know if he even wants to go out with you again? You're getting ahead of yourself._

"What do you mean _if_? Of course I want to go out again! I've had a great time with you tonight. I don't know what your dad will think of me, or if he will even want to let you out of the house once he meets me, but I'm up for it if it means I get to hang out with you again."

"I'm sure Charlie will be okay with you. He tries to be intimidating, but he's really just a softy at heart," I told him, while I was internally beaming with joy that he wanted to see me again.

"Well, I hope you're right, because I want to be seeing a lot more of you," he replied in his soft, velvety voice, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers as we finished our walk outside.

We were almost to Rose's car, when Edward stopped and turned to me. He still held my hand as he looked down into my eyes, gently pushing a piece of hair behind my ear with his free hand.

"I meant what I said, Bella. I really want to keep seeing you. I don't _fall_ for girls, but I feel drawn to you. I hope that doesn't freak you out. I know we've only known each other a short time, but it feels like longer. I can't explain it."

"It's okay, Edward. I feel the same way. I'm not freaked out, and I like being with you, too." _I wonder what he means by fall for girls? Does this mean he's falling for me? What about all the girls he's dated in the past?_

"Good, I'm glad," he said as he pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me. "I had fun tonight."

"So did I," I replied, breathing in his delicious scent as my cheek pressed against his chest.

"All right, well it looks like Royce has Rosalie in the car, so I guess I have to let you go for tonight," he sighed before kissing the top of my head and releasing me. I instantly felt cold at the loss of warmth his arms provided.

"Thank you for dinner and the movie. I had a great time!"

He brought his hand up to cup my face and gently traced the side of my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"You're very welcome, beautiful," he said with a smile. He then leaned down and softly brushed his lips against mine. With that, he opened my door and I got inside. "I'll call you tomorrow." He closed the door, and I smiled at him through the window.

I gave him a little wave, as did Rose to Royce, and we were off.

~xxx~

That night, back at Rose's house, we got comfy in our pajamas and settled in to swoon over our dates.

"So, what do you think about Royce? Do you really like him?"

"I think I do," Rose replied. "He's really cute and attentive. I like that about him." Rose sat cross-legged on the bed. "What about you and Edward? I saw that kiss before you got in the car!"

My face turned red as I thought back to the chaste kiss we shared. It was brief, but amazing, and I wanted more of them! "He's pretty great," I told her. "I really like him. Maybe more than I should, but I can't help it."

"Are you still worrying about what everyone else thinks? Don't let those bitches get you down, Bella. They're all just jealous because they want what you have."

"It's not that really. I just feel a little overwhelmed. It's only been a week, but I feel so connected to him already. He's part of my every waking thought, and he's even more present in my dreams. Is that normal? I just don't want to move too fast and freak him out."

"I think it's normal. I find myself daydreaming about Royce, as well. Just take your time and see what happens. If it's meant to be, it will all work out. Just keep being yourself."

So, you saw my interaction with Edward. What happened with you and Royce tonight? Anything juicy that I missed?" I prodded her with a smirk.

"Maybe," she said in a mischievous voice.

"Rose, you better tell me!" I clamored, hitting her with my pillow.

She relented and said that there may have been a kiss for her, as well. We both squealed like the school girls we were and stayed up half of the night gushing about the evening, the guys, and how glad we were that we had become friends. For the first time, I was truly content and wanted nothing more than to stay in one place, at one school, and hopefully in one person's heart.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Yay for first dates! What do you guys think so far? Is Edward adorable? Are you still skeptical of Royce? There were even some first kisses. *Squee!* I'm a sucker for romance, what can I say? Do you remember your first love or a special first date? What made it special or how did things turn out? I'd love to hear about some of them…

Please go and hit that review button and tell me something good! See you guys next week. *Mwah*


	5. Chapter 5 Declarations

**Authors Notes: **

Thanks to the best beta a girl could ask for, Xrxdanixrx. I heart you BIG!

To my Twilighted validation beta, SunKing. Thank you for always getting this posted so quickly. You rock!

I don't own Twilight or its characters, dammmmit! Stephenie Meyer gets all the credit there. I do own a growing collection of Robporn that serves as writing inspiration, though! *snicker* Enjoy… I'll see ya at the bottom.

**Chapter 5 (Declarations)**

The weekend was wonderful, but the following Monday was not so great. The day started out with me waking up late and having to rush to get ready for school. I had to scramble to get my stuff together and ended up forgetting two of my books. Then, I got outside and discovered that it was raining, _just what I needed_. When it rained, the traffic was guaranteed to get backed up, causing me to be even later to school. I had to run from my car to first period and ended up skidding right through a giant puddle in the parking lot, barely saving myself from falling into it, but getting soaked in the process, regardless. Needless to say, I was not in a good mood.

I went from class to class, trying to forget about the morning I was having by thinking about Edward and our date from the weekend. I hoped there would be plenty more of them. He did say that he wanted to spend a lot more time with me, and the thought of that was exciting. I wanted that more than anything.

He had called me on Sunday afternoon, as promised, to say that he had a great time on our date and that he wanted to do it again soon. We chatted for a while, until it was time for him to head out to dinner with his family. Our conversation was nice, but it almost wasn't enough. It had only been a day since I had seen him, but I missed him. Thank God, once again, he couldn't see my face to see the longing that I was sure was written all over it. We said our goodbyes just after he asked to have lunch with me the next day. Though it was still a day away, and it was only an hour break from school, the idea of spending more time with him made me giddy and gave me something to look forward to.

I hadn't seen him so far, though, that morning. Had I, my day would have probably been going much better. I, therefore, had to resort to my thoughts and imagination to try and get me out of my sour mood from the hellacious morning I was having. By third period, I was starting to feel a little bit better at the prospect of seeing Edward at lunch. There wasn't a lot going on that day, and I spent most of the time on the couch in the guidance office reading. However, fourth period wasn't as easy. I headed in to Chemistry class or, for that day, what could have been more appropriately called the Interrogation of Jessica Stanley. I sat down at my seat, Jessica already in hers, tapping her nails on her desk and staring at me expectantly.

"How was the date this weekend?" Jessica started.

"It was good," I replied briefly, not wanting to elaborate with great detail.

"Oh, come on! That's it? Just good?" she asked.

"Yeah, just good. Besides, I thought you were siding with everyone else now and didn't want me to go out with Edward."

"Just because I don't think it's the best idea doesn't mean that I don't want all the juicy details," she replied shamelessly. "Edward doesn't have the best track record with girls and isn't really boyfriend material, but he's still hot!"

"While I appreciate the enthusiasm, Jessica, I think I'll keep all the details to myself," I retorted. "But you really shouldn't make such accusations without actually knowing him."

I had to shut her down, and quick. Jessica didn't have the smallest of mouths when it came to spreading gossip around the school, and I really didn't want to become the center of her next information broadcast, let alone drag Edward into it, as well. There were already enough stories being passed around about him. I didn't want to be the cause of another. Thankfully, the bell rang just then and class started, freeing me from any further questioning, for the time being, at least. I knew Jessica, and this definitely wasn't going to be the end of it. I was quick to make my getaway, as soon as class was over, in an effort to try and leave things where they were.

So, without further incident, it was finally time to meet Edward. We had planned to meet up in the parking lot. Since we had open lunch, we were free to leave campus and, luckily, there were plenty of fast food places to grab a quick bite nearby.

I dropped my books off at my locker and headed to the parking lot. Out of the building and making my way through the parking lot, I was happy to find that the rain had finally stopped and the sun was actually trying to break through the clouds. We only had an hour, and I hoped to make the best of our time together. As soon as I saw him, my whole body reacted. My heart started pounding, making my pulse race and causing the blood to flush my skin. My stomach began doing somersaults, and my legs started to feel like they would give out at any moment - all while drawing me toward him, to be closer to him, to touch him and smell him. Nothing could ever be better than that.

He looked gorgeous, leaning back against his car; a silver Honda Accord. With his hands in his pockets and head tilted slightly, he gave me the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. His hair was disheveled, and he was only wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a light jacket, yet he still managed to take my breath away. The look he gave me with his eyes made me melt. God, he was sexy and he was only seventeen. I just knew that this boy was going to be the death of me.

As I stood before him, smiling and saying hi, he stepped away from his car and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Hi, beautiful," he whispered into my hair. "I've missed you today."

With his arms wrapped around me, and mine around him, I felt safe and warm and all was right with the world. Our embrace was short lived, though. We did only have an hour for lunch, after all, and needed to head out for food if we were going to eat.

He walked me around to the passenger side and opened the door. I got in while he quickly went back around to his side and started the car.

As he began driving, we talked. "Where have you been all morning?" I asked. "I usually see you between classes and I haven't seen you once today."

"Yeah, I didn't get to school until last period."

"Why, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just got a late start to the morning," he answered slyly.

"A late start? Are your parents cool with that?"

"Probably not, but what they don't know won't hurt them," he replied sarcastically.

"Oh really! Do you do that often?"

"Do I do what often?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"Do you skip class often? It seems you were doing just that the day we met, or… well, sort of met. The day you and Royce came in to the guidance office."

"I don't do it often, but I do take the liberty of coming in a little late or leaving a little early when the need arises."

"So, what was the need today? Were you just tired or something?"

"No, I was hanging out with Royce."

"Hanging out with him? This morning? What were you guys doing?"

"Talking mostly," he replied.

"Mostly? Dare I ask what you mean by that?"

"You sure are inquisitive today!" he said sarcastically, with a look of conceit.

I raised my eyebrow at him, and I guess he thought better of his comment.

"All right, I'll tell you, because I don't see any reason to lie about it, but we smoked a little weed while he told me about a fight he had with his dad. He's going through a lot of shit at home and he needed someone to talk to about it. The weed was just to help him relax a little because he's wound up so tight right now. It's not a big deal really. That doesn't freak you out, does it?"

"No, it doesn't freak me out, but you know my dad is a cop, right?"

"Yes, I know. There's nothing to worry about. I don't carry it around with me or anything, and I'm not fucked up right now."

"Well, I'm glad you were honest with me, but I can't say that I like it too much. I'm not going to tell you what to do, and I'm not trying to sound righteous, but I really don't want to be around it. I hope you understand. My father would kill me!"

"It's cool, Bella. It's not something I do all the time, anyway, but I wanted to be honest with you since I know how people are around here."

"All right, well, let's change the subject. Where are we eating? I'm starving!" I replied eagerly.

"How is Taco Bell?" he asked.

"Perfect."

So, we ate our lunch, and Edward told me some more about Royce's situation. He was really worried about him. Royce was talking about quitting school and going to live with his mom in New York. He and his dad had never really gotten along all that well, and since his dad re-married, things had only gotten worse. Royce wasn't doing well in school, he was getting into trouble and picking fights, and wasn't thinking straight. Plus his stepmom was supposedly a total bitch. I felt bad for him and wondered how much of this Rose knew. I knew that they were talking, and that she really liked him. I hoped that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

The lunch hour flew by, and we were back at school sooner than I wanted to be. In fact, that whole week seemed to fly by. Edward and I started having lunch every day, some days at school, but most of the time we went out. Rose and Royce came with us two of the days, and before we knew it, Friday was upon us. Edward had asked me to spend the day with him on Saturday. He said that the weather was supposed to be nice and he thought it would be a great day to go to the zoo. I was all for it. I hadn't been to the zoo since I was a small child and had never been to the National Zoo at all. The only catch was that he had to come and meet my parents. That part I was not looking forward to.

~xxx~

Saturday morning, I was up bright and early to get ready for my date with Edward. The zoo opened at ten in the morning, and he said he wanted to make a day of it and to be ready by 9:30. We were going to take the subway down, and it wouldn't take too long to get there. I had told my parents the plan and prayed that they wouldn't embarrass me. I hadn't had to bring many boys by the house, because dating was not something that I did too often, but my dad, being a cop, and the fact that he seemed to enjoy intimidating the few that I did bring home, were not good indicators that this time would be any different.

I was ready to go well before Edward was due to arrive and headed downstairs to scrounge up some breakfast. My parents were already up, having coffee and reading the paper. They were sitting in the kitchen when I entered. I made myself some cereal and sat down with them.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this Edward kid," my dad said as he looked up from the paper.

"Umm, he's seventeen, like me, he goes to my school, and he lives in the neighborhood. You might have heard of his dad. He's a doctor at the hospital, Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

"Carlisle. Yes, we've met. He's a nice man; well respected," my dad replied.

"Yeah, I haven't met him, but Edward speaks highly of him."

"And you guys are just going to the zoo?" my mom asked.

"Yeah, as far as I know. It's supposed to be nice out, so we're making a day of it."

"What time is he going to pick you up?"

"He said he would be here at 9:30, and he is going to come inside, so please be nice and try not to embarrass me," I pleaded.

"We would never embarrass you!" my mom goaded. "We can't believe you would even say such a thing!"

"Yeah, whatever, guys! Dad always tries to scare them, and you always want to tell embarrassing stories about me. Just please don't do that this time. I really like him and don't want you to run him off."

"You really like him, huh?" my dad asked. "Maybe I should have my gun out when he gets here then!"

"Dad, _no_! You see, that's what I'm talking about. None of that! The fact that you are a cop is scary enough for any guy! No need to get out the gun!"

I finished my cereal and took my bowl and spoon to the sink to rinse them out when the doorbell rang. It was 9:30, and Edward was right on time. My mom quickly jumped up from the table to get the door, but I beat her to it, shoving my way out of the kitchen and to the entry way. I opened the door to a smiling, handsome Edward.

"Good morning!" I happily greeted, while motioning for him to come inside.

"Good morning to you!" he replied with a sparkle in his eyes.

My parents came in to the living room where we were standing, and I began introductions.

"Mom, Dad, this is Edward. Edward, these are my parents, Renee and Charlie Swan."

Edward stuck his hand out to shake theirs. "Hello, Mrs. Swan, Chief Swan. It's so nice to meet you."

"Bella says that you are going to the zoo today. Will you be driving there?" my dad asked.

"Actually, I was thinking that we would take the subway down. There won't be as much traffic that way, and we won't have to worry about parking. I'm going to drive to the metro station, though."

"That sounds like a very sensible idea. Were you planning on doing anything else today?"

"I was thinking that we would grab a bite to eat, but we will probably do that at one of the restaurants at the zoo," Edward answered.

"What time do you think you will be home, Bella?" my mom asked.

"Um, I'm sure it won't be very late. The zoo closes around five or six, so sometime after that, I'm sure."

"Well, make sure you call and let us know if you are going to be in later than that so we know where you are and that you are okay."

"I will Mom, gosh!" I replied, rolling my eyes.

"I promise that I will take good care of her. She won't be home late," Edward assured my parents.

"Thank you, Edward. Make sure you keep that promise," my dad commanded.

I grabbed my jacket from the hall closet while glaring at my parents. It was time to get out of there before they did anything else to embarrass me. With jacket in hand, I ushered Edward toward the door.

"Well, you kids have fun!" My parents encouraged as we were walking out.

"Bye, it was nice meeting you," Edward said, once again, and we were finally out.

"So, that was pretty painless," Edward told me, as we walked to his car.

"Yeah, for you, maybe." I smirked.

"What do you mean? Your parents seem nice. They didn't say anything that I wouldn't expect a parent to say to a guy coming to take out their only daughter. I was actually prepared for much worse!"

"I guess. I just hate having to do that. It seems so old fashioned to me."

"It's totally cool. Don't worry about it. I can be pretty charming when I need to be," he said with a devilish grin, and I couldn't tell if we were just talking about meeting my parents anymore.

"You don't say," I replied while getting into the passenger side of his car.

With a sparkle in his eye, and the sexiest soft voice, he leaned down before closing my door and said, "You don't find me charming, Isabella?" I almost melted right there in my seat.

"I... Um… I…" And I had to blink and catch my breath. My brain went dead and I was at a loss for words. He had this effect on me.

"Good to know," he said, laughing, and closed my door.

"So, are you ready to go to the zoo?" he asked once settled and buckled in.

"Absolutely! I've been looking forward to it. I haven't been to the zoo since I was small and I've never been to the one here. What about you?"

"I love the zoo. I haven't been for a while, but I've been there a bunch of times. I think you're gonna love it."

~xxx~

Edward drove us to the Grosvenor Metro Station and we got our tickets. We got on the train, rode to the Woodley Park station, and got out. The station was underground, so we had to take the escalator up to street level and walk a few blocks to the main entrance. There were several other couples and a few families that were doing the same thing. The walk was nice, and there were pretty buildings covered in ivy lining the street along the way. The weather was also perfect for a day out; the sun was shining brightly, and there was a slight breeze – making it just cool enough to need a light jacket.

"I'm really glad that you asked me to come with you today, Edward," I told him.

He smiled down at me and winked, and I thought I might fall over from the force of his gaze. It was intense and full of desire.

"Well, that's also good to know," he said, cupping my face and rubbing his thumb over my temple and cheek bone. "Because I can't think of anyone that I would rather spend the day with." His hand ran gently down my arm and he wound it together with mine. "Now, come on. Where to first?"

"You lead the way, and I'll follow. We have the whole day, so I want to see everything!"

We spent the entire day walking around from exhibit to exhibit. Edward was very attentive, telling me stories about prior trips there with his family and funny tidbits and facts about the different animals. He was so sweet and considerate, making sure that I didn't step in any puddles and kept me from falling on the several occasions that I tripped over my own feet. I couldn't have asked for a better tour guide, and he held my hand the entire time.

We stopped for lunch at the Mane Restaurant, outside the Lion and Tiger exhibits, and talked about family, school, movies, music, friends, and goals. He talked some more about Royce and how he was concerned about him, he told me about his passion for music and shared that he plays the guitar and the piano, and he asked me to meet his family. He said that he knew they were going to love me and that his sister Alice was already bugging him to bring me over. She was dying to meet me and knew that we were going to be great friends.

After our lunch, we went and saw the last few exhibits that were left and then stopped in to the gift shop. Edward surprised me with a stuffed panda bear, since the giant pandas were my favorite exhibit.

"Thank you for the panda. I love it, but you really didn't have to get it for me," I told him.

"I know I didn't have to get it for you, but I wanted to. I know that you liked them and I thought it would be a good way for you to remember today, and you can think of me whenever you look at it."

"It was really thoughtful. I'll keep him on my bed." _And I'll think of you every night as I cuddle up to him and imagine what it would be like for you to be there, instead._

"Well, I guess we better head back. I don't want to get you home late if I want your dad to let me take you out again."

We caught the train back to the station, and Edward walked me out to his car and to the passenger side door.

"Bella," he said, and he turned me around to face him. "I've had a really good time with you today. I always have a great time when we're together. You aren't like most of the other girls around here. I can actually talk to you about stuff, and you really listen and offer me good advice. I know that we haven't known each other for long, but I don't want to see anyone else. I was kind of hoping that you felt the same way."

"Edward Cullen, are you asking me if I want to be your girlfriend?" I asked teasingly, my own face turning a bright crimson.

"Are you making fun of me, Isabella Swan? I'm standing here professing my feelings to you and you're teasing me!" He blushed. "I don't do this with girls, _ever_. I think you should take it to heart."

"I'm sorry. I do take it to heart and, actually, do feel the same way, Edward. I don't want to see anyone else, either. " It was true, I really didn't. He was everything that I wanted. I was just completely surprised that he felt that way about me.

"So, you're all mine, then?" he urged, smiling down at me.

"I'm all yours."

He put his arms around me and leaned us against the side of his car. He bent his head down to mine and captured my lips between his. I snaked my arms up around him and put my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to me. He parted my lips with his tongue and deepened the kiss. Our tongues rolled together, and he tasted amazing. I tugged at the hair on the nape of his neck and pressed myself fully against him. It was as if we couldn't get close enough. The kiss was passionate, and I'd never experienced anything like it. I felt like I could melt into him. He pulled back slightly and rubbed his hands down my sides, kissing up my neck, to my ear, and then the top of my head.

"As much as I hate to say it, I really need to get you home," he stated with regret in his eyes. "I'd like nothing more than to stand here kissing you for the rest of the evening, but I promised your parents I would get you back early."

"I know. One more kiss before we head back, though?"

I didn't have to ask twice; he immediately brought his lips to mine. This time, I sucked in his top lip and parted his lips with my tongue. He quickly granted me access, and we shared another toe curling, mind altering, spine-tingling kiss. Then, Edward kept his promise, and he drove me home.

**Chapter End Notes:**

So they're a couple now! Are you jumping up and down with excitement yet? I'd love to hear what you guys are thinking. If it came in the form of a review, I'd be ever so grateful! :D

The lovely Elizabeth Masen set up a page on the Twilighted forum for this story. I'm posting teasers and will be answering questions as well as chatting over there, so come out and play! We'd love to hang out with you.

I'm also on Twitter. Look me up. I'm Dinx219.

Next week, we meet the Cullens. (How's that for a mini teaser?) I'll see you guys then! *Hugs*


	6. Chapter 6 A Busy Night

**Authors Notes: **

Thanks, as always, to the beautiful girl who betas this story, Xrxdanixrx. She is truly amazing, and I couldn't do this without her.

To my awesome Twilighted validation beta, SunKing. She is always so quick to get this posted and I heart her immensely!

I don't own Twilight or its characters. If I did, I'd be hanging out with RPattz and probably wouldn't have time to write this here story! LOL! I hope you enjoy…

**Chapter 6 (A Busy Night)**

Edward Cullen wanted me to be his girlfriend. _Me;_ plain and ordinary Bella Swan. I almost couldn't believe it when he had told me how he felt; that his feelings were the same as mine. That kind of good fortune was not something I was accustomed to. Yet, it was real. This beautiful, perfect boy, who dazzled me in every way, was real, and he was mine, as well.

After our proclamations, Edward and I were inseparable. Any free time that we had, we were together. He waited for me in the parking lot every morning, met me outside of my classes, ate lunch with me, and we hung out after school. I had probably alienated most of my friends, but they didn't seem to approve of Edward, anyway. The one person that did understand was Rose. She and Royce were together, as well, and his reputation was no better than Edward's. It was nice to have a girlfriend that understood me and was in the same position.

The following weekend, Alec, a friend of Edward and Royce, was having a party at his house. The four of us had planned to go together, but I was to meet Edward's family first. I was really nervous, but Edward assured me that there was nothing to worry about, and that his family was really looking forward to meeting me. I spent an hour or so getting ready before he came and picked me up.

When he got to my house, my mom let him in and took him into the living room to wait. I think that she may have liked him as much as I did, because she gushed over him each time he came over. It was kind of embarrassing, but I guess it was better than having her hate him. My dad was indifferent. He was cordial to him, but he wasn't as enthusiastic as my mom. Probably because I was his only daughter, and no guy was ever going to be good enough in his eyes. That was what he always told me, at least. I was just glad things were going smoothly.

Once ready, I went downstairs, grabbed my jacket, said goodbye to my parents, and we were off.

"I talked to Royce on my way over. He and Rose are going to meet us at my house in about an hour," Edward told me.

"Oh, okay. So, what are we going to do until then?"

"Well, we'll go back to my place, and you're going to meet my parents and Alice. We can chat with them for a few minutes and then I'll show you around. We can hang out in my room and listen to music or something until it's time to go. I must warn you, though, Alice is really excited to meet you, so be prepared for her to be a chatterbox."

"Really?" I asked, laughing. "Why is she so excited to meet me?"

"She thinks that you guys are going to be really great friends. I don't know much more than that, though. You would have to ask Alice. She is quite incorrigible when she gets something in her head." Edward laughed.

"Well, I hope that she's right; I could use some more girlfriends."

"I've been meaning to ask you what's been going on with you and your friends lately. We've been spending a lot of time together, I know. But what's the deal? I don't see you talking to them much these days," he said, looking over from the driver's seat.

"It's a long story," I replied, worrying my bottom lip and looking down at my hands.

"Bella, sweetheart, tell me what's going on. Is it because of me?"

"No… well, yes… uh, not exactly. I mean, I haven't been talking to them much because I haven't really wanted to. It's not a big deal. I don't think they were really ever my friends, anyway."

Edward took my hand in his and began rubbing soothing circles on the top of my hand with his thumb. "What do you mean not exactly and that you don't think they were really your friends?"

"It's just that they were all really nice to me when I first got here, but now they are all being bitchy and narrow-minded. I just don't want to be around them."

"Okay, but what are they being narrow-minded about?"

"Us," I whispered.

"Us? I doubt that's it." He chuckled without humor. "It's more like me. They don't want you going out with me, right? I'm no good for you. Fuck!" he exclaimed and hit the steering wheel with his other hand.

"Edward, it doesn't matter to me what they think. They don't know you. They don't see you the way I do. Besides, Rose says that they are just jealous."

"Psh, jealousy. Right." He smirked. "Bella, I'm really sorry. I don't want to come between you and your friends."

"You're not. I told you that it doesn't matter to me. You are what matters to me, and I have Rose. And maybe after tonight I'll have Alice, too."

He smiled over at me and squeezed my hand to reassure me, but I could see that he was upset.

"Well, we're here," he stated as we pulled up outside his house. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be." I smiled back at him. "Let's go."

~xxx~

Edward's house was nice. It was bigger than ours, but still very cozy with the way it was furnished. Upon entering the front door, his parents called out that they were in the kitchen, and Alice came bounding down the stairs. She immediately ran up to me and held out her hand.

"Hi, Bella! I'm Alice. It's so nice to finally meet you. Edward has told me so much about you, and I've been telling him to bring you over, so it's really about time he did!" she said breathlessly, almost bouncing.

I shook her hand, reciprocating her hand gesture. "Hey, um… it's nice to meet you, too, Alice," I replied, nervously biting on my lip.

She jumped up and down and grabbed me in a hug. "I just know that we're gonna be great friends. I'm so happy that Edward is finally dating a girl that I can relate to."

"Ugh! Alice, stop. Let Bella get through the front door, at least. You're gonna freak her out if you keep it up," Edward scolded her.

"No, Edward. It's fine, really. I'm glad to finally meet Alice." I smiled at her.

"You see, Edward! I told you we were going to be great friends. She's not freaked out at all." She then stuck her tongue out at him and turned and walked toward the kitchen. Edward just rolled his eyes at her and took my hand in his, leading us in the same direction.

"Come on, pretty girl. Let's go meet the parental units."

Walking into the kitchen, we were immediately welcomed by Edward's parents.

"Hi, guys," Edward's mom said, smiling over at us. "You must be Bella. It's so nice to meet you, dear."

"Hello." I knew that Edward was adopted, but had I not known that, I would have guessed that he got his good looks from his mother.

"We've heard a lot about you. Please, come in and sit down. I'm Esme and this is Carlisle." She gestured toward her husband.

"Hello, Bella," Edward's father greeted.

_God, is everyone in his family good looking?_ "Hi, Dr. Cullen. It's nice to meet you both. Edward has told me a lot about you, as well. You have a lovely home."

"Well, thank you. Isn't she sweet, honey?" Esme cooed.

I was struck with an overwhelming feeling of family, home, and love. I could see why Edward spoke so highly of his parents. They were very welcoming, and it was obvious that they cared deeply for each other and for their children. When we entered, they were talking animatedly with each other and were busying themselves with dinner, while Alice sat on a stool at the island eating an apple. They seemed to work well together and were seemingly happy and inviting.

"Have you eaten dinner yet, Bella?" Edward's father asked me.

"Oh, yes, sir. I grabbed a quick bite before I left the house."

"Well, you are still more than welcome to join us, nevertheless."

Edward interceded, "Actually, Royce and Rosalie are coming over in just a little while, and we're going to head out. Alec is having a party that we're all going to."

"Alec is? Will there be parents present at this event?" his mother inquired.

"I don't know if his mom is going to be there, but his older sister is. She's in college and very responsible. She wouldn't let anything bad happen," he assured her. _There's that dazzling smile again._ _He really is good with the charm._

"Okay, well I want you to be careful, and I want you to take your sister with you."

Edward and Alice both looked at their parents. "What?" they both said simultaneously, only Edward looked pissed and Alice looked ecstatic.

"You need to take Alice with you. It's not that we don't trust you, Edward. We just know that you are going to be a lot more _cautious_ if she goes along."

"Yay!" Alice squealed. "I'm going to run upstairs and get ready."

"Ugh! Fine, whatever. She better be ready to go when they get here, though, 'cause we're not waiting. I'm gonna give Bella a tour of the house now."

"Okay, dear. We'll see you before you leave then."

~xxx~

Edward showed me around his house, going from room to room until we reached his. When we entered, I was a little bit nervous. Edward had been to my house many times, but he hadn't seen my room. My parents, or more accurately, my father, would never allow it. There was no way he would ever condone us being in my room unsupervised. My heart began beating really fast, and I hoped that Edward couldn't hear it.

"So, this is my room," he started. "What do you think?"

"It's nice. Neater than I thought it would be." I turned and looked at him as he closed the door.

"Really? Did you think it would be a shit hole or something?" he asked, laughing.

"I don't know. I guess I just assume that all guys' rooms are messy. I honestly wouldn't really know. It's not like I've been in many." _And definitely not with a guy like you, that's for sure._

"So, you've been in some, then?"

"I do have cousins and stuff, Edward!" I replied and smacked him on the arm.

"I'm just kidding, baby. Come here." He pulled me into his arms, and I wrapped mine around him, as well. He kissed the top of my head and sighed.

"So, what do you want to do until they get here?" I asked him.

"We could listen to some music and just chill in here for a while."

"Okay," I answered, and walked over to his bed to sit down. Edward went to his stereo and began shuffling through some CD's. _God, your ass is amazing! Maybe we could just skip the party and stay here tonight, and you could show me some more._ He put a few in the disc changer before coming to sit next to me.

"So, what did you put in?" I tried to distract from the blush that had crept up my face.

"Just a mix of stuff; Nirvana, Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, bands like that. Is that okay, or would you rather listen to something else?"

"No, it's fine. I was just curious."

Edward lay back on his bed, with one arm behind his head, and rested on his pillow. With his other arm he patted next to him for me to join him. "Get comfortable," he encouraged. _Oh, I'd like to get comfortable al right!_

I bit my lip, overwhelmed with nerves, but eager to comply. I had spent the last few weeks lying in bed at night, imagining what it would be like to be in this very type of situation with Edward. I just didn't want to do anything stupid.

I crawled down beside him and nestled into the crook of his arm. We stayed like that for several minutes, quietly soaking in the music and the closeness. Edward stroked my hair, and I listened to his heartbeat as my head lay against the side of his chest. It appeared that he was at ease. I, on the other hand, felt like my heart was going to jump up and out of my throat.

He shifted slightly onto his side to face me. He brought his hand up to my face and lightly caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. "Do you have any idea how amazing you are, Bella? Being with you is so easy. It's something so foreign to me. I don't know what you're doing to me, but you've got me under your spell."

"Well, I don't know about my amazing-ness, but being with you is definitely easy for me, as well, and I can assure you that I haven't cast any spells. If anyone is working their magic, it's you."

"Really, how so?" he asked, staring intently into my eyes and rubbing his thumb across my lips.

"Just like that. By doing that."

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"That look. That smile. You dazzle me. You must know that you have this affect on people. And it's not just with me; it's with everyone. I saw the way you handled Mrs. Cope that day in the guidance office, the way you talked to my parents, your mom. You're very smooth."

"Smooth?"

"Yes, smooth. It's like you have this influence over people; over me. It's very predatorial. You make me nervous as hell, but I'm drawn to you at the same time. I probably shouldn't be telling you this, though."

"I'm glad you're telling me. I like knowing that I affect you," he said huskily. "As long as it's in a good way. And just so you know, I'm nervous, too. I feel like I have Goddamn helicopters flying around in my stomach. I told you, I don't do this with girls. I don't do relationships and feelings. This is all very new to me, too. I'm really glad that I have you now, though. I just hope that I can deserve you."

"Well, I think you're pretty great, too, and I'm not going anywhere," I told him, cupping his face and rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

He brought his mouth down to meet mine. At first, the kiss was gentle, as he lightly brushed his lips against my own, but it quickly changed into something more frenzied. There was a hunger there, and the pace quickened as his tongue traced along my lips and sought permission for entry. I shifted back onto his pillow and ran my fingers up the back of his neck, fisting my fingers into his hair, pulling him down to me. He wrapped his leg over mine and shifted his body further over me, but kept his weight on his arm. I opened my mouth and let out a small moan as his tongue entered and met mine. They danced around each other as his hand roamed up my side and into my hair, as well. He wrapped his fingers around the length and pushed us together more forcefully. We couldn't get close enough. The kiss was heated, and I never wanted it to stop. I only broke free long enough to catch my breath, but this only gave Edward better access to my neck, which he licked and sucked his way down. His hand slid down my side, and reached the hem of my shirt. He slid his hand under and moved up toward my bra. His hand cupped the side of my breast, and his thumb traced circles over my nipple, making it harden. I let out another moan and pulled him back up to my mouth. My tongue darted out and over his lips, and he opened to deepen the kiss. I sucked his tongue into my mouth, and he let out a groan. I could feel his erection against my leg, and it made my panties even wetter. Things were getting intense when we heard a knock.

Edward lifted his head, and we each looked over to the door. "Damn it," he muttered.

"Yeah?" he called out. Our faces were flushed, and our clothing and hair were disheveled. We were both still panting and somewhat out of breath.

"Edward, it's me. Can I come in?" Alice asked.

Edward shifted off me, and we both sat up, straightening our clothes. He looked over at me and mouthed, "I'm sorry." _You and me both. I'm sure I look like a sight right about now. So much for his family liking me._

"Door's unlocked, Alice. You can come in."

She opened the door and peeked her head in. "Royce just called, and he said that they would be here in about five minutes."

"All right, thanks. Are you ready to go?"

"Yep!" she stated emphatically.

"Okay, well, we'll be downstairs in a minute."

She smiled and said she would see us there before closing the door. Edward turned to me and apologized once again.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For letting things get so out of control and then having Alice interrupt." He sounded annoyed.

"Well, I wasn't actually complaining, and while the timing was off, we can't really be mad at Alice. We probably shouldn't have taken things so far when there are other people here."

"So, you aren't upset?"

"No, handsome," I said reassuringly. "A little embarrassed, but not angry or upset. Do you think she suspects anything? I don't want her to get the wrong idea about me, since we only just met."

"Oh, don't worry about Alice. I'm sure she doesn't think anything bad. She knows that I really like you." _He really likes me! He REALLY likes me!_

"Yeah, but I just don't want things to be awkward now." _He really likes me! And his sister knows this. I wonder if he talks to her about me… about us. Hmm…_

"Everything is going to be fine. Trust me," he replied. And he muttered something under his breath that I couldn't quite make out, but could swear it was about having me in his bed. _Oh my!_

We finished straightening up the bed and smoothing out our hair and clothes before heading back down. The doorbell rang as we got to the foot of the stairs, and Edward opened the door. Royce was there, and he told us to come outside. He and Rose were going to be in the car.

We walked over to the living room and said our goodbyes. Edward's mom gave me a hug and told me to come back soon. His father stood and told him and Alice not to be home too late. Alice grabbed her jacket and purse, and Edward guided me back to the front door and outside.

~xxx~

The car ride over to Alec's house was pretty uneventful. Rose and Royce were in the front seats, while Edward, Alice and I sat in the back. Edward held my hand, tracing circles on my skin, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. It was fairly quiet with a little bit of small talk here and there. I mainly just sat and looked out the window while thinking back to our time together in Edward's room. It was probably a good thing that Alice knocked when she did. As much as I wanted to be with him, it was still way too soon for that.

We got to Alec's house and had to park down the street. There were a ton of cars lining the driveway, and you could hear loud music from inside. All the lights were on, and you could see people standing around in the windows. There were also a couple of people standing on the front porch smoking cigarettes.

"Royce, Edward! What's up, guys? It's about time you two get here!" one guy exclaimed. I didn't know his name, but he looked familiar. I knew that he went to our school, but that was the extent of it.

"Hey, man," Royce replied. Both he and Edward high-fived him as we walked up the steps to the door. We went inside and made our way through the crowd. Everyone at the party seemed to know Edward and Royce and greeted them enthusiastically. Rose, Alice, and I hung back a little and let them do their thing. After they spotted Alec and talked to him for a bit, they went in to the kitchen to get us some drinks. There were two kegs of beer being iced in large industrial trash cans, and stacks of red Solo cups on a table next to them. They filled five cups full and brought them back over.

"Here you are, ladies," Royce said as he handed Rose and Alice their cups. Edward kept hold of one in his hand and held the other out for me.

"I don't know, Edward. It might not be such a good idea," I said hesitantly, unsure of whether I should take it.

"You'll be fine, baby. It's just one beer. Just sip on it. You won't get drunk if you take it slow, and I promise to look after you."

"I just don't want my dad to freak out. He will ground me for the rest of my high school existence if he found out I was drinking."

"He's not going to find out. I promise. Just trust me," he whispered, looking down at me with his sexy eyes. That was the second time he had told me that in just a few hours, and even though I thought better of it, I couldn't resist his charm. I casually accepted the beer and took a sip as he winked at me.

"Edward!" someone called out to him. "You up for a game of Quarters?"

He turned and looked at me, asking permission with his eyes. "Go ahead," I told him.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine."

Alice and Rose each grabbed one of my arms and told him to "go", and Alice chimed in that we had lots of girl talk to get to.

"All right. Royce, are you in?" Edward asked him.

"Hell yeah, let's show 'em how it's done," he said, smacking Edward on the back as they headed to the table.

~xxx~

While the boys were off playing their drinking game, Alice, Rose and I went and sat down on a couch in the living room. We chatted and got to know each other better. Alice was really sweet, and man was she energetic. Her and Rose got along well, too, which was great, because I didn't have a lot of girlfriends and was pretty sure that the ones I did have needed to like each other. Alice was hilarious, too. She told us all kinds of stories about her and Edward growing up and some of the trouble they would get themselves into. As it turned out, Rose and Alice each had a love for fashion and shopping, and we all agreed to have a girl's day out the following weekend. While shopping wasn't my favorite thing to do, I did need some new clothes, and who better to help me pick them out than these two.

From time to time I would glance into the dining room where the boys were, and could just see Edward. He stood on the opposite side of the large table that sat close to the door, and he was facing my direction. We would make eye contact, and he would smile his shy, crooked grin and wink. I was beginning to love that look. It had such an effect on me. My panties were a pool of wetness. _God, he was hot._ The girls and I probably hung out for an hour or so before there was a disruption coming from that room. We knew that the guys had been playing in there, so we got up to see what was going on. There was a small crowd gathering just outside the entry, and it was a little hard to see, but people soon began pushing backwards and we realized that someone was fighting. Once the crowd dispersed some, we could see that it was Royce and one of the guys they were playing Quarters with. They were shouting at each other, and Edward was trying to hold Royce back while Alec was trying to hold back the other person.

"Royce, settle down, dude!" Edward was yelling at him and struggling to hold him back while the other guy was trying to get up in his face.

"Fuck you, man! I'm gonna kick your fucking ass, you fucking prick," the other guy yelled, taunting Royce.

"I'd like to see you try, fucker! Come on!" Royce called back to him.

Rose and I got close enough to ask what was going on.

"Edward, what happened?" I asked frantically.

"Bella, it's gonna be okay, just stay back. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Royce, stop it! Let's just go," Rose pleaded, trying to calm him down. "Please, don't do this. Let's go outside and get some air."

"Yeah, Royce! Listen to your little girlfriend here and just run on home," the guy, whose name we found out was Felix, goaded him.

"Shut the fuck up! I'll leave when I'm ready."

Alec interjected at this point, "Edward, maybe it would be better if you guys left. I don't need my house to get anymore fucked up than it already has tonight."

"Yeah, understandable. I just need to get him outside. Royce, let's go man. Just drop this. He's not worth it. You've had a lot to drink, and this obviously isn't going to be settled tonight. Let's just go!"

"Fuck him, dude! I want to bash his face in!"

"Royce, babe, let's just go outside and talk," Rose encouraged again. She grabbed hold of his arm, and he jerked it away from her, nearly hitting her in the face.

"Not cool, dude. Don't make me take you down. Come on," Edward chided.

Edward was finally able to push him out the door as us girls followed. When we got out by the car, Edward managed to get Royce calm enough to give him the keys. Edward said that the fight started because Felix kept picking Royce to drink each time he got a quarter in the cup, which was every time he had a turn. Royce had gotten pissed and called him out on it, and their macho attitudes took over. The fact that there was alcohol involved didn't help matters, either.

"Dude, what's gotten into you?"

"You saw that guy, Ed. He was totally fucking with me all night."

"Okay, well there's a time and a place, man. You almost hit Rose because of the rage you have inside you right now. You need to figure some shit out before you do something crazy. Let's get in the car and head home. I'll drop Rose off first and then Bella. You can stay at my house tonight."

We all got in the car, Edward and Royce in front and us girls in back. When we got to Rose's house, I told her to call me in the morning, and she said she would. Royce walked her to the door in an effort to make amends. He didn't seem very pleased when he returned, though. Alice and I just sat back quietly, exchanging a few glances here and there.

My house was the next stop. Alice gave me a hug goodbye and said she would see me on Monday. Edward walked me up to my door.

"I'm really sorry tonight was such a bust, baby. This isn't exactly what I had planned for the night."

"It's okay. It's not like you were the one fighting."

"I know, but he's my friend and I feel somewhat responsible. He's just got a lot going on right now, and I think it's getting the better of him. He's a good guy; he's just kinda messed up at the moment."

"Well, I just hope he gets it together. Are you going to be okay with him tonight?"

"Yeah, definitely. He knows better than to start shit when he's at my house. He just needs to sober up so we can talk. He'll be cool."

"Will you call me tomorrow?"

"Of course, sweet girl. I wouldn't miss it," he said, smiling down at me.

"Well, I guess I better get inside before my dad comes out here looking for me. Promise me you'll be careful, though."

"Always." He pulled me into a hug and gave me a quick, soft kiss on the lips. "Sweet dreams, my angel."

"Thanks, you, too, "I replied as I released him to go back down to the car.

I didn't want to let him go, but I knew he had stuff to take care of, and I had a curfew. We would just have to make sense of everything in the morning.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Lots happened in this chapter. We got to meet the Cullens, Edward and Bella got a little "closer" *snicker* and we learned some more about Royce. Let me know what you guys think. I really love reviews, so please go hit that little button and tell me what's on your mind.

There is a page on the Twilighted forum for this story. I'm posting teasers over there each week and you can ask me questions about the story, if you want. I'd be happy to try and answer them. So, come over and play!

I'm also on Twitter. Look me up. I'm Dinx219.

Next week, we take a trip! (Just a mini teaser of what's to come.) I'll see you guys then! *Mwah*


	7. Chapter 7  Beach Trip Fiasco

**Authors Notes: **

I have two really great betas that help to make this story so much better. Xrxdanixrx and CXC, I heart you ladies. Thanks for all that you do!

SunKing, my Twilighted validation beta, you are the best! Seriously. I can always count on you to get this up when I need you to. I really appreciate it. You're amazing. She wrote a book, y'all. It's called The Kingdom by Jennifer McBay Barry. Go check it out.

Twilight… not mine. Neither is Winkward. He belongs to Bella, but I love him and want to squish him a little. :D Now, let's hit the beach…

**Chapter 7 (Beach Trip Fiasco)**

The days after the party were somewhat strained and complicated. Things with Edward and I were good, but we didn't get the chance to spend much time together. He spent a great deal of time with Royce and their friends, which left plenty of opportunity for us girls to hang out.

When I talked to Rosalie the next morning, she told me that Royce had apologized and she had forgiven him, but she still didn't feel good about the situation. She was concerned with how erratic he could become, especially when it was so early in their relationship. I asked her if she knew what was going on with him and if he had talked to her about his home life. She said that she knew he didn't like being there and that he didn't get along with his dad and step-mom, but that he really didn't open up too much on the subject. I suppose she didn't press him on it because she had her own parental issues. I decided I would be there for her in whatever way she needed and hoped for the best.

Alice, Rose, and I became quite close over the next couple months. We spent lots of time together, just hanging out, shopping, watching movies, listening to music and taking turns spending the night at each others' houses; though most of the time it was Rose's house, since her parents were gone so frequently.

Summer rolled around and we started to hang out as a group again. Edward was very attentive when we were together, but things hadn't progressed much further physically since that time in his room. Granted, we didn't have much alone time, either. I was anxious to change this, and the summer vacation from school seemed like a great opportunity for it. We had a lot more time to waste. Though, any time with Edward was not a waste in my opinion.

Alice had put together a plan for all of us to drive to the beach. The Cullens owned a house in Ocean City and were going down the first weekend of break. My parents were a little hesitant at first, but Alice had her parents talk to them and assure them that we would be looked after. My father respected Carlisle and knew that the Cullens were well liked in our community, so he and my mom decided to let me go. It was going to be a great weekend.

Friday morning, the day of our trip, I was up early and ready to go. I had gotten my bag together the night before and was eager to get over to Edward's. My parents knew that he was going, but were not overly excited about it, so I had Alice come and pick me up. I figured that there was no need to bring more attention to that fact unnecessarily. Alice knocked on the door at around nine in the morning, and my mom let her in.

"Good morning, Alice. Come on in," my mom greeted her. "Bella, Alice is here."

"Okay, I'll be down in a sec," I called back, grabbing my bag before plodding down the stairs.

"Hey, Bella," Alice said cheerfully. "Are you all ready to go?"

"Yep, I think so."

"Okay, girls, before you leave we want to talk to you about a few things," my mother began.

Alice and I looked at each other and then back to my mom. "Okay," I replied. "What about?"

"Well, we know that Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are going along on the trip, and we trust that they will look after you. However, we want to make sure that you have a good understanding of some ground rules before you go."

"Alright," I said hesitantly.

"First and foremost, we want you to listen to what the Cullens tell you. If they ask you to do something, make sure you do it," my father stated.

"Of course, Dad, I would never think of disobeying them."

"Secondly, we know that you are going to want to go out and do stuff while you're there. Make sure you stay together as a group. Don't venture off by yourselves."

"I know, safety in numbers," I recalled from the numerous times it was engrained in my head.

"And thirdly, we know that Edward is going along on this trip. While we aren't thrilled about you going on an overnight trip together, we aren't going to keep you from going. Just don't make us regret that decision. Understood?"

"Dad! There won't be any problems! I promise." _But what I define as a problem and what you define as one may be two different things. Heh, head out of the gutter, Bella._

"Yes, my parents will be there the whole time. They would never let anything happen to Bella. You can be sure of that," Alice affirmed.

My parents both smiled and gave us hugs before sending us off. "You girls have fun this weekend and be good," my mom encouraged. _Oh, I will have fun and it will definitely be good. _

"Did you leave the contact information in case we need to get a hold of you?" my dad asked.

"I did; it's on the fridge."

"Okay, well, call us as soon as you get there."

"I will. Love you guys."

"We love you, too. Bye, Alice."

"Bye, Chief Swan, Mrs. Swan. We'll see you Sunday," Alice called as we ran to her car.

Alice and I got in her car and headed for her house. It was just the two of us, which gave us a chance to talk.

"I'm really glad that you invited all of us to come to the beach, Alice. Thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome. The truth is I wouldn't have that much fun if you guys weren't coming along, so it's somewhat of a selfish notion."

"What? You and Edward don't hang out when you go?"

"Yeah, we do, but he's my brother. I love him, but he's not always the most fun for me, especially when I want to go out and meet guys. He doesn't really let that happen when he's along."

"I guess I can believe that," I said, laughing. "He's the overprotective type, huh?"

"God, yes! You have no idea. He basically threatens any guy that even looks at me in a remotely interested way. It's ridiculous, considering all the girls he's been with!"

I wasn't sure what to think about that. I'm sure that my face had a look of shock on it because Alice immediately apologized. I knew that Edward had a past. Everyone in the school knew he did, but we didn't talk about it in great detail. I knew how he was with me. It made me curious, though. At some point, we were going to need to talk about things.

"Well, maybe if I'm along he'll be distracted." _I can only hope he will be… that we both will be._

"That's what I'm hoping for, girl," she said with a devious smirk. "Plus, I love hanging out with you and Rose, and I think that we're gonna have a great time."

"Me too! I haven't been to the beach in forever."

"Really? We go every year."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure having a beach house helps with that," I teased.

"I suppose you're right. So, you haven't ever been to Ocean City, then?"

"Yeah, once when I was like two. We came to Maryland on a family vacation and we went with my grandparents. I don't really remember it, though. I've just seen the pictures in my baby album."

"Aw, that's sweet! Well, there are lots of things to do. There's a boardwalk with a small amusement park on it as well as game rooms, souvenir shops, and restaurants. It's nice."

"Cool, I can't wait to get there. When do we leave?"

"Well, Royce is already at our house 'cause he spent the night. We just need to wait on Rose and load the cars, and we'll be off."

"Have you talked to Rose yet this morning?" I asked.

"No, but I talked to her last night. She said she would be over before ten this morning. She may even be there by the time we get back," she replied.

"Awesome. I just hope we have a drama-free weekend. Has Rose said anything to you about how things have been going with her and Royce?"

"Not too much. I know he's been staying over at our house quite a bit lately. My parents are worried about him. They have never really liked Edward hanging out with him that often because he gets into trouble a lot, but they would never put someone in need out on the street. I think they hope that by being positive influences, he will pull himself together and make a change for the better."

"Are his parent's just complete assholes, or what?"

"Basically. Ever since his dad re-married, he's kind of pushed Royce to the back burner. He and his new wife have two kids and they get preferential treatment. Plus, I don't think the step-mom cares for him very much. It's sad, really."

"That stinks. So, that's why he gets in trouble, then? To get attention?"

"I guess so. He has some anger management issues, too, though."

"Yeah, I think we all saw that the night he got into that fight at the party. Hopefully Edward can be a good influence on him, then."

"Yeah, hopefully," Alice replied, smiling at me. "Well, here we are, and look, Rose is already here. Let's go inside and see what everyone's up to."

Everyone was ready promptly and the cars were packed. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen rode in their car with most of our luggage, while the rest of us followed behind in Edward's car. It took about two and a half hours to get there, but the time passed swiftly as we talked and played games the whole way. Stepping out of the car upon our arrival, I was immediately enveloped by the humid, salty air that was coming in from the shore. The Cullens' house sat bayside and was in a small, gated community. It was a rustic, wooden house with modest furnishing inside. The décor was very beach like, having a definite sea theme throughout. There were lighthouses, seashells, and nautical pictures and art pieces in each room. This house was very different from their house in Garrett Park, but it still felt cozy and welcoming. The boys brought our bags in while Mrs. Cullen showed us our rooms. Edward and Royce would bunk together in his room, while Alice was in hers, and Rose and I were on the twin beds in the guest room. After we were settled and I'd called my parents to let them know we'd made it, I walked to the living room window that faced the back of the house. There was a beautiful view of the bay and the sun was shining brightly over the water.

"Hey, gorgeous," Edward whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his chin on my shoulder.

"Hey, yourself," I replied with a smile, leaning into him.

"What do you think? Wanna go for a walk?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'd love to."

"Come on." He took my hand and slid open the glass door. We then began our stroll outside and down to their private dock.

"It's beautiful here. Have your parents owned this house for a long time?"

"Yeah, ever since we were kids. We've been coming here since Alice and I were little."

"I think it's great that you keep traditions like that and take trips as a family. I'm so glad that you invited me to come along. I haven't been to the beach in a long time."

"So, are you just excited to see the beach?" he asked coyly.

I turned to him, letting go of his hand, and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Baby, you could have been going to the North Pole, and I would have jumped at the chance to come along. The beach is nice, but I like spending time with you more than anything."

He pulled me closer and hugged me tightly. "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, with all the time away and all. You are more understanding than you should be."

"Would you rather I bitch at you, then?"

"No, but I know that I don't deserve you."

I pulled away again and looked up at him, taking his face between my hands. "Well, let me decide that, okay?"

He smiled as he bent down and brought his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and gentle and in no way rushed or forced, but I couldn't help thinking that it was his way of avoiding the topic. It worried me, but I tried to push the thought out of my head. I was with him now, we were at the beach, and it was summer vacation. I was going to do what I could to make sure that we had a great weekend.

"Let's go get the others and head out," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back towards the house.

We spent the afternoon at the beach, relaxing and playing. The guys horsed around in the water and body surfed, while we girls laid on the beach to catch some much needed sun. We had music, a cooler full of food and drinks that Esme had sent along, and lots of free time. It felt good to be carefree and hang out with my friends while feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. I looked forward to having more time with Edward, as well.

Before the afternoon was over, Alice met a cute guy named Jason that was playing volleyball on the beach near us. He and his friends invited us to a party at their place that night. They were living there for the summer and had a small house they were renting a few blocks back from Coastal Drive. We planned to come back to hit up the amusement park and some of the shops that ran along the north side of the boardwalk and meet up with them once it got dark. They said they had get-togethers almost every night at their house and it was usually good fun. They would meet back up with us later and show us how to get to their place. Alice was really excited, but I couldn't say the same for Edward and Royce. The over-protective brother role kicked in as well as the Alpha male attitude Royce seemed to like to portray, but we just ignored it for the most part.

We went back to the Cullens' house to have dinner and get cleaned up before returning to the boardwalk that evening. We spent some time walking around some of the shops, browsing for souvenirs before we went to the amusement park. We were supposed to meet up with Jason and his friends at about nine in the evening, so that gave us a couple of hours to wander around. Alice, Rose, and Royce were going to head to the amusement park, but I had a different idea. I wanted some alone time with Edward and managed to convince them that we would meet back up before it was time to meet Jason. Fortunately, Edward was game. So, the three of them went off as Edward and I made our way down the beach.

We took off our shoes and walked through the sand, hand in hand, until we found a private spot, away from the crowd of people. The sun was starting to set, high tide was on its way in, the sand was still warm between our toes, and I was with my beautiful boy.

"This looks like a good place to sit, don't you think?" Edward asked.

"Perfect," I replied with a smile.

Edward plopped down on the sand before pulling me down onto his lap. "Come here, gorgeous," he commanded in a sexy voice, and I willingly obliged. I leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tight. We stared out at the water for a while, just soaking each other in. It seemed like forever since we had had time alone.

"I've really missed this," I told him.

"What's that?"

"Being with you, like this, just the two of us."

Whispering into my hair, he replied, "Me too. I'm sorry things have been so crazy."

It's okay, Edward. I understand that you have a lot going on."

"It's just really bad timing. It seems like everything started happening all at once. I've never been boyfriend material. I've been with girls before, but none that I really cared about. I'm just not good at this stuff, and I've never had a girl that I've wanted to try for, until now. I just feel like I won't live up to your expectations."

"What expectations? Edward, stop beating yourself up! I haven't done this before either. I happen to think you're pretty great. Yes, I miss you when you aren't around, but nothing makes me happier than when you are, so I wouldn't trade it _or_ you for anything."

"You say that now, but you'll eventually see the light," he told me.

"Let's just enjoy the time we have together now, okay? I mean, we're at the beach, here on this beautiful summer night, all alone."

"And exactly what do you have in mind?" he asked deviously.

So, I turned and straddled him, wrapping my arms around his neck and weaving my fingers into his hair. "Oh, I can think of a few things we can do," I teased, gently biting and kissing him from the base of his neck up to his ear. He smelled and tasted so good. I couldn't resist him.

"Is that right? Well, maybe you could tell me about them," he encouraged as his hands moved up my thighs to my hips, pulling me closer so I could feel him growing hard beneath me.

"I was thinking more along the lines of showing you," I told him as our eyes met.

He got a huge grin on his face and had such lust in his eyes. I wanted him so badly. Our lips crashed together and my tongue sought entrance into his mouth. He willingly parted his lips and our tongues rolled together in a heated frenzy. His hands moved up my back and down my sides before one slid up underneath my shirt and cupped the side of my breast, while the other tangled in my hair. We broke the kiss, only long enough to catch our breaths, but never lost contact with one another. I could feel how hard he was and wanted nothing more than to give myself to him completely.

"I want you so badly, Edward. I've never wanted anything or anyone more," I panted as he sucked on my neck and my center ground against him. I almost couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop. He just had that effect on me.

"God, Bella, you're so fucking sexy," he replied in a husky voice before our lips and tongues found each other again.

My hands worked their way down his chest, stomach, and then up and under his shirt. "I want to feel you, Edward. I can't get close enough."

He lifted his arms and let me pull off his shirt. His skin was soft and smooth, while the muscles and abs underneath were hard and tight. He lifted me up and rolled me onto my back so that my head was lying on his shirt and he was now over me. He kept most of his weight on his arms while he continued to kiss me and press his hard on between my legs. My panties were now soaking wet with desire. While leaning on one arm, he slid a hand under my shirt and rubbed circles around my peaked nipple with his thumb. The sensation of it made my back arch, and I moaned out, "Edward, please! Uh, I want more of you. I need more of you."

His hand gently moved down my side and over my stomach, the pad of his thumb circling my belly button and sending chills through my body. "Please," I begged him as he loosened the button on my shorts and slid the zipper down. His hand moved down over top of my panties as he felt what he was doing to me.

"God, you're so wet, Bella."

"That's what you do to me, Edward. I can't help it. I want you so bad right now."

He moved his hand under the thin, wet fabric to my dripping wet folds. He slid a finger in while deepening our kiss once again. His finger felt so good inside me that I wanted more.

"You're so tight, Bella. God, you feel amazing."

"So do you, Edward. I want you all the way. I'll give myself to you completely, right here. Please. I want to know what it's like to have you inside me." With that, it was like the world stopped moving and he froze. He lifted his head and looked in my eyes.

"What? What's wrong? Why are you stopping?" I asked as he pulled out.

"Baby, you have no idea. I want you, too, but we can't. Not here."

"Why not? No one can see us. Don't you want to be with me?"

"Of course I do, but not like this."

"Like what?"

"Not here. Not now."

"I don't understand. What's wrong with here and now?"

"Bella, it's your first time. It should be special and planned out. It should really mean something. Don't get me wrong, I want you. I _really_ want you, but it's not right to just rush into things because we're caught up in the heat of the moment. Your first time should be perfect."

"But I'm ready, Edward. I want this. I want to be with you. I want my first time to be with you. Here and now seems like as good a time and place as any." _I've been dreaming about being with you every night. Please believe me. _

"No, Bella. Please trust me," he said emphatically.

He re-buttoned my shorts and sat up, pulling me up, as well. I couldn't look at him. I was so embarrassed. I basically just threw myself at him and he rejected me. I tried to hold it in, but a tear escaped my eye, opening the flood gates. Edward had just put his shirt back on, when he realized that I was crying.

"Oh, sweet girl, come here," he said as he pulled me into his side and wrapped his arms around me. "Please don't cry. Everything is fine. There's no reason to be sad." All I could do was bury my face in his chest as the tears continued to flow. "Hey, look at me." I shook my head, but he placed his hand under my chin and tilted it up so that he was looking into my eyes. "Bella, my beautiful Bella. Why are you so upset? Please tell me it's not because of what I said."

"I… I just… I just don't understand. I mean, it felt like things were going well, but now I just feel so stupid."

"Why on earth would you feel stupid? You're so far from it."

"I just feel like an idiot because I obviously misread what you wanted and felt, and I feel like such a fool for throwing myself at you. I mean, it's not like you haven't done this before… with other girls."

"Doll, you didn't do anything wrong and I don't think you're an idiot. I want you, too. Please believe me when I tell you that. I just shouldn't have let things go so far. Yes, I've done this with other girls - lots of them, but you aren't like those girls. You matter to me. You deserve the best of everything, and while being here with you is amazing, it's not what you deserve. You're so special, Bella. Your first time needs to be, as well. Can you try to understand that and forgive me?" he asked with desperation in his voice. He then cupped my face and wiped the last of my tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

"Sure," I said with a smile, "if you'll forget about me crying like a baby." I tried to joke with him because I wanted to be fine. I really did. I wanted to believe that he was telling me the truth and that he wanted me just as badly as I did him. I also wanted to believe that we would have time and that it would happen eventually, but I couldn't stop going over his words, telling me that I was special and how my first time should be, as well. For some reason, it seemed like he didn't feel the same; like he knew he wasn't able to make it special. This scared me. I had never wanted anyone more than I did him and the thought that he might not feel the same only added to my insecurities.

"Deal," he replied, and brought his lips to mine for a chaste kiss before squeezing me into a tight hug and kissing the top of my head. "Come on, it's about time to meet the others. Let's go see what they're up to."

We met back up with the others and found Jason and his friends on the boardwalk. They directed us to their house, where a party was already in full swing. There were people inside and out, beer cans and cups littered the yard and floor, and the music was really loud. It seemed like an easy target for the cops, and I, for one, wasn't trying to get busted. My parents were already leery of letting me go on the trip in the first place. If I got arrested at a party while I was gone, I would surely never be allowed out of the house again, let alone to see Edward.

Edward, Rose, and I hung back cautiously as Royce and Alice made their way through the house. Alice had a crush on Jason and was excited to be hanging out with him, while Royce was eagerly starting on a beer. I wasn't sure what everyone else was expecting, but to say that this looked like fun was not the case. Royce proceeded to get completely wasted, Alice was getting way too friendly with Jason for Edward's comfort, Rose was getting extremely irritated with Royce and his lack of attention and sobriety and I just wanted to get out of there.

It seemed like we had been there for hours, when in reality it had only been about forty-five minutes. Edward was on the edge and getting progressively more agitated the longer we stayed. Alice was oblivious to anything but Jason. Rose was chatting with one of Jason's friends, and Royce was piss drunk, which only made Rose more flirtatious, since she knew it would make him jealous. Only, I don't think she knew just how jealous and angry he would be, because before long, he became unglued and started in on the guy.

"Hey, bro, what the fuck are you doing with my girl?" Royce yelled, getting in the guy's face.

"Your girl? She started talking to me, dude. Besides, you aren't paying any attention to her and I don't see a ring on her finger."

Rose pushed Royce back, her hand on his chest. "Babe, chill out! We were just talking," she tried to reassure him.

"Don't tell me to chill out. I don't take orders from anyone, especially a woman! And I saw how you were 'just talking' to him. You're acting like a slut!"

"I think you need to re-think those words and you need to slow down on the drinking. You're drunk and need to sober up." Rose replied calmly.

"Fuck you, Mom!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Why are you always trying to tell me what to do? Who do you think you are? You're not special. Edward and I can have any girl that we want. You and Bella should be glad that we let you stick around."

"Is that so? Well, fuck off, then! I don't need an asshole like you in my life!"

That's when the real drama happened. Royce slapped her hard and she fell backwards to the floor.

"Whoa, dude! What the fuck?" Edward yelled. "Bella, take Rose outside. Alice, you go with them," he instructed.

We stood there in shock for a minute before he yelled, "Go!" And I took Rose outside with Alice in tow. We got out to the front porch and sat down on the steps. She was sobbing uncontrollably and I just hugged her tightly and rocked her back and forth. Alice wrapped her arms around her, too.

"Shh! Everything is going to be okay," I assured her while stroking her hair.

She finally calmed down some so we could talk.

"Are you in pain?" Do you want us to take you to the hospital?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "I just want to go home."

"That's understandable. Alice, can you sit with Rose while I go and get Edward?"

"Of course."

I went in the house and found Edward. He was standing over Royce, who was lying on the floor, nose all bloody, gasping.

"Edward?"

He turned and looked at me with such anger and hatred in his eyes. It scared me. He quickly realized my reaction though and his expression changed to one of apology and sorrow.

"Bella, please! Go back outside. I'll be there in a minute."

I did as he asked and he did come out shortly after. Royce was right behind him, but not because either of them wanted to be near the other. It was just the shitty circumstance of being on a weekend trip together. The tension was thick in the car ride back to the beach house and no one was talking. Once we got there, Alice and I took Rose to our room while Edward and Royce stayed outside. It was quite a while before we heard them come back in. We heard Edward's bedroom door open and shut and then a knock at ours. Alice opened it to find Edward on the other side.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, and ushered him in.

"Rose, I'm so sorry for what Royce did tonight. Are you okay?"

She removed the ice pack Alice had gotten her for the side of her face, and said, "I'll be fine. I really just want to go to sleep."

"Alright. If we can get you anything at all or if there is anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please let us know. Hopefully this will all be figured out in the morning. Royce has gone to sleep it off, as well."

"Edward, he needs help. He seriously has issues that he needs to resolve somewhere else. I don't want to be around him. What he did tonight was inexcusable. Rose and Bella are my friends, too. They don't deserve this. You need to do something about it," Alice exhorted.

"I will; I promise. And Rose, I meant what I said. If you need anything, let us know."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Bella, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" Edward asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, if Rose is okay," I replied, looking over to her for assurance.

"It's fine, Bella. I'm okay. Go ahead. Alice is here with me."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Edward took my hand and we walked outside. The night air was cool as the breeze blew in off the bay.

"Come here, baby girl," Edward murmured softly. "You're shivering."

"I'm just a little cold, that's all."

"Are you sure?" he asked, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"Yeah, I'm sure," I said as I leaned in to him and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in close.

"I'm sorry about tonight; about what he said, and about what you saw. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I didn't like it, Edward. I didn't like any of it. How could he say those things to her and then _hit_ her? I thought that he cared about her."

"He does, and I don't know. Maybe it's because he hasn't really had a girlfriend, either. I don't know. I'm not going to make excuses for him. He's really fucked up, physically and mentally. I don't like it, either. That's why we got into it tonight. He's supposed to be my best friend and I love him, but I couldn't let him do that shit. I can be a real asshole and I've dicked some girls over, but I would never hit one."

"He's so angry… and you, you were, too! I've never seen you like that."

"Bella, look at me," he said as he tilted my chin with his finger. "I am so unbelievably sorry and I would never, ever hurt you. Not intentionally, at least. Please believe me that you were never meant to see me like that. I could never physically harm you."

"I know that, Edward. I'm not worried about that. I'm just worried about you."

"Me? You're worried about me?"

"Yes, I saw the anger and hatred in your eyes. It was all consuming. I don't want you to feel that kind of anguish or hurt, either."

"Oh, sweet girl! I seriously don't deserve you." He hugged me tighter. "Here I was, worried that I had really messed up with you, and you were worried about me. Clearly we need to communicate better."

"Well, it was a crazy night. Talking hasn't really been very easy." I laughed.

He pulled back and took my face between his hands. "You're so special to me. Thank you for being so understanding." He leaned in and gave me a soft, gentle kiss. "I'll make it up to you."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he said with my favorite crooked grin and panty-dropping wink.

We went back inside and he walked me to my room.

"Goodnight, angel."

"Night," I said with a smile before stepping in and closing the door. Edward assured me that I was special and he made me feel that way, but Royce's words from the party kept sneaking back in. Edward could have any girl that he wanted. I had to remind myself that that girl was me. I had to push the insecurities aside and be strong. I had to hope for a better tomorrow.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Bella seems to be a little thirsty, but Edward's being stingy with the citrusy refreshments. Why is he being such a cockblocker… on HIMSELF? Hmmm? And what do you think about Royce? I really want to know what you guys are thinking, so please review, review, review! I love it when my inbox is filled up with your thoughts, comments, and reactions.

Okay, so we're getting really close to being caught up to what I have written. I was going to hold off on posting this week to give me a little time to write more, but I told you I'd see you this week, so I didn't want to let you down. I may take a little longer than a week to post the next chapter, though. It's out with my beta, so it might happen. We will see. I'm probably going to start a blog. If I do, I will let you know so you can follow me for teasers and things. I'll at least give you one of those if I don't update.

Oh, and come over and find me on Twitter. I'm Dinx219.

I hope you guys liked the update. Now, please hit that little review button. *Snuggles*


	8. Chapter 8 Too Much

**Authors Notes: **

Thanks a bunch to my amazing and talented beta, xrxdanixrx. If you guys aren't reading her story, Hate Me, go NOW! It's hilariously funny and you will laugh.

My Twilighted validation beta is SunKing. She is the greatest and I heart her bunches!

Twilight is all Stephenie Meyer's. I just like to take her characters out drinking. :P (Not that I encourage underage drinking. If you aren't 21, don't dew it!) See you at the bottom.

**Chapter 8 (Too Much)**

We had to cut our beach trip early that weekend. Rosalie didn't want to be there after the incident with Royce and the rest of us girls didn't really, either. The whole thing had kind of sucked the fun out of the weekend. I have to admit that I was bummed, though. My plan to have some alone time with Edward fell through, but he promised me that we would go again. That had to be enough for the time being.

Once we were back at home, Royce tried to apologize to Rosalie, but she wasn't having it. I couldn't say that I blamed her. Royce was a royal dick to her that night and if he could've said and done such hateful things to her that early on in the relationship, what would he have ended up doing given more time. He didn't deserve her.

Edward continued to hang out with Royce and the rest of their friends, but he made time for me, as well. While I didn't understand how he could be so sweet with me, yet be friends with such an ass, I didn't really question him on it. Not until there were rumors flying around school, that is.

Apparently, Royce had a bruised ego and decided to say some ugly things about Rose; things that made it seem like he got what he wanted out of her and had moved on, but I knew better. Rose hadn't done anything more with Royce than I had with Edward. Royce had a reputation for this, though, and people tended to believe what they heard in situations like that.

I felt bad and wanted to do something to set the record straight. I hated that my friend was being talked about, but even more so since the things being said weren't true. I decided that I would confront Edward about it in hopes that he would talk to Royce and help clear the air. We had plans to go to dinner and then to Rose's for a party, as her parents were out of town.

Edward picked me up at my house at six o'clock and we went and grabbed a quick bite to eat. During dinner, we finally got a chance to talk. I was nervous about bringing Royce up, but I knew it had to be done.

"What's wrong, beautiful?" Edward asked me.

"How do you know something is wrong?" I replied with my own question.

"Because I think I've gotten to know you pretty well and you've been acting weird all evening. You've been a little quiet and have had a timid look on your face. What's going on?"

I shifted in my seat and looked down at my plate, moving the food around with my fork. "Okay," I answered, putting my fork down on the table. "Something has been bothering me, but I haven't wanted to bring it up. Do you promise not to get mad?" I kept my gaze focused downward and away from Edward's eyes.

"Doll, you can talk to me about anything," he replied while lifting my chin with his hand. "You know that, right? What's up?"

"It's this whole rumor mill thing about Rose and Royce that's going around school. It makes me sick. Nothing happened between them."

"Are you sure about that, Bella?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Why? Do you believe the stuff he's said?"

"He really doesn't have a reason to lie about it. I haven't asked him for the details, but Royce doesn't have a problem getting what he wants. He can be very persuasive."

"So, you do believe it, then. That's just great! Rose is a good girl, Edward. She doesn't deserve this. You know what he did to her when we were at the beach. You know how fucked up that was. He has some serious issues."

"I'm not saying that I think it's true, I'm just saying that I don't see the reason for him to make something like this up. I've known him for a long time, Bella. He's been _getting it_ on the regular since we were fourteen. He doesn't need to make up a story. The guy gets more ass than a toilet seat."

"That's just crass. I can't believe you just said that! Then, let's say, for arguments sake, that they did sleep together. Do you think that he should be telling everyone? I mean, seriously. Do you guys just think that's cool? Is that what you think of me? That I'm just another piece of ass?"

"Baby, no!" he exclaimed, scooting his chair closer to mine. "You do have a really great ass." He smirked. "But, you mean so much more to me than that." His voice was soothing and sexy and he looked so sincere, even though he threw in the snide comment about my bum. "I've told you this countless times. Look, I'm sorry. I can be a dick. I guess I could have phrased that differently."

"You guess?"

"Okay, I could have. You know how much I like you though, right? You know that things are different between us, don't you?"

"Most of the time, yes, I do. But, sometimes I get scared. I mean, he's one of your best friends. Can't you understand how I might get freaked out when I see the way he is?"

"Baby, I'm not Royce and I can't speak for him. I don't know whether he slept with Rose or not. I honestly haven't asked him. If it will make you feel better, I'll talk to him, but don't let rumors, Royce, Rose, or anything else, for that matter, come between us. When we first started talking, I told you to come to me if you ever heard something unsettling or if you just had a question. I meant that. I want to be open and honest with you."

"I know. I'm sorry, too. I should have said something sooner. It's been bothering me for a while. I guess we both have a lot to learn about this whole communication thing."

"So, am I forgiven then?" he asked, with the crooked grin and wink that I loved.

"Yes," I whispered, looking up into his eyes. "Did we just have our first fight?"

"I don't know if it was a fight, but if it means we can have fun making up, I'll say yes," he replied seductively into my hair before peppering kisses down my neck. "What do you say?"

"Yes, please!" I replied enthusiastically.

"So eager for make-up fun," he teased. "What am I going to do with you, sweet girl?"

"How about we go somewhere quiet and I'll show you?"

"Check, please!" he called to our waiter in earnest. Apparently I wasn't the only one yearning for some alone time.

It was almost nine o'clock and Rosalie and the rest of our friends were going to be wondering where we were. After dinner, Edward had driven to a secluded spot that sat next to the train tracks that ran through our neighborhood. It was peaceful and quiet, as well as dark, which gave us the opportunity to get on with the "making up" we were both so desperate for. But, while I was ready to go the extra mile, Edward was still putting up road blocks.

"It's getting late, baby. We need to get to Rose's house before they send out the search party for us," Edward said as I sat straddled over him on the driver seat of his car, nipping and sucking at his neck.

"Five more minutes." I breathed heavily, continuing to kiss a path up his neck to his ear. "I'm not ready to leave just yet." My hands wove deeper into his hair as I gently bit at his earlobe.

"Ungh, baby," he groaned before sliding his hands up my sides to cup my breasts.

I could feel his cock through his jeans and he was just as turned on as I was. With his hold, he pulled my lips to his and sought entrance to my mouth with his tongue. I willingly obliged and thought that he was finally going to give in to my advances, but just as my hands slipped out of his hair, down his chest and stomach to the button of his pants, he stopped me.

"Bella, wait. We can't do this here." His hands stopped on top of mine before pulling them away.

"Yes, we can. Edward, I want you. I want all of you. I can _feel_ that you want me, too. Why do you keep stopping?" I leaned in to press light kisses on his neck, once again.

"Because. We just can't. Not tonight," he said, defeated, and turned away.

"Why not tonight? Tonight is as good of a time as any. I'm telling you that I'm okay with this," I said, grabbing his face between both of my hands and gently rubbing small circles on his cheeks with my thumbs. "Look at me. I want my first time to be with you. I don't care where we are. I don't need some elaborate set-up or occasion for it to be perfect. Being with you will be what makes it perfect. I just want to feel you, Edward. I want to feel what it's like to have you inside of me. Don't you want that? I know that you're turned on. I can feel how hard you are when we're kissing. Please."

"Bella, I want to. I really do, but…"

"But what? Is this really about my virtue? Because if it is, I'm flattered. I really am. But, I'm ready, Edward. I don't want to wait anymore." I ground myself against him once more and bent down to kiss his lips, but this time he yelled.

"Bella, stop! I can't do this right now and that's it! No more discussion or explanations. You need to move back over to your seat so we can go."

I was momentarily stunned. I didn't know what to do. Edward had never raised his voice to me before. I'd seen him angry with Royce and I'd heard him say cocky things, but never this. I knew he was upset, and I had made him that way. I slowly slid off his lap and back into my seat. We were silent as I adjusted my clothes and hair and he started the car. I was on the verge of tears and I knew it. I willed myself not to cry as I looked out the fogged-up passenger side window and Edward began the drive to Rose's house.

We pulled up on Rose's street and Edward parked the car a block or so away from her house since the street was lined with cars. Reaching over and cupping my face with his hand, he said, "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell like that. I don't want to fight with you. Please know that this isn't about you, okay? I just have a lot going on in my head and I need to work it out."

We remained silent for a few minutes. I sat and stared out the window, contemplating what to say. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, expectantly awaiting a reply. I couldn't look at him right away, though. I was so confused. I wanted to make things better, but I wasn't sure of what to do. I had opened myself up to him, but felt totally shut out in return. I needed to be strong. I didn't want to break down in front of him, but he affected me in a way no one else had.

"I'm here for you, Edward. You can talk to me… about whatever it is. I'll listen to you and we can work through it, but I need to understand what's going on in order to do that." _What the fuck? Is he just trying to spare my feelings or what? I need to figure this shit out or I'm going to end up with whiplash from all the hot and cold. I want to be with him, but my head is spinning._

He opened his door, and got out, then walked around to my side to open my door for me. He was always very chivalrous, in that regard, not like most boys his age. I got out of the car and we began walking down the sidewalk towards Rose's front door. The summer night air had a little bit of a chill to it and caused me to shiver. Edward immediately wrapped his arm around me and tucked me to his side to keep me warm.

"Bella, I know that you want an explanation, and I'm sure at some point I'll be ready to talk about it, but right now, I just need you to be patient and trust me. Please, for me, can you do that?"

"Yes, for now. I can be patient for now, but I'm going to expect you to open up to me eventually." _What is he holding back for? Why is he so closed off? Is it me? Can I really do this? _

_If you want to be with him, you're going to have to._

"Okay, let's just go inside and try to have some fun with our friends," he said as we reached her front porch.

"Fine, but before we do, can I have a kiss?" Call me crazy, but I needed just a little physical reassurance that we were okay.

Grinning with a look that made me want to melt right there, he leaned down and gently took my face between his hands before putting his lips to mine. His reaction was what I needed. At first, the kiss was innocent and chaste, but I couldn't control myself and quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His arms moved around my back, enveloping me as I deepened the kiss. He just had that affect on me. That was when the front door flew open.

"It's about time you two get here. I guess I can see what took you so long," Rose blurted out.

We broke the kiss and I sighed, burying me head into Edward's chest momentarily. It was a little embarrassing to get caught and I was sure my face was a bright red, but fortunately, it was just Rose.

Edward moved his arms soothingly up and down my back as I turned my head to glance in Rose's direction.

"Hi, Rose. Sorry we're late," I replied.

"Hey, Rose," Edward greeted her. "It's all Bella's fault. She can't keep her hands off of me." He poked me in my ribs, earning a squeal.

"Hey!" I said, swatting him in the chest. I knew he was basically telling the truth, but Rose didn't need to know that.

"Right," Rose replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure you had no part in any of it, Edward. Now get your asses in here. We have some drinking to do."

There were tons of people at Rose's house. I think practically the entire school showed up. Some of the people I liked, others I barely knew or cared about. Edward and I went our separate ways for a bit, each of us hanging out with our respective friends.

We had been at the party for a while before I tried my first drink. At first, I wasn't too sure about it because I knew my parents would kill me if they found out. You don't grow up the daughter of a cop and not worry about getting in trouble. Alice and Rose were able to convince me, though, and after choking down the first two lemon drops, it got much easier. In fact, the vodka started tasting like water.

Us girls were laughing and singing and dancing around, being generally silly and loud, when Edward came back in search of me.

"Edwaaaaaard! Where've you beeeeen? I've misssssed youuuuu!" I slurred, stumbling over to him and almost doing a face plant on the living room floor before he caught me.

"Bella, baby, how much have you had to drink?" he asked, steadying me against him.

"Driiiink? I dunno." I hiccupped. "Rosieeee Posey, hoooow much've I had to drink?" I called to her and giggled while leaning on Edward.

"As much as I have. Wooo!" she replied dancing around to the song blaring on the stereo. "Come on, Bella, come dance with me and Alice."

"Come on, baaaby! Let's daaaance. I looooove this song!" I whined and tried to pull him on to the make shift dance floor, but he wasn't budging. He let go of my hand as I jumped up and down with Rose and Alice and started singing:

_Rhythm is a dancer,  
It's a soul's companion,  
You can feel it everywhere_

Lift your hands and voices  
Free your mind and join us  
You can feel it in the air

Ooh, it's a passion  
Ooh, you can feel it in the air  
Ooh, it's a passion  
Ooh, ooh, ooh, oh

He crooked his finger at Alice and beckoned her over to him. "Have you been drinking, too?" Edward asked her.

"Yes, but I don't think I've had quite as much as they have. They've been drinking like fish. It's kind of hilarious. I've never seen Bella talk so much."

"I think they've had enough. Bella's dad is going to kill me. I can't take her home like this. What were you guys thinking?"

"It's cool. She called her parents a little earlier and told them she would be spending the night with Rose and me. We're having a girls' night."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really! Don't worry, big brother. I'm looking out for her. I would never let anything bad happen. She looks like she's having fun. She needs to let loose once in a while. You, of all people, should know that."

"Yeah, but I also know the consequences of it. She doesn't. And her being this drunk is definitely not a good thing."

"It's gonna be okay, geez! Why don't you relax?"

"I looooove youuuuuuu, Rosieeee Posey, and I love you too, Allieeeee Cat! You guys are my bestest friends," I sang out to them.

"Aww, we love you too, Belly Bean," Alice replied cheerfully.

"Belly Bean?" Edward asked.

Alice chuckled. "Yeah, we came up with some nicknames earlier. Cute, huh?"

"You guys are ridiculous sometimes!" Edward said, rolling his eyes. "Now that the lame song is over, can I talk to my girlfriend for a little bit?"

He came and grabbed me by the waist and pulled me toward him. "Care to come get some air with me?" he whispered.

"Baaaaby, I wanna go anywhere with youuuu," I replied in a drunk sing-song way.

He held me up as we walked out to the far end of the backyard by the pool.

"What's gotten into you tonight, doll?"

"Wha-do ya' mean? I'm just tryin' to have fun. Don't you like ta have fun? I knoooow that you do. Don't ya wanna have fun with me? Because I reeeeaaaaaly wanna have fun with you," I told him before hiccupping again and beginning my assault on his neck with my mouth.

"Oh, Bella, baby. What am I going to do with you?"

"You could make love to me ooooor you could just fuuuck me. I'll take either, but I'm pretty sure that I love youuuuu so the first one soundsssssssss better. The second one may feeeeel better, though. I dunno. Youuuu tell me, Edwaaaard. Which one feeeels better? You arrre the sexpert, afterall!" I garbled, laughing at my funny joke. "Get it? Sexpert?"

"Yeah, I get it. And it's not funny! You've had way too much to drink. You don't even know what you're saying."

"Yesssss I do. I've been telling youuu. Don't you want to fuuuuck me? I've heard that you're reaaaaally good at it. Why won't you show me?"

"Bella, you're drunk. You need to eat something and you need some coffee."

"No, yuck, I hate coffee, and what I need is yooou," I said, poking his chest, "inside of meeee." I poked myself back, and then tried to unbutton his pants.

"No, you don't. You need to sober up," he replied, once again, stopping my advances.

"Come on, baaaby! It's not like you're aaaa virgin. Why won't you give in? What's wrong with meeee? Is it because I don't have enough experience? You could always teeeach me."

"NO, Bella! It's not that! What the fuck? What do you not understand about me not being ready to do this or talk about this? You need to fucking stop! Even if we were in a place where fucking was possible, I wouldn't be doing it now. You're completely fucking wasted and I'd kind of like you to remember me making love to you, first time or not. It's not happening. Argh! Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" His voice was harsh and serious.

"I'm sor… I'm sorrrry," I replied meekly between hiccups, while staring down at my feet. "Please don't be mad at meeee. Are you mad at me?" Overwhelmed with emotion, I could feel the tears come to my eyes as I asked him the question.

"No, I'm not mad at you. I just don't want you to say or do things that you won't remember in the morning. You need to sober up, okay?" He gently wiped the tears that had fallen down my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Okaaaay, just promise me that you aren't mad." I couldn't look up at him. I was too embarrassed.

"I promise. Please stop crying." His voice was soothing this time.

"I don't feel so good." I hiccupped again. "I think I'm going to…"

That's when the world started spinning and I got sick all over Rose's backyard. _At least it was outside and not all over her living room floor_. Edward soothed me and he rubbed my back and held my hair while I puked up the half bottle of vodka I had consumed throughout the course of the night. Once I finally stopped, he carried me inside and made me drink a huge glass of water and down some ibuprofen before tucking me into one of the guest beds.

"Where are Rose and Alice?" I asked him.

"They're downstairs. Rose is passed out on the couch, I think, and Alice is trying to wrangle everyone else out."

"I should be helping." I tried to stand, but Edward gently pushed me back down on the bed.

"No, you should be resting. Trust me; You need to go to sleep. We'll handle it," he assured me as he softly smoothed my hair from my face.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I'm sorry I drank so much… and got sick."

"Shh! It's okay. Just go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course," he replied, laying down next to me and pulling me into his side.

I rested my head on his chest. "I love you," I quietly murmured without thinking, and then I fell asleep…

**Chapter End Notes:**

Holy shit a lot happened in this chapter! Did Bella really tell Edward that she loved him? Yes she did. Did she mean to? Uhh… probably not. We all do pretty stupid things when we're drunk. Does it mean that she didn't mean it? *scratches head* Drunk people are usually pretty honest, but it's not likely something that she would have done sober.

What do you think Edward is thinking and feeling about all of this? He didn't reply back, so….

Oh, and the song they are singing at the party is 'Rhythm is a Dancer' by Snap. Remember, it's only 1992, people! LOL!

Don't hate me, but it _really_ might take longer than a week for the next chapter. I may have to go to every two weeks for updates BECAUSE we are totally caught up to what I have written. I'm working on Chapter 9 right now, but it's not complete and it will still have to go to my beta once it is. I'm gonna do my best to bust the chapters out, though. It's just that sometimes the characters are stubborn and uncooperative. :P

If you're on Twitter, come find me. It's my new favorite thing to play with and I'm on quite a bit. So, come play. I'll be posting updates and links to some stuff over there regarding ALBtY very soon! (Blog~Teasers~Pictures~Links) Hint Hint! Hurry over. I'm **Dinx219**. And please Review! I'll heart you forever and it will inspire me to write faster. Toodles.


	9. Chapter 9 Ohh!

**Authors Notes: **

Sorry it's been a while. Hopefully this chapter will make up for the wait.

Much thanks and praise goes to **xrxdanixrx**. She's my beta and could quite possibly give Super Woman a run for her money. One of her stories, Hate Me, owns me. If you aren't reading it, do it now. I promise you'll laugh.

**SunKing** is my Twilighted validation beta and she rocks! :)

Lots of love and smooches to two awesome ladies, **bella c'ella luna** and **Holly1980**. Thank you both for your guidance, patience and encouragement. I heart you both big bunches.

Once again, Twilight… not mine. See you guys at the bottom.

**Chapter 9 (Ohh…!)**

I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. The night before was a blur. I was pretty sure that I had fallen asleep next to Edward, but he was nowhere to be found when I regained consciousness. I wanted to remember all of the events from the previous evening, but thinking hurt my head. I really just wanted someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery, because I couldn't handle the way I felt. Even my hair hurt, if that was even possible.

Drinking seemed like a good idea when I started, but I definitely changed my mind by morning. If that was how you felt the day after, I was determined I'd never do it again.

I lay on the bed for a while, willing myself the strength to get up and venture downstairs. I remembered hanging out with Alice and Rose and that we had been taking shots. Everything after that was fuzzy. I could only hope that I hadn't done anything stupid. Then, Alice came bounding in the room.

"Good morning, Belly Bean!" she sang out as she jumped on the bed.

"Uggghh!" I groaned. "You are way too energetic… and loud. What's so good about it?"

"I take it you aren't feeling so great this morning?"

"Gee, what would give you that idea?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well, other than your cheerful demeanor, I'd say it has something to do with the amount of vodka you drank last night."

"Oh, please don't remind me, Alice. What happened last night? And where's Rose?"

"You got pretty wasted and then you passed out. Rose is in her room, feeling about the same as you. Want me to get you a glass of water and some ibuprofen?

"Please," I half groaned – half begged.

Alice left the room to find me some relief while I tried to sit up and look around. I vaguely remembered the early part of the evening. I remembered dancing and singing a bunch, and I remembered Edward. What I didn't remember was what I had done with Edward and that worried me. I was still fully clothed in my jeans and t-shirt. The only thing that had been removed was my shoes, which were neatly lying on the floor next to the door. When Alice came back, I decided I would ask her what she knew, but first, I needed to drink the water and ibuprofen she retrieved.

"How come you're not feeling bad this morning?" I asked her.

"Probably because I didn't drink as much as you… and I had some time to sober up before I went to sleep."

"You did? What were you doing?"

"You and Rose were passed out and incoherent and someone had to get everyone out of the house."

"Where was Edward? Didn't he stick around to help you?"

"Yes, but he was busy with you for a while."

"Busy? How so? Did something happen? Did he tell you anything?" I was suddenly worried and began asking her a string of questions in quick succession. "I vaguely recall him being here with me last night, and falling asleep with him, but don't remember everything too well."

"Relax, Bella. I don't know much. I know that he was really worried about you. He said that you were really drunk and that you got pretty upset because you threw up all over the backyard. He just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"I got sick in the backyard?"

"Yeah, you don't remember that?"

"Oh. My. God. I am such a fucking idiot." I hid my face in my hands as it all started coming back to me. "I remember us singing and dancing in the living room, and then I remember going outside with him. I'm pretty sure that I threw myself at him and he turned me down. Then, I started crying and became an emotional train wreck before puking my guts out. Fuck! Did he tell you? He must think I'm such an ass."

"I'm sure he doesn't think that, Bella. I really think that Edward cares about you. He doesn't talk much about his feelings, but he's different with you."

"Different? What do you mean?" _Could this explain his lack of interest in me sexually?_

"Well, for one, he's never brought a girl home to meet our parents. That's huge in itself. He also doesn't really do the whole 'relationship – boyfriend' thing, either."

"Yeah, he's told me that, but why would he want to start with me?"

"Oh, Bella, you're great. Why wouldn't he want to?" she asked me sympathetically.

"I don't know. I'm just me; nothing special. And apparently, I'm a fucking desperate hooker after I've been drinking. I'm so humiliated. Are you sure he didn't say anything? I'm sure he's probably disgusted with me right about now. Where is he?"

"He went home around three this morning. He made sure you were okay and then he helped me get the place somewhat cleaned up after everyone left."

"Is he mad at me?"

"I don't think so. He didn't mention anything about being upset. He just said that he got you tucked into bed and that you fell asleep. I really don't think you should be so worried about this. It's not like Edward hasn't gotten fucked up and puked before. In fact, he got dropped off at our house after a party one night, drunk off his ass, and threw up all over our front porch… in front of our parents."

"Really?"

"Yes. Why do you think our parents wanted me to come along last night?"

"I have no idea. I thought maybe because he was going out with me."

"Not quite. They wanted to make sure that he was responsible and didn't do anything stupid. They know that he's very protective of me and that he wouldn't get wasted if I was along. It annoys the shit out of him, but I can't complain. It gets me to all the fun parties."

"I hope you're right, Alice. I feel like total shit right now and I'll die if he hates me."

"Don't stress, Belly Bean. It's all gonna be cool. Edward is easy."

_Heh, not that easy._

~xxx~

Alice, Rose, and I spent the rest of the day after the party lounging around and being lazy. We watched endless amounts of TV and snacked on junk food and pizza. It was good to spend time with just the girls, but my mind kept wandering to Edward.

The talk with Alice, earlier in the morning, had made me feel a tiny bit better, but I was still unsure about things. Edward hadn't come back over to check on us and he didn't call, either. I knew that he knew where I was because Alice had called home to let her parents know her plans. She told them that the three of us were just hanging out at Rose's and that she would be home later in the evening.

I tried not to think too much about it… until the car ride home, that is. Rose was the only one with a car at her house and had to give Alice and me rides back to ours. Alice's house was the first stop on the way, so she got shotgun, leaving me to my thoughts in the backseat. I desperately wanted to see Edward and talk to him about the previous night, but was sick to my stomach with nerves. I really didn't know what I was going to say to him, but hoped that it would come to me. However, when we pulled down their street and up to their house, Edward's car was not there. I wondered where he could be, but didn't mention it to anyone. We said our goodbyes to Alice and I gave her a quick hug before hopping into the front seat.

"See you tomorrow, girls," she called out to us as she made her way to her front door.

Rose took me home next. The ride over was fairly quiet. I was pretty sure that Rose knew something was bothering me, but she didn't question me on it. I was glad for that because I wasn't sure I would even be able to talk about it at that point.

Once we got to my house, I told her goodbye and that we would talk the next day, as we had made plans to go to the neighborhood pool. She gave me a sympathetic smile and said she would see me then. I walked in to my house and let my parents know that I was home and told them that I would be in my room. I really just needed some time to myself to try and make sense of everything.

I sat on my bed, just staring at the wall for what seemed liked hours before I finally got up to take a shower and change in to my pajamas. My muscles were tense from the anxiety I was feeling and I had hoped the hot water would help me relax. While it felt really good, it did nothing to relieve the tension and stress I was feeling from my horrible lack of self control from the night prior.

Once the water began to run cold, it was time to get out. I quickly dried off and got into my pj's. I brushed my hair and teeth and then picked out some clothes for the next day. Once I had completed all of the mindless tasks that I could, I climbed into bed… and thought more about Edward.

_Why hasn't he called me? What is he thinking? Where was he when we dropped Alice off? Is he mad? Have I totally freaked him out? Why doesn't he want to sleep with me? Are we going to be okay? What am I going to tell him when I see him? Will he want to talk about it or will he avoid it? What is the best thing to do?_

I hadn't told Alice or Rose everything about the night before. They knew that I was hungover and had issues remembering stuff from the previous night, which was true. However, I did remember one very critical thing that I didn't mention to them. If throwing myself at Edward wasn't horrifying enough, telling him that I loved him went way beyond. I didn't know what had possessed me to do it. Looking back, I'm sure it had something to do with the alcohol. _Okay, a lot to do with the alcohol_, but it wasn't like I lied, either. I did love him and I was completely sure of that, but I also knew that it had been too soon to tell him.

It wasn't that I didn't want him to know or that I didn't want to show him, but I didn't want to scare him away, either. I had already been pushing him, as it was. I certainly hadn't planned on saying it and I would never have wanted to tell him the way I did. Unfortunately, it wasn't the way things happened, though, and since I couldn't rewind time, I had to come up with something to make things right. I just didn't know what that was.

I tossed and turned all night long, never fully falling asleep. By the time my alarm went off the next morning, I was even more anxious than the night before. I got up and got dressed before going downstairs to make myself some breakfast. The house was empty and quiet, which didn't help me to escape the things that were running through my head. I was so confused. I still didn't know what I was going to do, so I decided to just play it by ear. It wasn't much of a plan, but I was severely lacking in my experience in that area to formulate a better one.

I killed time by doing some chores, to help out my mom, until it was time to head to the pool.

~xxx~

The girls and I spent the entire afternoon in the sun. We swam, talked, and Alice invited us over to her house that night. Her parents were going out of town for a medical convention that her father was speaking at and she said she wanted us to come because she hated being alone, but I knew she wanted to give me some time with Edward. Alice was turning out to be a truly great friend. While I was really excited at the idea of spending the night at her house and seeing him, it also meant that I had to _see him_. I still didn't know what I was going to say. We hadn't talked since the night at Rose's party and I was afraid of what that meant.

It wasn't easy to convince my parents to allow a sleepover at the Cullens' house. They weren't very excited about me sleeping in the same house as my boyfriend, which is why I didn't tell them that Mr. and Mrs. Cullen weren't home. They loved Rose and Alice, so they gave me the benefit of the doubt and finally agreed to allow it.

I drove over to her house and was happy to see that Rose had beat me there. I was eager to put all the awkwardness with Edward behind me, and I was sure the girls knew that, but I also didn't want to make it obvious by getting there early. I had already made enough of an ass of myself. I also noticed that Edward's car was, once again, not in their driveway. This made my heart sink a little.

I tentatively knocked on the door before Alice came and let me in.

"Belly Bean! You're here," she greeted me cheerfully.

"You're never going to let me live that name down, are you?" I groaned.

"Nope. Now, get in here! Rose and I were just deciding what we are going to do for dinner. Any ideas?"

She closed the door, took my bag, and sat it by the stairs before ushering me into the kitchen.

"Hey, Bella," Rose said over her shoulder as she took inventory of the fridge. "You know how to cook, right?"

"Umm, yeah, I do okay. Why?"

"Because Alice and I are starving and we have no idea what we're doing in the kitchen. I'm really pretty tired of pizza, so maybe you can cook something, possibly?" she asked timidly.

"Please, Bella," Alice added. "I won't make you sit through a makeover later if you do."

"Ugh, fine. Let me see what I have to work with."

I went through the pantry and the freezer, finding all the ingredients to make Chicken Alfredo. It was one of the first things I learned how to cook since it was always my dad's favorite. As I worked, Rose and Alice sat at the island and watched as we talked.

"So, where's your brother tonight, Al?" Rose asked her.

"I don't know. Hanging out with friends, I guess. He didn't really say. He's been really pissy the past couple of days and hasn't talked to me much."

"Oh, that's great, Alice," I said sarcastically. "Don't you think you could have shared that information with me before I came over? Does he know that I'm here, by the way? Did you tell him that Rose and I were spending the night?"

"It's _fine_, Bella. Don't worry about it. Edward has always been moody. He goes through phases like this all the time. He's going to be happy to see you."

"You don't know that. I mean, if he wanted to see me or even talk to me, he would have at least called. Maybe it's not such a good idea that I stay."

"Don't be ridiculous. Just relax," Alice assured me.

"Yeah, we're here to back you if he tries to give you shit, B," Rose said. "Let's just wait 'til he gets home to see how he acts, okay? You're probably just overreacting. He's a guy. Guys don't worry about things the way girls do. Try not to stress about it."

"That's easier said than done," I muttered.

"Bella, you aren't the first person to get drunk and do something embarrassing. Alice agrees, and I'm sure Edward does, too."

I just took a deep breath and hoped for the best. "Let's eat the food before it gets cold."

We ate our dinner, and since I cooked, Alice and Rose did the dishes. While they were cleaning up, I went into the family room and looked at all of the pictures that adorned the fireplace mantle and walls. There were some of Alice and Edward playing together in the sand on the beach when they were small, school pictures of them from throughout the years, family photos of Christmases and other holidays, and some that were more recent. One that really grabbed my attention was one of Edward holding a baby. He was smiling down at him and he looked... comfortable. It struck me as odd because I didn't imagine many guys Edward's age being good with babies. I mean, I was a girl and they kind of freaked me out. I was pulled from my thoughts as I heard laughing and voices in the kitchen, one of which was Edward's.

I stood and debated on what to do for a minute and decided to show my face. I slowly approached the kitchen and stopped when I reached the doorway. Edward had his back to me and was telling Rose and Alice a story about his night. They were laughing at his flailing hand gestures and animated voice until they noticed me at the entry. Edward didn't notice at first until Alice and Rose were no longer looking at him, but at me. He stopped talking and turned toward me.

"Hey," I said quietly, biting down on my bottom lip and tilting my head up. I could feel the heat rise to my face as we made eye contact.

"Bella? Hi," he replied.

"We're just gonna run upstairs to change our clothes real quick. We'll be back down in a bit. Come on, Rose," Alice called to her as she was leaving the room. Rose looked at me skeptically, but made a mad dash to follow Alice.

_Nice. Real subtle, guys. You can do this, Bella. Just stay calm._ "How are you?" I asked him.

"I'm good. You?" he asked in return, making his way over to the refrigerator door.

"I'm… okay, I guess," I replied nervously. "I was hoping that I would get to see you tonight. I feel terrible about the other night. I'm really so…"

He stopped his search of the fridge contents. "Bella, please don't say you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I was way out of line. I never should have done _or said_ half of the things I did that night. I hope you aren't mad at me."

"Mad at you? Why would I be mad? You were drunk. We've all been there, doll. It's no big deal," he said nonchalantly.

"Okay? Why haven't you called me, then?"

"I've just been busy."

"Busy? With what?"

"I've just been hanging out with Royce the past couple of days. I know that you don't really like him, so…" he trailed off, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"It's not that I don't like him, Edward. I just don't like some of the things he's done since I've known him." While I really hated that he was still hanging out with Royce, especially since he had been seemingly avoiding me, I couldn't say anything to him at that point. I was still too worried about how he was going to react toward me after the drunken party drama.

Edward was bent over, moving stuff around in the fridge and opening containers. "What are you looking for?" I asked him.

"I'm fucking starving. I want something to eat, but I don't know what we have."

"I cooked dinner tonight, if you want some of that. I made Chicken Alfredo and fettuccine."

"You did? Where is it?" He almost looked excited.

"It should be in there," I said, pointing to the fridge. "There was a lot left over."

"Awesome! You're a life saver." He smiled.

He heated up a heaping bowl of the pasta and I sat with him as he ate. I had never seen him eat that much at once. It made me wonder if he had been smoking pot before he came home. His eyes were a little red and glazed over.

"I didn't know you could cook like this. Fuck, this is good!" he said as he shoveled more into his mouth.

"Thanks. It's my dad's favorite, too." _Oh, shut up. He didn't say it was his favorite. He just said it was good._

"I can see why. I'm gonna have to have you come over and cook for me every time I get fucked up."

"Are you fucked up?" I asked him. _Apparently, my suspicions are true. He's high. Pick your battles wisely, Bella. He's already told you he doesn't do it all the time. Cut him some slack. You still don't know what he's thinking about your shameless display of fucked-up-ness._

"I'm feeling good, but I'm still perfectly in control."

I didn't know if he was just correcting himself on his state or if it was a jab at me for my lack of control at Rose's. I was leaning towards the latter.

"Is everything okay? I mean, with us?" I asked tentatively. He dropped his fork and looked up at me. "I know that I kind of lost control at the party, and I had way too much to drink, but I didn't mean to push you or freak you out." I could feel the tears coming and I tried to keep them at bay, but I just couldn't.

"Oh, baby, come here," he said, pulling me out of my seat and into his arms. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, bad choice of words." He hugged me tightly to his chest and kissed the top of my head while he stroked my hair.

I soaked my tears into his shirt until I was finally calmed down by his gentle touches. "I've missed you for the past couple of days. I've wanted to call you, but I've been so afraid of your reaction."

"Sweetheart, you have no reason to be afraid of me. I don't want to hurt you. I care about you, A LOT. I know that I'm an asshole, and I don't mean to be. Not to you, at least. I just, I don't…. I don't know how to do this," he said, gesturing between the two of us. "I know I keep telling you that. Maybe someday you'll believe me. I don't want to mess this up, but I freak out sometimes."

"I don't want to be the cause of you freaking out, though. I wish that you would talk to me. You always tell me to come to you when something is bothering me. You need to do that, too, even if it's me who is the one making you crazy."

"I'll try, okay?" he said, holding my face between his hands and running the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks.

"That's all I can ask for." I sighed and Edward leaned in, placing a soft, chaste kiss on my lips.

There was no talk of my admission to him from the previous night. I realized that he hadn't said it back, but he still cared for me "A LOT," according to him. I didn't want to push him any further than I already had. Truth be told, I would have taken it back if I could have. Telling someone that you love them for the first time should be momentous; and in a way it was, but for all the wrong reasons. Being with him, in his arms, was more important than the words, anyway. Because even if I couldn't tell him that I loved him, I could show him.

~xxx~

Edward finished his dinner while I went and got changed and we all met back up in the family room. We were going to spend the night watching movies and vegging out. Alice wanted to make pallets on the floor for the three of us, but Edward told her that he wanted me with him on the couch. She looked slightly annoyed, but she didn't argue. She knew that I wanted to be next to him just as much.

Alice turned off the lights and put the first movie in. Her and Rose were on the floor between the couch and the TV and Edward and I were cuddled up on the couch. He was lying in back with me, pressed against his chest, in front.

"Are you cold, baby?" he whispered in my ear.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, a little."

"Here, snuggle in closer," he told me as he wrapped a blanket around us.

With my head resting on his one arm, his other arm wrapped tightly around me under the blanket, we began watching the movie. He was very quiet, still, and appeared to be into the flick. I, on the other hand, was very distracted. Being this close to Edward always stirred something inside me. I dared not act on the feelings, though. That was what got us into the situation we had just barely gotten out of. But, then he shifted. His hand started moving under the blanket. At first, tracing circles on my stomach over my tank top and then gradually moving down to the hem, underneath. My breath hitched at the skin to skin contact and I started to feel small little kisses on my neck. I let out a slight whimper. Luckily it was at a loud part in the movie, and the girls didn't hear. They didn't appear to, at least.

"Shh," Edward quietly instructed.

I just shook my head and bit my lip to keep quiet.

"I'm really glad that you're here tonight. I have missed you the past couple of days," he murmured softly, pressing more gentle and slow kisses on my neck.

"Me, too," I whispered back.

His hand traveled higher and his fingers grazed the underside of my breast; he had easy access since I wasn't wearing a bra. I instinctively arched into his touch, as I was drawn to him, and he rubbed his thumb over my nipple as the palm of his hand kneaded the rest of my swell. My hip pushed back into him and I could feel how hard he was through his jeans. _Things were definitely looking up._

He continued to rub my mounds and pinch and roll my nipples with his fingers as he quietly sucked up and down my neck. I moved my hand behind me so that I could return some of the attention he was showing my tits to his ever-so-present erection. We continued to fondle and caress each other under the blanket until the movie ended. Rose had already fallen asleep, but Alice wanted to watch another movie. Edward and I were definitely still wide awake and pretended to be interested to humor her.

As the movie started, Edward began whispering plans in my ear.

"Alice is going to fall asleep soon. She never lasts through more than one movie. I want you to come with me to my room. Please?" he asked.

"Really? Don't you think she's going to wake up if we move?" _Oh. My. God. Is he ready to do this now?_

"Not a chance. Once she falls asleep, she's out for the night."

"Are you sure? I mean, about wanting me to come up there with you?"

"Do you not want to?" He looked worried.

"No, I do… it's just that, I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

"Baby, I asked you. You aren't making me uncomfortable."

"Okay." I smiled. "Yes, then."

Edward was right. Alice was asleep within twenty minutes of the second movie starting and he was then eagerly pulling me up the stairs toward his bedroom.

~xxx~

We got to his room and he shut and locked the door behind us. I was excited, scared, hopeful, nervous, anxious, and in a much better mood than I was earlier in the evening. It seemed that things had taken a turn for the better. The night was still young, though. I never knew what was going to happen when it came to Edward.

Edward immediately pulled me to him once we were safely closed inside. His lips crashed down on mine and it wasn't a gentle kiss. It was urgent and desperate and full of all the pent up emotions from the past couple of days. Our mouths opened and our tongues were reunited. They danced together as Edward's hands went down to my ass, squeezing, as mine fisted into the hair on the back of his neck. We were panting and only broke the kiss long enough to catch our breaths. We continued like this as he gently walked me backwards to his bed. As the back of my knees found the edge of his mattress, he gently lowered me onto it.

"I'm gonna be right back," he said quietly. "I need to go change out of these clothes. Make yourself comfortable."

I scooted back and leaned against his headboard as I waited for him to return. I couldn't believe the drastic change in his attitude. He was so stand-offish with me a couple of days prior and that seemed to have changed. My head was spinning from all the mood swings, and I was hoping that I could keep up.

He was back in a flash and I couldn't help but smile. Not just because I was in his room and things were going well, but also because he was bare-chested and wearing plaid, cotton pajama bottoms. It was a sight to behold. I could see the defined muscles in his arms, chest, and stomach. He was beautiful. I was sure that I looked ridiculous ogling him because he didn't let it go unnoticed.

"What are you grinning at?" he asked.

"You," I replied simply.

"See something you like? I know I do."

I think I might have giggled. _Giggled_. I know that I shook my head and crooked my finger calling him to me.

When he reached the bed, he grabbed my ankle and pulled, sliding me down the mattress so that my back was flat against it. My eyes grew big and were locked on his. He gave me the crooked grin that I loved as he crawled onto the bed. His legs straddled mine as his body hovered over me.

"There, that's much better," he said with a devious smirk. And then, his lips were once again on mine.

Leaning on his one hand for support, the other found its way up my side to the hem of my shirt. He quickly dipped it under my tank and worked his way across my ribs to my chest. Feeling rather bold, I grabbed the bottom of it and, with a look at him to make sure it was okay, pulled it over my head.

He hissed at the sight. This was the most he had seen of me. "God, you're fucking perfect. I need you, Bella."

"You have me. I'm all yours."

His mouth claimed mine once more, he sucking in my bottom lip and I taking in his top; each of us frenzied, opening our mouths, our tongues swirling together. It was passionate and desperate. His mouth never left my skin. Even when I had to catch my breath, his mouth moved down my neck, kissing and sucking as he went.

He reached the swell of my breasts and gently placed small kisses all across them. I was putty in his hands as he palmed one while his mouth worked on the other. He rolled his tongue around a peak before wrapping it with his mouth and sucking. He repeated this action, showing each the same amount of attention.

"Ohhh, so good," I moaned, arching into him fully.

Our hands were all over each other, exploring, rubbing, kneading and caressing. Our kisses were long and needy. We couldn't get enough of each other. My hand found its way into his pajama bottoms. I was surprised when it was met with skin and soft curls instead of boxers. He was not small. And by _not small_, I mean huge. It wasn't that I had experience with another to use as a comparison, but I could tell that it was much larger than the average six inches I'd heard most guys were. His was way longer than that, and for sure bigger around than me. This was both exciting and terrifying.

I wrapped my hand around his shaft and began stroking, each pull eliciting a moan from him.

"Oh God, Bella. That feels so fucking amazing. You're so amazing. Let me make you feel good. Can I make you feel good?"

"Oh God, yes. Please, Edward. I want to feel you."

His hand descended down my shorts and into my panties. "You're so wet, baby," he groaned, kissing his way back up my neck. "I'm going to make you feel so good."

I whimpered as he began rubbing small circles on my clit. "I want you. Please. Make me feel good, Edward. Show me you want me."

"God, Bella. You have no idea how bad I want you right now." He stilled his ministrations. "Can I try something… to show you how much I fucking want you? I want you to know. I need you to know, baby."

"Yes, anything. I want you, too. So much."

Still straddling me, he sat back on his knees, ass resting on his heels, and hooked his fingers into the top of my shorts and panties. As he began to pull them down, my heart started beating rapidly and I thought it might explode from the excitement.

"You're gonna have to lift up," he told me. I'm sure my eyes were as big as saucers. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," I answered. I did trust him, but I was really scared, too, and he could sense it.

"Okay, good. I never want to hurt you. Just relax and let me take care of you."

I did as he instructed. I lifted my bottom and he pulled my shorts and panties the rest of the way down, leaving me completely naked in front of him. I could feel the rush of blood flush my skin. I had never been this naked in front of anyone. At least not since I'd hit puberty.

He threw my clothes on the floor and gently began caressing my legs with his fingertips. _Thank God I had just shaved my legs. _"You're so beautiful," he said, looking over my body.

"Aren't you going to take yours off, too?" I asked him.

"I want to focus on you for now."

"That's not fair!"

"Shh! Just relax," he said soothingly. "I don't want to surprise or scare you, so I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do as we go, okay?"

"Okay," I replied, biting my bottom lip.

"I'm going to start by touching you, just like I am now, with gentle strokes on your legs. Does that feel good?"

"Yes," I whispered back to him.

"Now, I'm going to place soft kisses on your calves." He started with the kisses. "Your thighs." He worked his way higher. "Your soft, tiny hips." His lips pressed softly into my flesh while his hands held the back of my thighs. "I want to taste you now, Bella. Are you okay with that?"

I threw the pillow over my head and squealed as I nodded my head.

"I'll take that as a yes." He chuckled. "But, don't hide your face, baby. I want to see you."

"Umm… I think you're seeing quite a lot of me at the moment." I blushed.

"Yes, and it's a beautiful sight. But, I want to see all of you."

I peeked around the pillow and saw his face. It was right between my thighs. His nose was so close to my center and I could feel his breath, but more than that, I could see his gorgeous, green eyes. They were heavy with lust, but there was more; something I couldn't explain. It was almost like he was allowing me a view of his soul. It completely relaxed me and I removed the pillow from my face.

Just then, he winked and gave me that crooked grin that would be the death of me, and then snaked his tongue out and passed it over my clit.

"Holy shit!" I threw my head back and couldn't help but let out a moan. He flicked his tongue up and down and gave me the most intimate of kisses I had ever received. And they were glorious kisses. Edward was really good with his tongue. He licked and sucked between my wet folds as he used his fingers to pump in and out of me, heightening the sensation further. Every muscle in my body tightened and it felt like surges of electricity were shooting through my body, starting at my center and extending to the tips of my fingers and toes.

"Edward, oh God." I grabbed on to the comforter and began clutching it between my fists.

"Let go, baby," he said against me. "Cum for me, Bella. Show me how good you feel."

And then it happened. It was like stars were shooting behind my eyelids. Every nerve ending in my body tingled, and I was completely blissful and panting. Edward had just given me my first orgasm.

He crawled up my limp body and rested against my side. "How do you feel?" he asked, smiling at me.

"No words," I breathed out. "So amazing." He pulled me to his side as I was trying to catch my breath. I was still shaking a little from the intensity of it all.

"Are you cold?"

"No, yes… a little? I don't know what I am right now."

He laughed. "Here, climb under the covers." He pulled them out from under us and tucked me in, wrapping himself around me. "Let's get some sleep."

"Wait! What? No, what about you? I want to make you feel good, too."

"Not tonight, angel. I'm good. I just want to go to sleep and hold you in my arms."

"But…"

"No buts. Sleep. Tomorrow is another day."

"Tomorrow, then?" I smiled, hopeful.

He grinned. "Oh, Bella. What am I going to do with you, beautiful, impatient girl?"

I said a silent prayer that this wasn't all a dream, and with a sad smile and glazed over eyes, I told him, "Hold me in your arms and never let go."

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, what do you guys think? Bella finally got a "release"! *snort* Edward seemed to let go a little, but why? Do you think he's still holding back? Something is definitely up with him.

I can tell you guys that this is going to be the last happy chapter for a bit. *ducks under desk to avoid flying objects* Things are going to start getting bumpy. So, fasten you seatbelts, kiddies. Just keep in mind that it will all work out as it should in the end. Pinky swear.

I love you guys lots and I appreciate all the reads, thoughts, and reviews. You guys are what make writing this here little story worth the while. Just to let you know, I started a blog. There are lots of cool things relating to the story on there. I post teasers, you can find a slideshow of pics from different locations in ALBtY, and there is even a mix of songs from the story. You should definitely check it out and make sure you follow it so you can continue to get the updates as they come. You can find it at: **www (dot) notinforks (dot) blogspot (dot) com.**

Oh, and I'm** Dinx219 **on Twitter.Come find me.

Please review.

XO, Dinx


	10. Chapter 10 Broken

**Authors Notes: **

Thanks, as always, to my amazingly wonderful beta, xrxdanixrx. She makes this story so much better!

To my awesome Twilighted validation beta, SunKing. She rocks in a major way! She's also hosting a contest right now. It's the Love Lost contest and there are some really amazing o/s's on there. You should check it out. www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2458839/

Thanks to my awesome pre-readers, Holly_1980 and bella c'ella luna. I heart you both big bunches for all of your great advice and feedback.

I don't own Twilight or its characters. I'd be sitting on a beach drinking margaritas and relaxing if I did. You know, cause I'd be rich! Lol.

**Chapter 10 (Broken)**

Edward held me in his arms all night and I felt safe and warm. Everything seemed right with the world and I'd never been so happy, but it all changed. It was as if my whole world had shifted on its axis. Maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe I chose to ignore the signs. Looking back, I'm sure they were there, but I was in love. At least… I _thought_ it was love.

~xxx~

"Bella. Bella, baby, you need to wake up."

"Mmmm… So comfortable and warm." I smiled and buried my face further into his pillow. It still smelled like him, and it was heaven. It felt like a dream and I didn't want to wake up.

"I know, but sweetheart, you have to get dressed. Alice and Rose are going to be up soon. You need to go back downstairs."

I bolted upright, realizing that I was, in fact, in Edward's bed… naked. "Shit! I totally forgot. Where are my clothes?" I asked, wrapping his sheet tightly around my body.

"They're all right here," he said as he handed them to me, all neatly folded.

My brow furrowed. "Did you fold them?" I asked, looking at him with a smiling, yet confused, face.

"Yeah, earlier." He shrugged. "So they would be ready for you when you got up."

"How long have you been awake?"

"Uhh, I never really went to sleep," he said.

"What? Why?" I was perplexed. _Hadn't he been in the bed with me all night?_

"Just had a lot on my mind. Plus, you talk in your sleep." He smirked. "I was just lying on the bed listening to you and watching you sleep."

"Oh, God! What was I talking about? That's so embarrassing." I blushed feverously, hiding my face in my hands.

"My lips are sealed," he teased.

"Edward! Please. You'd tell me if I said anything bad, wouldn't you?"

"You didn't say anything bad, beautiful. You're very cute when you're asleep. You looked peaceful… and happy."

"Ugh. I can't believe you." I sighed. "I'll get it out of you eventually. You do know that, right? And I am happy."

"Good. That was the idea," he said, running the backs of his fingers down my cheek.

I stood from the bed and carefully wrapped my arms around his neck, not wanting the sheet to fall. One hand slid up into his hair and gently scratched the back of his head as my eyes locked with his. Moving closer, I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a soft, chaste kiss.

"Thank you for last night," I said against his lips. "It was amazing. You're amazing. I can't wait to return the favor." I felt him smile and I kissed him again. "Now, get out of here so I can get dressed."

"Aww, come on! Why do I have to leave?" He pouted. "Haven't I already seen all there is to see?" he asked, pulling on the sheet that I was now desperately clinging to. I felt my face turning even redder as I stood in front of him.

"Yes, but that was last night. And it was dark. And I haven't gotten to see you. So, unless you plan on stripping down and showing me your goods right this moment, you need to get out," I ordered, turning him and pushing him toward the door.

"Fine, fine. I'll go," he said, laughing. "But hurry up."

Edward left and I quickly dressed. I hoped that Alice and Rose were still sleeping or that they wouldn't be pissed at me if they were awake and found out that I had slept in Edward's bed.

I took a quick survey of his room to make sure I hadn't left anything behind, and noticed a picture of us on his bedside table. It was the first picture we had taken together. We stood in front of the waterfall by the primate house, and it was from our first date, at the zoo. The memory of the day made me smile, but the fact that he had a picture of us by his bed made me ecstatic. I was definitely ready to start my day.

When I got downstairs, Rose and Alice were still asleep, and since I didn't want to wake them, I thought it would be nice for me to make breakfast. I went into the kitchen to take inventory and Edward was talking on the phone. As soon as I entered, he immediately became rigid and seemed to be talking in code, only giving yes and no answers. I tried not to listen in, but I wanted to know who he was talking to, as well.

I pulled out the ingredients to make pancakes, bacon, and eggs and started getting everything ready while Edward ended his call. Once off the phone, he came up behind me, placing his hands on my hips, and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Making me breakfast, are you?" he asked. "I'll let you sleep in my bed every night if it means you'll cook me more delicious food."

"I'd love nothing more than waking up next to you every day, and I love cooking for you, but we both know that our parents would have a problem with that arrangement."

"Fuck our parents," he said surprisingly, and pulled me tight against him. "Besides, I think I deserve it, don't you? I worked up quite an appetite last night," he whispered seductively in my ear, and then placed little kisses all up and down my neck.

"Hmm," I hummed. "You were very… thorough." I grinned. "But, I don't think I'll be moving in anytime soon."

"Well, I'm glad you think I was thorough. I aim to please." He continued with open mouth kisses on my neck and shoulder as his hands ran beneath the hem of my tank and made circles on my stomach.

"You know, that's very distracting," I told him, moving my head to the side to grant him better access. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to divert my attention. I'm not going to be able to focus on cooking if you keep that up, and I thought we were trying to be discreet."

"Oh, I'm being discreet, beautiful. Trust me," he assured. "But I'll leave you to it. I need to take a shower and get ready, anyway."

"Ready?" I asked. "What for?"

"I'm going out in a little but," he offered vaguely.

"Oh. Anywhere specific?"

"Nope. Just gonna hang out with the guys. Summer is almost over so we're gonna live it up while we can."

"So, I guess I won't see you later, then?"

"We're gonna have breakfast together. You'll be seeing me."

I sighed. "That's not what I meant."

"I do still have friends, Bella. I can't spend all of my time with you."

"Umm, hello attitude. I don't know what just brought that on, but I've never asked or expected you to spend all of your time with me," I replied snidely. "I was just asking a question. I'm sorry if your girlfriend wants to know what your plans are for the day."

"Yes, but I can see that there's more to the question. It's written all over your face."

"It was just a question, Edward. That's all." Frustrated, I turned my back to him and continued getting breakfast together. _What the hell? He seriously has some nerve. I don't even know what to think or feel anymore. Just keep it together, Bella. Just take deep breaths and keep it together._

"Okay, well, I'll be back down in a bit, then." He turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me a bundle of different emotions; confusion, hurt, anger, annoyance, curiosity and insecurity, once again.

Yes, I was disappointed that he was going out and wouldn't be spending the day with me, but I never would have made an issue of it, and I didn't understand why he was so defensive. We had just had an incredible night together and he was so sweet and attentive, then he did a complete one-eighty and it was confusing as hell. His moods were like night and day and I was having trouble keeping up.

~xxx~

Alice and Rose woke up to the smell of bacon and came into the kitchen to investigate.

"Belly Bean, you're making breakfast?" Alice asked excitedly, bouncing up and down as she clapped.

"Yeah, I hope that's okay. Edward didn't seem to mind."

"Hell yeah, it's okay. Thank you! Where is my darling brother, by the way? I can't believe he's actually awake."

"Yeah, we've been up for a little while."

"We?" Rose asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, umm… he got up first and then he woke me up a little while after," I explained truthfully, conveniently leaving out the rest of the details.

"Interesting," she replied skeptically.

"What? He wanted to tell me good morning and talk a little before he goes out."

"He's going out?" Alice asked. "With who?"

"I don't know. The guys? He didn't really elaborate."

"Huh," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned on the counter.

"Well, breakfast smells delicious, Bella. I can't wait to dig in," Rosalie stated, changing the subject.

"Yeah, me either," said my favorite voice from the other side of the kitchen. I was still really annoyed with him, but couldn't help wanting him near me, either. "Good morning, ladies. Everyone sleep well?"

"Like a rock," Alice replied.

"Pretty good," Rosalie answered. "Alice snores, though."

"Do not!" she exclaimed.

"Do, too," Rosalie retorted.

"And you, Bella? How did you sleep?" Edward smirked as he poured himself a glass of orange juice.

Alice and Rose both turned to me and I blushed. _Dammit, why does he have to have this affect on me?_ "Like a baby. It's probably the best sleep I've had in a while."

"Ha! You see, I must not snore that badly. Bella slept well," Alice said pointedly at Rose.

"Uh huh, whatever you say, Alice. I think Bella would have slept well regardless." She gave me a sly look that said she was on to us.

"Alright, breakfast is ready. Everyone help yourselves," I encouraged, grabbing a stack of plates and utensils.

We each made our plates and sat down at the kitchen table to eat. The conversation was sparse until Alice began talking.

"What's the plan for the day?" she asked.

"I don't know. Pool?" Rose suggested.

"Yeah, I could work on my tan some more. Only two weeks until school starts and I leave for Europe in a couple days."

"What? Europe? When did that come about? Who are you going with?" I asked, slightly panicked that Edward was leaving for the rest of the summer and hadn't mentioned it.

"It's kind of a last minute thing. Our aunt and uncle are going and they were going to take our cousins, but Samantha had to take a summer class and Ashley just had a baby. So, my mom and I are gonna take their tickets. I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys."

"You lucky bitch! Where all are you going? I've been asking my parents for a trip to Europe for like… ever," Rose said.

"It's just a ten day trip. We're going to London and Paris for sure. Don't know what else they have planned yet. I just know that I plan to do a lot of shopping."

"Why aren't you going, Edward?" Rose asked, looking at me and then back at him.

"I don't know. I guess I just have better things to do." He smiled over at me and winked.

Just then, a horn honked outside.

"Well, that's my ride," Edward stated, sliding his chair back and picking up his plate.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked him.

"Out" was all he offered in reply.

Not sure if I should get up, I watched him as he took his dishes to the sink.

"Bella, are you coming to walk me out?" he called to me.

The girls eyed me as I got up. "I'll be right back," I told them, making my way to Edward at the front door.

Timidly, I stood in front of him. I hated not knowing how to act, but I'd already been on a roller coaster of emotion that morning and I didn't know what to do. I was still really irritated with how he left things in the kitchen earlier, but didn't want to fight with him. Sensing my unease, Edward pulled me to him.

"Don't stand there like you're afraid of me, doll. Come here," he whispered. He wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged me to his chest. "I'm sorry for being shitty with you earlier. I'm just a little on edge. You forgive me, right?"

Happy that he had apologized, I shook my head yes as I buried my face in his chest. He smelled clean and sweet - a combination of soap and vanilla - and I didn't want to let him go, but it wasn't my choice.

He kissed the top of my head before bringing his hands up to cup my cheeks. He ran the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks while looking in my eyes.

"I'll call you later, angel. Be good."

"You, too," I replied quietly.

He gently brought his lips to mine and let them linger, softly and languidly. "I'll try. I'll see ya."

Then, he let me go and he went outside. I couldn't help but notice who waited for him in the car at the curb… Royce.

~xxx~

Over the next few days, I talked to Edward on the phone here and there and Alice left for Europe. Summer was quickly ending and while it was eventful, it wasn't exactly the way I had envisioned it going.

Since Edward was off spending his time with his friends and Alice was gone, it left me with lots of time to hang out with Rose. Her house was infinitely better than mine, so we hung out there. We swam, worked on our tans, watched movies, and talked.

Lying out by the pool one afternoon, Rose asked, "So, what's up with you and Edward? Why haven't you been spending time with him? You can, ya know? You don't have to feel obligated to keep me company."

"No, that's not it." I shrugged, biting my bottom lip. "I love hanging out with you. Besides, I don't know what's going on with him… with us."

"Uh oh, what happened? I thought things were going well with you guys. They seemed to be that last night we slept over at their house, at least. Alice may be oblivious, but you stayed in his room that night, didn't you?" She smirked.

"You knew that?" I asked, embarrassed.

"Umm, hello! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that shit out. There were no parents present, you guys were all over each other on the couch, you're both young, horny teenagers, you weren't kept awake all night with Alice's snoring, and you were both up way too early. You tell me how I figured it out." She laughed. "Plus, I would have done the same thing."

"You would have? I was worried you would be pissed."

"I can't speak for Alice, but why would I get pissed? I get it. He's your boyfriend and he's a hot, popular guy. Why wouldn't you want to sleep with him?"

"It has nothing to do with him being hot and popular. Okay, well not the popular part." I blushed. "He can be really sweet to me. It's just that, lately, he's been weird. It's like, one minute he's really great and attentive and things are going so well, and the next, he's angry or distant. It's really starting to make my head spin. I don't know what to do."

"So, you guys did sleep together, then? How was it? It was your first time, right?"

I put my head down and sighed.

"That bad," she asked. "Wow, I would never have imagined that."

"What? No! He was amazing. I mean, we didn't sleep together, er, umm, have sex… exactly."

"You've lost me, Bella. I thought you said that you did."

"No, technically we _slept_ together, but we didn't have sex. Well, not the kind with penetration, at least." My face was a bright shade of crimson by this point.

"What are you saying? Oral?" she asked, eyes now as big as saucers.

I shook my head yes.

"On who, him, you, _or both_?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me, grinning.

"Me," I replied, looking up at her through my lashes.

"Wait, he went down on you and you didn't do it back?"

"No, he wouldn't let me, but believe me, I wanted to. He said the night was about me."

"Oh. My. God. I can't believe you kept this from me. Alice, I can understand, but me? Girl, you better dish. How was it? Did he make you come?" she asked, quirking her eyebrow, again, suggestively.

"Rose!" I exclaimed, embarrassed and hiding my face in my hands.

"What? It's not a big deal. It's a natural thing. I bet he's good at it if he's anything like Royce."

I froze. "What did you just say?"

"That I bet he's good at it. He was, wasn't he?" She smirked.

"No, not that part. The part about Royce. You guys slept together?"

"No, but we messed around a good bit. He was very talented in that area."

"Fuck!" I shook my head.

"What? What did I say? Was he not as gifted?"

"No, that's not it at all. He very talented," I said, still shaking my head in disbelief and biting my lip.

"Well, what is it, then? I would think you would be happy about that."

"It's nothing; just a misunderstanding."

"Spill it," she demanded.

"It's just that I thought you were, you know? Inexperienced, like me."

"A virgin?" She laughed with a loud, hearty laugh.

"Why is that funny?" I asked, annoyed.

"I don't know. It just is. I mean, I'm not a skank, but I'm not a virgin, either."

"When did you do it?"

"A couple of years ago, when I was fifteen, with some guy I thought I was in love with. He broke my heart, of course, but at least I got it over with."

"So, it wasn't a big deal? He didn't do some elaborate, romantic thing?"

"Ha! Are you serious? He was fifteen, too, and horny. He could have cared less about romance. I doubt he even knows what it is. No, it was one afternoon after school. We did it in my room, before my parents got home."

"And?"

"And, it was over pretty fast. I didn't really get much out of it."

"That's horrible."

"That's typical, B, so get used to the idea. Your first time probably won't be that great, either. A woman is more likely to give herself an orgasm than she is from having sex with a guy."

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I already had one."

"So, he _is_ skilled in that area." She grinned. "Congratulations, girl. Looks like you picked a good one to start out with. Just don't think that all guys are going to be that way, because they aren't.

Wondering how she knew so much, I asked, "How many people have you been with?"

"Just a few," she replied.

"And Royce?"

"Royce is an asshole. I probably would have slept with him if things had gone differently, but we both know how that turned out."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be. He's not the only guy in the world. I expect that I'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before I find my prince."

~xxx~

I went home that evening and had a lot to think about. Rose wasn't as innocent as I'd made her out to be in my head. She definitely wasn't a slut, and didn't deserve the rumors Royce started, but he wasn't the complete liar I thought he was, either. It was all very confusing and I wanted to talk to Edward.

The next morning, I called him. His dad said that he was still sleeping, so I left a message. When I didn't hear back from him, I decided to go by his house. His car was in the driveway, so I knew he was home.

I knocked on the door and no one answered. Thinking that maybe he didn't hear me, I knocked harder - still nothing. So, I went around the side of the house to the glass sliding doors off of the kitchen. They were open.

"Edward?" I called out as I entered. I felt kind of uneasy since he hadn't invited me in, but the doors were left open. Anyone could have gone inside. "Edward, are you home?"

I could hear music coming from his room, so I decided to go upstairs. There were also muffled voices and laughter. He wasn't alone.

"Shit," I muttered to myself. I didn't know whether to turn around and leave or continue to see what was up. I stood at the top of the stairs for a minute, trying to decide, when Edward came rushing out and saw me.

"Bella?" He looked confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I came over to see you. I called you earlier. I talked to your dad."

"Oh yeah, he said you called. Sorry," he replied dismissively. "How did you get inside?" He looked nervous.

"Umm, I knocked, but I guess you didn't hear me. I went around to the side door and it was open."

"Fuckin' Royce's dumb ass," he mumbled.

"I was calling for you. I don't mean to just barge in. Is now a bad time?"

"Yeah, sort of. I mean, it's great to see you, but I'm hanging out with some friends right now."

"Really, with who?" I asked. "Are you getting fucked up?" I glared at him. "It seems that getting high is your new favorite past time these days."

"It's not like that. It's just a way to relax and hang out. What's the problem?"

"You know what the problem is with it. For one, it's illegal. And two, I can't be around it," I said, exasperated. "And, you've been _hanging out_ with friends the past week and half. When are you not hanging out with them? Do I need to schedule an appointment to spend time with my boyfriend now?"

"Don't be ridiculous. We hang out."

"Do we? Because the last time I _really_ spent with you was at your house before Alice left. We had an amazing night and I thought that things were finally going to settle down between us and be great again. So, why am I still unsure and freaking out? What's going on?" I asked, raising my voice.

"Nothing is going on. There's no need to get loud. Let's go downstairs," he said, ushering me the other way.

"Why does it feel like you're avoiding me, then?"

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Then, why haven't I seen you? Why didn't you call me back earlier? Summer is almost over and I thought we would spend some time together. I miss you."

"We will. I've just been busy."

"Busy. Always with the busy. Fine. Whatever. I seriously don't know why I bother." I turned to walk away and he grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, that I'm tired of being in a one sided relationship. I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter to you. I get that you have friends, Edward. So do I. But I still make time for you. And to think I came over here to apologize."

"Apologize? What for?"

"It doesn't even matter now," I replied, turning to leave.

"It does matter. Hold on. Baby, what's wrong?"

"I wanted to tell you that I talked to Rose earlier and I guess I haven't exactly been fair about Royce. I still think he was wrong for the way he handled everything with Rose, and he shouldn't have opened his mouth, but their relationship wasn't as innocent as I thought," I said, frustrated.

"Oh, sweetheart, come here," he whispered, putting his hand on the back of my head and pulling me to his chest. He kissed the top of it, nuzzling in my hair for a minute as he hugged me. "I don't want to fight, okay?"

"Neither do I," I told him. I was really irked and riddled with insecurity. I wanted to be an understanding girlfriend and not freak out, but my patience was wearing thin and I was becoming resentful of the relationship he had with his friends. _Why didn't he want that connection with me?_

"Let me get these guys out of my house and you can come over later. We'll go out and do something. Sound good?"

"Yeah, do you want to call me?"

"No, just come back over later this evening. We'll grab dinner and go to a movie or something."

"Alright. Is six o'clock good?" I asked.

"Yeah, baby. Whenever."

He walked me back out to my car and placed a soft, slow kiss on my lips before closing me inside. I drove back to my house and killed time by catching up on some laundry and picking up my room. It was around four when I was about to start getting ready and my dad came home. It was a good hour earlier than he usually got in, but didn't think anything of it until he came inside.

"Bella, are you upstairs?" my dad called out when he came in.

"Yeah, I'll be right down," I replied back.

As I descended the stairs, I knew something was up. My dad had a strange look on his face. I couldn't tell if he was angry, upset, or worried. It actually appeared to be a combination of the three.

"Hey, Dad, what's up?" I asked, smiling up at him.

"We need to sit down," he said, ushering me to the living room.

"Okay? What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"I'm not going to beat around the bush about it because, quite frankly, there's no sugar coating this. Edward was arrested today."

"WHAT? What happened? What do you mean he was arrested? For what?" I was panicked.

He was driving a friend home and was pulled over for failing to signal at a stop sign. When the officer pulled them over, he said that he could smell marijuana. He made them get out and did a search of the car and found a baggie of it in his center console."

"God, he's so stupid!" I said, exasperated.

"Bella, do you know anything about this? Does he do this kind of thing around you? Are you doing it?"

"What? No Dad, I swear! I would never do that. Edward is a good kid. I don't know what's going on with him. Who was with him in the car? Was it Royce?"

"Yes, I believe it was. Are you friends with him?"

"No, not really. Rose dated him for a while, but he said some pretty crappy stuff about her and they broke up. I recently thought that it may have been a misunderstanding of sorts. You know, two sides to every story, and all? But, I guess my initial opinion of him was right because I'm pretty sure he is a major factor in why this happened. I don't like Edward hanging out with him. No one does, really, but he doesn't see it."

"Well, I don't think it's going to be an issue from here on out," my dad assured me.

"Why is that?"

"Because when Carlisle picked Edward up earlier, he was not happy. He told Edward that things were going to change, and in a major way. The first thing was that he could say goodbye to the majority of his friends."

"I'll bet that didn't go over too well. Edward is really close with them."

"I don't think he has much of a choice in the matter."

"So, what's going to happen now?"

"Well, they're minors, and it was a first offense, so they'll probably have to do some community service, but I think they'll be paying a lot more heavily at home. Neither one of their fathers were pleased."

"I can imagine. Edward knows better. Can I go see him? We were supposed to go out tonight. I know that he's probably grounded, but I need to talk to him. I need to find out what's going on."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I think you should be staying away from Edward for a while."

"Dad, no! Please! I'm sure his dad will be there. You know Dr. Cullen. Do you really think he would allow anything to happen? I need to see him. Don't you think he could use some positive reinforcement right about now? Please?" I begged him, batting my eyelashes.

My dad stewed over it for a few minutes and finally, though unhappily, agreed.

"Fine, but I want you back here within an hour. You can go over and talk to him, but you're not staying. Understood?" he clarified.

"Understood. Thanks, daddy!"

~xxx~

I went to Edward's and knocked on the door. Dr. Cullen answered, of course.

"Isabella, hi," he greeted.

"Hi, Dr. Cullen. Would it be possible to talk to Edward for a few minutes? We were supposed to go out tonight, but my dad told me about what happened. I'm really sorry."

"You have no reason to apologize, dear. Edward is a big boy and is responsible for his own actions. I know that you didn't have anything to do with this."

"I know, but I still feel bad."

"Don't feel bad. Hopefully this will be a learning experience for Edward. Time will tell. You may speak with him for a few minutes. Come inside and I'll get him.

I went in and waited for Edward in the family room while his father went upstairs to tell him I was there. When he came down, he looked a mess. He was walking slowly with his head hanging down and his hands in his pocket. His eyes were red and swollen and it looked like he had been crying, though he'd never admit to it.

"Hey," he said meekly.

"Hi, I replied, waiting to see what he would say.

"So, I guess you heard what happened?" he asked.

I wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be alright and that it was just a mistake, but my emotions got the better of me and I went off on him.

"God, Edward, how could you be so stupid? Seriously? Driving around with weed in your car? Have you lost your mind? I know that you're smarter than that. Do you know what would have happened if I'd been in the car with you? My father would have killed us both. Why would you do that? I thought you said it was a once in a while thing and that you didn't carry it around with you. It seems that you've been doing it more and more, and with Royce, no doubt. Don't you see that he's causing everyone more problems than good?"

"Yeah, well he's leaving now so that should make you happy," he said sadly.

"Leaving? What do you mean he's leaving?" I asked.

Shuffling his feet with his head still hanging, he answered, "I mean, he's going to live with his mom in New York. His dad kicked him out for good. Said he's not welcome at his house anymore and that he's been nothing but trouble. He's leaving today."

"Maybe that's a good thing. He's obviously got some issues to handle and you could do without the negative influence."

He lifted his head and looked at me for the first time since he'd entered the room and it was a cold, blank stare, not the warm, green eyes I was accustomed to. "Are you fucking kidding me? And what, you're a positive one? The goody two-shoes act is wearing thin on me, Bella."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what that means."

"No, I'm pretty sure I don't, Edward. Why don't you enlighten me? Are you saying I'm a negative influence for you?"

"Let's just say that if I didn't know any better, I might not think you're as sweet and innocent as you portray yourself to be."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I mean, does your dear, sweet father know that you've been trying to get me to fuck you for months?" he seethed. "You put on this act that you're so good and that you follow all the rules, yet you're constantly throwing yourself at me. I bet he wouldn't approve of that, though."

"Wow, really? It comes down to that. I've only ever had the best of intentions for you, Edward. I've only ever wanted you to be happy and I've tried to be understanding and supportive, even when I didn't always agree with the situation, but that right there speaks volumes."

"What, does the truth hurt?" His eyes were narrowed at me and filled with anger.

"Yeah, I guess it does, Edward. I guess you're right. I have been throwing myself at you. Pretty pathetic to want to take things to the next level with a person that I thought cared about me. I guess I'm an idiot for thinking that. While we're on the subject, though, what's wrong with you? I've heard all this stuff about the infamous Edward Cullen and his conquests. If it was just _fucking_, why didn't you just do it then, Edward? Most guys would have jumped at the chance to fuck a virgin, especially one that was willing. But I think you're afraid; afraid that if we did do it, it wouldn't be _fucking_ at all. It would be more than that, and that scares the hell out of you. I think you're afraid to let me in, afraid that you might actually let someone see the real Edward and that they won't like what they see. Well, you know what? I don't like what I see _right now_. I thought you were better than this. You need to figure out what you want and stop blaming everyone else for your fuck ups and insecurities."

"Bella, wait…" He grabbed my arm, trying to pull me back.

"No, Edward! Don't touch me!" I yanked my arm back, glaring at him. "I'm tired of the fucking drama and all the ups and downs. I can't do it anymore. Figure your shit out and talk to me when you do. I'm going home."

I got in my car and sped home. My hands were shaking and I could feel the tears that were about to spill. I needed to get to my house, and in my room, before they did because I didn't know if or when I would be able to stop once they started.

Once I arrived, I ran inside and up the stairs to my room, slamming my door and avoiding my parents. I threw myself on my bed and sobbed, sobbed like I'd never cried before. _How could he say that stuff to me?_ We'd had arguments before, but never like that. We never said things that we knew would intentionally hurt the other and leave them at that. We always made up. I already regretted calling him out on his shit and leaving, but he couldn't talk to me that way. I had to make a point and let him know it wasn't okay. I knew that I would have to apologize to him, but so would he. I decided that I would wait for him to call me. I eventually fell asleep, praying that the next day would be better.

The next day came and went. It was not better. In fact, the rest of the week passed and Edward didn't call. I was sick with worry. My only resolve came in knowing that I would see him at school on Monday. It was going to be the first day of our senior year, and hopefully, one of the best years of our lives. I knew that we were going to work things out. We were just both stubborn and needed some time to cool off. Once we saw each other, it would work out. It always did.

I went to school on Monday and Edward didn't show. I didn't know his schedule, but found out that we had English together when the teacher called roll. Tuesday was the same, no Edward, but Alice wasn't there, either, so I thought maybe they were all doing something as a family.

The third day of school rolled around and I finally spotted Alice. "Alice, you're back!" I ran up to her and threw my arms around her, giving her a tight hug. "How was Europe?" _Maybe she can help me talk to Edward. Tell me where he's been and how he is._

"Europe was great. I took tons of pictures and I got you and Rose each the coolest presents, but Bella, I need to talk to you," she said, pulling away from me. "It's about Edward." She looked serious. She was looking in my eyes and had the saddest look on her face.

"Oh, okay. He told you we had a fight, huh? We both said some pretty awful things to each other, but I know we can work it out. I just need to see him, so we can talk. He's been avoiding me and we've both been really stubborn, but we care about each other. I know that. We'll work through it. I just really need to see him. Is he here today? I haven't seen him since school started and I've been waiting –"

Cutting me off from my endless ramble, she said, "Bella, he left."

"Left? Did he go home? It's a little early to be cutting class already, isn't it? I haven't seen him all week." I was confused.

"No, he didn't go home," she said, defeated. "Bella, he went to a boarding school a few hours away from here. He's not coming back."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Eek! *Ducks and hides for cover* Please don't hate me! The next chapter is more than half way written and you shouldn't have to wait too long for an update, I promise. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the meantime. What's up with Edward? What about Bella? What do you hope or imagine will happen next? I'm dying to know what you, the readers, are thinking. So, please go hit that review button and tell me all about it.

I'm on Twitter. Look me up. I'm Dinx219.

Teasers can be found on the blog. www (dot) notinforks (dot) blogspot (dot) com/

I'll see you guys soon! *Smooches*


	11. Chapter 11 Explanations

**Authors Notes: **

Lots of thanks to my two amazing betas CXC and xrxdanixrx. You girls seriously rock my face off. Also, thanks to SunKing for being the best Twilighted validation beta around.

To Holly_1980, there aren't enough words to describe your awesomeness. I flove you dearly. *Muah*

SM owns Twilight. I just have fun playing with her characters.

**Chapter 11 (Explanations)**

Darkness. I was completely surrounded by it, swallowed up and lost in it. Nothing seemed real. I didn't feel real. I was hollow, empty, a shell of the person I once was, or, at least, thought I was. Nothing mattered anymore. Not me. Not the people or things around me. I was dead inside, numb almost. I didn't want to feel, so I shut myself off; from my family, my friends, and the world. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. He left me, without a single word, and with him, he took my heart.

I didn't even remember how I got home after talking to Alice that day in school. Everything just went blank. My life went blank. I remember waking up in my bed, not knowing how I'd gotten there or even how long I'd been there. My throat was dry and sore and my eyes were swollen and practically matted shut. I had cried, more than I'd ever cried before in my life, but there was nothing left. No tears left to cry, no heart left to break, no emotion left to feel. It was all gone… with him.

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. There was nothing. I closed myself off from everything and everyone, locking myself in the prison of my mind. My brain was on a constant replay of everything that Edward and I had done, remembering everything that he'd ever said. I kept telling myself that he was real, that what I felt for him was real, but he was slipping away. As time progressed, he was fading, I was fading. I was alive, but I wasn't living. There was no point. He took it all away when he left.

My family and friends were worried about me. I knew that, but even though the knowledge of it registered with me, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I couldn't make myself care because, truth be told, I didn't. I couldn't care about myself, let alone anyone else. I just wanted to be void of emotion. If I closed myself off, I was okay. I didn't have to think about Edward, didn't have to remember what I'd lost, and didn't have to feel the physical pain I felt from his absence.

So, shutting myself off was what I did. It was best that way. I didn't have to deal with the sadness, hurt and pain. I could just exist, go through the motions, and no one else would have to suffer. I thought that I'd put up a good front and that everyone was accepting. I was on autopilot and believed that life around me was continuing on as normal. That was until I got his letter.

~xxx~

_Dear Bella,_

_By now you know that I'm not going to be there senior year. I'm at an all boys' boarding school, trying to get my shit together. It's hard being away, but it's something I had to do._

_I really miss home and I miss you. I'm sure that's probably pretty hard for you to believe, but it's true. I know that I left without saying goodbye and it kills me to think that I hurt you. It was never my intention to do that._

_I'm worried about you. Alice tells me that you're not yourself. She said that you don't eat, you don't sleep, and you don't talk to anyone. You can be mad at me; I deserve it, but please don't make yourself sick or cut your friends out of your life. They care about you. I care about you. I want you to be happy. I know I don't really have a say in what you do, but I hope that you at least think about what I'm asking. I really do miss you and our talks and would love it if you wrote back. Please?_

_Thinking of you,_

_Edward_

I couldn't believe that he'd written. I didn't know what to think. Why did he bother? Hadn't he done enough already? Was he looking for some kind of forgiveness? I hated this. I hated _feeling_, and by sending me a letter, he brought it all back up, opened the wounds so they could bleed out, leaving me weak, once again. I was okay as long as I didn't feel. Why did he have to do this to me? Why did he have this control? I didn't want to write back. I wanted to be strong and make him suffer, not giving him the courtesy of a reply. After all, he'd left me without much regard, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't let it go. So, I wrote back.

_Edward,_

_I honestly don't even know why I'm responding to you. You're right. You don't have a say in anything about me anymore. You lost that right when you left without as much as a "fuck off". I was such an idiot to ever believe you thought I was special. Well, you got me! Joke's on Bella. Thanks for finally showing me the real you. You could have saved us all this time and trouble, though, by being honest with me. I mean, do you just get off on breaking unsuspecting girls' hearts? What did I ever do to you besides try to care for you? I totally opened myself up to you. I thought that you had done the same. I was wrong, though… about everything._

_I think you've done enough, Edward. There's no need to "worry" about me, as you say, if that were even possible. If you had cared enough about me to start with, we wouldn't be in this situation. I won't cut Alice out of my life. Unlike you, I don't do that to the people that matter to me. I'm sorry you miss home, but don't put me in that group. I really wish you the best, Edward, but I have nothing else to say to you._

_Bella_

I don't know if I was thinking that he would let it go, or that I wanted him to, but I'd said my piece and found my resolve. I'd let him know that it wasn't okay. I got to tell him that he didn't get to miss me or care about me anymore, because he walked away, and I was done. I made up my mind that I was done feeling sorry for myself. I was done wallowing in despair. I was angry now, and with the anger came courage; courage to move on and reclaim my life. It still hurt, and I still felt like a huge chunk of myself was missing, but I mattered. Regardless of the mistakes either of us had made, he was wrong for leaving the way he did. I didn't deserve that, and I wasn't going to sit and let life pass me by anymore.

I wasn't completely over everything, but I was making an effort, at least. I was talking to my friends again and had even made some plans to do stuff with them. I suppose I thought that Edward had gotten the message and thought better of contacting me again, but then another letter came.

_Dear Bella,_

_I hope that you haven't thrown this away and you are actually reading it. While I wasn't overjoyed at the content of your last letter, I was, at least, happy that you replied. I know that it's more than I deserve. You deserve so much, Bella. You're an amazing girl and I'm so terribly sorry for what I did. I want to explain everything to you. You deserve to know the truth. I've wanted to tell you for a while now, but I've been scared. I fucked up, as usual. It's what I do best. I don't want to tell you in a letter, though. I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you. I'd give anything to see you, but I'm 300 miles away. I can call you if you'll talk to me, though. I'm not expecting you to forgive me or for things to change between us, but I would like to explain. I just need you to pick up the phone and hear me out. I have free time on the weekends. I'll try to call you on Sunday evening. Please pick up and hear me out._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

_Seriously, fuck my life!_

~xxx~

**Sunday, November 15, 1992**

"Bella, Edward is on the phone," my mom called to me from the kitchen.

"Tell him I'm not here."

"Too late, I already told him that you are."

"Ugh! I don't want to talk to him, Mom."

"Bella, just get on the phone; hear him out. You've been moping around like a sick puppy for far too long as it is. Just listen to what he has to say. You won't have to talk to him ever again after that, if you don't want to."

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Here," my mom said, handing me the cordless phone.

"Hello," I said into the receiver, ascending the stairs to my room.

"Hello… Hi… Um, Bella? It's Edward." He sounded unsure of himself.

"I know that, Edward."

"Oh, okay. How are you?"

"Let's not make with all the niceties and small talk. You said you wanted to explain some things. Go ahead so we can get this over with."

"Okay, umm… where to start. I guess it kind of leads back to my childhood. As you know, I was adopted. I know that I told you I was okay with everything and that I was lucky to have my family. For the most part, that's true. But, I haven't always felt like I belonged. Don't get me wrong, I know that my family loves me. My parents are great, like I said, but I'm never going to live up to their expectations. I mean, Carlisle is a doctor and Esme is like a saint. There's no way I'm ever going to live up to that. Jesus, I'm lucky if I pull a C in most of my classes. I just haven't always felt like I was the same as them, or like I was whole, and I'm always anticipating their disappointment. Does that make sense?"

"What does that have to do with me, Edward?" I asked, entering my room and closing the door.

"I'll get to that. Just… please hear me out."

"Go on." I lay across my bed, on my stomach, grabbing my pillow and hugging it to me for support.

"So, anyway, I've always been close with my friends. They've filled a void in a weird sort of way. I know that I'm a part of them and they accept me with no expectations. With my friends, I never have to worry about getting good grades or doing my best. I can just be me. Then, the whole thing with Royce messed me up, too. I didn't want to lose another person in my life. I'd already lost my parents. I wanted to help him, be a good friend to him, ya know? Instead, everything just got worse."

"I'm sorry that your friend had to move away and I'm sorry about your parents, but you aren't really telling me anything new, Edward. And I still don't see what this has to do with me."

"I know. There's more. I'm getting to it, I promise," he assured me.

"Okay, I'll wait," I replied hastily.

"So, there's something else; something I haven't told anyone… Well, other than my parents.

"Not even Royce?" I asked, surprised that he had held back sharing whatever he was going to tell me from everyone else.

"No. Not Royce. Not Alice. No one, other than you, right now, Bella."

I had to admit, I was intrigued. "What is it?"

"Several months before you came to school, I was _dating_ a girl, and I use that term loosely. Her name was Lauren. It was a very casual thing; she wasn't like my girlfriend or anything. We would just get fucked up at parties and hook up. I never told her that I wanted more and I thought she was cool with the arrangement, but it turned out I was wrong."

"And?" I urged him to continue.

"And, she wanted more. She started getting very clingy and started telling people at school we were a couple. When I found out, I told her to fuck off. I know it was a prick thing to do, but I didn't like her. Not enough to be in a relationship with her. It was just a physical thing."

"So?"

"So, she started acting crazy. She followed me around school, she drove by my house, she called incessantly, and she threatened any girl that I talked to. It got out of control. But then, she came to me and said she was pregnant."

"Wait, what?" I asked, completely in shock at his confession.

"Yeah, those were pretty much my thoughts and words, at the time."

"So, she got pregnant and you're the father?"

"Yes… No, wait! Let me finish. She told me she was and she said I was the father and that I was the only one she'd slept with. She said that she was going to keep it. I couldn't tell her not to. I couldn't tell her to abort it because that didn't seem right, and I couldn't tell her to have it and give it away because I know how it is to feel like you're missing a part of yourself. I was freaking out, Bella. So, I finally had to tell my parents."

"So, you're a dad? Is that the baby you were holding in the picture I saw at your house?"

"Wait, what? What picture?"

"The picture of you holding a baby; I saw it at your house. It was one of the pictures framed in your living room. You were smiling down at him. I wanted to ask you about it, but I don't know. So many things happened and I guess I didn't get the chance."

"Oh my God, no! No, I'm not a father, and that baby is definitely not mine. That was my cousin's baby. We all went to visit after he was born. My mom snapped the picture of us because I was the only one he'd let hold him without crying. He is the first and only baby I've ever held, actually. You've been thinking he was mine?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised with anything at this point."

"I guess I can understand why," he replied sadly. "It turned out that Lauren was lying. She made the whole story up just so I would stay with her. She thought that it would make me want to be in a relationship with her. It didn't. I told her that I would be there for the baby, but that I didn't want her, that it didn't change anything. The truth ended up coming out shortly after. She kept the charade going for a few months, but once our parents got involved, and there were doctor appointments, she had to tell the truth."

"My God, Edward, that's insane. I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to say. Are you sad?"

"You know, it probably sounds crazy, but I was a little. I was a lot of things, actually. I'm not sad anymore, though. Not about that, at least. I've had time to process it all and now I'm just angry, and trying really hard not to be, since the anger is part of what brought me here. I suppose I'm relieved, too. I'm definitely not ready to be a dad, but it seriously fucked with my head."

"I can't even imagine. It would be a lot to take on."

"Yeah, it was, but that brings me to you."

"Me?" I asked, confused.

"Yes. Baby, I fucked everything up and it was the last thing I wanted to do. You were nothing but amazing to me and I freaked out. I'd never cared about anyone the way I cared about you."

"Then why did you push me away? I didn't want to hurt you."

"Because I was scared. You were right. I keep people at a distance. It keeps me safe that way. I put walls up. I don't let them in and I don't get hurt. But you… you broke down the walls so easily. I couldn't keep you out, even when I tried to. It scared the hell out of me."

"Why didn't you talk to me? Didn't you think that I was scared? It was all new to me, too?"

"I wanted to. I really did, but I didn't know how."

"You were always telling me to come to you if something was bothering me. How could you not follow your own advice? Is that why you didn't want to sleep with me, because of what happened with Lauren?"

"Yes, partly. I was really fucked in the head after that. I was kind of paranoid. That shit freaked me out and I was afraid of messing up for real. _That_, and you deserve the best, B. You're so special and your first time should be with someone who deserves the gift you'll be giving them. I know that probably sounds ridiculous and old fashioned coming from me, but I would tell my sister the same thing. I didn't feel very deserving of _it_ or of _you_."

"So, if you didn't feel deserving, you really didn't want me, then?"

"No! That's not what I mean at all. I wanted you in the worst possible way. I tried to show you how much the night we spent together in my room. Do you have any idea how hard it was to turn you down, over and over? You were very persistent," he said with a chuckle.

I started to laugh. "Yeah, I guess when I get something in my mind, I can be very stubborn."

"Oh, you think?" he teased. "All kidding aside, I did want you. I just really wanted to try and do the right thing for once. It's been a problem that's plagued me for a while. I know that I still ended up fucking everything up, but I hope you can try to appreciate my intentions. It was never to hurt you."

"I just wish that you would have talked to me about this, then. Things may have worked out differently."

"I know. I'm sorry… for everything, but I think I needed to be away from there, and from everyone, to figure shit out. A very wise girl told me I needed to get myself together, so that's what I'm trying to do." I could almost see the smile that I was sure was on his face as he said that last part.

"So, have you figured everything out? Are you coming back home?" I asked.

"I want to say yes, but I'm not ready," he said dejectedly. "I've had a lot of time to think about things, and while I've come to realize that I didn't treat a lot of people fairly, _especially you_, I've still got some shit to work through."

"How long?"

"I don't know. Until it feels right," he replied.

"Why are you calling to tell me all of this now?"

"Because Alice is worried about you; she said that you haven't been yourself, and because I care about you, a lot. I never lied about that."

"You left, Edward, without a word. No explanation, no fuck off, no goodbye, just nothing. You were gone and it killed me. I had to find out from Alice when you didn't show up at school."

"I know, and if I could take it back, I would. You have to know that."

"You can't, though. What's done is done. I'm glad that you finally told me the truth, but it doesn't really change anything."

"I know that you must really hate me, but – "

"No! That's the problem, Edward," I interrupted, "I don't! I should, and I really want to, but I don't. You have no idea what I think or what I feel. You obviously never did or you wouldn't have left. Not the way you did, at least. God, I would have done anything for you. _Anything_. And you threw it all away. You threw me away. I know you've been through a lot, probably more than I even understand, but you didn't give me the chance to even try to. You just pushed me away and it made me feel worthless."

"You're not worthless, Bella."

"I know that, Edward, _now_. I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I've learned that I would never give up on someone that I care about, not ever. I would never want to make someone feel the way I felt when you left."

"What can I do, B? What can I do to make this right? Will you ever forgive me?" he asked with urgency.

I sighed. "I honestly don't know, Edward. I mean, why does it really matter? You've already moved on and you're starting a new life, anyway."

"I haven't moved on. I'm just trying to get my head straight and my life on track. That makes sense, right?"

"It makes sense, but I don't see how I fit into the equation."

"I miss you so fucking much that it hurts. I know that I didn't treat you fairly and I need you to forgive me."

"Why, though? So your conscience can be at ease? So you _can_ move on? You have my blessing, if that's what this is about. Move on. Find someone who can be enough for you. I obviously wasn't."

"Fuck!" he yelled away from the phone and I imagined him pulling his hair. "That's not what I mean." He sighed heavily into the receiver.

"What do you mean, then? Just say it, whatever it is. I'm tired of playing games."

"I don't know. I know that I shouldn't expect much after everything that's happened, and I'm three hundred miles away, but I don't want to lose you from my life."

"How can you say that? Everything you've done so far has pretty much ensured that that's what would happen. You've pushed and pushed, Edward. What did you expect?"

"I know it seems crazy, but it's true. You matter to me, more than just about anyone."

"So, what are you asking?"

"I won't ask you to wait for me because that wouldn't be fair, but can we keep in touch? I can write to you… and call, if you're okay with it."

"And do what, be friends?" I asked him.

"If that's what you want, then yes," he replied.

"I can't promise you anything, Edward. I'm still not okay with everything. I would be lying to you if I said I was or that it doesn't still hurt."

"I know. I don't expect anything. I just really want to try and earn your trust again, and show you that I really do care. Will you let me?"

"You'll write to me?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'll call when I can. Please?"

"Fine, but this doesn't mean everything is better; and it doesn't make us friends," I explained.

"I know, but I can hope," he said softly.

"Edward, I have to go. I need to help my mom with some stuff and I have a lot of homework to do."

"Oh, yeah… okay. I'll let you go then, for now. I promise I'll write you soon.

"Don't make me promises."

"Right, of course. Well, I hope to talk to you soon, then. Can I say that?"

"Sure. Soon."

"Okay, well take care of yourself."

"Yeah, you, too," I replied sadly.

"Alright, then. Goodnight, Bella.

"Goodbye, Edward."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Next up, Edward's POV. Oh, and they'll be in their twenties! Yup, you read that right. Let me know what you guys are thinking. Reviews make me happy and get the writing vibes flowing, so show me some love.

Also, I wrote a o/s for the Camp Twilight contest. The entry is on my Fanfiction profile. I'm so excited. The winners will be announced this Saturday. My submission was called The Best Summer Ever. It's fluffy and funny and very different from ALBtY. I hope you guys will check it out.

I'm on Twitter. Look me up. I'm Dinx219.

Teasers can be found on the blog. www (dot) notinforks (dot) blogspot (dot) com/

I'll see you guys soon! *Smooches*


	12. Chapter 12 Homecoming

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is my beta. She kicks my ass HARD and I love her for it.

SunKing validates for Twilighted. She's the best.

Bella C'ella Luna and Holly_1980 pre-read and inspire me daily.

SM owns Twilight. I just borrow her characters and play dress up. ;-)

Housekeeping stuffs at the bottom. See you there.

**Chapter 12 (Homecoming)**

**May 1998**

Home. Being back was strange. After spending the last few years traveling about and living on my own, it felt weird to be back in my old stomping grounds. So much had changed, yet stayed the same. I loved being close to my family again. I had missed them so much. I needed the time away, though. I needed to grow up and get my head straight. I think I did. I knew what I wanted to be, at least. Mom and Dad had always been great, even when I was being a complete shit. They were always there for me when I needed them, thank God. They helped me pay my way through school and I was finally ready to make something of myself.

After my senior year at boarding school, I took some time to travel with a few of the guys I'd met there. It was good to be able to get out and see things on my own. I was never sheltered as a child and my parents were always all about Alice and I having experiences, but it was nice to be able to travel and do things without them for a change.

My final stop was in Arizona. Something about the place called to me. I felt comfortable there and it was insanely beautiful. I needed change, and Arizona was about as different from Virginia and Maryland as you could get. It was sunny, warm and far away from everything and everyone in my past. I'd decided it was time to go to school, so I talked to my parents and they flew out to help me get enrolled at The University of Arizona.

Tucson was good for me. I was never that great at school, but I loved college. Once I decided on music education as a major, things were great. I'd never had any formal musical training, but I found that I had quite a gift for it. I always loved music, and once I discovered that I could play a few instruments, I even began writing some. It was a great release for a lot of emotion.

I spent the next four years there, studying and living my life. I missed home, missed people from home, but I didn't go back. I stayed in the comfortable bubble I'd created for myself and tried not to think about the past. My focus was on the future, or at least having one.

My family came out to visit me. It seemed like my parents were always coming up with reasons to make a trip out. Alice came a few times, too, when she wasn't busy with school herself. Things were definitely better with our relationship. So, once I graduated, I made the decision to move back.

About a month after I'd gotten home and settled, I made plans to go out with James. I hadn't seen him since high school, but I'd run into him at 7-11 and made plans to hang out with him that weekend. It was Saturday night and he was going to pick me up at my new apartment. Eight o'clock rolled around and he was at my door.

"Hey, bro. Nice pad," he told me as he entered.

"Hey, man, thanks. It's coming together. You want a beer?" I offered.

"Yeah, man. Thanks."

"So, what's been goin' on? How's life been treatin' ya?" I asked him, handing him a beer.

"Good, bro. Really good," he replied. "How about you?"

"Oh, I've been good. I traveled around for a while after high school. Ended up in Arizona. I fell in love with it out there. I made some really great friends, got my shit together, got my degree, and now I'm back. What about you? You still in school or are you working?"

"I finished school. Went to UMD, majored in finance, and now I work for an accounting firm downtown," he said.

"Sweet. Yeah, I need to start the job search this week. I'm thinking about teaching. Can you believe it?"

"What? Edward Cullen a teacher! Dude, you really have grown up. The Edward I remember hated school." He laughed.

"We all have to grow up sometime, man. I'm lucky I had such a great family to help along the way."

"Hey, how's your sister doing?"

"She's good. She actually lives in Austin now. She went to school down there. Fell in love with a guy or some shit. Says they're gonna stay there for a while. She's doing great, though. Do you keep in touch with many people from high school?" I asked.

"Yeah, a few. The ones who stuck around here, at least. I'm actually dating a girl from high school. You probably remember her – Rosalie Hale."

"Rosalie? Really? Wow, I haven't thought about that name in forever. How's that going?"

"Great, bro. She's awesome! She's gonna meet us downtown tonight," he replied.

"Oh? Well, it should be interesting to catch up." _Shit! So much for relaxing._

"So, you ready to go?" He motioned to the door.

"Yeah, dude. Whenever you are."

We finished our beers and made our way downtown. We were going to meet up at The Brickskeller in Dupont. It was a pretty cool bar with an impressive beer list; there were over a hundred different varieties to choose from. Since I wasn't driving, I planned to indulge in quite a few. Especially after finding out that we would be hanging out with Rosalie Hale.

It wasn't that I disliked Rose or ever had any ill feelings toward her. She was a nice girl, for the most part. It was just that seeing her was going to bring back a lot of fucking memories. Memories of things I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with. Memories of what I left behind, who I left behind – Bella.

Bella and I were complicated. Things with us were easy, at first. She was amazing. She was the one person who I could confide in and understood me. She stood by me when most people would have run. But I didn't know how to give her what she needed or deserved, so I pushed her away. I was a selfish prick in so many ways, but I honestly thought what I did was right. She deserved so much better than a shithead like me. Leaving her was one of the hardest things I ever did, but it was also one of the best – or so I thought.

Driving downtown, my mind was racing with a million thoughts. I knew that Bella had stayed in the area for school, but I wasn't sure if she was still around. She and Alice slowly drifted apart during college, being that they were at different schools, and they eventually lost touch completely. Since Alice was my only real connection to her, I lost touch, as well.

I had moved on with my life, but thought about Bella often. I wondered what she was doing, who she was with, how life was going, but mostly I wondered if she was happy. Did Rose know the answers to these things? Had she kept in touch with her? Did I really want to know the answers? I wasn't sure if I was ready to find out, but I had to figure it out quickly.

"We're here, man! You okay?" James asked. "You kind of spaced out over the car ride."

"Yeah. Sorry, bro. I was just thinking." I shook my head, trying to focus.

"Lot on your mind?" he asked.

"You could say that," I replied.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, it's cool. Just remembering some shit from the past. You know, all this being home shit has my mind working overtime. No biggie. Just gettin' used to being back. Let's go get some drinks!" I said, trying to brush off all uncertainty of where the night was taking me.

"Sweet, let's go!"

We got inside and slowly made our way to the bar. The place was packed with people and you could barely move. We finally got a couple of beers and headed toward the section with all the tables. James spotted Rosalie and told me to follow. We got to the table she was seated at and she looked as if she saw a ghost when I stepped up.

"Edward?"

"Hey, Rosalie. Long time no see," I greeted her with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, looking stunned.

"I ran into your boy, James, and he asked if I wanted to grab a few beers. So, here I am."

"No, I mean what are you doing _in Maryland_?" she replied through gritted teeth.

"Oh, well, I just moved back, but it's good to see you, too, Rose," I replied sarcastically. _It's nice to see that some things never change._

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. Wait, yes I do. It's been a long time, Edward, but unfortunately, not long enough. I still want to kick your ass for the shit you pulled. You have some nerve showing up here like this."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you. I honestly didn't know I'd be seeing you tonight. James just told me that you two are dating when he came to pick me up. Would you rather I leave?" I don't know why I was so concerned, but I thought it would be easier to concede than to argue. That was when I saw her.

Bella.

I felt like my heart had dropped down to my goddamn stomach. She was really there and she looked as beautiful as ever. She looked older, more mature, but gorgeous. Possibly more so than when I'd last seen her, or maybe my memory just hadn't done her justice. I stood and stared for what seemed like minutes, but was really only a few seconds. She didn't notice me, at first. She came back to the table talking about the line at the bathroom and how it took forever. Then, she looked up, finally seeing me, and froze.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't know," Rosalie said to her. Bella just stood there like a deer caught in headlights, staring blankly at me.

"Hello," I said softly, but got no response. _Holy shit what am I doing here? What is she doing here? Should I bolt? This is so fucked up._

"I was just telling Rose that I can leave if you'd prefer," I told her, but there was still no reply. _Yeah, awkward and fucked up. Why me? Why tonight?_

"Bella?" I asked again. She looked ill. "Are you okay? Do you want me to go?" _Maybe I should just leave. This obviously isn't going well. Yet, why do I want to stay, at the same time? Cullen, you've outdone yourself with the level of crazy you've reached._

"Umm, yes… I mean, no. Er, uhh… hold on. I'm sorry. I just… I wasn't expecting to see you. Yes, I'm okay. No, you don't have to go. But, what are you doing here?" she asked, blinking and shaking her head with confusion, unlike the way Rosalie had asked the same question earlier.

"I just moved back," I replied nervously, raking my hand though my hair. "I ran into James earlier this week and he invited me out. I didn't know you were going to be here. I know this is all weird; believe me. If it's too weird, just let me know. I can get a cab home." _It's too weird, Edward. Look at her! Look at you. Again, fucked up._

"It's okay. Yes, it's weird, but I'm not going to tell you to leave. Do what you want," she said, looking away from me. "I'm gonna go grab another beer. Anyone else want anything?"

"I do," Rose stated. "I'll come with you." She stood and they headed toward the bar.

"Dude, why the fuck didn't you tell me Bella was going to be here?" I asked James, exasperated at the situation.

"Sorry, bro." He threw his hands up, palms out, much like he was in surrender. "I just didn't think about it. I didn't really ask Rose if she was bringing anyone with her and I didn't think about… well, you know… the fact that you and Bella dated. My bad, dude. Are you cool?"

"Yeah, I just wasn't prepared for it, that's all. I don't know what to say to her. It's been a while."

"You guys aren't going to fucking get into it or anything are you?" he asked.

"Fuck no! Or, at least, I don't plan on it. I can leave if you think she's pissed off. This whole thing is just fucking crazy. I'm totally not ready for it."

"Who knows, bro. You never know what's gonna happen when it comes to women. Just stay cool and play it by ear. Here they come." He nodded in their direction.

"Hi, baby! Come sit by me," James told Rosalie, pulling her into the seat next to his.

This effectively left the chair next to me as the only one open at our table. I wanted to kill James, not that having Rose sit by me was any better. Bella looked unsure of whether she should sit, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I offered her the seat.

"Do you want to sit down? I promise I won't bite." I grinned up at her and gave her a wink. _What the hell? Are you really flirting with her, asshole? You're supposed to be making her feel comfortable, not even more awkward._ I heard her suck in a breath.

"Thanks," she said with a timid smile before finally easing into the chair.

"No worries," I told her. _Yeah, right! You're sitting across from the one person that can, and has, totally flipped your world upside down and you're saying no worries. Good one, dumbass._

We sat in uncomfortable silence for a minute while I internally debated on what I should say. Being this close to her was painful. She was touchable, yet so far away. So much was different. Once upon a time she was mine. We had been so close, so connected. Now we were nothing; not even friends, and that hurt. It had been almost six years since we'd last talked and I wasn't sure of where to even begin. She surprised me, though, because she was the one who spoke up.

"So, how are you, Edward?" It was reserved, but it was a first step.

"I guess I can't complain. Things are pretty good with me for the most part. How about you?" I asked in reply.

"I'm good. Busy with work, but I guess I can't complain, either," she said, fidgeting in her seat and tearing at the napkin sitting under her beer. A wisp of hair had fallen down over her cheek and I felt compelled to reach out and brush it behind her ear. I didn't dare move, though.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that things are going so well. I've wondered about that, hoped that they were."

"Have you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, of course. You were an important part of my life. Why wouldn't I want things to go well for you?"

"I don't know. I guess because of the way things went at the end." She shrugged, looking down at her lap. I always hated seeing her sad, especially knowing I was the cause of it.

"Yeah, maybe," I agreed half-heartedly. I needed to change the subject before things got too intense. "So, you said that you're working now? What do you do?"

"I'm a Media Researcher at the Washington Post. It's an entry level position, really, but I'm learning a lot and it's for a great paper."

"It sounds interesting. Is that what you went to school for?" I kept telling myself that I should know these things. It was so weird having a conversation with her as though she was a stranger, but I guess that was what she was. I'd forced her to become that.

"Umm, sort of. Journalism. Eventually, I'd like to be a staff writer and work my way into editing."

"I think you'd be great at that. You were always good at writing. You helped me write countless papers in high school."

"Thanks." She smiled, seeming to warm up to conversing more. "What about you? What brings you back this way? I thought you were living things up on the west coast?"

"Not quite." I sighed. "What would make you think that? Wait, let me guess. Alice."

She smiled again. I had missed that smile. I hoped I could make her do it more.

"Alice likes to exaggerate, you know? She misses you, by the way." It was true. She did. My sister never came out and said it, but I think she blamed me for the way hers and Bella's friendship turned out. She probably wasn't wrong to do so. It was just another thing on my long list of transgressions.

"I miss her, too. How is she?" Bella asked.

"She's good. She's still in Austin. She fell in love with a guy and they just got a place together. She's in decorating glory right about now."

"That sounds like Alice. I'm so glad that she's happy. Please send her my best."

"I definitely will," I replied, taking a drink of my beer.

"You didn't answer my question, though," she stated.

"What's that?" I asked.

"What brings you back this way?"

"It was time. I've been away long enough. I wanted to be closer to my family and this is a great area to live in. We have really great schools here and I'm looking into teaching."

Bella started cracking up. _So much for my ego_, I thought. I just looked at her, not really sure of what to say. I'd loved her laugh. The way she would naturally get louder as she became more comfortable and carefree. It was good to see her let loose, even if it was at my expense.

"You're serious?" she asked, noticing that I wasn't laughing.

I nodded. "Why, is it hard to imagine?" I asked, rubbing the condensation that had pooled on my glass as I stared down at it.

"But you always hated school. You want to teach it now?" she asked.

"Things change, Bella. People grow up. Even me."

I had grown up and I'd changed a lot over the past five and a half years, but being with her took me back to the all the feelings I'd had for her before I left. It was somewhat overwhelming. I hadn't been talking to her for long, but I wanted her to know all these new things about me, and I wanted to know more about her. We'd had a strong connection when we first met, and I still felt it. I don't know, maybe I was crazy, but I was drawn to her, even after all that time. In the few short minutes that we'd chatted, my whole body already ached for her and it was freaking me out.

"That's good to know, Edward. I apologize for laughing. I guess I just wasn't expecting that. What do you want to teach?" I could sense her sincerity and interest and it made me want to talk to her for the rest of the night.

"Music," I told her.

"Music? Really?"

"Yeah. I got my degree in Music Education. I figure I should probably use it."

"That's really great, Edward. I didn't realize that you were musical. I know that you always loved music and were always making different mix tapes to listen to in the car."

I smiled at the memory. I used to make tons of mix tapes, especially for Bella. What I couldn't really express to her in my own words I tried to tell her with songs. I'm not sure that she ever realized it, but it was my own way of letting her know that I cared. She was so special to me. I don't think she ever knew how much.

"I didn't know that I was either, but I took a music course as an elective my freshman year and really enjoyed it. I started messing around with my roommate's guitar, at first. Then, a little later I got a keyboard and it just came naturally. I really took to playing and even began writing some of my own music."

"Wow, so, what all do you play?" she asked, taking a sip from her pint.

"Piano, mostly, but I can also play guitar and bass."

"I'm impressed," she said. "I think it's really great that you've found your calling."

She looked intrigued, which thrilled me. I hoped that she was starting to truly see the change in me. I didn't used to care what people thought about me. In fact, for the most part, I still don't. But with her, it was different. I wanted to make her proud. I wanted her to look at me and not see the reflection of the hurt and disappointment I'd caused her in the past. I wanted her to see the Edward I'd become and know that I was different, better.

"Go ahead and say it, it's about time. I know. It is. Better late than never, though, right?"

"Yeah. Better late than never," she replied quietly, looking down at the table. I couldn't help but think that there was more to that statement than the words themselves.

Things definitely got a lot smoother as the night progressed. The alcohol intake could have helped with that. We were all chatting and getting along and the awkwardness seemed to disappear… until it was time to go home, that is. Rosalie had gotten completely trashed and could barely stand up on her own, let alone walk. Since she had ridden with Bella, and there was no way she could get her home on her own, James decided that he would take her with him in his car.

"Dude, I know that things have been kind of thrown upon you tonight. I'm really sorry about that, but do you think it would be cool if you got a ride from Bella?" James asked. "She lives in Bethesda like you and it would make things a lot easier on me since Rose lives downtown."

"Oh, man, don't fucking do this to me. I'm not asking her to take me home. I'll just get a cab or something. Seriously," I replied, frustrated.

"I'm sure it's cool. She's an easy going girl, dude. I'm sure she'll give you a ride."

"Not happening, bro. I'm sure under different circumstances it would be cool, but I'm not asking her for a ride." _This really is becoming the night from hell. God must seriously hate me._

We left the bar and we all helped walk Rosalie and James to his car. Once she was safely inside and they were on their way, I offered to walk Bella to her car.

"So, where did you park? Let's get you on your way," I told her.

"It's just down a block or two. It's not far. What about you? You came with James, right?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna catch a cab home," I replied as we walked down the sidewalk toward the lot she was parked in.

"Where's your place?" she asked.

"It's in Bethesda. It's just off of Wisconsin Avenue."

"Umm, I'm off of Wisconsin. Do you need a lift?" She bit her lip seeming hesitant, but continued. "I'd hate to make you spend all that money on a cab when we live so close."

"I really don't want to put you out, Bella. Don't worry about me." I didn't know where my head was. I was really fucking mixed up. I was confused, excited, nervous, worried, curious, anxious, sad, happy – you name it, I was feeling it. I know that may seem crazy, feeling emotions from opposite ends of the spectrum, but it was how I felt. Seeing her was surprisingly great, but fucking terrifying at the same time.

"Edward, come on. If I was the one needing the ride, would you make me take a cab?"

"No, but…"

"Exactly. Come on. This is me," she said, beeping her alarm and unlocking her car. "Just get in."

We got in the car and started driving toward our side of town. We discovered that I lived just a few blocks down from her. Who would have thought? It really was a small world.

"So, I guess you never imagined you'd end your night driving me home, huh?" I asked.

"That's an understatement," she said. "I don't think I expected to ever see you again, quite honestly."

"Why is that? It's a small world, B. Anything is possible." I smiled over at her. She truly was beautiful. The way the street lights illuminated on her hair made her look almost angelic. My memory really _didn't_ do her justice.

"I suppose. I wasn't expecting it to happen tonight, that's for sure," she replied.

"I know things started out kind of awkward earlier, but I'd like to think that we could be friends."

I watched her bite down on her lip as her hands tightened on the wheel. She looked to be contemplating something before she blurted out, "I don't hate you, Edward. I've never hated you."

Not knowing where that came from, I replied, "I know. I wasn't implying that you did. I just… I don't know. I guess I just wish that things were different." I gazed out the window, staring at the blackness of the night. I wasn't ready for things to get this real, yet I couldn't stop myself.

"Look, what happened in the past is done. We're adults now, and our history helped shape us into the people we are today. I don't regret anything," she told me.

"Thank you… for saying that. It means a lot to hear." It did mean a lot to know that she didn't have regrets – that I hadn't fucked up so badly that she wished she could erase our history. I was curious if she'd thought about me, though; wondered if she'd thought about us. At that moment, I would have given anything to be able to read her mind and know the answers to those things.

"Yeah, and for what it's worth, I'm glad that we ran into each other tonight. It was good to see you again. I'm glad that things are working out for you."

"Me, too," I agreed. _This whole evening has been so surreal._

She pulled up outside my building and I was sick with nerves. I wanted to get her number, or at least give her mine, but I wasn't sure it was the best idea. I didn't know what to make of the night, let alone know how she felt about it. I knew that I was drawn to her, like I always was, but I didn't know what it meant. So, without risking failure, I let it go.

"Thanks for giving me a ride home. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome. It was good to have someone in the car keeping me awake. God knows Rose would have been passed out." She laughed.

"Well, I'm glad I could help." I grinned with a wink. I grabbed the handle to get out, but turned to look over at her one last time. I couldn't bear the thought that I might not get time like this with her again. "Bella?"

"Yeah?" she replied, curious. If I wasn't mistaken, she almost looked like she didn't want to go.

"Maybe I'll see ya around?" _I don't know where or how or why, but_ _I really hope that I do… and soon._

"Well, we are neighbors." She smirked.

I smiled and got out of the car. "Alright, well, goodnight," I said, closing the door. _Why does this feel like déjà vu?_

And then she drove off.

~XXX~

Going about my normal morning routine, I got up and went out for a jog. I started running my first year of college as a way to stay in shape. With the copious amounts of pizza and beer that were a staple of my college diet, it kept off the dreaded "freshman fifteen." I found that it also helped me clear my mind, so I kept up with it.

It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining brightly and there was a crisp, cool breeze blowing that kept me from getting too hot on my run. I ran a couple of miles through the neighborhood, letting my mind drift to the weekend prior. I wondered what Bella was doing and if she'd thought of that night, as well. She hadn't told me where she lived specifically, only that it was a couple of blocks from me. As I jogged past the different apartment buildings in my area, I wondered if she was inside one, possibly getting ready for work. I needed to stop dwelling on it. It was going to make me crazy. Ever since I'd seen her, I couldn't get her off of my mind.

I was flooded with images and memories of her in the past. The things we'd done, the way she opened herself up to me, her smell, her taste, the way she looked at me, the way I felt when she told me that she loved me, the way that I'd hurt her. I would never forgive myself for not letting her know how I really felt, for single handedly destroying the one perfect thing I had in my life. I thought I was over it – over her, but seeing her made me realize it was all a lie. I was kidding myself by believing that I had ever let her go.

Needing a boost to get me through the rest of my day, I walked into Starbucks to get my morning coffee. I was standing at the back of the line when I heard the voice that would call to me anywhere. She was there. Bella was placing an order at the front of the line. What were the chances of seeing her at Starbucks? I didn't know, but I was sure going to find out.

With her cup in hand, she turned and began to walk toward the exit. Luckily, for me, she was still clumsy. She hadn't noticed me in the line, but when she tripped, I stepped out and caught her in my arms.

"Fancy meeting you here, Ms. Swan," I told her, smiling devilishly. _Oh how_ _I'd like to have you in this position more often. _Touching her, having her that close, sent tingles down my spine and made my fucking toes curl. I wondered if she could feel it, too. _God, I'm such a fucking girl._

"Edward? Oh my god!" She sucked in a breath and her face turned bright red. "Thank you so much! I'm already late for work as it is. I really don't have time to go home and change. Thanks for saving me from a spill, in more ways than one, I suppose." She laughed.

"Glad I was here to help. I thought you hated coffee, though?" I questioned, letting her go once she was balanced again. I immediately felt the loss of our closeness. I longed to have that connection with her again.

"Oh, yeah." She smiled. "I do. Cocoa," she said, holding up her cup. "I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember a lot." I shrugged. "And some things stay the same, I guess."

"Indeed they do." She smiled. "What brings you here? Well, other than the obvious, of course."

"I was out for a jog, needed the caffeine to get me through the rest of the day."

"Oh. Do you do that often? Jog, I mean," she specified.

"Every day, or at least I try to," I replied. _Did she just look me over? I think I might like this reaction._

"It appears that some things _change_, as well," she said, blushing. She knew I'd caught her ogling me.

"Indeed they do," I repeated her words back to her, winking with my best crooked grin. Her blush deepened. _Heh, it appears that I can still affect her. Definitely good to know._

"I don't mean to be rude, but I really am late. I need to get going. It was good seeing you, and thanks again. You really saved me."

"Anytime. Nice seeing you, too."

With that, she was off, and I suddenly felt like I didn't need coffee to get me through my day.

~xxx~

A couple of weeks passed and things were looking up. I'd interviewed for a position at a local high school and found out that I'd gotten the job. I was the new music teacher at Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School and was to start in the fall. I wasn't pressed for cash since I'd received the inheritance my grandfather had left me when he passed, but I was proud that I'd gotten a job and could pay for things without using that money as a crutch. This was an accomplishment I'd earned on my own, something I hoped to do a lot more of.

I had caught back up with a few old friends since I'd been back in town, but spent most of my free time with my family. They were actually coming over to my apartment that night to help me celebrate. They wanted to take me out, but I'd insisted that they let me cook. I hadn't had anyone over since I'd moved in and I wanted to break the place in.

In order to make dinner, I needed to get some things from the grocery store. I really missed all of the different types of Mexican and Southwestern type foods I'd grown accustomed to in Tucson, so I thought I would make Green Chili Chicken Enchiladas and rice. _That's right; Edward Cullen knows how to cook._

I hopped in my car and headed a few blocks down to the Safeway. I could have walked, but I wasn't sure how many bags I'd end up with, so I thought it would be better to drive. I parked the Volvo, got a basket, and went inside. After picking up all the necessities for the meal along with a few other items I'd needed, I went to the front of the store to checkout. There she was again. Was fate telling me something? I really hoped so.

"Hello, stranger," I greeted as I walked up behind her.

She turned looking confused at first. "Edward? Hi," she replied.

"You know, we've really got to stop doing this."

"What's that?" she asked.

"Meeting up like this," I answered. "It would be much easier if I had your number. We could plan it out better, maybe even make it a more fun environment." I'd run into her three separate times by this point. While the accidental encounters were nice, I wanted to see her on purpose. I wanted to spend some time getting to know her again, and I really hoped that she felt the same way.

"Is that right?" She quirked an eyebrow at me and grinned.

"It is. What do you say? I'm busy tonight, but maybe we could meet up for drinks or something this week. I mean, like you said, we are neighbors. Shouldn't I get to know the people that live around me?"

"Well, when you put it like that, I guess it's not that unheard of. Drinks you say?" She seemed skeptical. I had to change that, make light of it.

"Friendly, neighborly drinks. Totally harmless and I promise to be on my best behavior?" I winked.

"That's what worries me," she retorted sarcastically, but I could see the spark of interest in her eyes.

"Come on. We're obviously meant to hang out or we wouldn't keep running into each other like this. It's a sign," I teased her, hoping that she would go along with the cheese I was throwing at her.

"How about we just pick a time and a place now and I'll meet you there," she suggested, placing her items on the conveyor at the register. _Okay, she's not ready to give you her number yet, but you're making progress._

"Alright. How about Friday, seven o'clock at Black's. Do you know the place?"

"It's on Woodmont, right?"

"That's the one," I affirmed.

"Okay, Friday, then," she replied.

"How do I know you're not gonna stand me up?" I asked.

"Because somehow I have a feeling you'd find me." She winked. _Holy shit! She just winked at me. That may be the hottest thing I've ever seen her do. Okay, maybe not the hottest, but it's up there. _

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I smirked. She was right. I probably would have.

She paid for her stuff as I was emptying my basket, and once she was ready, with bags in hand, she turned to me one last time.

"I'll see you on Friday… neighbor." She smiled.

"Friday," I replied.

Things were looking up, indeed.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Okay, guys! It's time for some bribery. :P I'm hoping that you guys can help push me over the **100** review mark. I reply to _every_ single review that I get. Do you have questions about anything? Is there something you're wondering that hasn't been addressed? Is there something that you would like to happen in a future chapter? You can ask or tell me anything and I promise to answer and even possibly fit your ideas into the story. Then, if you get me over 100, I will send everyone who reviews a teaser for the next chapter before it posts. What do you say? Does it sound like a deal? Edward has been silent for so long and he's dying to talk to you. Let's help him out. Reviews make him want to snuggle, and we all love a snuggly Edward. ;-)

The Brickskeller and Blacks are real places. If you're ever in the DC area, you should check them out.

I'm lucky to be beta-ing an amazing story called A Thousand Leaves. The author is a doll. She goes by Bella Sunshine on FFn and flabella on Twilighted. You should check it out. Her story has a Prisonward. Just sayin'.

I'm Dinx219 on Twitter. I'll see you guys soon! *Smooches*


	13. Chapter 13 Reconnecting

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is the beta. Holly1980 and Bella C'ella Luna pre-read. I heart them all immensely.

SunKing validates for Twilighted. She's super awesome!

SM owns Twilight. I've just made friend with her characters. =)

Okay guys, we're almost to the _really_ good stuff! Please REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW and I might send you some teasers! ;-) Just sayin'. Can we get past 100 this time? I hope so! *Smooches*

**Chapter 13 (Reconnecting)**

I was on cloud _fucking_ nine when I left the grocery store. Seeing Bella always made me happy and I couldn't help but feel like things were headed in the right direction with her. Granted, we had a lot of lost time to make up for, but I knew that if she'd let me, I was more than willing to make the effort. She was worth it.

I went home and got dinner started before my parents were due to come over. The table was set, the salad was made, and the main course was in the oven. Everything was basically ready for their arrival, and I had just uncorked the wine, when I heard the doorbell ring.

I quickly made my way to the door.

"Hi Mom, Dad. Come in." I smiled, stepping aside and waving them in.

"Hello, Edward, sweetheart," my mom said, giving me a hug.

"Hi, son," my dad greeted, clapping me on the back as he followed behind my mother.

"It looks like the place is really coming together nicely, Edward. Are you sure that there isn't anything I can help you with?" Mom asked. "I'm more than happy to do so."

"I know that, Mom. I'm good. Great, actually!" I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face as I thought about my upcoming date with Bella.

"Yes, you do seem rather happy. Congratulations on the new job. We're both so proud of you," Dad told me.

"Oh, yes, the new job. That's really great news, too." I replied. _That is the reason that they're here, dumbass. Hello – new job; celebratory dinner._

"Too? Is there more?" Mom asked.

"Why don't you guys come and sit at the table? I have everything ready. I just opened a bottle of wine. I'll pour us all some and we can get started with the salad. Sound good?" I changed the subject quickly. I wasn't ready to divulge too much to them as of yet.

We got started on dinner and I told them all about the new job. We talked about how I was settling in, about being back home, and about Alice. It was the most _normal_ and adult-like conversation I can remember having with them up to that point. We were on equal grounds, for once, and I didn't have to be lectured about my lack of responsibility. It was nice.

"Dinner was very good, Edward. I think I grow more proud of you by the day," Mom said. "I can remember a time when you wouldn't even heat up a can of soup."

I smiled. "Yes, well, I learned a lot while I was away. I'm glad that you liked it. We'll have to have dinner like this more often."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dad asked. "What have you done with our son? He would never have wanted to hang out with his mom and dad on a regular basis, even if it were for meals."

"Ha – ha. I know I was a bit of a shit growing up, but I'd like to think I'm making up for it. I love you guys. I know I probably haven't said that much, but I appreciate you. I know how lucky I am to have you." _Fuck,_ _I really am becoming a sap._

"Oh, Edward. You're going to make me cry. We love you, too. So much. I'm so happy to have you back home. I always knew that you would make us proud," Mom replied, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

"Thanks. It means a lot to hear that," I said as the pride swelled within me at her words. I never realized how much my parents really did love me until I got in trouble. I thought sending me away was a punishment until I learned how much they missed me. Mom cried and Dad was disappointed, but they never gave up on me. Pleasing them and making them happy meant more to me than I ever would have guessed.

"Now, don't think I've forgotten that you had some other news. I realize that you changed the subject when I asked, but what is it, besides the new job, that's put you in such a good mood?" my mom asked.

My face flushed with warmth, and I knew she was on to me.

"Come on, spill it, son," Dad encouraged. "What's her name? Did you meet her here in the building when you were moving in?"

"Carlisle, let him talk," Mom admonished, successfully quieting him. "Go ahead, dear."

I didn't know where to start. My parents were always very supportive of me, but I wasn't sure how they would feel about me seeing Bella again. A lot of crazy stuff happened when we were together. It wasn't her fault. They knew that, but I didn't want them to think that I was reverting back to my former self by seeing her, either. Truth be told, Bella was one of the best parts of my past. I just didn't know if they would agree with that sentiment.

"Yes, it has to do with a girl. I didn't meet her in the building, though." I sighed. "In fact, I didn't just meet her. I've known her for a while."

"What? We didn't know you had been seeing someone," my mom said, confused. "You haven't even been back that long."

"It's not like that. I'm not seeing her. Well, not yet, anyway," I replied sheepishly. "I ran into her. I went out with some old high school friends last weekend, and she was there. We got to talking and I've actually bumped into her a few times this week."

"Really? Anyone we would know?" Dad asked.

I nervously ran my hand through my hair as I looked back and forth between my parents. Bella was important to me, probably more than anyone even knew, including her. I didn't want to fuck things up before they even got the chance to start. I wanted – no _needed_ – my parents to understand. I wanted all three of them in my life.

"Uh, yeah, you know her," I responded.

"Who is it?" Mom asked.

"It's Bella," I mumbled quietly, afraid of what they would say.

"Bella, as in Chief Swan's Bella?" Dad asked.

"Yes," I replied timidly. _She's beautiful and good and I think she'll be good for me. Please don't freak out._

"Oh, how is she? It's been so long since we've seen or heard from her," Mom said. "I hope she's well. What is she doing now?"

I let out a relieved breath. "She's good. She works for the Washington Post. She lives in the neighborhood, actually. That's how I've ended up running into her so many times. You guys aren't upset?" _Mom seems to be pleased. Was I way off base to think that they would be concerned or pissed?_

"Why would we be upset, son? Bella was always a very respectful and well-mannered girl. I'm sure that she's turned out to be a remarkable young woman," Dad replied.

I smiled again. "Yes, she has. We haven't spent much time catching up so far, but we're supposed to meet up later this week." _Wow. This is going way better than I expected._

"I think that's wonderful, dear. Maybe you can bring her by to say hello. I'm sure Alice would love to chat with her sometime, as well."

"Let's just take it one day at a time, Mom. I don't know how thrilled she is to be spending time with me as it is. Let me get to know her again before we go making plans."

"Of course, dear. Please tell her hello for us, though," Mom replied.

"Will do."

"Well, we should really get going. I have an early shift at the hospital tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep," Dad teased.

"Sure you do." I laughed. "Thanks for coming over for dinner. I'm serious about doing this more. I'd really like to make it a weekly tradition."

"We'd love that, sweetie." Mom patted my cheek affectionately before grabbing her purse and walking to the door. "I'll call you later this week."

"Okay, sounds good," I replied.

"Thank you for dinner, son. It really is nice having you home."

"Thanks, Dad. It's good to be home," Dad told me.

They each hugged me goodbye and went on their way. I was pleasantly surprised at how well they took the news of me seeing Bella again. My parents were very fucking tolerant of me growing up. I guess I always thought that they were foolish, since I got away with so much. I was quickly discovering how astute they were, and how much they really did love me. Knowing that I had their support was all the encouragement I needed. I was going to make Bella mine… again.

~xxx~

The rest of the week passed by so fucking slowly, and with no further Bella sightings, to my dismay. We hadn't talked much, but I still felt connected to her, even after all that time. I missed her and wanted to fix that quickly.

I unpacked the rest of the shit I had boxed from my move, and had even started creating lesson plans for the upcoming school year. I had never been so prepared and on top of things before. I really was changing. Long gone was procrastinating, slacker Edward, who was replaced by responsible, grown-up Edward.

When Friday finally decided to roll around, I was ready, but nervous as hell. Yes, I could be a cocky bastard at times, but even I had my insecurities. I wanted to make a good impression. This was going to be the first time Bella and I hung out – alone – in a long time. It had to go well if I wanted her to agree to do it again, and she would have to _want_ to do it again if I was going to make her _mine_.

The plan was to meet up at Blacks at seven. So, I showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed and tried to tame my unruly hair before hopping in the car a little after six. The bar wasn't that far away from my apartment, but I'd decided I would get there a little early. The extra time allowed me to grab a drink and settle the goddamn nerves that were welling in my stomach. That, and I got to watch Bella walk to me as she arrived. She was a fucking sight to behold.

I saw her as soon as she entered through the front door. I hadn't yet gotten a table and was sitting at the bar. She looked amazing. She was wearing a sleeveless black and white sundress that hugged her curves and waist at the top, flowing loosely at the bottom. Her skin was smooth and milky white, even in the summer, and her legs looked like they went on for days in the strappy, open toed heels she had on her feet. _God, this woman will be the death of me_, I thought as she walked toward the bar.

I stood as she grew close and smiled at her warmly. It was crazy what just the sight of her could do to me. I got those fucking fuzzy feelings in the pit of my stomach and it was like we were in high school, going out for the first time all over again.

"Hey, neighbor!" she said enthusiastically, giving me a quick one-armed hug.

"Hi, beautiful," I welcomed her. She was warm and smelled heavenly, like fucking cotton candy and sunshine. I knew that was some prissy shit, but I loved it. I wanted to wrap my arms around her tightly and never let her go, but instead, I offered her a seat.

Taking the stool next to mine, we both sat.

"You look nice. Did you just get off work?" I asked her.

"Yeah. I didn't really have time to go home and change. I hope that's okay. When you said drinks, I didn't think it would be a big deal," Bella replied, seemingly doubtful.

"No, not at all. I'm glad you could make it. It's kind of cool to see you in your _Little Miss Professional_ work attire," I teased, and winked at her.

"Shut up!" she exclaimed, playfully smacking my arm. "You act like I look like a slob any other time."

"No. Not a slob. Never a slob," I assured her. "You just look all grown-up now." She was always a beautiful girl, but she was an absolutely stunning woman.

"Well, maybe that's because I am all grown-up now, Edward. As are you."

"Touché." I smirked. What would you like to drink?" I asked her, motioning to the bartender.

"What are you having?" she asked, nodding to my glass on the bar top.

"Rum and coke," I replied.

"Okay, I'll have the same."

"Really? You sure you don't want something more frou frou than that?"

"Frou frou? Aren't teachers supposed to have a better vocabulary than that?" she asked, chuckling.

I shook my head and laughed. "Rum and coke it is, then."

We sat for a minute and chatted about our day and decided to take our drinks to an outdoor table. It was a warm summer night with a light breeze; perfect patio weather.

"So, how do you like being home? Is it weird or are you content?" Bella asked.

"A bit of both, really. I mean, I've been away for a long time, but it still feels like home, too. Does that make sense?"

"I guess. I've never been away for any extended period of time, so I can't really say for certain."

"Being away was good for me. I had a lot less distractions, I guess you could say."

"Do you miss it?" she asked me.

"What's that?" I asked in return.

"Arizona – being distractionless, away from it all... I don't know." She shrugged, looking down at her lap.

God, I wanted to kick my own ass. Had I really made her that unsure of herself? She was amazing and it killed me to see the look on her face, like she was one of the distractions. She was the best thing from my past.

"Not so far. Arizona was nice. I got what I needed from being out there. I'm glad to be back, though. I'm sitting here with you, after all." I smiled at her.

"Yeah. Who would have thought?" She peeked up at me through her long lashes, catching my eyes with her own.

_Sweetheart, you can have anything you want from me with that look. If only you knew. _"So, tell me, Bella. How's life been treating you? Are you happy?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I've got a decent job. I have a car, an apartment, friends and family. I suppose I'm happy."

"You suppose? Don't you know?" I asked, taking a sip from my glass.

"No, I'm happy… I am," she replied, seemingly to assert herself, yet not very confidently or assuredly.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than me. I believe you." I nudged her and chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "So, are you seeing anyone?" _Please say no – or, at least, no one seriously._

"No one seriously," she said, almost as if she'd heard my internal request. "I was, but it didn't work out."

"I'm sorry to hear that." _I'm really am sorry if he hurt you, and I'll kick his ass if need be, but I'm not sorry that he's out of the picture. You belong with me. You've always belonged with me. _

Then, as if she was reading my mind, she spoke again. "Don't be. We definitely weren't meant to be together," she said, shaking her head as if she were remembering some sort of inside joke.

"That's good to know." I beamed, silently wondering what was funny.

"What about you, are you seeing anyone?" Bella asked me.

"Well, I'm here with you. Does that count?" I grinned at her and winked.

"Not exactly what I meant, Edward." She tried to come off as sarcastic, but I could see her cheeks bloom with color. I really had missed her sweet face and the way she blushed when she was embarrassed.

"Okay, then, no. I'm not seeing anyone." _But I'd like to be, if you'd let me._

"Also, good to know," she repeated my words back to me.

_Is she fucking flirting with me? God, I hope so!_

We continued on like this for a while, just catching up like old friends would do. I'd have been lying if I said friendship was all I wanted with her, though. Just sitting and talking made me realize how much I'd given up. She was witty, smart, sarcastic, funny, caring, and one of the most loyal people I had ever met; not to mention, that she was fucking sexy as hell. She was the total package. Any man would have been lucky to have her. I wanted to make sure I was that man.

She also had a touch of sadness in her, though, and it seemed to reach down to her soul. I wanted to erase that sadness. I knew that we couldn't go back, but I was certain that I would do whatever I could to make her smile with joy in the future.

A few hours and several drinks later, she said she needed to get going before she was drunk and unable to drive. While the horny, selfish side of me wanted to make sure that was _exactly_ what happened, the mature, rational side of me won out.

"I'll walk you to your car," I said after I finished paying the tab.

"Thanks, it's just around the corner. I got lucky; someone was pulling out just as I got close."

We started walking and I almost grabbed her hand instinctually, but I caught myself at the last minute. I hoped she hadn't noticed the subtle jerk of my hand to my front jeans pocket.

"I had a lot of fun tonight. I know it wasn't a super exciting date, but it's been great catching up," I told her.

"Date?" She turned to me as we reached her car, quirking an eyebrow.

I gave her my best grin, the one that always made her melt."Yes, date. I'd like to take you on another if you'll let me."

"Is that so?" she replied flirtatiously.

"It is," I said, brushing a wisp of hair behind her ear. "Only, I'd like to take you out on a proper date. One where I pick you up and we go to dinner. I'll even go as far as to suggest a movie after. What do you say?" I asked, hoping like hell she'd say yes.

"Dinner _and_ a movie? You really are stepping up your game, aren't you, Mr. Cullen?"

Enjoying our playful banter, I told her, "Sweetheart, you have no idea what kind of game I have. You might not be able to handle it."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I can. I'll agree to this date," she said, "but I get to choose what we see."

"Oh, I don't know, then. Your taste in movies is pretty bad, as far as I can remember." Her mouth fell open and I started laughing. "I'm teasing, Bella. If you picking what we see will get you to agree to another date, I'm all for it."

"Okay, a date," she said, smiling, and then turned to open the door. "Let me give you my number." Sliding into her seat, she reached over to her glove box, causing her skirt to rise up. She took out a pen and some paper while I leaned on her door admiring the view. She quickly jotted down the digits and folded the sheet over before handing it to me.

"Thanks," I told her, and tucked it safely in my pocket. _She gave me her number. This is good, Cullen. Really good. Don't fuck it up! _"Alright, beautiful, give me a hug so I can get out of here."

She stood and took the step to where I was standing. I opened my arms and wrapped them around her once she was close enough, pulling her in to me, and squeezed. I didn't want a repeat of the half-assed hug we started the evening out with. Much to my fucking delight, she squeezed back. It felt so damn good, so right, to have her there. It was where she belonged. I kissed the top of her head, inhaling her scent, memorizing her feel, before I had to let go.

"Alright, get going." I winked and faked nonchalance. "I'll call you," I said, closing her door. I waited until she was ready and waved to her once she pulled out.

Walking to my car, my fingers rubbed over the note that was still tucked neatly in my pocket. I smiled. I had her number. I wanted to keep it safe, like a valuable treasure, but couldn't help but pull it out to read it. Scrawled in her elegant penmanship, it read:

_Bella – (301) 555-0620_

_I'm glad you're home._

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "So am I, sweetheart. So am I."

~xxx~

I waited the standard two days before I called her. It killed me because I really wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want to seem too eager. Yes, I wanted to be with her and didn't want to play games, but I had to be smart about things. I couldn't scare her off before we even had a second date.

So, the weekend ended with a phone conversation, and one that went pretty fucking well, I might add. Just the sound of her voice had me worked up like a goddamn school boy who'd just gotten to second base for the first time. This woman had really done a job on me, and she didn't even know it.

Bella and I ended up chatting for a couple of hours before she said she had an early day at work and needed to get to bed. _What is she wearing?_ I wondered. I remembered the skimpy shorts and tank tops she wore at my sister's sleepovers. She was always so unaware of how sexy she was and that shit turned me the fuck on. There were so many nights I'd have to jerk off in my room because of it. Fuck if my thoughts didn't start to run rampant. My imagination did nothing to squelch the hard on I was sporting from just listening to her. What I wouldn't have given to have been there with her, in person.

We re-confirmed the plans for our date and said our goodbyes. _Saturday. I'll see her Saturday_, I kept telling myself. That thought was nice, but it did nothing to help me with the situation going on in my pants. A long shower was definitely in order…

~xxx~

It was Saturday, _finally_. I got up and about and met my mom for lunch. We had a nice visit. She told me her and Dad were going to take a trip in the next couple of weeks. He had requested some time off from the hospital and they were going to go to Mexico for a few days of relaxation on the beach before they paid a visit to my sister. She suggested I visit Alice before the start of school, and I told her I'd think about it. I wanted to see where things were going with Bella first.

Mom and I spent a few hours together. She insisted on dragging me out shopping with her for a bit. Said she hated to shop alone. While I wasn't one to love the mall, I did want to look good for my date that night, so I got some new jeans and a shirt.

Once she was finally appeased and pleased with her purchases, I kissed her goodbye and made my way back to my apartment. I was due to pick Bella up in a little over an hour, which left me just enough time to shower and get ready. I threw on my clothes and headed out the door.

I rang the doorbell at Bella's apartment and it took her a minute to answer. When she came to the door, she seemed flustered and slightly out of breath.

"Hi, Edward," she greeted hastily, rushing past me and out the door.

"Hey. Everything okay?" I asked, looking between her and the door, before turning to face her fully.

"Yeah. Sorry. Are you ready? Can we go?"

She seemed anxious. It made me really fucking uneasy. I had no claim on her – _yet_ – but I didn't like not knowing what the cause of her behavior was. I thought we would've hung out for a minute and that she'd have shown me her place. Apparently, my ideas were different than hers. I just hoped that the whole date didn't follow suit.

Fortunately, it didn't. Once we got in my car and started out for the restaurant, all was well. The conversation flowed and the awkwardness dissipated. I wanted to ask her about it, but I decided to push it to the back of my mind and just enjoy the date.

I thought it would be nice to have dinner on the waterfront in Georgetown. _My father did teach me a few things about romancing a woman._ I made reservations for seven at Sequoiah. It was a beautiful night and we overlooked the water while we ate. After our meal, we took a brief stroll around the park before heading over to the movie theater. As promised, I let Bella pick the movie. _Can't Hardly Wait_ was her choice. It definitely wasn't what I would have picked, but I could somewhat sympathize with the dude in the film. I could hardly wait to call Bella mine, _once again_.

Being in the theater with her took me back to our very first date. We had gone to the movies with Royce and Rose. We held hands and I got my first taste of a kiss. It was only a brief goodnight peck, but amazing all the same. I had been so fucking nervous and was worried what she would think, but her soft, warm lips sent my heart into a frenzy. I thought the damn thing was going to beat right out of my chest. No one had ever made me feel like that. Ever. I knew she was something special right then. I just wish that I hadn't fucked it all up.

Pushing the emo bullshit aside, I did the only thing I could to settle down. I gently grabbed her hand and began rubbing soft circles on it, just like I had back then. I anticipated her pulling away, but I had to take the chance. I needed physical contact. Her touch was always soothing. Thankfully, she didn't object. So, we sat, holding hands, and it got me through the remainder of the movie.

When it ended, we walked back to my car. I was lost in my thoughts while driving back home. I wasn't ready for the night to end. As we got close, I decided to tell her such.

"I've had such a great time with you tonight, Bella," I said, gauging what her response would be.

"Me, too. It was a perfect date. Thank you for inviting me." She smiled.

I was relieved that she was enjoying herself. "Would it sound crazy if I told you that I wasn't ready for this to end?" I asked.

"Crazy? I don't know. I guess not. Why?" she replied in question.

"Because I'm not. I've had such a great time getting to know you again. I'd just like to keep talking. Do you remember how we used to stay up all night talking on the phone? I miss that."

"Hmm." She smiled again. "I always had to sneak the cordless phone into my room and hide under the covers so my parents wouldn't hear me."

"You can totally say no and I won't be upset, but I have some wine at my place, or something non-alcoholic, if you prefer, and I'd really like it if you'd come back with me. I promise to be on my best behavior. I'd just like to continue this. What do you say? Will you come with me?"

**Chapter End Notes:**

What do you think? Will she go? Tell me in a review! ;-) XO!


	14. Chapter 14 A Turning Point

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is my super-beta! Not only does she beta the story, but she validates it for Twilighted now, too! I think I should make her a cape to wear as she wields her magical red pen over my words.

Thanks to Holly1980 and BellaSunshine for letting me bounce ideas off of them and offering endless advice. Love you guys BIG!

SM owns it. I just let her characters loose to have a little more fun! ;-)

Now we're startin' to get somewhere! I hope that you guys enjoy this one. Don't forget to **REVIEW** when you get to the bottom! :D

**Chapter 14 - A Turning Point**

"What do you say? Will you come with me?" I asked.

I glanced over at her while sitting at the red light where we were stopped. She was biting her bottom lip like she always did when she was nervous. I didn't know if it was because she was afraid I was going to try something or if she hadn't wanted to be put in the awkward situation of having to say no. We were only a few blocks away from her place, so I needed to figure things out quickly.

"To talk?" she finally asked timidly.

"Yeah. Scouts honor," I assured her as the light turned green.

"You were never a boy scout, were you?" she asked, looking skeptical.

"No, but it sounded good." I grinned over at her and winked. "I only say my apartment because it's getting late and there really aren't many places to go and just talk. Plus, I'd love to show you my place. I haven't really had anyone over besides my parents, and I'd like you to see it."

She smiled at me, but she still looked unsure.

"It's okay. You don't want to. I understand, you aren't comfortable –"

"No! It's not that," she interrupted. I mean, it's not that I'm not comfortable around you. I just… I want to make sure we're on the same page is all."

"B, I know that I have to earn your trust back, but I would never try to do anything that you aren't sure about. I really just want to hang out."

"Okay. For a little while, but no funny business, mister!" she asserted, laughing and shaking her finger at me.

"Yes ma'am," I agreed, chuckling. She was so fucking cute when she was bossy.

We drove the rest of the way to my building and I parked. My apartment was on the ninth floor of The Whitney, so we took the elevator up from the parking garage. Standing within the confined space that was covered by mirrors set my dirty mind into overdrive. I had to push down those thoughts, doing my best to think of anything that would keep me from breaking my promise to her. _Get your hormones in check, fucker, or she'll run._

When we reached the ninth floor and the doors opened, I practically jumped out, needing the head start to readjust the growing problem in the front of my jeans. Bella didn't seem to notice. She followed behind me as we made our way to my door.

"Number nine-thirteen?" she asked as I slipped the key in the lock.

I smiled. Of course she would notice that. "Yeah. I thought it might be good luck."

"Well, it hasn't been too much luck for me. I wish you all the best with that. I can't believe you remember my birthday, though."

"Bella, I told you; I remember everything about you. And don't say that you aren't lucky. I know that things haven't always been easy, but they could always be worse."

"Yeah, I suppose." She shrugged.

"Okay, well, this is my place," I said, stepping inside and flipping on the lights. "It's not big, but it's mine." I ushered her in, closing the door, and threw my keys down on the foyer table. "Come on, I'll give you a tour."

"The living room and dining area are there to the left." I pointed, grabbing her hand to pull her along with me. "The kitchen is there, just ahead. Then, down the hall you have the bathroom on the right, and my bedroom is at the end."

I felt her stiffen at the mention of my bedroom. "Relax, Bella. We aren't going to hang out in there." _Yes, I'd like to, but I know we're not ready for that…yet. _"You're welcome to check it out if you want, but I wasn't even going to open the door," I assured her.

I could feel her relax. "Oh, right, of course." She laughed, and I could see the blush on her cheeks. _My silly, beautiful girl._

"Come on. Now that you know where everything is, make yourself at home. I'll go get us some drinks. What would you like?"

"You said you had wine. That would be good," she replied.

"Red or white?" I asked.

"Red, please."

"Alright, red it is. I'll be right back."

As I went to the kitchen, Bella ventured into the living room. It was an open floor plan, so I was able to see her as I got out glasses and opened a bottle of La Crema. She was looking at the books and music that I had on the shelves.

"See anything you like?" I asked, stepping in with our filled glasses in hand.

She smiled. "You have books. I don't remember you ever being too fond of reading."

"Yeah," I replied, sitting our glasses on the coffee table. "I guess I didn't know what I was missing." Those words had deeper meaning than she could ever imagine. "Come sit." I patted the couch cushion beside me.

She came over and sat down, picking up her glass and taking a sip. "Did your mom help you decorate?" she asked.

"No, not really. She's been dying to. She and Alice are two of a kind in that regard. They both love to shop. With Alice being so far away, Mom tries to drag me along on her shopping expeditions."

"That's kind of precious. You should go with her," she told me.

"I do… sometimes. I like spending time with my parents, believe it or not. I'd just rather do other things besides shopping." I laughed.

"Well, you've done a great job. Your apartment is nice. It's masculine, yet cozy," she said.

"Thanks, sweetness," I replied. "I like it." _And I hope you'll like it enough to want to come over more often._

"How are your parents? I haven't seen them in forever. My dad says your dad is thinking about retiring soon."

"He's talked about it. I don't know if he'll actually do it. He loves working and being a doctor. I think he'd like to spend more time with Mom, maybe travel some, but I don't think he could do it for long. He'd miss it too much. They're good, though. They told me to tell you hello, actually."

"They did?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Does that shock you? My parents always liked you." _I'm so glad, too, because you're important to me._

"I don't know. I guess I thought that they might blame me for some of the things that happened in the past." I couldn't tell her that I'd had the same ugly thought pop into my head before I talked to my parents. They didn't feel that way, so she didn't need to know.

"Well, rest assured that they don't." I reached out and squeezed her hand to comfort her. "What about your parents? How are they?" I asked, keeping hold of her hand in mine as I traced light circles on her soft palm.

"Oh, they're okay. They haven't really changed. They still live in the same house. My dad is still working. Nothing new really."

"It's good that they're well. Your dad always scared the shit out of me."

"Really?" she asked.

"Hell yeah. I mean, it was scary enough to meet my girlfriend's dad, but the fact that he was the police chief didn't make it any easier. The man has a gun on his person at all times."

She laughed. "Yeah, but he wouldn't actually shoot you. Not unless you were doing something really bad."

"The day I got in trouble, I was freaking out. I just knew that he was going to kick my ass. He was surprisingly calm, though. He didn't really say much to me. I think that may have been worse. I had no idea what he was thinking and I knew he would talk to you. I pretty much figured that you wouldn't be allowed to see me after that."

"He wasn't pleased, but he didn't pass any judgment against you. He has a lot of respect for your parents. I think that helped."

"Thank God for that," I told her. "What do you think he would say about us spending time together now?" _I hope he'll be as cool about it as my parents are._

"I'm not sure. I haven't told my parents that you're back. I'm an adult now, though, Edward. It wouldn't really matter. My parents don't get to tell me who I can and can't be friends with anymore... Speaking of which, whatever became of Royce? Did you guys keep in touch?"

"Nah, not really. We talked on the phone a couple of times, but that was the extent of it. It's for the best. Everyone was right about him. He wasn't the person that I thought he was. Maybe if I hadn't been so stupid, I would have seen it. I can't blame him for all of the shit in the past, but he's definitely not going to be a part of my future."

"He's not my favorite person in the world," she admitted, "but if it weren't for him, we may never have started talking. Do you remember how we met?"

"Of course." I smiled at her. "It's one of my fondest memories. I remember that I first saw you in the guidance office at school. Royce and I had skipped class and came to get a note from Mrs. Cope."

"Why she caved in to you, I'll never know," she teased.

"That hurts, Bella," I said with mock suffering, grabbing at my chest over my heart.

"Whatever. You know how charming you can be. You have a way of beguiling people into getting what you want."

"Do I beguile you?" I asked, grinning.

"You used to," she answered, and smirked.

"But not now?" I questioned. _Have I lost my touch? I really hope not. I need all the allure I can possibly muster. _

Much to my fucking dismay, she changed the subject. It would not be forgotten, though. My affect on her was definitely something I needed to understand.

"What were you thinking when you saw me there in the office?" she asked.

"That you were hot." I grinned, watching her cheeks turn pink at my admission.

"Be serious," she said, nudging my arm.

"I am. You looked so fucking sexy sitting there on the couch, biting your pencil while you were reading. I don't think that you ever saw yourself clearly," I told her, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I don't know about that. You might not remember things as well as you think."

"Take my word for it. I'm not the only guy that thought that way. Maybe if you'd have had to change in the guys' locker room, you would know better."

"I don't even want to know what that means," she said, shaking her head.

"Good, because I really don't want to explain it." Just thinking about those prick-offs made me want to find them and kick their asses.

We continued chatting and drinking, and before we knew it, we'd finished off two bottles of wine and it was after three in the morning.

We were still on my couch, sitting sideways and facing each other. She had her head leaning on the back of it and she was looking in my eyes. The wine had me feeling braver than I had when we'd first arrived. Our conversation was great and we were so caught up in remembering the good times we had together. It was so easy to fall back into the familiarity and comfort of just being with her, even though it had been almost six god damn years. I couldn't resist. I had to let her know.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked me.

"You," I replied, gently running the backs of my fingers down the side of her face.

"Me? What about me?" She smiled, gazing at me with hooded lids.

"How beautiful you are… how it's so easy to talk to you… how much I really want to kiss you right now," I replied, looking from her eyes to her lips.

Blushing, a beautiful rose color warmed her cheeks, and her eyes traveled down to my lips, as well. I slowly leaned in, and I thought I heard her breath hitch. _Please don't let her back away_, I thought.

As I got closer, I brought my hand up and cupped her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. I lightly brushed my lips against hers. _Home._ They were smooth and soft and she didn't pull back.

Having the encouragement to continue, I pressed my lips to hers more firmly. The kiss was not rushed, but became increasingly stronger. I sucked her plump bottom lip between mine as I slid myself closer. She lifted her head and began kissing me back. Her lips and breath were heavenly and I could taste the sweetness from the wine. When I felt her tongue sweep across my top lip, I immediately granted her access.

With open mouths, our tongues slid together gracefully as my hand traveled down her neck, to her shoulder, and then down her back. While the kiss started out slow and soft, it quickly became heated and urgent. She scooted forward, placing her arms around my neck as my hands gripped on to her waist. I wanted to lay her back on the couch, but thought I would let her take the lead for a bit.

It had been a while since I'd made out with a girl. It's true that I never stopped thinking about Bella, but she wasn't the last girl I'd hooked up with. I was a fucking dude who was away at college. Of course there were girls. I didn't join the fucking priesthood. None of them meant anything like the girl who was sitting in front of me on my couch, though, and I wanted to show her.

Our tongues continued to dance together. She had her hands in my hair, gripping it tightly, and I'd pulled her into my lap. She was straddling me and my dick was really fucking happy about that. We were both panting and moaning and rubbing against each other. Fuck if I wanted it to stop, but I knew I had to make sure this wasn't just because of the alcohol.

"Bella?" I breathed between kisses.

"Hmm," she mumbled as she sucked on my bottom lip, her tongue seeking entrance to my mouth, once again.

Not wanting to pull away, but forcing myself to, I moved my hands from her ass up to cup her face. "Baby, wait," I told her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking confused.

"Nothing's wrong, sweetheart. _Fuck_, everything's perfect… for _me_. I just want to make sure that _you're_ okay. We've had a lot to drink, and as much as I _really _want to keep kissing you, I don't want it to be because of the wine."

"Aww, you're worried that you're taking advantage of me." She beamed.

"Well, yeah a little." I snickered. "But I really don't want you regretting this tomorrow."

"I'm fine, Edward. I'm a big girl. I know where I am and I know what we're doing. I want to be here," she said, running her hand down my cheek adoringly. Her hand felt so goddamn good. I couldn't wait to feel it other places.

"You're sure?" I asked, once more, just to be safe.

"Yes, I'm positive. Now kiss me," she commanded, gripping the back of my neck and pulling me down to her.

Our lips crashed together, yet again. Where it was slow and soft to start the first time, it was frenzied and frantic this time. Licking, sucking, and biting – our lips, tongues, and mouths never breaking away from the other's. She had me completely consumed, and I was okay with that. Shit, I fucking welcomed it.

"God, I've missed this, missed you," I panted, pushing my dick up against her, feeling the heat and wetness of her pussy and wishing we weren't wearing our clothes.

"Me, too. So much," she moaned back.

We kept at it for a good while, neither of us wanting to break the connection. It had been so long since I'd been with her like this. If I were to be honest, I never wanted it to stop. She had me completely wrapped around her finger, and we were just kissing. I knew I would never get tired of her. She was _the one_.

When the sun finally started to peek through the blinds, our kisses had become slower and sweeter. We were really taking our time, and I wasn't ready for it to end.

"Baby, it's really late. Why don't we go to my room?" I asked her.

She shot up, leaning away from me. "Why?" She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

I had to chuckle. "It's okay. I'm not suggesting we do any more than we have, I just think that there's more room on my bed and it's a lot more comfortable than the couch." _Where's that charm, E? You better find it if you want her to relax._

Her eyes shifted toward the door. "Maybe I should go."

_No, damnit, you should be here, with me._ "I can take you if you want," I offered reluctantly, "but I don't want you to leave. I'd really like to go to bed, wrap my arms around you, and fall asleep, so that the first things I see when I wake up are your gorgeous brown eyes. Stay with me, Bella. Please?" _Please let the soft voice and sweet sentiment win her over._

She smiled. "Stop trying to dazzle me, Mr. Cullen," she said playfully.

"Why, whatever do you mean, Ms. Swan?" I asked, playing along.

"You know exactly what I mean. You're very sweet, though, and I am pretty tired. You say your bed is comfy, huh?"

"The comfiest. You have to sleep in it to really feel it," I told her in my most persuasive voice.

"It's probably against my better judgment," she replied, biting her lip, "but lead the way."

_Fuck yeah!_ We got to my room and I pulled down the covers on the bed. "Do you want something to change into? I can get out a t-shirt and some sweats or something," I offered.

"Umm, do you think they'll fit me?" she asked.

"No, but it should be more comfortable than jeans." _It will definitely feel a lot better when our bodies rub against each other._

"Alright," she replied.

I got some things out for her and she went to change in the bathroom. _Holy shit! She wants to stay – in my bed. This has surprisingly turned into one of the best fucking nights ever._

I quickly changed into some pajama pants and a t-shirt, and when she came out, I was under the covers and waiting for her. She looked adorable in my clothes. It was definitely a sight I could get used to, if she had to wear clothes, that is. She placed her stuff on the floor by the door and then crawled into bed.

"Come here, beautiful," I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to me. She turned on her side, throwing an arm and a leg over me as she cuddled in. Her mouth found my neck and she began leaving delicious open-mouthed kisses, licking her way up to my earlobe and biting.

_Fuck me!_ "Mmmm, baby, I thought you were tired," I half moaned as her leg shifted between mine and she started rubbing against my cock.

"Do you want me to stop?" she asked between nibbles and kisses.

I grabbed on to her waist and pulled her on top of me. "Do you feel what you're fucking doing to me, baby?" I asked, grinding into her. "No, I most definitely don't want to stop, but I'm afraid if we don't, I won't be able to hold back. Are you ready for that?"

She stopped. "No, I guess not," she whispered, biting her lip and looking down. "I'm sorry."

"Hey," I said, lifting her chin so she'd look at me. "It's okay. I want to take things slow; do things right. We've already done way more than I thought we would do. I'm happy just having you here."

"You aren't pissed that you're… you know – ready to go – and that I'm not."

"Sweetheart, just because my dick is ready doesn't mean that I think it's the best idea. I think we should take our time. I'm not going anywhere." I brushed her hair back so that I could see her beautiful face.

I rolled her over so that she was on her side, facing me. One arm stayed around her while the other ran up her side and cupped her face. "You're worth the wait, sweet girl. You always have been," I told her, rubbing the pad of my thumb over her cheek. "Let's get some sleep."

She smiled before pulling me down for one last goodnight kiss and then snuggled into my chest. I closed my eyes and heard her let out a contented sigh as I played with her hair. It was the best sound in the world. She was peaceful, comfortable, in my arms, and I never planned to let her go.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Reviewers get to make out with Edward. Oh, and they get teasers! ;) *Smooches*


	15. Chapter 15 Hot and Cold

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is my rock star beta and she validates.

Thanks to Holly1980 for pre-reading! She keeps me on track and makes sure this whole thing flows. ;)

SM owns it. I just have fun foolin' around with her characters.

I know I promised you guys teasers, but I thought you would just rather read the actual chapter since it took a little bit longer to get posted. Don't forget to **REVIEW** when you get to the bottom! :D

**Chapter 15 – Hot and Cold**

Bella spent the night with me – all night, in my bed, wrapped up in my arms. I had never been more content or at home in my whole fucking life. I had dreamed of having her back for so long, and there she was. She'd actually stayed.

When I awoke, Bella was still sleeping. I lay next to her, silently watching her eyes flutter and her chest rise and fall evenly as she dreamed. I wondered what she dreamt about, hoping that it was me. She looked like an angel, innocent and perfect with no trace of sadness on her face.

With my head propped up on an elbow, I slowly took the other hand and began tracing it down her silky hair to her shoulder and soft arm. She instantly turned and curled into my chest, burying her face in the nook of my arm. It immediately made me smile.

I pushed her hair back so I could see her gorgeous face. She tried to hide it from me, once again, trying to bury herself closer into me, and I knew she was awake.

I couldn't stop the grin that was on my face. "Good morning, beautiful," I whispered down to her, placing soft kisses on her temple and cheek.

"Morning," she grumbled, still groggy with sleep. I had to laugh, remembering that she really wasn't a morning person. "What time is it?"

"It's a little after ten," I told her.

"What?" she exclaimed, jumping up. "Shit, I'm gonna be late. I can't believe I slept so long."

"Late?" I asked her, confused. She hadn't mentioned having to be somewhere the night before. "What for? Do you have plans this morning?" _So much for making her breakfast in bed._

"Umm, yeah. I'm supposed to be at my parents' house at eleven. My grandparents are visiting and they're expecting me for lunch."

"I'm sure they'll understand. I wish you didn't have to go so soon." _Seems odd that she didn't mention these plans sooner?_

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." She bit down on her lip, shifting her eyes from where she'd been on the bed to her clothes by the door. "I'm just gonna go change really quick," she said, scooping them up, "but do you think you can give me a ride back to my apartment?"

"Of course." I smiled at her. _Please don't freak out and regret last night. Not when it was so fucking perfect._

We each quickly dressed, her in the bathroom and me in my bedroom, and we were out the door. The car ride over to her place only took a few minutes. And she was quiet, looking out the passenger window. The silence was fucking killing me.

"Penny for your thoughts," I said quietly.

"Just thinking," she replied.

"Everything okay?" I asked, needing to know that she was good. That _we_ were good.

"Yeah, fine. I just have a lot to get done today. I've got a busy week ahead of me."

We pulled up to her building, and even though I wasn't ready to see it end, I knew she had to go.

I put the car in park and turned to her. "I had a great time with you last night, Bella," I told her, cupping her face with my hand and running the pad of my thumb over her cheek.

"Yeah, it was nice. I had a good time," she replied, and looked down at her fidgeting hands.

"When can I see you again? I know you say you're busy this week." _But I hope you'll make time for me._

"Umm, I'm not sure. I've got a lot going on at work," she answered. _Don't do that. Don't push me away._

"Well, I could always come and take you out to lunch one day," I suggested. _Say fucking yes, _I willed her in my thoughts.

"You don't have to do that, Edward. I know you've probably got lots to – "

"Don't be silly," I interrupted. "My calendar is wide open, at the moment. School doesn't start for a few more weeks and I've got lots of free time until then. It would give me something to do. Plus, I'd love to take you to lunch, and it would be cool to see you at work."

"Uh, okay, if you're sure," she said, biting her lip again. She wasn't intending to, but she was making me fucking crazy with that. She looked so goddamn sexy, so I reached over and released her lip with my thumb before caressing her face.

"Bella, I like spending time with you. I'd like to do more of it, in whatever capacity you'll allow or have time for." _Don't you know that? Haven't I shown you?_

"Alright. Lunch." She smiled, but it didn't make her eyes sparkle the way I loved.

"Is there a day that works best for you?" I asked, returning her smile in hopes that my happiness would rub off on her.

"Wednesday. Will that work?"

"Wednesday is great. I'll come and pick you up. You're in the main office?"

"Yeah. Just let the receptionist know that you're there and she'll buzz me," she instructed.

"Will do. Now, slide over here and give me a hug."

She smiled, turning to me, once more. I pulled her in and squeezed tight, placing a kiss on the top of her head. As she went to pull the door handle, I couldn't just let her get out.

"Bella?"

"Yeah," she replied, looking back at me.

"I'll miss you." I gave her the grin she seemed to love. _There it is. There's the smile that brightens my world._

She laughed, and I saw a hint of a blush. "I'll see you on Wednesday," she said, rolling her eyes, and then she got out.

I watched her walk through the door of her building and waved to her once she was safely inside. I didn't want to fucking wait until Wednesday to see her again, but I wouldn't push her. I just hoped that she didn't over think things and change her mind. Things were finally starting to be good between us and I wanted them to get even better.

They had to.

~xxx~

It was hard to not constantly think about her, remembering the feel of her soft lips on mine, the way she tasted, the way her sexy fucking body grinded against me, how she felt in my arms. It was enough to make me come undone quite a few times, but I somehow managed to make it through, and Wednesday finally rolled around.

Her office was on Fifteenth Street, and I didn't know what she would want to do for lunch, so I decided to drive rather than take the subway. Parking downtown was a bitch, but I had, fortunately, left early enough that it wasn't too late when I got to her building.

As instructed, I informed the receptionist that I was there to meet Bella so she could call her, but as luck would have it, one of Bella's co-workers was passing by and kindly offered to show me to her desk. Her office was on the fifth floor, so after a short elevator ride and a few turns down some hallways, we were there.

I was really looking forward to seeing her. That is, until I actually _saw_ her… or should I say _him_. When I got to her desk, she was typing on her computer while some fucking asshole leaned over her, with his hands on her shoulders, massaging them. I wanted to rip them from his arms.

They were looking at her monitor and discussing a story. I knew I was probably being irrational, but I didn't want some fucker pawing her like that. To make matters worse, they didn't even realize that I was standing _right_ fucking there.

I stood for a moment, glaring at the douche bag whose hands were still firmly attached to my girl. I knew she wasn't technically _mine_, but I wanted her to be. I thought we were working our way toward that, and this asshole had no right to be fucking rubbing on her.

"Ahem," I sounded, clearing my throat in order to get their attention.

Bella turned to me and smiled while the fuckhead looked over and narrowed his eyes. He took his hands off her, though. _That's right; back the fuck off of her!_

"Hey, Edward," she said cheerfully. "I didn't know you were here. Did you let the receptionist know to buzz me?"

"I did, but one of your co-workers – Emily, I believe – offered to show me up since she was coming this way," I replied, sounding way more irritated than I was allowed. I couldn't help it, though, when ass-wipe was looking me up and down, seeming to size me up. _Bring it, fucker, _I thought, scowling at him.

"Oh, that was cool of her." She slid her chair back and stood to introduce us. "Edward, this is Mike. Mike, this is my friend, Edward," she said, looking between the two of us.

"Hello, Edward. It's always a pleasure to meet one of Bella's _friends._" He smirked and held out his hand after stressing the word _friend_ a little too much for my liking.

"Mike." I nodded and shook the fucker's hand, making sure to use a tight grip.

"So, have you known Bella long?" he asked.

"Since high school," I replied.

"Really?" he questioned me, seemingly disbelieving.

_Who the fuck does this asshole think he is?_ "Yes, really," I retorted. "Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. I just think it's weird that I haven't seen or heard of you before." Mike snickered.

"Well, I guess I could say the same for you," I sneered back.

"Edward just moved back to the area," Bella interjected, throwing me a pointed look. "He was in Arizona for a few years."

"Yes, so you'll be seeing and hearing a lot more of me from now on," I assured him. "Are you ready to go, beautiful?" I tried to calm my voice as I addressed her.

"Yeah, sure," she huffed, picking up her purse and shoving by Mike and I hastily.

Then, the fucker had the audacity to laugh. _Prick._

"You kids have a nice time," he called to us as we made our way down the hall. _Sarcastic motherfucker._ He hadn't seen the last of me.

We got to the elevator and I could tell that Bella was pissed. I knew that she would be, but there was no way in hell that I was going to let that piece of shit try to intimidate me. He may have thought that he knew Bella, but I doubted that he knew her as well as I did.

"What the hell was that?" she asked me once we were alone inside the closed elevator.

"What do you mean?" I feigned ignorance to lighten the situation. I knew it probably wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot.

"You know exactly what I mean! You and Mike having some kind of pissing contest up there," she recounted angrily.

"We weren't having a pissing contest." I smirked.

"What do you call that, then?" she clamored, folding her arms of her chest. "I almost expected the two of you to whip your dicks out to see whose was bigger."

_Mine. It would definitely have been mine._ "Come on. It wasn't like that," I said softly, scuffing my foot on the elevator floor.

"Yes, it really was. If you can't understand that, then – "

"I'm sorry, okay!" I blurted out, not wanting her to be angry with me. Our lunch date hadn't started the way I'd anticipated. "I wasn't trying to disrespect you in any way, but did you see that guy? He was totally instigating."

"Why would you even let him bother you, Edward? You don't even know him. Why would it even matter?"

"Because you matter to me, and I didn't like what I saw."

"What you _saw_? What are you talking about? What did you _see_?" she seethed.

"When I showed up, he had his hands all over you."

"All over me? Hardly, Edward."

"He was fucking rubbing your shoulders."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, I didn't like it," I repeated, once again, as the elevator dinged.

We stepped out once the doors opened, and she pulled me to the side, quieting her voice as to not cause a scene.

"You know, I really don't even need to be explaining this to you, but it was completely innocent," she replied in a hush tone.

"Maybe so, but I still didn't like it," I whispered sheepishly.

"You have no right to get upset, though. I don't know what would possess either of you to act the way you did, but you both need to grow the hell up. I'm not a toy and I don't belong to _either_ of you."

"You're absolutely right and I'm really sorry. I've never once thought of you as a toy and I know that we aren't in a relationship, but it made me jealous. I realize that I have no claim on you, and that you're able to do what you want and see whomever you please, but I would be lying to you if I said it didn't bother me to think of you with other people."

"Edward, I – "

I stopped her before she could get another word in. "Please let me finish," I requested. "Look, Bella, I know that we aren't at a place where we can just jump back into things. Believe me, I get it. I just hope that you are willing to consider the possibility in the future. I'm not perfect; I've made mistakes and I'll make more, but I want you to know that I'm here and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove myself to you. Okay?"

She sighed. "Edward, I care about you. I really do. I like spending time with you, and I can see that you've matured a lot from the boy you were in high school, but I'm not ready for anything serious right now. That's not aimed at you, so please don't take it that way. I'm not ready for anyone."

"Okay. I understand… and I promise I won't push you. I can be a jealous asshole, but I'll work on it. Just don't give up on me. Your friendship means more than you know."

Her lips curved up into a genuine smile.

"Does that smile mean I'm forgiven?" I grinned at her, hopeful that I was.

"You should know that you're a real pain in the ass, but yes. You're forgiven… for now. Just don't piss me off."

I threw my hands up. "Yes, ma'am. I wouldn't want to suffer your wrath," I teased.

"You're right. You wouldn't." She laughed. "Can we get something to eat now? I'm starving."

"Anything for you, sweetheart," I assured her, placing my hand on the small of her back. "Please lead the way."

~xxx~

We ate lunch together at a nearby deli. We ordered our favorites; she had a turkey club and I had pastrami on rye. The conversation was light. We talked about the projects she was working on, what I had planned for the upcoming school year, movies we wanted to see, music, the weather… anything but what we were doing and where we were going.

It was frustrating as hell. I wanted her all to myself, but she wasn't ready for that. Not with me, at least. She said she wasn't ready for anything serious with _anyone_, but I didn't really know for sure. I just had to take her word for it.

Once we were through with lunch, I walked her back to her building. I'd enjoyed the time with her, and let her know as much, but I still wanted more. She gave me a hug, and it was a really great hug, before heading back to her office. There were no promises of further dates or when I would see her again, though.

I went home and sulked. Days passed and I hadn't heard a thing from her. I tried to call her a couple of times, and I left her messages, but I didn't hear back. I was going out of my goddamn mind, but I wasn't going to be the crazy stalker guy. I fucking refused. It was over a week before I finally heard from her again, and that was when she showed up at my door.

~xxx~

I had finally had enough of sitting around my apartment and pouting like a fucking baby. I wanted Bella… more than anything, but I wasn't going to become a fucking hermit because of it. So, I called up some guys from high school and made a plan to meet them for drinks.

It was great catching up with people I hadn't seen in a while. We had a good time bullshitting and throwing back shots and beers, and it was closing time before we knew it. I was really glad we'd decided to meet close and I was able to walk, because I was stumbling on the way back home.

It was really late – or really early – depending on how you looked at it. I just wanted to get inside and crawl in my bed. I hadn't been sleeping well and hoped that the alcohol would knock me out into a dreamless sleep. I was tired, tired of thinking – tired of worrying – tired of feeling. I just wanted to forget for a while.

The powers that be obviously had other fucking ideas, though, because when I shuffled out of the elevator onto my floor, my eyes were met with the gorgeous pair of brown ones belonging to the beautiful girl who was sitting and leaning against my apartment door.

"Hi," she said meekly, looking up at me as I reached her.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" I asked, not knowing whether to be happy, worried, or pissed.

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I was out… and I didn't want to go home," she replied softly.

"So, you decided to come here?" I grinned. Apparently pissed wasn't an option.

"Yeah. I don't know." She shrugged. "I hope that's okay. I just… I wanted to see you."

I couldn't stop the smile that was on my face at hearing those words. I held out my hand, helping her up, and unlocked the door.

"Come on, let's go inside," I said, pulling her with me.

I closed and locked the door as Bella made her way over to the couch.

"What did you do tonight?" I asked, taking my shoes off.

"Nothing special. Just went out for drinks with some people from work, and I guess it got late. What about you?"

"The same. Met up with some people for drinks?"

"People?" she questioned nervously.

"Just some guys – Riley, Paul, and Jared. You remember them from high school, right?"

"Oh, yeah," she replied, looking relieved, which made me smirk. "How are they?"

"They're good. It was fun catching up with them. It's been years." _Was that jealousy I just saw? Did you think I was on a date? Fuck, I wish I knew._

"Yeah, I bet."

"What's going on, beautiful?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I haven't heard from you in over a week. I've tried to call, but I haven't heard back and then you just show up."

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked in a raised tone.

_Fuck!_ "No, it's not that. You're always welcome here, Bella. I love spending time with you. I'm just wondering if everything is okay."

"Yeah, I'm alright. I've just had a long and stressful week."

"Anything you want to talk about or that I can help with?"

"Actually, yes. I'm tired, Edward. Really tired. I was hoping that I could stay here tonight."

"Um, yeah, sure," I replied, confused. I was all for having her stay with me if she wanted, but I didn't know where she was coming from. "Do you want me to get you some blankets and a pillow or something?"

"No. I mean, I want to stay with you… sleep with you," she replied, biting her soft bottom lip.

"With me?" I had to make sure I heard her correctly. While my cock was starting to stand at attention with the thought of her in my bed again, I had to be sure I wasn't imagining it.

"You were right. Your bed is really comfy. It's definitely better than mine. And, well, I slept really great when I stayed here the last time. So, I was hoping I could stay again." I watched the heat rise up from her neck to her cheeks, coloring them a bright, rosy pink.

My bed was really fucking comfortable. It should have been; I spent a lot of damn money on it. I was hoping that this was about more than my bed, though – that it was about me, and being in my arms, that made her sleep so well. Because, truth be told, I slept better with her, too.

I grinned at her and said, "Follow me."

Once in my room, I opened my dresser drawer to get out the sweats and t-shirt I'd let her borrow last time she was over. "Here, I washed them," I said, handing them to her.

"Thanks." She smiled. "Uh, I'll just go and get changed in the bathroom."

"Okay, I'll be here."

As soon as she was in the bathroom, I threw off my jeans and shirt, grabbed a pair of pajama pants, got them on, and hopped into bed. I had been so tired when I first got home, but that was no longer the case. My rapidly beating heart had the blood pumping through my system and sleep was the last fucking thing on my mind.

She came back to my room, laying her stuff by the door, once again, and flipped off the light. She quietly walked over and slid under the covers, then turned to face me.

"Hi," I said softly, a smile playing on my lips.

"Hi," she whispered back, gazing into my eyes.

"Tired?" I asked as I pushed her hair back and ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek.

"Yes, but I don't think I can fall asleep yet," she replied, leaning into my touch.

"No, how come?" I asked, continuing to stroke her hair and cheek.

Biting down on her plump bottom lip, her gaze wandered from my eyes to my lips and back. She was nervous, but sexy as fuck.

"What is it?" I asked her reassuringly.

"You haven't kissed me goodnight," she murmured, looking away.

"You want a goodnight kiss, baby? Come here," I whispered and pulled her to me. Gently sliding a hand up her arm and over her shoulder, I cupped the side of her face, making her turn to me. Her eyes met mine and I slowly moved in, licking my lips before softly touching them to hers.

The kiss was slow and gentle to start because I wasn't sure how much she wanted. After several delicate brushes against her warm, plump satin, I slowly parted my lips, allowing my tongue to trace the outline of hers. She quickly complied, running her tongue over my bottom lip and sucking in my top. With open mouths, our tongues swirled together and the kiss swiftly ignited.

She moved in closer, throwing her leg over me as her hands wound into my hair. Quiet moans escaped her as our tongues continued their dance, circling around each other in a heated frenzy. She was so fucking sexy.

My hands traveled down her sides to her hips, pulling her on top of me as her tongue flicked against mine. Nipping at her lips playfully, I couldn't help but grin up at her. She began rolling her hips in a way that was creating just the right amount of friction on my already rock hard dick.

"God, that feels good, baby," I told her. She continued to rock against me, her eyes closed, arching her back ever so slightly. She was a fucking goddess. Her small hands felt so good running down the plains of my chest.

I ran my nose across her cheek to her ear and gently bit down before sucking on the lobe. I nibbled and licked my way down her neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses, before flipping her over. With her back pressed to the mattress, my mouth reclaimed hers as I moved against her.

Between heated kisses, she breathed out, "I want to feel you, Edward. All of you." She put a hand on my chest, pushing me back, and sat up. I was a little confused, until she reached for the hem of her shirt. She lifted it up and over her head, revealing nothing but smooth, flawless skin beneath.

My breath hitched at the sight as she laid back down, pulling me with her. Her hands tugged at the hair on the nape of my neck and our tongues slid together, once again. I felt her hands move over my shoulders and back before reaching my ass. She dug her nails in through the cotton pajama pants and squeezed, trying to pull me closer while grinding against me.

"You're so fucking beautiful," I muttered against her skin, kissing my way down her chin and neck, over her chest, to her perfect round swells. I flicked my tongue against a pert nipple, kneading and cupping her breasts with my hands. _Delicious._

She arched her back once more, giving my mouth even better access to suck her in. Her hands moved back to my hair, pushing my mouth on her firmly. I sucked and licked and nipped on her peaks as our hands continued to explore.

She ran her fingers adeptly over my muscles, gently feeling their way down to the waist of my pants. Slowly dipping inside, I could feel her palming my ass. It felt so fucking good. Especially since I wasn't wearing boxers.

She started to tug them in a downward motion, causing me to pull away. I needed to see what she was thinking and feeling, and her eyes always let me know.

I brought my hand up to cup her cheek, rubbing the pad of my thumb across it.

"Baby, are you sure you about this?" I asked, searching her eyes for the truth.

"I want to touch you… with no barriers between us."

"You're sure it's not too soon?"

"I'm not saying I want to have sex, but I want to feel you, Edward – skin to skin." Her words were meaningful, but her beautiful brown orbs said so much; lust, desire, need, comfort, trust. She pulled my mouth to hers for several playful pecks. "Please?" she asked, kissing my nose, chin, cheeks, and eyelids. She was sure.

I seriously fucking groaned as my eyes rolled back in my head. This woman was killing me. She smirked, knowing that she had gotten her way. The kissing continued as her hands moved back down to my pajama pants and mine to hers. It didn't take long to slide them down our legs until our feet kicked them free.

Naked.

Skin to skin like she had asked. Touching her and feeling her, with no barriers. _Heaven_.

Mouths, tongues, fingers and hands everywhere, exploring, caressing, kneading and memorizing each other. _Amazing._

The soft skin of her hand around my shaft, her thumb rubbing over the tip, stroking me up and down. My fingers tracing over her wet lips, pumping in and out of her as my thumb rubbed circles over her clit. _Fucking bliss._

Several hours and a couple of amazing hand-produced orgasms later, we were totally spent and the sun was peeking through the blinds, yet again. We crashed out hard, tangled together in a sea of sheets. Sleep came easily for us both. Everything was perfect… until I woke up alone.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Reviews are better than getting felt up by Edward! :P *Smooches*

I thought I might give you guys a story rec. this time. _**Forsaken in My Mind's Past**_** by WickedCurveBall74** is awesome. Her story gets better and better with each chapter, and she writes really hawt lemons! Go show her some love. She deserves it. :)


	16. Chapter 16  Surprises

**Authors Notes: **

Guys, you blew me away with the reviews in the last chapter. I am overwhelmed and appreciative of the love. Thanks so much. I hope you keep it up because I really do take what you say to heart.

I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. I had intended to get it finished Halloween weekend. However, between soccer games, Halloween parties, trick-or-treating, and one of our dogs having to be put down because she got hit by a car, it wasn't happening. I wasn't in the right frame of mind.

With that being said, I hope this chapter makes up for it! :D Lemony goodness lies ahead, so if you aren't old enough to vote, you shouldn't be reading this. Just sayin…

Xrxdanixrx betas and validates and I heart her immensely.

Thanks to BellaCellaLuna and Holly1980 for pre-reading – and go check out Holly's new story, _You Are the Only Exception_, for some Carlisle and Bella yumminess. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

SM owns it, but I think I had more fun writing this here chapter than she did with the honeymoon. ;) Speaking of which, are you seeing all the Breaking Dawn pics and videos? Squee! I can't wait! Now, on with the show…

**Chapter 16 – Surprises**

Alone in my bed – again. Not my favorite way to wake up. No, being wrapped around Bella was how I wanted to wake. Hoping that she had just gotten up to get a drink or use the restroom, I called out to her. When there was no response, I quickly threw on my pajama pants and went to look for her. I made it out to the kitchen, and I knew she was gone.

I probably should have realized it when her stuff was no longer on my bedroom floor, but I guessed it was my wishful thinking that kept me hopeful. She'd left me without saying goodbye. I figured it out when I found the note she'd left on the kitchen counter.

_Edward,_

_I had to run. Thanks for last night. It was fun._

_- Bella_

_Fun_, I thought. She thought it was _fun_. Well yeah, it was pretty fucking fun, but it was a lot more than that. To _me_, anyway.

I was so confused. She showed up on my fucking doorstep saying she missed me, wanting my closeness, asking if she could stay with me, kiss me, feel me, and then she just fucking bolted while I was asleep. It almost felt like a dream.

I would have thought that it _was_ a dream if it weren't for the note and the fact that I was naked and surrounded by her heavenly scent when I woke up. My body, my sheets, the air… it was filled with her smells; cotton candy and fucking sunshine mixed with a little sex; though, we hadn't actually gone all the way.

I trudged back to my room, not knowing what the fuck I was supposed to think, let alone do. I felt like I was losing my damn mind. One minute, things with Bella and I seemed perfect. She wanted me and things were amazing between us, but the next, she acted like nothing was going on. It was fucking eating away at me. I didn't know whether to be hurt or really fucking pissed. I didn't want to be either, but she wasn't giving me much to work with.

I threw myself back down on the bed, replaying the previous night's events. She came to me. She asked me if she could stay, wanting to sleep in my bed, asking me to kiss her. I was just giving her what she wanted. Yes, I wanted it, too, but I was trying to let her take the lead. This was uncharted territory for me, and I was confused as hell.

I didn't know if she was playing some kind of fucked up game with me or if I was just over thinking things. I was hoping for the latter, because I couldn't take it if none of it meant anything to her. I realized that it was probably karma coming back to bite me on the ass for all the fucked up shit I'd done to girls – to _her_ – when I was younger, but I prayed that it wasn't.

Lying there was not helping me. Not when all of my senses were engulfed with her essence. I needed to get the fuck up and stop pining away like a little bitch. I had never been that way before, and I wasn't going to allow myself to start. Besides, I didn't even know what to make of things. I didn't know how she felt, didn't know what she wanted or expected. I knew what _I_ wanted; it was to be with her. And I would go out of my way to make her happy, but she was going to need to make an effort, too. And more of one than she'd been making thus far.

In order to clear my head, I decided to go out for a run. I realized that I hadn't been doing it as much since I got home, and I needed to start back up. When things got too stressful, or I needed to break away to gather my thoughts, running was my outlet. It was my morning ritual in college and it helped me let go of everything and just be free for a little while.

I threw on some shorts, a t-shirt, my running shoes, and headed out. It was an overcast day and the clouds were blocking out the sun, much like the way my confusion was blocking out my happiness. I should have been ecstatic that things had progressed as much as they had with Bella. She had every right to shut me out, but it still hurt, and I was really frustrated.

I ran through the neighborhood, listening to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement and feeling my muscles contract as I pushed myself along. I tried to clear my head, but even running wasn't making that possible. I had probably gone about four miles, when I found myself back at my building, tired and as unsure as ever.

While I still didn't know the best course of action, I decided to leave things up to her for the time being. I didn't really like the idea of giving up total control, but it wasn't like I had a handle on the situation, anyway. I was a pitiful excuse of a man, but she fucking owned me.

I went back up to my apartment to shower and get ready for my day. I was determined to make the most of the little bit of time I had left before school started back up, so I made plans to hang out with friends throughout the week. If Bella wanted to see me, she needed to take some initiative.

~xxx~

The next few days passed by, and they were good. I had dinner with my parents one night, went out for drinks with the guys a couple of times, went to the movies with James one evening – Rosalie even tagged along – and things were cool. Bella actually called me a couple of times, too. We talked, but I didn't get to see her. I was sticking by my plan of letting her take the lead.

When the following Friday night rolled around, I went out with Riley, Paul and Jared again. They were a crazy bunch and they always had something fun planned. We met up at Flanagan's Harp and Fiddle, a cool little Irish Pub that had live music and drink specials.

"So, what's been going on, Ed? When does school start back up?"Paul asked.

"In a week," I said.

"You ready?" he questioned.

"Actually, yeah. I've enjoyed the time off, but it'll be good to be busy again."

"Really? Shit, I'd be loving life if I had the whole summer off. I could party every night, then," Jared chimed in.

"How is that different from what you do now?" Paul asked him, and we laughed.

"Whatever, fucker! I don't party any more than the rest of you goons," Jared scoffed.

"I still can't believe that Edward Cullen is a fucking school teacher!" Riley exclaimed. "Fucking crazy, man." He shook his head, laughing, as the other two agreed.

It was pretty insane, as was the amount of alcohol we consumed that night. I held my own, don't get me wrong, but those guys were unbelievable. There was no way I even came close to competing with them when it came to taking shots and slamming beers. They were pros, and I was merely an amateur.

We closed the place down, as was usually the case when hanging out with the three of them, but it was definitely time to go home. I was tired, drunk, and I needed some fucking sleep. I told the guys goodnight and that I'd see them soon, and made my way back to my building.

~xxx~

Coming back from the pub, I ran into my neighbor, Kate, in the lobby. She was just coming back from a night out with her friends, as well. We caught the elevator together since she lived on the same floor as me, just down the hall.

We were both a little drunk, and she was being very loud and silly. She was always a friendly girl, but she was extra chatty this night, and somewhat flirtatious. Kate was definitely attractive; she was tall, slender, had long blonde hair and blue eyes – she was a fucking knockout. I probably would have been interested if I didn't already have my heart set on another girl – one who may not have felt the same about me in return.

We laughed and joked around on the ride up to our floor and, at some point along the way, she grabbed onto my arm to keep her balance. I didn't think much of it. Like I said, she was always friendly, and she was drunk, so it wasn't out of character. It was totally fucking innocent, and not something I would've even thought twice about, that is until we stepped off the elevator, laughing together with her on my arm, and saw another woman standing at my door.

Bella.

~xxx~

"Looks like youuuu've got company," Kate sing-songed, looking to my apartment.

"Yeah, I guess so," I replied quietly. "Hey, are you going to be okay to get to your door?"

She was a giggling and hiccupping mess. "Yeah, no prooooblem. Thanks for the ride, Edwaaard. Enjooooy the rest of your niiiight," she called to me as she stumbled down the hall in the opposite direction.

I walked toward my apartment and the beautiful brown haired woman who stood in front of it. She was watching me with an expression that I wasn't sure of. I couldn't tell if she was angry, sad, confused, or worried. I guess it could have been a combination, though she really had no reason to feel any of those things.

"Hey," I whispered to her once I reached my door.

"Am I interrupting something?" Bella asked, motioning down the hall to where Kate had disappeared behind her door.

"No. You aren't interrupting. We were both headed home," I answered, unlocking my door and opening it. "Do you want to come in?"

She stepped inside so I could close the door, but she was quiet and wasn't offering much in the way of what brought her by. I threw my keys on the entry table and toed my shoes off before heading to the kitchen for a drink. I could feel her eyes on me as I poured the ice and water in the glass, but still no words were spoken. Someone had to break the ice, so I went for it.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" I asked, turning to face her and leaning back on the counter.

"What do you mean?"

"What brings you by? Did you miss me?" I grinned, taking a long pull of the refreshing liquid.

"Why would it matter?" she huffed, pouting and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Would that be your answer for question one or question two?" I goaded.

This seemed to really get her flustered, and it was fucking adorable. "Maybe it's for both." She sulked some more, making me smile even bigger.

"Well, sweetheart," I began in my sexiest and softest tone, "the reason you came by will let me know what your intentions are, and whether you missed me will help me decide mine." I smirked, moving toward her.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" she blew up at me, earning a chuckle.

"You're really sexy when you're angry," I teased, pushing her hair behind her ear so I could see her face fully. "Though, I don't understand what's caused it." I turned to go to the couch. "Come sit with me."

"I don't want to sit down right now."

"Okay, or stand. Whatever you prefer." I snickered, making myself comfortable on the sofa.

"Were you out with her tonight?" She glared at me.

"With who?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Edward. With the girl I saw you with a few minutes ago."

_Ah ha! She's jealous! Hmm… This could work in my favor_, I thought. "With Kate?" I laughed, further pissing her off.

"I guess, if that's her name!"

"Why would it matter?" I threw her reply from earlier back at her.

She was a smart girl; quick, too. "Because it will tell me what your intentions are, which will then tell me mine."

"Oh no, you don't!"

"What? I can play games, too, if that's what you want," she replied in a sarcastic tone.

"Games! Who's kidding who here? I've been up front with you from the get-go."

"Why won't you answer the question, then? Were you on a date with her or not?"

"You know, I seem to remember a time not too long ago when the situation was reversed. I was asking you about that douchebag you work with pawing all over you. Your response was that you didn't need to be explaining yourself to me."

"Yes, but I did anyway. I told you nothing was going on."

"Yeah, and you also told me that I was your friend and had no claim to you!" _Or have you forgotten that little tidbit._

"So, you were out with her, then. Just tell me, Edward!"

_What the fuck is up with this accusatory bullshit?_ "No! I wasn't fucking out with her, okay? We ran into each other in the lobby and rode up on the elevator together. That's it – nothing more. But I don't understand why it should make a difference when you obviously – "

I was cut off mid-sentence as Bella flew at me. Her hands fisted in my shirt as she jumped in my lap, straddling me, and crashed her lips to mine. The kiss was urgent and hard, her tongue seeking out mine as she licked my lips, urging them open. She was dominant and forceful, leading me along with her actions.

Our tongues swirled together, her hands slowly shifting up my chest, over my shoulders, behind my neck, and finally into my hair where they tugged, making me groan. She nipped and bit at my lips, my jaw, and my neck while my hands laid claim to her hips, digging my fingers in and pulling her closer.

She circled over me, rubbing her warm center over my jean clad cock. The friction was amazing. She felt so fucking good – her lips, her tongue, her hands and skin. _God, I want you_, I thought, grinding against her.

"I want you, too," she panted, making me realize I'd actually said it aloud, before her mouth was on mine, once more.

My hands slowly shifted up from her hips and grabbed a hold of her shirt, temporarily halting our kiss to pull it off. Tossing it behind the couch, my mouth moved over her neck and her collarbone, kissing down across her chest and sucking in a pebbled peak through the blue lace of her bra.

She arched her back, giving me better access, while continuing her gyrations against my lap. I fondled a soft, round swell with one hand, while my tongue flicked at the fabric covered nipple on the other. She let out a whimper and curled back into me, licking and sucking her way down my neck as she hurriedly popped the buttons on my shirt, pushing it off once they were released.

Her hands trailed over the light dusting of hair on my chest, ghosting their way down over my stomach. She slid down, leaving wet kisses along the path her delicate hands had just traveled, until she was on her knees on the floor, looking up at me through her long chestnut lashes.

"Baby, what are you doing? I want you up here with me," I cooed, trying to pull her back up.

She smirked. "I know, but I've wanted to do something for a really long time, and I think you'll want it, too." Her hands drifted down to the button on my jeans, pulling it open before sliding the zipper down. "Now lift up," she said, smiling as she hooked her fingers into the waistband and tugged.

I complied with her wish, as if I would've ever denied her, and the jeans came off, leaving me in my boxer briefs, standing at full attention. There was no time for feeling fucking shy or uncertain, though, because her hands were immediately on me. One slid up my calf and over my thigh, while the other palmed my very hard and very eager erection, separated only by the thin cotton covering it.

"These need to come off, too," she commanded, a mischievous smile playing across her lips as she pulled at my underwear.

She leaned in closer, tugging them down past my knees and then off entirely. There I was, in all my rock hard glory, right in front of her face. I felt my dick twitch at the feel of her hot fucking breath passing over me. I couldn't fucking believe what was about to happen.

Looking me in the eyes, she licked her lips and came forward. She took my dick in her hand, cupping it and giving it a long, slow stroke from the base to the tip. A smirk formed on her lips, once again. She knew the anticipation was fucking killing me.

Her sweet tongue peeked out of her hot, little mouth and licked up my shaft. When she got to the head, she swirled it around, making my eyes roll back in my fucking head. I let out a moan as she sank her mouth over me. It was warm and tight, and I thought I was going to come undone before she even started moving.

My head dropped to the back of the couch as she began working me up and down with her mouth and hand. She started slow, a combination of gentle strokes with her mouth and hand, up – down – up down, then circling her tongue around my tip and repeating.

"God, that feels so fucking good, baby," I grunted, burying my hands in her hair and planting them to her gorgeous head. Seeing her on her knees – between my legs, with her mouth on my cock – was a sight I wouldn't soon forget.

Her pace picked up, as did the suction her lips and mouth were making, and I swear to fucking Christ she seemed into it. She was humming and mewling with each pass she made, not to mention the fact that she was massaging my balls. The sensations were fucking awesome, and I wasn't going to hold out much longer. What could I say, it had been a while since I'd gotten a BJ, and this one was beyond amazing.

"Fuck, Bella, baby, I'm… I'm about… I'm about to… " I couldn't hold out another second and jerked myself out of her fervent lips. "Unggghhh," I growled as the hot load shot out on my stomach, leaving my cock pulsating from the intense orgasm.

Bella lifted up off her bottom, a proud smile on her face as I grabbed my balled up shirt from the couch to wipe myself off.

"Here, let me," she said, taking the shirt from my grasp and cleaning me off. I just lay back, trying to regain my strength as she climbed back up in my lap. She was biting her lip, appearing nervous as she looked in my eyes.

I smiled up at her. "Wow," was all I could say.

"So, are you good?" she asked softly, seeming almost shy.

"Good? Baby, I'm beyond good. I'm fucking great! Shit. That was so unbelievably incredible… and _hot_! You're full of surprises. Thank you." I grinned and pulled her to me for a kiss.

"You're welcome. I did owe you," she said, snuggling into my chest as I played with her silky hair.

"Owe me? For what?"

"High school – that night in your room," she replied sheepishly.

"You remember that?" I asked, pulling her face back to look in her eyes.

She nodded her head. "You aren't the only one with a good memory, Mr. Cullen. Besides, a girl doesn't usually forget her first orgasm."

"Well, Ms. Swan, I'd say you're due for another one… right now!" I stood, throwing her over my shoulder as she squealed, and I ran toward my bedroom.

I placed her down on the bed so that her head was resting on my pillow. I was still completely naked, but she had on a bra, her jeans, and whatever the fuck she was wearing beneath them. It was a situation that I was soon to remedy.

I walked around to the end of my bed, keeping eye contact as she watched my every move. She was biting down on that damn lip again, driving me out of my fucking mind. I slowly began crawling up the bed until I was hovering over her.

"It's your turn now, and time to get you out of these clothes," I breathed out, bending down to nip at her lips, her ear, her chin, working my way down her neck to her shoulder. I grabbed on to her bra strap with my teeth and pulled back, making it snap back against her skin. "You're gonna have to lift up for me, baby." I smirked.

She sat up, and I placed a hand behind her back, unhooking her bra with ease, a skill I had mastered early in my adolescence. She lay back down as I slid the straps from her arms, freeing her perky, round breasts. Supple, soft, perfection was what they were.

I tossed the bra across the room and brought my hands up to cup her mounds, kneading and caressing them as I bent down to suck a pert nipple into my salivating mouth. She tasted so fucking good; a sweet better than any candy or cookie imaginable.

I circled the peak with my tongue and bit down, eliciting a moan and the arch of her back as I continued my tease. Not wanting to neglect the other, I licked my way across her chest, kissing and nibbling at the skin until I had the pink, fleshy apex in my mouth. I flicked, sucked, and bit at the decadent treat, using my fingers to roll and pinch the other.

She began to squirm, and I could tell she was anxious for me to go lower. "Getting excited, are we?" I teased, before trailing kisses down over her sternum and stomach, circling my nose around her belly button, until I reached the button at her waist. Keeping my legs straddled around her, I sat back on my haunches and popped it open.

Easing the zipper down, I crawled backwards away from her until I was at her feet. I grabbed the edges of her jeans and tugged, pulling them free. I was greeted with smooth, white satin. Dropping her pants to the floor, I began my ascent back up. There was still one more critical article of clothing to remove.

I hooked my fingers into the top of her matching lace panties, looking in her eyes to make sure we were still good. When I knew that we were, I slid them down her long and luxurious limbs. Flawless, bare perfection was in front of me. It wasn't the first time I'd seen her naked, but it didn't matter. The beauty of her took my breath away every time.

"God, you're fucking beautiful; so soft and perfect," I whispered, running my hands up her legs and hips until I was straddling her again. "I can't wait to taste you, baby. It's long overdue."

"Please, Edward," she pleaded. "I can't wait anymore. You're making me crazy."

I grinned. "Am I?" I asked, placing chaste kisses on her lips, neck, and shoulders.

"You know that you are. Please don't tease me," she breathed out.

"What do you want, Isabella?"

"You know what I want. Please…"

"Tell me. I want to hear it," I purred, nipping at her breast, nipples, and stomach as I inched my way lower.

"I want your mouth," she murmured.

"Where do you want it?" I asked, smiling against her skin, playing dumb.

"Right here," she said, grabbing a hold of my head and pushing me down to her wet core.

I blew out a long, warm breath and circled my nose around her slit, taking in her scent. I inhaled her heavenly sweetness before taking a slow pass over her with my limber, flattened tongue. She bucked her hips and gripped tightly onto my hair, giving it a tug.

"Do you like that, baby?" I mumbled against her.

"God, yes," she grunted.

"Good, because I plan to take my time with you," I let her know, earning another moan from deep within her throat.

My hand coasted up a leg and propped it over my shoulder, allowing me to bury my face further into her moist haven. She was so ready, and I fucking loved that I made her that way. I parted her velvety lips with my tongue, licking and lightly sucking her folds as my fingers dug into her ass cheeks and squeezed.

With a relaxed tongue, I languidly licked from her entrance to her clit, pebbling my tongue to circle the sugared almond and lap at her nectar. She was like a tasty ice-cream treat, and I wanted to devour her. I gently sucked her clit into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it as I pushed a finger inside her. She was warm and tight.

I curled my finger to hit her inner wall, pulling in and out a few times before inserting a second finger. She was so fucking wet and she tasted amazing. I continued licking her inner lips, nipping at her labia, and working my way back to her clit.

She let out a whimper and bucked her hips slightly, but I didn't let her move far. I pushed down on her pelvis with my other free hand, continuing to work her over with my fingers and tongue. Her breathing got heavy and she was pushing my head and pulling my hair at the same time.

Feeling her walls begin to tighten up on me, I removed my fingers and thrust my tongue inside her. Fucking hell she was delicious. I knew she was close to coming, and I wanted to lick her juices.

My fingers moved up to circle and flick at her nub while my tongue continued fucking her, pumping in and out of her hot, tight pussy. She was moaning and her hands had moved down to the bed, fisting them in the sheets.

I lightly sucked and bit down, increasing the pace of my fingers on her most sensitive area. Raising my head for a quick peek at her face, she looked completely unraveled; her head was thrown back and her eyes were squeezed shut. She was panting and her chest was heaving.

"Come for me, baby," I begged her in my sexiest voice.

I took her clit in my mouth one more time, enveloping it with my lips, tickling and stroking it with my tongue. It was only a few more seconds, and she was pushed over the edge.

"Fuck!" she screamed, pulling the extra pillow over her face as her thighs clamped around my head. I couldn't help but let out my own little groan, nibbling and sucking some more as she rode out her orgasm.

It didn't take long for her to turn to jelly, her limbs falling limp on the mattress. I crawled up the bed and lay down beside her, removing the pillow from her face as I propped myself up on my elbow. She had the biggest smile on her face, which made me so fucking happy.

Repeating the word I'd used on her earlier, she looked at me and said, "Wow."

I grinned at her, pushing some stray hairs behind her ear before touching my lips to hers. Her taste was still on my mouth, and I wondered if it would bother her. The realization that it didn't was quick, as she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in, deepening the kiss.

She sucked my tongue into her mouth, snaking hers against it. She threw a leg over me, gently pushing me on my back so that she was straddling me. Her waist was aligned with mine, and I could feel her heat on my cock.

Our kisses were passionate and intense as our hands continued their explorations of one another. I wasn't sure what had come over her, but something felt different. It was like she had finally let go and was letting me in.

She kissed over my cheek, down my jaw, and nibbled her way back up to my ear.

"Edward," she murmured.

"Yes, beautiful?" I quietly replied.

"I'm ready," she rasped, sucking my lobe into her mouth and biting down.

I pulled back, cupping her face with my hands. I needed her to look at me.

"You're ready?" I repeated, wanting to understand what she was telling me. "Are you sure?" _Fucking hell I hope you're serious, _I thought_._ Now that we were older – more mature – and I wasn't stealing her virtue, there was no way I would say no to her.

"Yes. I've never been surer about anything. I want you... all the way this time."

"There's no going back after that. No regrets. I couldn't take it if you did."

"No regrets," she replied, shaking her head.

"I'll need to get a condom from the drawer," I said, starting to sit up while trying to contain my fucking inner excitement.

"No, no condom."

"No condom, are you sure? I mean – "

She placed a finger over my lips. "Shh. I'm on the pill, and I'm totally clean. I'm not doing this with anyone else. If you aren't either, then I – "

"I'm not! And I'm clean. And there's no one else." I caressed her face. "Just you. Only you," I whispered, and her mouth crashed back to mine.

Her plump lips moved fervently against mine as our tongues danced and twirled together, neither of us wanting to break free. She was rocking against me and it was divine torture. I grabbed on to her hips and lifted her slightly, rubbing my cock between her folds. She was going to need the lubrication, given that I knew she was small from feeling how tight she was around my fingers.

I took several passes up and down her wet slit before positioning myself at her entrance. She was in control, as she was on top.

"Okay, baby, just take it slow," I told her, rubbing circles on her back.

The tip entered her just slightly, and I could feel her heartbeat race against my chest. She lifted herself up with her arms, running her hands down over my chest as she slowly sank down onto me.

"Fuck," I snarled, my eyes rolling back into my head for the second time that night.

She didn't move for a minute, probably adjusting to my size. I began to worry when her eyes were squeezed tight and she was biting down on her lip.

"Baby, are you okay?" I asked, concerned, trying to comfort her with the soft touch of my hands.

"Yeah, just give me a minute," she mumbled.

She took her time, allowing herself to get used to the feel. She slowly began moving in an up and down motion, swirling her hands in the hair on my chest and running her thumbs over my nipples. Once she was ready, she picked up the pace, thrusting me deeper with each pass.

Her lips, tongue and teeth sought mine out, once again, kissing and licking and biting as her hips rolled over me, letting me pump in and out of her. It was fucking intense. She was so goddamn tight; it felt like she had swallowed me up inside of her.

Sweat began beading on her forehead and her hair was sticking to her face. I ran my hands from her hips, passed her ribs, over her breasts and nipples, to her face. I pushed the hair back, running my hands behind her neck to pull her down to me.

My tongue darted out, tracing her lips and parting them, as it sought out the sweetness of hers. I could taste the salt from her skin mixed with the saccharine of her honeyed breath. It was a beautiful contrast.

I wrapped my arms around her, encasing her in my embrace, and flipped her over on to her back. We both were panting, hot, and sweaty, but she had never been more beautiful to me.

"Fuck, you're amazing. You feel so good, baby," I moaned, nipping at her ear and down her neck as I plunged myself in and out of her.

"God, Edward, I've wanted this for so long. Tell me I'm not dreaming," she whimpered, wrapping her legs around my hips as she dug her heels into my ass cheeks.

"_Fuck me_, that's good," I groaned at the sensation. The force was driving me deeper into her, and I didn't think I could hold on much longer. "You need to come for me, baby. I don't think I can go for long. You're so fucking tight."

I brought my hand down between us and, with circular motions, used my thumb to rub her love button. She arched her back off the bed, winding her arms behind my neck to pull me closer.

"Oh, Edward! Right there, go faster," she begged as I flicked and swirled over her clit, pushing and pulling and sinking myself into her further and faster with each passing second. Before I knew it, she was clamping down around me, squeezing me tight as she writhed beneath me.

My release came hard and fast, my orgasm overtaking me as I filled her with my seed. Her walls were consuming me, sucking up every last drop of my cum. I was fucking exhilarated and exhausted and fell on top of her before rolling us on our sides.

We lay still, panting and trying to catch our breaths. I could almost hear her heart beating in her chest. It was a beautiful sound, and I hoped I would hear it often.

With my arm around her, I pulled her close to me, peppering kisses all over her face and hair.

She giggled. "What's that for?" she asked.

"For you. For being so wonderful. For letting me in. I know that I was stupid in the past, and I pushed you away, but I want you to know something, Bella," I said, cupping her face and gazing into her chocolate eyes.

"What's that?"

"You were worth the wait."

~xxx~

A couple hours later, I woke up, parched and in need of a drink. I didn't want to disturb Bella, as she was sleeping so peacefully. So, I quietly unwrapped myself from around her and slid out of bed. I walked across my dark room, having never turned on the lights, and made my way out to the kitchen.

The light from the living room filtered through the apartment as I filed through the kitchen to the fridge. I had just bought some Gatorade and it was calling my name. I got to the refrigerator and opened the door, the light illuminating brightly against my naked skin. That was when it caught my eye.

Red.

My cock.

Dry.

Blood.

_What the fuck?_

**Chapter End Notes:**

*Ducks and hides for cover* I know, what a way to end it. I have to keep you wanting more, though. ;-)

Reviews are better than orgasms with Edward! Okay, maybe not, LOL… but they're close. *snickers* Send me some love! *Smooches*


	17. Chapter 17  Questions and Secrets

**Authors Notes: **

I just want to say that I love all of you. Every time I get a review in my inbox, I get so excited and it means so much to hear that you guys are still reading and liking the story.

I was going to leave this in a cliffie (you know how much I like to do that) but I didn't do it. I figured I should give your hearts a break. Plus I didn't want you coming after me with pitchforks. :P

Xrxdanixrx betas and validates and I owe her immensely. If you aren't reading her newest story, My Perfect Mr. Imperfect, get on it. I'm catching up on it now and it's amazing.

Thanks to ajsilentvoice for stepping in to pre-read this chapter! *Muah*

SM owns it, but I own Alwaysward and like to have fun getting him wet. *Grins* Enjoy…

**Chapter 17 – Questions and Secrets**

I closed the fridge door and set the bottle of Gatorade down on the counter, placing my palms and splayed fingers flat against it for the stability. I leaned there, looking down at my dick, totally stunned and willing myself not to freak the fuck out. I felt my chest tighten and the air constrict in my lungs. My erratically beating heart kept getting faster and faster, and I needed to catch my fucking breath.

So many thoughts played out in my mind. _Did Bella get her period while we were having sex? Had I been too rough and actually hurt her? If that had been the case, why didn't she let me know?_ It would have fucking killed me if that had happened. I never wanted to hurt her again. I knew that there had to be an explanation – any other than the one I was trying to push out of my mind. There was no way she was a virgin.

But what if she was? What if I had just done the one thing that I had tried to avoid for so fucking long? Would she have kept that from me? Was it possible that she truly had waited for me? If so, why? Fucking hell, I didn't know. I certainly didn't deserve it.

I paced around the kitchen, tugging at my hair and struggling to get control of the inner battle that was waging inside me. How was I supposed to figure this shit out? Was I supposed to ask her, play it by ear, fucking ignore it? If it was true, and it was her first time, she obviously kept it from me for a reason. But if it wasn't, and it was something like getting her period, she might've been embarrassed. No, knowing Bella, she definitely would have been embarrassed, especially if it came unexpectedly.

I had no idea how I would've even fucking brought it up. It didn't seem like something she would have been too likely to want to discuss. I wanted her to open up to me, not shut down. Asking her seemed a sure fire way to piss her off and make her run.

There was absolutely no goddamn way I could've just ignored it. I mean, fuck! If I was her first, it was a big deal. I needed to know that shit. It looked like the only option I had was to play it by ear, maybe slowly lure the truth from her – whatever it may have been.

She had seemed into it, never mentioning that she was in pain. However, there was that part at the beginning when she was very still, needing a minute before continuing. I thought she was just getting used to the feel, getting used to me being inside her. Was it more than that? Damn it, I wish I had known what to think, to feel, to do.

Realizing that I wasn't going to figure anything out in the kitchen, I grabbed the Gatorade and went back to my room. Bella was still sleeping peacefully, looking so fucking beautiful and innocent. God, I hoped that I hadn't taken that from her. She was an angel. _My angel_. She deserved someone to be gentle and sweet with her, to make her feel special. Had I done that? I fucking hoped so. I wanted to kick my own ass for not planning shit out.

Then again, I knew that was unrealistic. I hadn't even known I was going to see her that night, let alone take our relationship to the next level. That brought on a whole new series of thoughts. _Were we in a relationship? Did this mean that she wanted there to be an "us" again? What did this mean for the future?_ Fuck, why did things have to be so confusing? I was turning into such a girly bitch.

I wanted nothing more than to curl back up under the covers with her, but I needed to get cleaned up first. So, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, trying to be as quiet as possible. Once the water had heated up, I climbed inside – the hot spray cascading down my skin. It felt good on my rigid muscles, and I stood under it for a while, hoping to relieve some of the tension so I could go back to sleep.

I poured some body wash in my hand and rubbed it on my shaft, lathering away the remnants of the cause of my stress. I watched the pink tinged water run down the drain as I stood under the scalding liquid pouring from the showerhead. It felt good on my aching tendons, and the steam made it easier to breathe.

I stood there, letting the warmth surround me, slowly easing the tautness and strain. My mind was on an endless replay of Bella – the feel of her, being inside her, the look of desire in her eyes, the soft moans that escaped her lips. She had wanted it just as much as I had, so why was I letting this get to me?

Because she deserved the romance and all the flowery sentiment that went with it, and I planned to make it up to her. I had to.

Just then, I was hit with a rush of cool air, and I heard the shower door click shut behind me. Warm arms and hands wound their way around my waist, and I felt the softness of her skin against my back.

"There you are," she uttered contently, pressing herself against me. "I woke up and you were gone."

I turned to face her, taking in her flawless naked form. "I'm sorry, beautiful. Did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet."

"You were. I just woke up when I didn't feel you next to me. I was worried. Is everything okay?" she asked, looking slightly alarmed.

"Yeah, I'm good." I smiled to reassure her and caressed her face. "Are you okay? I mean, are you feeling alright. I didn't hurt you or anything –"

She placed her fingers over my lips, cutting me off. "Edward, I'm great." She beamed. "And I'm about to be perfect," she cooed, bringing her face forward, leaving light, wet kisses over my slick chest.

"Oh yeah, how so?" I grinned, quirking an eyebrow.

She swirled her tongue around a nipple, lapping at the water as it slid down my skin, earning a groan from me when she bit down. Her hands continued their ascent over my stomach, one grasping on to my hip as the other slid down further and wrapped around my shaft.

Her hooded gaze met mine as she slowly began stroking my length. It didn't take long before I was hard and eager to be inside her again, but I still wasn't sure it was the best idea, either.

My hands rolled over her small back while she nibbled and sucked on my neck, licking her way to the shell of my ear.

"You're so sexy standing here in the shower all wet," she purred.

"Am I?" I asked as she sucked my lobe between her teeth.

"Hmm," she hummed. "And I want you inside me. Right here. Right now."

"Sweetheart, I don't know. I mean, maybe we should wait a little while," I suggested, pulling back slightly.

"Please, baby," she rasped. "I need to feel you."

Baby. She had called me _baby_. The sound of that one little word falling from her mouth was more than I could resist, and my mouth was immediately on hers. I knew that I should be gentle and take my time, but I couldn't fight back the primal urge that coursed through me in that moment. I needed to feel her, too.

The kiss was fast and hard, our lips and tongues melding together and battling each other for dominance. She squealed as my hands slid down over her ass and lifted her up, pushing her against the hard tile wall. Her legs and arms wrapped around me as our mouths kissed, licked, and nipped over each other's bodies.

"Fuck, beautiful," I grunted. "What are you doing to me? I should be taking my time with you, but I can't help myself." I was perfectly lined up with her warm, inviting entrance, and it was begging me to plunge into her, but I was still scared. I didn't want to fuck things up – no pun intended.

"Edward, please. I don't want you to take your time. I want you _now_. Just feel me. Feel how much I want you, need you," she moaned, rubbing her slit up and down my aching cock, and my desire finally overrode my resolve.

I sunk deep inside of her, sheathing myself in her fully. She was so fucking tight and perfect. I couldn't move at first. Just the feel of being inside her like that again was almost more than I could handle, and I didn't want to go out like that.

She began to squirm a little, tugging at my hair and trying to rotate her hips, but I kept a firm hold on her. "Baby, you feel so fucking good. I don't think I can hold out for long if you keep wiggling like that. You're gonna have to give me a minute," I breathed, resting my forehead against hers.

Her tongue peeked out, wetting her plump sugar plum lips, and I had to taste them. Sweet, juicy, and soft petals of perfection moved against mine, opening and breathing out her nectarous breath. Our tongues danced and swirled together as I began to move in and out of her.

The pace was slow, but deliberate, as we both got used to the rhythm and feel of our connection.

"I've wanted you for so long, Bella," I panted between kisses. "You're so gorgeous and special, and God… you feel so amazingly good." I continued pumping in and out of her as she mewled and rocked her hips back and forth.

"I've wanted it, too, baby. More than you know."

I let go of one of her legs so she could stand, but kept the other wrapped around me. My hand held the back of her thigh as I thrusted in and out of her delicious pussy. Her back was still pressed against the cool tile, and I was pressed against her. I could feel her beginning to clamp down on my swollen dick.

"That's it, beautiful. Let go for me. Let me make you feel good," I muttered, running my free hand over her supple breast and pert nipple, over her ribs, down her stomach, to her pebbled pleasure button.

"Ungh, so good, Edward. I'm so close. Please don't stop," she moaned passionately, weaving her hands in my hair and pulling my mouth to hers.

Obeying her command, I continued to draw my cock in and out of her, swirling and flicking at her clit with my thumb, as our tongues did their own dance.

"I need you to come for me, baby. _Please_. I can't hold on much longer," I heaved, immersing myself hard and deep one last time.

We both grunted and growled in unison as our orgasms took over, her walls tightening around me as my seed spilled within. With weak limbs, palpitating hearts, and panting breaths, we leaned against one another.

"Wow." She took a ragged breath and smiled. "That was, uh…"

"Amazing," I finished, leaning in to place my lips on hers as I cupped her face with my hands.

We kissed slowly this time, letting our tongues glide and curl together until the water started getting cold.

"I guess we should get out of here before we turn into prunes and freeze," I said, laughing. I turned off the water, taking a quick glance down at my dick as I did so. No blood this time. _Don't fucking panic and lose your shit_, I thought. _It's a good thing._ _At least_ y_ou know you didn't hurt her._ "Come on." I grabbed her hand so she wouldn't slip as we stepped out.

I got us towels and we dried off, both of us grinning while watching the other. Things felt pretty good. I still wasn't entirely sure of what to make of the earlier situation, but I knew that I wanted her in every conceivable way, regardless if she'd kept it from me.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"For now," she replied, smirking.

"For now, huh?" I chuckled. "We better get some sleep while we can, then. Let's go back to bed, baby."

We crawled back into my bed – me first, with her sliding in next to me. Her naked skin was still warm and felt soft and perfect against mine as I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close.

"I want you to stay with me," I whispered, cradling her head to my chest. "Spend the weekend with me, Bella."

"Hmm, I'd like that," she replied, drawing light circles on my skin, and I could feel her smile against me, "but I have one condition." She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at me, a devious smile playing against her lips.

"Condition?" I smirked. "What, pray tell, would that be?"

"I want to do it again."

"Well, Ms. Swan, aren't you quite the insatiable one?" I teased, grinning that she had not only agreed to my request, but had one of her own that I was happy to comply with. Yes, I was fucking happy. Internally, still freaking out a little, but keeping it under control. This was what I'd wanted. She was what I wanted. I wasn't going to fuck it up if I could help it.

"Yes, well there's lots of time to make up for," she said, matter-of-factly.

I chortled, hugging her to me tightly, and kissed the top of her head. "Baby, we have all the time in the world. And I promise, we can do it as many times as you want."

~xxx~

Bella spent the weekend with me at my apartment, and it was amazing. We were carefree and completely fucking blissful. We watched movies, cuddled, laughed, ate when we were hungry, took snoozes and naps when we were tired, and fucked like rabbits in my bed, on the couch, in my shower, on the floor – wherever the mood struck us. Considering we were naked nearly the whole time, the mood struck often.

Bella was intensely ravenous, and I was incorrigible against her. I was putty in the palm of her hand, a fact she discovered rather quickly. All she had to do was bat her long lashes at me and say please, and I was done for. That or call me baby, which she had done several times, and I was a hopeless, lost cause.

Needless to say, I didn't want Sunday to come to an end, but it did, and Bella had to go home. We both had busy weeks ahead of us. She had her job at the paper, and I had to get my classroom ready for school to begin the following week; however, I had hope that we'd turned a corner and things would only be better between us as we moved forward.

It seemed that was the case for a little bit. We talked on the phone a lot more, and I saw her one more evening that week when she came over to hang out, but then she got busy. She had a big project she was working on at work and it kept her in the office late most nights. It was frustrating as hell, because I missed her and wanted to see her. I knew it was her job, though, so I didn't press the issue.

I decided I'd send her flowers, hoping that she would love the sentiment of it and realize that she missed me just as much. I didn't know that she didn't already, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I'd never sent flowers to anyone before, but I remembered that Bella had always loved sunflowers, and I hoped she still did.

So, I made a trip to a nearby florist on my lunch break. The lady working there was very helpful when I told her that I knew nothing about flowers; she reminded me a little of my mom. She'd asked what I wanted to convey to the person the flowers were for, and I immediately told her adoration. I adored Bella and wanted her to know how much. She said sunflowers were actually symbolic of pure thoughts, adoration, and dedication, so they were a perfect fit.

The bouquet ended up being a mix of sunflowers, bright fuchsia roses, and lavender lisianthus. Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck most of that meant before going in, but I knew what it looked like when I left. It was pretty and the florist assured me she'd love it. I gave them the address to her office, and they promised to have them delivered before she left that evening.

Pleased that I had actually done something romantic for her, I went back to work. My classroom was pretty much in order; I had my lesson plans organized, had gone over the class rosters, and was prepared for the school year to start. I actually started to think that being a grown-up wasn't so bad, after all.

It was a little after three in the afternoon, and I sat at my desk, typing up a syllabus for my intro to music classes, when I received an email from Isabella Swan.

**From:** Isabella Swan

**To:** Edward Cullen

**Date: **September 03, 1998 3:02 PM

**Subject:** Thank You!

Edward,

Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. I really love them. I'm not sure if you know, but sunflowers have always been my favorite. They're so cheerful and happy, and they look wonderful on my desk. They came at just the right time, too. I'm having a terrible day.

I've never been one for surprises, but I could get used to them if they were always like this. Thanks again. You made me smile.

Bella

P.S. I hope you're having a better day than I am. Call me later.

Her email brought a smile to my face, as well. I had to reply.

**From:** Edward Cullen

**To:** Isabella Swan

**Date: **September 03, 1998 3:15 PM

**Subject:** Re: Thank You!

Bella,

I'm sorry that you're having a bad day, but I'm happy to have brought a smile to your gorgeous face. I miss you and wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.

As for me, my day is good. All ready to start the school year off. I've also noted that you liked the surprise. I'll have to come up with some more.

Edward

P.S. I did remember that sunflowers were your favorite, and their meaning suits you. I'll call you later.

I called Bella later that evening, and she had just gotten home. It was nearly nine o'clock at night, and I fucking hated that she had to work that late. I knew she had to have been tired. We talked for a few minutes about our days before I let her go so she could shower and grab a bite to eat before heading to bed.

The next day was Friday, which meant the weekend was coming up, and hopefully some more time with her. She had told me that her project was wrapping up and that she would finally be getting off on time. I planned to grab some Chinese take-out and surprise her with dinner and a movie.

As a teacher, I got off earlier than she did, giving me enough time to go home, shower, change, and pick up the food and a movie on my way to her apartment. I called an order in to Foong Lin, because they had awesome food, and hopped in the shower. It only took me a few minutes to rinse off and throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before I was off.

I stopped by Blockbuster and grabbed a movie before picking up the food and heading to Bella's. I was making good time, so I was going to arrive at her complex around the same time she would. I pulled into an open space near her building and waited. It seemed like forever had passed as I sat in my car anticipating her arrival.

Nerves were a terrible goddamn thing. I never had them with anyone but this girl. My stomach was twisting and turning in knots, and I was scared shitless, but dying to see her at the same time. She fucking owned my ass, hard. Sitting there, I began to realize just how screwed I would be if things didn't go the way I had hoped. It was slightly terrifying.

Trying to not let the nerves get to me, I turned on the radio and flipped through stations, trying to find something to listen to. The radio was full of bullshit music for the most part, but it didn't matter because I'd only scanned over a few stations on the dial before I spotted her.

Nerves were no longer a fucking problem. Anger, however, was.

I almost thought my eyes were deceiving me. There was no way that _my girl_ was doing that. I told myself it had to be a mistake, but it wasn't. It was her.

Bella – with some fucking dude.

His hands were on her thighs, and they were laughing and carefree as he gave her a piggyback ride through the parking lot.

I was fucking pissed and about to lose my shit. A million thoughts were running through my head. _Had she been lying to me? Was she seeing someone behind my back? Was this why she always came to my place instead of asking me to hers? Did this guy know about me? Was this all some kind of fucked up game of revenge for her? And who was this fuckhead?_ I had no idea what the answers were to any of them, but I intended to find out.

I got out of my car and slammed the door shut, calling attention to myself as I headed toward Bella and the cocksucker carrying her. If looks could kill, I'm pretty sure he'd have been dead. Bella immediately saw me storming in their direction and alerted him as such.

When I was just about to reach them, he dropped her on her feet so she could stand.

"What the fuck is this?" I seethed. "Who is this asshole?"

"Asshole?" he asked, scowling at me.

"Garrett, I've got this. Just go inside and I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Are you sure, B? Who is this guy?" he asked her.

"This would be Edward," she replied, and sighed.

"This is Edward?" he reiterated, looking me up and down. "Oh."

"Oh? What the hell does that mean? Who the fuck are you?"

"I'll be upstairs, B. Good luck with _that_," he said, ignoring my questions, and walked off.

"Are you going to answer me? What the fuck was that about, Bella? I show up here to surprise you with dinner and a movie, thinking we could have a nice night hanging out after a long week, and I see you getting a fucking piggyback ride from another dude! I can't believe this shit!"

"Will you lower your voice? People are looking at us."

"I don't give a fuck! Answer the goddamn question."

"Well, I do give a fuck," she replied in a hushed tone. "I live here, and I don't my neighbors gossiping about me."

"Fine. Talk," I said, beginning to pace back and forth on the pavement, my hands tugging at my hair as I shook my head.

"Garrett and I live together, Edward."

My heart sank to my stomach. I instantly felt like I was going to be fucking sick.

"What? You… you live with him?" I asked.

"Yes."

"I can't fucking believe this. Are you kidding me right now? All this time, after everything that's been going on between us, you've been living with someone?" _Unbelievable._

"Yes, but it's not what you think."

"Not what I think! You have no idea what I'm fucking thinking right now, Isabella!"

"Would you just calm the fuck down and let me explain!" she yelled back.

"Oh, fine! Please enlighten me!" I threw my arms up in the air, completely exacerbated.

"He's my roommate. My very sweet, very male, very _gay_ roommate."

**Chapter End Notes:**

These two really don't communicate well, do they? Bella has secrets and Edward either freaks out or doesn't speak up. What do you think that means for their future? At least I didn't leave you wondering who she was living with. That counts for something, right? =)

Reviewers get to spend some time with Showerward! ;-)

I'm Dinx219 on Twitter. *Smooches*


	18. Chapter 18 When You Wish Upon a Star

**Authors Notes: **

Happy New Year, guys! I'm really sorry this has taken so long. The holidays seriously kicked my ass. Between school programs, shopping, traveling, and family visits, I had no free time. Add a layoff from work to that, and you have my past few weeks. That being said, I really hope you like this chapter.

Xrxdanixrx betas, validates and kicks my ass into gear. I would be a mess without her, and so would this story.

Special thanks to ajsilentvoice for the wonderful ideas, suggestions, and the title to this here chapter. You are a dirty bird and I flove you for it.

Thanks to Holly1980 and bella c'ella luna for always pre-reading and lending encouragement. *Mwah*

Oh, and there are pics on my profile, should you be interested.

SM owns it, but Alwaysward is all mine… well, and Bella's, but whatever. ;) She can share.

**Chapter 18 – When You Wish Upon a Star**

"Wait, did you just say that he's your roommate?" I asked, somewhat off guard and needing confirmation.

"Yes," she said with a sigh.

"And… he's gay?"

"Again, yes," she replied.

"So, there's nothing going on with you two?" I questioned sheepishly.

"No, Edward. There's nothing going on with us. And you would have known that a lot sooner if you had just let me explain without flying off the handle like that."

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, bending over momentarily to catch my breath and steel my nerves. "I'm sorry that I freaked out. I shouldn't have done that. But how was I supposed to know that you even had a roommate? Let alone a _gay male_ one. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months now and you've never mentioned a single thing about him."

"I probably should have said something sooner, but that doesn't give you the right to scream and yell and make accusations without knowing for sure."

"Baby, I'm really sorry," I said, rubbing her arms to try and assure her of my sincerity. "I should have trusted you, but the thought of you being with someone else…" I shook my head. "It makes me crazy. I can't help that."

"Well, you need to try. You can't go around bullying people just because you're upset."

"You're right. I overreacted. But why didn't you tell me about him? We could have avoided this?"

"I don't know. There wasn't a reason. I mean, we usually stay at your place when we're together, and it didn't really even occur to me. He's been one of my friends since college, but we're both so busy that I really only see him in passing these days."

"You've told him about me?"

"Yes. He knows about you. He's probably not your biggest fan at the moment, but he knows that we've been seeing each other."

"He probably thinks I'm an asshole now, huh?"

"Well, if it was up to Rose, he would already think that," she said, and chuckled. "She's been saying that since we've known him."

"Fuck Rose," I spat. "If she didn't spend all of her energy being such a bitch to me, she might actually see that I'm a decent guy."

"Edward! She's one of my best friends. I know she's not the easiest person to get along with at times, but she's just looking out for my best interest."

"I know that. The truth is I used to be an asshole. I just wish that she would give me the chance to show that I've changed."

"It's just gonna take time. She'll come around eventually."

"Come here," I said, pulling her to me and wrapping her in my arms. "I don't really care what anyone else thinks as long as you and I are good."

"Hmm," she hummed against my chest, hugging me back.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked softly, placing kisses against the top of her head.

"I suppose."

"You suppose? You suppose!" She giggled as I began to tickle her. "You're gonna have to do better than that, angel," I said, not relenting on my attack.

She kept squirming and trying to break free, but I held tight and continued to tease her with my fingers.

"Okay, okay, I give up! You're forgiven! Please stop. I forgive you," she panted, gasping for air between laughs.

"Much better," I said, smiling down at her. "I really am sorry. I don't want to fight with you. I've missed you. I don't want to spend the little bit of time we have together arguing."

"Me, either."

"Good. I'm glad that's settled. Are you hungry?" I asked her.

"I could eat. Why? What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I actually stopped and got us dinner and a movie. I wanted to surprise you, but it looks like the real surprise was on me."

"I'm sorry you were worried. I should have told you about Garrett," she said, hugging on to my arm as we walked to my car.

"It's okay, beautiful. You're also forgiven," I told her with a smile. "Now, where do you want to eat? I brought Chinese."

"That sounds perfect. I'm starving. We can stay here if you want. Garrett has plans later, but it might give you a chance to get to know him a little and let him see that you really aren't the ass you appeared to be," she said, laughing.

"Sounds good – as long as I get you all to myself later," I whispered down to her before opening my door.

"Oh. Do you have plans for me, Mr. Cullen?" she asked as I reached in and grabbed the food.

"Baby, I'm going to take such good care of you tonight that you aren't going to want me to go home."

"Is that so?"

"Do you doubt me?" I breathed out, dragging my nose gently against her cheek and down her jaw. She sucked in a breath, and I smirked. "If you think I'm taking your breath away now, wait until later." I grabbed her hand and started toward her building. "Come on, let's go eat."

"Umm, maybe we can skip dinner," she encouraged, jogging to keep up.

"Not a chance! After all, I still have to win Garrett over with my charming personality," I said with a wink.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that all you'll have to do is wink at him like that and he'll be putty in your hands."

"Good to know, my dear. Good to know." I laughed and pulled her along.

We got back to her apartment and had dinner with Garrett. I hadn't really hung out with a gay guy before, but he was cool. He was pretty forward with his questions of me, and it was obvious that he was protective of Bella, but I couldn't fault him for that. She needed people to look out for her. I was glad that he wasn't fucking shitty like Rose. She wore me out with her bitchy ass attitude.

I think I was able to make up for the incident in the parking lot, and Garrett may have even been flirting with me before it was time for him to leave. Normally, that probably would have made me feel uncomfortable, but knowing that he was really close with Bella – and she was right there – made it seem harmless and innocent.

Bella and I cuddled up on the couch and watched _There's Something About Mary_. It wasn't a mushy romantic movie, but it was funny as hell, and we both cracked up. The frank and beans part did make me cringe a little, though. Just thinking about your dick getting stuck in a zipper was a painful thought for any dude. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about that, because we weren't wearing clothes for the rest of the evening.

As promised, I took really good care of Bella. She had multiple orgasms and was completely sated by the time I had to go. She wanted me to stay the night, which was a nice fucking change, but I had some things that I needed to take care of the next day.

I pulled her beautiful, warm body toward me and nuzzled her hair, taking in her delicious scent. I would never get enough of this woman. "I have to go now, baby," I whispered, leaving soft, wet kisses on her neck.

"What? Why?" she asked, turning to face me. "You don't want to stay with me tonight?" She looked unsure, and it fucking killed me. I didn't want to go, but I had plans.

"Beautiful, there is no where that I would rather be than here in your bed, naked and wrapped around you. I promise, I'm going to make it up to you tomorrow." I placed another chaste kiss on her lips. "You know that, right?"

She shrugged and tried to look away.

"Hey, look at me," I said, cupping her face between my hands. "Bella, I assure you, nothing or no one comes close to making me feel the way you do." I caressed her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs while gazing into her gorgeous, chocolate eyes. I could have gotten lost in them forever. _Forever_. That was a happy and scary thought, but one that was becoming easier to get used to.

"So what's so important that it's got you leaving my apartment at," – she turned and looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table – "one-thirty in the morning?"

"I can't tell you that. I will tell you that it involves you, me, and being together tomorrow, though."

"I don't like surprises, Edward. Tell me. Please," she pleaded.

"Nope. Can't." I shook my head, smiling. "I promise that you will like this. You just have to be patient… and trust me."

She blinked and continued to pout, but I didn't let that stop me. I pulled her closer, seeking her mouth with my own – lips and tongues meeting and melding together. Her kisses were more delicious than any dessert I'd ever tasted, her touch the only one that I longed for, her heart the only one that I wanted. She was my baby, and I needed her to know that – to believe it.

When we finally broke away to catch our breaths, she said, "You're sure I can't convince you to stay?"

"On the contrary. I'm sure that you can. That's why I'm getting my ass out of this bed now so I can get going."

"Ugh! Fine!" She threw herself back on the mattress and sighed. "Just know that I don't like this one bit." I didn't like leaving, either, but it was kind of interesting to see the shoe on the other foot for a change.

"Noted. We have all night tomorrow, okay?" I reminded her.

"You better make it up to me," she ordered, the corners of her mouth turning up a little.

"Yes, ma'am. I would think of doing nothing less." I winked and leaned over to give her one last kiss before getting up.

I quickly threw my clothes on, because I knew the longer I stayed, the more tempted I would be to give in, and I needed to go. Tomorrow was going to be a big day. Hopefully one neither of us would ever forget.

I told her goodnight and made my way home. There were plans to be made, shopping to be done, and food to be prepared. Isabella's birthday was on Sunday, and I was determined to make it special – I was determined to make her mine.

~xxx~

I managed to catch a couple hours of sleep. I had to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get started on stuff. I knew what I had in mind, and I had a list of things to accomplish before it was time for Bella to come over. I needed to go to the grocery store to buy ingredients for the dinner I was going to cook for her, stop by the bakery to get her cake, the florist to get the flowers I'd ordered, and the jewelry store to get her gift – I'd picked it out a while ago. It was a sterling silver charm bracelet with charms that had meanings special to her. I was having them soldered on, and it was ready to be picked up that morning.

I hopped in the shower to rinse off, musing of Bella and our night to come. We'd come a long way over the past couple of months. I thanked God that I got another chance with her, to finally make things right. Just being next to her made my heart race, and I could feel the excitement coil all the way down to the pit of my stomach. I felt like a goddamn kid on Christmas who couldn't wipe the smile off their face.

I got dressed. The first stop was going to be Whole Foods. There were quite a few items to buy for the meal I had planned. I'd cheated somewhat and had my mom help with the menu. She was great at catering… and she was a woman, so she seemed like the perfect resource. I hoped like hell that she was right in the selections. I wanted Bella to be impressed, but more than that, I wanted her to feel treasured on her special day. I wanted to make her feel special _every day_.

Once I was done with the groceries, I took them home and unloaded them. I didn't want anything to spoil in the car while I ran my other errands. I quickly got everything put away and headed back out.

I got a phone call from Alice as I was picking up the flowers. I hadn't really talked to her about Bella, but apparently, our mother had because she was full of questions – wanting to know how she was, if we were a couple again, what I had planned, when she was going to get to talk to her – all the usual Alice ramblings. Truth be told, as much of a pest as Alice could sometimes be, it was nice to be able to talk to her about things. Her excitement over Bella made me happy.

With the roses loaded in the backseat of my car, Alice assured that I would give Bella her number, and that I would call her to let her know how things went, I was finally able to head over to pick up Bella's present.

By the time I'd gotten back in my car, it had felt like I'd had a full day, and I still needed to tidy things up at my place and cook dinner, but before I knew it, the table was set, dinner was ready, the flowers were arranged, the lights were dimmed, the candles were lit, and I was ready for my girl. _My girl_. That was the plan.

I thought I was going to wear a hole in my carpet from pacing so much. Only this girl could get to me like this – could make me so nervous that I felt like I could actually pass the fuck out. _Calm the fuck down, Cullen. You don't want to freak her ass out by acting like a mental patient. _I needed alcohol.

Two glasses of wine later, she arrived right on time, seemingly as anxious as I was. The wine helped to steel my nerves, but having her in front of me made them all come back.

"What is all this?" she asked, stunned as she entered the front door.

"It's your surprise." I beamed back at her. _Please don't get upset that I didn't tell you._

"My surprise? What for?" I think she was playing dumb, but I hadn't forgotten that it was her birthday. Hello, my apartment number was a constant reminder.

"I know that you don't like people to make a big deal out of things, and that you don't like surprises, but I wanted to celebrate your birthday with you. Call me gumptious." I grinned.

"You did all of this for my birthday?" She seemed shocked. "I don't think anyone has ever gone all out like this for me before."

"Well, get used to it. Birthdays were always a big deal in our house. You know how much my mom and Alice love a reason to throw a party. Not that this is a party, but you get the idea. Alice says hello, by the way. She wants you to call her. Why am I rambling like this? I'll shut up."

She laughed. "Did you cook? Something smells amazing." _She doesn't seem to hate it. That's a good sign._

"I did. Come with me." I took her hand to guide her to the dining room table. "Would you like some wine?"

"That would be really great, thanks. I can't believe you did all of this."

"Why is that? I told you I was going to make it up to you."

"I know, but I just thought that we'd have really great sex or something." She laughed and looked away, blushing.

_Dinner first. Dinner and dessert first. You can't just fuck her senseless as soon as she gets here, _I chanted in my head."Oh, we will. Don't worry about that. The night is just beginning." I winked, handing her a glass of Pinot Grigio. "I'm glad you're hungry. I have quite a bit of food here."

For the first course, we had tomato and mozzarella salad with fresh basil. It was simple, but delicious. The main course was mushroom ravioli in a white wine cream sauce, and for dessert, we were having strawberry tiramisu and chocolate covered strawberries.

I brought her cake to the table and sang her _Happy Birthday_. The crimson color on her cheeks was illuminated by the flame of the lone candle atop it. _Beautiful._

"Make a wish," I encouraged. It took her a minute, but she finally blew it out. "Well, what did you wish for?"

"I can't tell you that. My wish won't come true."

"I can keep a secret," I assured her.

"I'm sure that you can, but I'm still not telling."

"Okay, fine. Do you think I can have a kiss to make up for it, then?" I asked, hopeful.

She licked her lips, looking at me with hooded eyes. "Come here," she said.

I bent down, moving in toward her ever so slowly. My nose gently brushed against hers, my lips lingering just out of reach of their destination. I could feel her sweet breath dance across my face, the anticipation seeping out in the soft mewl that escaped her.

There were light brushes at first – velvety pink to velvety pink – then soft, playful pecks until she reached up, winding her fingers in my hair, and pulled me to her. Mouths crashing into each other, licking, sucking, kissing – panting.

I pulled away to catch my breath. Things were going fast. They always did when we were together; it was inevitable, but she needed to have some of her birthday cake. "We haven't had dessert yet, baby."

"Maybe I want you for dessert," she cooed.

"Patience, little one. You have me all night, but let's have some cake first," I said, laughing and shaking my head.

I cut each of us a piece and handed her a plate before sitting back down.

"Oh my God. Did you make this?" she asked, taking a bite of the tiramisu.

"Umm, no, but my mom says it's the best in the city. Do you like it?" I was nervous. I had taken my mom's word for it being good, but hadn't ever tried it.

"Like it? It's absolutely sinful. So good. Mmmmm," she moaned, savoring another bite. _I know you're absolutely sinful, _I thought_. I can't wait to get inside you and make you moan out my name._

"I like that reaction. Hopefully I can elicit that sound from you again later," I purred. _Only I don't want it to be from eating cake._

"I'm looking forward to it. That can be my present," she said, seductively licking the icing off her fork. _Fucking tease, I have something you can lick with that hot, little tongue. And it's way better than that fork._

I smirked, amused by her antics. She could taunt me all she wanted – swirling her tongue at the icing and wrapping her mouth around the tines. I'd willingly lose at that game any day. "Are you trying to tease me, beautiful?" I asked, taking another bite of cake.

"Me, a tease? Never. I fully intend to make good use of my tongue." She smiled smugly as I nearly choked on my dessert. _Minx_.

I took a drink of wine, watching her as she stood from her chair. She walked the short distance to mine and stood before me.

"Strawberry?" she asked with lustful eyes, holding one up in offering.

"Hm, please," I replied, hungry to put my lips and hands on her luscious curves.

She straddled my lap, making sure to rub against all the right places, before carefully sitting on me. She knew what she was doing to me – what she always did to me – and I knew that she could feel how hard I was for her. Wrapping one arm behind my neck, she brought the chocolate covered fruit to my mouth with the other. I took a bite, juice instantly running down my chin and neck as she brought her face toward mine. The instinct to wipe myself off was hindered as her tongue peeked out and she licked me.

"Mmmm. Delicious." She licked her lips, gazing at me with hooded eyes. She had me – hook, line, and sinker.

My hands fisted in her long locks, and I pulled her to me. _Game over, baby, but I win_. I bit at her bottom lip, sucking it in as she sucked in my top. We moaned in unison as the kiss grew heated. Fingers and hands – roaming and touching – hips bucking against each other.

"I want you," she panted between kisses, tugging at the hem of my shirt.

I lifted my arms, helping her pull it off, and quickly made work of doing the same with hers. With both shirts and her bra on the floor, I stood from the chair, taking her with me.

"Hold on, baby," I said, and headed toward the bedroom.

Bella had a different idea, though. Before I was able to make it down the hall, she unwrapped her legs from around my waist and stood, twisting and pushing me up against the wall.

"I can't hold on. I want you now."

Her mouth was immediately on my neck, sucking and nipping and licking her way down. Her hot breath felt so fucking good on my skin as she slid further down, her lips and tongue making a wet trail over my chest and stomach.

I didn't know what had gotten into her, but I sure as hell didn't mind. Before I knew it, she was on her knees and my belt and pants were undone. My hands fisted in her hair as she freed my always eager cock, pushing my boxers and jeans to the floor. I didn't even have time to kick them off before I was in her mouth.

"Oh, sweet mother of God that feels good," I moaned, letting my head hit the wall behind me.

Her hand wrapped around the bottom of my shaft, meeting each pass of her hot mouth with strokes up and down. She cupped my balls with the other hand, gently massaging them as she continued to work me over. Sucking and licking, swirling her perfect tongue around my tip between passes. I was about to come undone when her teeth gently scraped against my head, taking me all the way back in.

"Oh fuck! I'm… I'm about to come." I grunted as she sucked once more, making a popping sound as I quickly pulled out.

"What are you doing? I'm not finished?" she asked, looking up at me with lustful eyes.

"Oh, I know you aren't." I smirked. "I just want to be inside you when I come." _That's right. I'm gonna fuck you so good, right now. You're gonna feel me in you for days._

I lifted her up and turned her around, placing her back against the wall. She was wearing a thin cotton skirt, making it easy for me to get her panties off in a flash. I didn't even bother pulling the skirt off; I just pushed it up, granting me access to what I really needed.

"Wrap your arms and legs around me, baby," I murmured in her ear. _Perfect_.

Using the wall for balance, my hands slid down over her ribs to the backs of her thighs, and I lifted her up, allowing me to angle her just right. I rubbed my throbbing dick against her slippery slit, coating myself with her sweet nectar.

"You're so wet for me, baby. I love knowing that I do that to you."

"Ungh! Please, Edward," she begged, bucking against me.

"Tell me I'm the only one who makes you feel like this," I breathed against her neck, needing to hear it from her.

"Only you, baby. It's only you. Please. I need you, Edward. Fuck!"

Hearing that it was me, and hearing the word "fuck" spill from her lips was all it took before I was at her entrance, sinking myself inside of her. _Home. _This was where _I_ belonged, no one else.

"God, yes," she moaned, tugging at the nape of my hair.

My eyes rolled back in my head. She was so fucking warm and tight. "Christ, you feel good, baby," I said, thrusting myself in and out of her, quicker and harder with each pass.

"More, Edward. I need more."

"Tell me what you want, gorgeous," I panted, plunging deeper. "Tell me how I can make you come."

"Harder," she moaned.

"Like this?" I pulled out to my tip, and then slammed back into her, making her head hit the wall.

"Ohhhh, like that. Fuck. So good."

_Fuck, my girl is amazing._ "You like that, baby? You like me fucking you, making you lose control?"

"God, yes. Please. Harder!" She bit down on my shoulder, sinking her teeth in my flesh as I pounded into her again and again – harder, deeper, faster – the pain from her teeth spurring me on.

"Show me, baby. Let me see you lose control. Come for me." I moved a hand between us, flicking at her clit with my thumb. I knew she was about to explode, and so was I.

Her pussy clenched all around me. That's it, baby. Just let go. You're so fucking sexy right now. Let me feel you come undone," I told her.

"Oh God! Edward!" she screamed out as her orgasm hit her, making her walls clamp down even tighter, pulling me over the edge with her.

"Fuck me!" I groaned as I found my release, my hot seed pumping inside of her.

Neither of us could move at first. Her limbs were becoming limp as we leaned against each other. I couldn't even pull out, just had to use my weight to hold her in place until I found my strength.

"That was an unexpected surprise," I told her, smiling against her skin as I left light kisses on her neck.

"What can I say, you must bring it out in me," she replied as I gazed into her eyes. _I really hope so because you're it for me, Bella. There will never be anyone else. I hope you know that._

"Good. I love that I bring that out in you. I'd like to bring it out again." I said, kissing her collar bone. "And again." I pecked her cheek. "And again." My lips pressed against hers for one final sweet kiss. "But I think a shower might be in order first." I smirked, pulling out of her and placing her back on her feet. "Come on, pretty girl." I smacked her gorgeous ass as she turned down the hall.

I led her to the shower and, we got cleaned up… and worked up. It appeared that we were both rather insatiable when it came to the other, and ended up having round two in the shower. When I finally got her into bed, I realized that I hadn't even given her the present I'd bought her.

"I have something for you," I said. We were lying next to each other, each of us on our sides facing one another. She had her head on my pillow and mine was resting on a propped up arm, while the other ran the backs of my fingers down her delicate face.

"What is it?"

"A present."

"I thought dinner was my present," she replied, confused.

"Well, it was. But it was just part of your present."

"Edward, you really shouldn't – "

"Shh!" I said, placing a finger over her lips. "I wanted to."

I reached over to my night stand and opened the drawer, pulling out the red box.

Her eyes grew big as I handed it to her.

"Edward, what did you do?"

"Just open it. It's not a big deal. It's just something that caught my eye."

She slowly untied the ribbon and opened the box. "Oh, Edward! It's really beautiful. It's seriously too much."

"Do you like it?" _Tell me you do because your happiness is all that matters to me._

She blinked a few times, then looked up at me. "Yes, of course. I love it, but – "

"Then it wasn't too much. Do you want to try it on?"

She nodded her head, biting down on her lip as she stared at the bracelet.

"Each charm has a special meaning for you, some for obvious reasons." I smiled.

"Tell me about them," she said, looking up at me again, her big, innocent doe eyes making me melt.

"Well, the cake and present are because it's your birthday, and it's your gift. The Swan is for your last name. The round charm is engraved with your birth date, because it's a day to remember. The B has a couple of meanings. One is for Bella, since that's what I call you. The other is because you're beautiful, and _bella_ means beautiful in Italian.

"And the star?" she asked.

I hesitated, feeling my face heat up. "The star is because you shine brighter than any star in my sky," I replied quietly. It was true, but I didn't want to come across as a fucking cheeseball.

She was quiet for a minute and it worried me. "I know," I began diverging. "It's cool. You can tell me how lame I am." _God, she thinks you're a fucking dimwit. Good job, Cullen._

"What?"

"I can take it. I know it's kinda cheesy, but that's what I thought of when I saw it."

"Edward, I wasn't thinking that at all."

"You weren't?" _Fuck, is it something worse?_

"Not even close." She shook her head.

"What's got you so quiet, then?" I swallowed, nervous for what she was _really_ thinking.

"I'm just speechless." She laughed. "This is probably the sweetest, most thoughtful, and amazing gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you," she said, sitting up.

I let out a relieved sigh and smiled brightly. "You're welcome, sweetheart. I'm glad that you like it." I caressed her face.

"Hm. I'm gonna have to find a way to show you my appreciation," she said, leaning down and bringing her mouth to mine. Soon, she was straddling me, my pajama shirt coming off her, and my pants off me.

_Oh! Let round three begin._

We took things slow this time, giving in to tender touches, long, sensual kisses, and soft, unhurried thrusting as our bodies connected once again. There was passion and vulnerability, and an aching inside that I didn't quite understand – not until much later when were peacefully wrapped up in each other's arms.

I kissed the top of her head as she lay on my chest. "Bella? Baby, are you awake?"

Steady breathing was the only reply, so I knew she'd fallen asleep. I didn't know what prompted me to ask her, or why I was relieved that she didn't answer, but I had an overwhelming desire to tell her the one thing that I'd been feeling and hadn't said. I hadn't said the words out loud to anyone, but I needed to. I needed her to hear them, even if it was in her slumber.

"I love you, Isabella," I whispered softly. "With all my heart. I know you're sleeping right now, and I'm kind of a coward for doing it this way, but hopefully you can see it – feel it when we're together. I want to tell you. I'm going to tell you. But you know me, probably better than I know myself, and I don't open up so easy. I put up walls, and I keep people at a distance. You were right about me all those years ago. But you broke them all down. Every single one of them, and you didn't even have to try. I know I gave you your present earlier, but I'm also giving you my heart. Truth be told, it's always been yours, anyway. I just hope that you keep it safe."

I'd felt like a giant boulder was lifted from my shoulders. It felt good to say the words. I just needed to find the strength to repeat them when she was awake. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her head one last time. "Goodnight, my angel." I sighed contentedly, sleep finally taking me.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Okay, peeps. What did you think? Has Edward won you over and made you forgive him yet? I really hope so. There's only two chapters left in his POV. You know what that means, right? Eeep.

Let Alwaysward know what you're feeling by hitting that little review button.

Also, some recs for you guys. I've been lucky enough to find some really amazing ladies who actually let me beta their beautiful words, and it's time for proud mama bear to talk about her cubs. :D

The first is BellaSunshine who writes A Thousand Leaves. Her story has blown up since she started posting, but if you haven't heard of it or read it yet, get on it. Edward is accused of killing Bella's mother and is sent to prison. Yep, you read that right. There's a prisonward in her story. She keeps you on the edge of your seat with each new update. Did he really do it? If not, who did? Go read it to find out?

The next is DivineInspiration. She writes a story called The Mystery of You, and she had me pulled in from the first chapter. Isabella Swan stumbles into Edward Cullen's life and leaves him mystified by her past. What secrets does she have and why is she keeping them? Go take a look. You will get hooked on Mysteryward just like I did.

Last, but not least, we have Shelikesthesound. Her story is called Forever is a Promise You Keep. This is a heavy story filled with heartache and angst. Bella and Edward were high school sweethearts, and things were really great between them until Edward fell deep into alcohol and drugs. Things spiral out of control one night, leaving Edward in a coma and Bella to re-examine life as she knows it. A gut wrenchingly good read. Check it out.

You can find all of these stories in my favorites. I don't leave recs often, so I hope that you check 'em out. You won't be disappointed.

Love, hugs, and smooches to you all. I'll see you guys soon.


	19. Chapter 19 What Goes Around Comes Around

**Authors Notes: **

Hi, guys! There are some exciting things happening right now! We've been nominated for a few awards and the story is up for voting in a readalong with IndieFicPimp this month. Alwaysward and I would be so honored if you'd give us your vote. We could really use them.

We're nominated for **Best Worth the Wait Lemon** in the **Golden Lemon Awards**. We're up against some majorly big stories, so we desperately need all the votes we can get. Voting is open now! The link for the ballot is on my profile along with the link where you can vote for the readalong.

I've also been nominated for **Best Beta** and **Best Author** (Rising Star Award) in the **Hidden Star Awards** and ALBtY was nom'd for **The Climax Award** (Best Drama) in **The Shimmer Awards**. I'll post the links for these on my profile when voting opens!

Xrxdanixrx is beta extraordinaire! She lends her expertise to make me a better writer and helps make the words sound better.

Thanks to Maxandmo for pre-reading this one and for being such an awesome and supportive friend! I can't thank you enough for all of your help, and I'm so glad to have bonded with you way back at the beginning of all this. *Mwah*

SM owns it, but Alwaysward is all mine… for this chapter, at least. :'(

**Chapter 19 – What Goes Around Comes Around**

The morning of Bella's birthday was spent cuddled up in bed for the most part. She did let me cook her breakfast while she watched me move about the kitchen, but it probably took longer than it should have. I couldn't help myself. She looked so fucking sexy in my shirt – and nothing else – that my whole body gravitated toward her, my lips seeking out hers as my hands ran beneath the thin fabric just to touch her soft skin and curves.

She was eager to comply, never pushing me away. It seemed that she craved the closeness as much as I had. Things felt different. They felt good – better than they had in a really long time. She was the one. I was more certain of it than ever. I was completely and totally head over heels in love with her. I just needed to tell her.

Like the night before, breakfast turned playful. We fed, teased, and tantalized one another until we were once again naked and panting, wrapped in a sea of blankets in my bed. We stayed that way – bare skinned and tangled together – only getting up to shower, which led to more good, clean fun.

I hated to see her leave, but she had plans with her family that night. Since it was her birthday, they were going to dinner. It was a tradition they had. The birthday person got to choose where they ate. While it hurt that she hadn't asked me to go along, I was also wiped out and in need of some sleep. We had obviously worn each other out since the evening prior, and I wasn't very eager to sit across from her father's overly observant eyes. I loved the girl, but I wanted the chance to actually tell her before I met my death.

We said our goodbyes, and she was on her way, promising to call me when she got home. Once she was gone, I tidied things up and did the dishes before falling back in my bed. It felt good to spread out, and the smell of her on my pillow and sheets lulled me into a fitful sleep.

What felt like a short time later, I was woken with the sound of my phone ringing non-stop. I looked at the clock on my bedside table and realized I'd been sleeping for a few hours, but not nearly long enough for Bella to be home and calling me.

I groaned, throwing the pillow over my head and hoping that whoever the annoying person was would hang up and go away. No such luck. As soon as it stopped ringing, it would start back up again. That could only have meant one of two things; either there was some sort of emergency and someone really needed to get a hold of me, _or_ my sister was calling.

Knowing that I wasn't going to be allowed to sleep any longer, I got up and trudged my way to the phone – the caller ID telling me exactly what I had already suspected.

Alice.

"This had better be good," I said into the receiver rather groggily and annoyed.

"Edwaaaard!" she sing-songed into my ear.

"What do you want, Alice?" I growled.

"That's no way to greet your favorite sister, now is it?"

"Alice, you're my _only_ sister. And I'm sleeping. Or I was _trying to_ before you started calling incessantly."

"Why are you sleeping? It's only seven o'clock in the evening there. Kinda early, isn't it?"

"Because I'm tired. Why do most people sleep?" I retorted sarcastically.

"Oooooh!" she replied suggestively. "Were you and Bella up late doing dirty things to one another?" I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"Alice! I love you, but stop! Fuck. You're my sister!"

"What? We're both adults. You can talk to me about this stuff. I'm totally right, aren't I? You and Bella are totally _doing it_ now."

"Doing it? Didn't you just say we were both adults, Ali? I mean, really." I rolled my eyes at her, even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"Whatever! What do you want me to call it then? _Making love_?" she teased.

"Ugh, Alice. Please stop."

"I can tell you that Jasper and I have a very healthy sex life."

"Ugghh! I don't want to know about it," I told her. It was bad enough that she was asking me about myself. To think of my little sister in that way was just not right. Plus, I had never met this Jasper person, and I was pretty sure I'd want to kick his ass if I knew the things he was doing to my sister.

"Fine, but please tell me that you guys have been together. I mean, it's been years in the making. I don't want you to spontaneously combust or anything."

"Alice! Okay! Yes. We've been together. We're both good, alright. No problems there. Now, what do you want?" She was really starting to get on my nerves.

"I was calling to let you know that I'm coming home soon, and I wanted to see if you would pick me up from the airport. But I also wanted to talk and catch up. You were in such a hurry the other day that we didn't get to chat much. Speaking of which, did you tell Bella that I asked about her? Did you give her my number? Is she going to call me? What did she say? Has she mentioned me at all since you've been back together? What's going on with the two of you? Are you in love? When can – "

"Whoa, Ali!" I interrupted. "Take a breath." I laughed. "Why are you so excited about this? I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. You and Bella lost touch a long time ago. Why the sudden interest?"

"She hates me, doesn't she? I knew it." Her voice was laced with panic.

"Wait, what?" I asked, lost in how the conversation had suddenly changed.

"I was a terrible friend to her after you left. I should have made a better effort to keep in touch with her when we went to college, and now she hates me. What did she tell you, Edward? Please. You have to tell me."

"Ali, she hasn't told me anything. Really. I think you're freaking out for nothing. I'm sure Bella doesn't hate you. If she were going to hate anyone, it would be me."

"But I thought things were going well with you guys?"

"They are. They're better than I could have ever imagined them to be," I said, a smile in my voice as I thought of her.

"You sound really happy, Edward."

"I am." I truly was – happier than I'd ever been in my whole life. It felt good to be sure of something.

"You love her, don't you?" she stated more than asked.

I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly. "Yeah. More than life itself. Do you think it's crazy that it's taken me so long to figure that out?"

"No. I don't think it's crazy. You weren't ready before. Sometimes, these things take time."

"I feel like I've always known that she was the one. I was just afraid of admitting it to myself."

"Wow! You really are serious. Have you told her?"

"Uh, yes and no," I replied, almost under my breath.

"I don't understand. What does that mean, yes and no?"

"Well, last night was when it really hit me. I mean, I've always cared about her, and the past couple of months have been great. But for some reason, last night – when she was laying in my arms – I realized that she's everything to me. I've never felt like this about anyone. It's like my whole happiness and reason for living is wrapped up in the palm of her hand, and without her, I'm nothing. Fuck, I don't know. It scares the shit out of me."

"Aww! So you told her that? " she asked excitedly.

"Sort of." I laughed nervously.

"Sort of? What do you mean? I'm confused."

"You know me. I don't talk about this kind of stuff. Just saying it to you is hard enough. I said the words to her, though. I told her everything, but… I'm pretty sure she didn't hear a word of it because she was asleep."

"Oh no! Edward, you have to let her know."

"I know, and I'm going to. I just don't want to make her feel like she has to say the words back to me. You know, in case she's not ready."

"Do you think she is?"

"I don't know. I hope so, but it's hard to say. I know she cares about me. I can feel it in her touch and in the way she looks at me. But I don't want to push her."

"Oh, Edward! I'm so happy for you. I know things were complicated with you guys in the past, but I always knew that it would work out. In spite of all your differences, I've always felt like you were good for each other. What do Mom and Dad think?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You know they love Bella."

"No, I know that. But what do they think about you guys getting back together?"

"We haven't really talked about it. I think they like seeing me so happy. I know that Mom has been excited about helping me plan out dinners and things for her." I could hear Alice clapping as she let out a squeal on the other end.

"Promise me that you'll have her call me. I can't wait to come home and see you guys – together," she said.

"Okay, I will," I said, smiling. It was good knowing she was there for me, even if she was slightly intrusive and annoying. She wouldn't have been being herself if she wasn't. "And picking you up is no problem. I just need to know when."

"I'll call you when I have my flight info."

"Sounds good. You think I can go back to sleep now that we're all caught up?"

"If you must." She laughed.

We said our goodbyes, and I was left feeling contemplative and enthusiastic about the future. Moving back home had become the best decision I'd ever made. It brought Bella back into my life. Granted, I had no way of knowing that would happen at the time, but the fact that it did made me think that it was meant to be. _We_ were meant to be.

I had finally realized that I loved her. After all the fuck-ups and misunderstandings, we got another chance. I knew that she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wasn't ready to ask her, but I knew I would be one day. I could picture her walking down the aisle in a white dress on her way to become my wife. I could see her gorgeous and round as she carried our unborn children. I wanted to make her happy, to cherish her, and grow old with her. I wanted it all. It felt fucking crazy, but it felt right. It was time to tell her.

~xxx~

I'd been dying to see Bella since she'd left my apartment that Sunday. I was nervous and anxious, because I knew what I needed to do, but really excited for my future – with her. She was everything to me. She was my light, warmth, love, happiness. She was my heart.

Bella had been really busy and stressed with work all week and barely even had time to talk on the phone. I knew she needed a break, but she was stubborn. It took me until Thursday to get her to agree to some time away. She rarely liked to go out during the week, since she had to be at work so early, but I'd finally convinced her after bugging her for days.

We had reservations at Mendocino in Georgetown at eight. It was a nicer restaurant that sat along M Street, where a lot of other cool stores and businesses were located. Georgetown was a great place to go in the evenings for dinner, because you could walk around, duck into little pubs or bars for drinks, as well as stop in different shops to peruse the unique trinkets and wares they were selling.

It was a nice, fall evening and the weather was mild. We'd had a really hot summer, so it hadn't gotten cold yet. It was just cool enough to need a light jacket, which I didn't mind. If it meant Bella would be cuddling up to me, I was more than okay with it.

Bella had decided to meet me at my apartment when she got out of work, and I would drive us to the restaurant from there. She looked beautiful, but something was off. I didn't know what it was, but I figured we'd talk while we were out, and she would tell me. I knew she'd been having a difficult week at work and hoped that's all it was.

The conversation during the drive downtown was awkward. Bella wasn't very engaging as she stared out the window, and I was lost in thoughts of how I was going to tell her those three little words. It wasn't looking like things were off to the best start.

We got to Georgetown, and I parked the car. We had almost an hour before we were due at the restaurant, so we decided to walk around. We stopped in Urban Outfitters, and Bella picked up a gift for Rosalie, since her birthday was the following week. Then we strolled along, window shopping for a bit, before grabbing a beer at Rhino Bar.

Things were less awkward, and the drink helped to dissipate the weird mood the evening had started with. We chatted about our days and were both in better spirits, until it was time to leave for dinner.

Walking toward the door, with Bella's hand in mine, we ran into someone I knew from college. A girl. A fuck buddy. A one night stand. Whatever you wanted to call her. I called her my fucking bad luck rearing its ugly head.

"Edward Cullen? Is that you?" the red head crooned.

"Victoria. Uh, hey…" I greeted hesitantly. _Fucking hell, of all the people we could have run into, it would have to be you._

"Oh my God, how are you?" she asked, way too excited for my liking. She never did quite understand that there was nothing between us, even though I made it quite clear on numerous occasions.

"I'm good. We're just on our way to dinner." I squeezed Bella's hand, unsure if it was to comfort me or her.

"Oh," Victoria replied, seemingly disappointed after she gave Bella the once over.

"Well, I'm in town for a few days on business. We should catch up before I go. Edward and I go way back, isn't that right?" she said, winking at me and then looking at Bella with a smirk.

"Yeah, I'm really kind of busy this week, and we're running late, so we need to head out," I told her. I had no intentions of catching up with her then – or _ever_.

"That's too bad. Well, here's my card. My contact info is on there should you change your mind." She tucked the card into the breast pocket of my jacket, making sure to drag her hand slowly down my chest when she was done.

"Baby, are you ready to go?" I asked Bella, bringing her hand up to kiss her soft knuckles and hoping that she wasn't going to be pissed at me for the over-the-top display of flirtatiousness from Victoria.

"Very," she stated, sounding irritated. _Fuck. She's pissed._

"Enjoy your stay, Victoria," I said, dismissing her as best I could while leading Bella outside.

"Bye, handsome," the siren called as we headed out the door. _Fuck my life_.

To say that the rest of the evening went poorly was an understatement. I told Bella all about my "past" with Victoria, and explained that she meant nothing to me. I apologized profusely and promised to make it up to her, telling her that I had no desire to be back in contact with Victoria ever again. I even ripped up the business card she'd left in my pocket, hoping that it would make her feel better about the situation. However, the night already seemed to be ruined, and Bella was giving me the silent treatment through most of dinner.

I couldn't let her go home like that, feeling angry or hurt or whatever the fuck she was feeling. She wasn't talking to me, so I could only gauge that it was bad from her despondence. Therefore, I drove straight to my apartment after dinner, and I didn't give her the chance to object to coming inside with me. I just grabbed her hand and led the way. We needed to talk.

Surprisingly, she didn't complain. She simply got out of the car and walked with me through my building until we were at my door. When we got inside, something happened. She flew at me like she dying of thirst and I was an oasis. I didn't know where it was coming from, and I knew that there were other things we needed to address, but I couldn't stop her, either. I wanted her just as much.

Things were heated, and our kisses were frenzied as we groped, fondled, and grinded against one another. I carried her to my room, both of us hurried and desperate for a connection. Clothes were tossed haphazardly around my room, and we were quickly twisted together as I sank into her hot core. We were needy and wanton and things were intense. I pounded and pumped and drove into her with everything I had in me, until we were sweaty, pulsating, and spent.

Trying to catch our breaths, we lay, side by side, with only our hands barely touching.

"Wow, that was… unexpected… but incredible," I said, still panting. "I'm definitely not complaining, but what brought that on?"

"Does it matter? Why does there have to be a reason? Can't a girl want to fuck?" she asked.

I turned to face her. "Of course a girl can want to fuck. I'm more than happy to oblige you whenever you want," I assured her, running the backs of my fingers down her face. "I just want to make sure that everything is okay." '_Cause you're not acting like yourself – or like everything is okay._

She closed her eyes and sighed.

"Baby, what's wrong? You've been quiet all night. Talk to me. Are you upset about what happened with Victoria? Because you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

"I need to get back to my place," she said, getting out of bed and grabbing her clothes from around the room.

"Why? It's late, you should stay," I persuaded, sitting up. "I don't like you being out this late on your own. It's not safe." _Don't go! You can parade around my room naked all you want, just don't leave._

"I appreciate your concern, really, but I'm a big girl. I know how to take care of myself. My dad's a cop, remember? He keeps me stocked in pepper spray," she said, clasping her bra. "Besides, I don't have my clothes or any of the stuff I need for work tomorrow. We've talked about this before."

"Well, why don't you bring some of that stuff over here and leave it? That way you'll have it when you sleep over," I said, hopeful that she would agree.

"I don't know. It's just easier for me to go back to my place so I don't have to worry about it." She shrugged.

"Are you sure that's _really_ the reason?" I asked her. My insecurities were starting to get the better of me with all of this hot and cold bullshit. I wanted her with me – _all the time_. I wanted to hold her in my arms at night and wake up seeing her beautiful face every morning.

"What are you getting at, Edward?" she asked defensively.

"I don't know, you tell me?" I retorted.

"Are you saying that I'm lying?"

"No, but how would I know if you were? I mean, you've been giving me the silent treatment all night, then we come back here and you're all over me, and now you're ready to go home. What do you want me to think?" _It wouldn't be the first time you kept something from me_.

"Are you really serious right now?" she asked, pulling on the last of her clothes.

I knew she was about to get pissed off, but damn. I was tired of the yo-yo act. "Yes, I'm serious. I mean, it's not like you're completely open and honest with me about everything."

"What are you talking about? I've never _lied_ to you," she huffed. "I know there was the whole thing with Garrett, but I thought we were past that now, Edward. What's your deal?"

"Okay, maybe you didn't _lie_, but you haven't been forthcoming with everything, either."

"Like what? What else have I kept from you?"

"How about the fact that you hadn't slept with anyone else and that I was your first."

She gasped. "You… you knew that?" she whispered. Her brow furrowed, and she bit her lip.

"It wasn't too hard to figure out considering there was blood on my dick when I went to get a drink in the middle of the night. At first, I thought maybe you had gotten your period, but I knew that wasn't the case when we did it again in the shower early that morning. Christ, Bella. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"It's not like you asked, and it was kind of embarrassing. I mean, how many twenty-three year old virgins do you know?"

She was bright red by this point, and I knew she was flustered and getting really pissed, but we needed to talk. I tried to squash shit, and I really tried to forget about stuff, but there were some things that had been eating away at me for _a while_, and I couldn't take it anymore. I hated having to put her on the spot, and I didn't want to dredge up the past, but fuck if I was letting this fester even more. We were clearing the air.

"Granted, not many, but don't you think I had the right to know that, though? I would never have judged you. If anything, I would have been elated knowing that you waited – that you actually wanted to share your first time with me, even after everything. Fuck! I would have made it a _big_ deal. I mean, it was a big deal, but I would have at least made it romantic… special!"

It wasn't just about sex to me. It was about everything – love, lust, passion, emotion, desire, the overwhelming need to be close to her, feel her, consume her and have her do it in return. I was so fucking confused. _Did she not feel the same way?_

"Yeah right! You were the one who tried to protect my virtue the whole time we dated in high school. There was no way I was telling you, and I didn't _want_ it to be a big deal. Besides, it's not like it was such a big deal for you to fuck people like _Victoria_. I mean, what was so wrong with me that you didn't want to sleep with me?"

"I was stupid back then. I didn't realize what I had in front of me, but I don't regret regarding your virtue. I regret that I didn't show you how I felt about you, and that I somehow misled you into thinking that I didn't want you, but I would never want you to take yourself for granted. And girls like Victoria – well, she's definitely not on the same level as you. She was a meaningless escape on a drunken night. You're special and you should be treated as such. I don't think you fully understand that. Did you just want to get it over with? Were you just fucking _using _me?"

"How could you even _think_ something like that, even _suggest_ it?" she questioned.

"Why wouldn't I? You let me get just close enough to keep me at arm's length. You think I don't see that you don't ever really relax and just fully let go, that you don't give in to what you're feeling."

"What? Yes I –"

"Let me finish!" I cut her off. "We're intimate in that we have really fucking great sex, and you stay over sometimes, but then there's nights like tonight when you want to run home." _Don't you see that your home is with me, in my heart?_ "You don't ever invite me over to your place. Other than the one night with the whole Garrett incident, I only come over if it's to pick you up. Why is that?"

"I guess I just thought it would be easier for us to stay at your place. You live alone. We're not exactly the quietest people when we're having sex."

"Okay, fine. I'll give you that, but it doesn't always have to be about sex, B. I love our intimacy, but just being next to you and holding you is what matters the most to me. And when I bring things like this up and tell you that I want you to stay with me more often, I feel you tense up. It's like you're intentionally holding back and keeping yourself from fully being with me. I just don't understand. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't girls usually like to cuddle and shit? Don't they usually want to spend the night with their boyfriends as much as possible?"

"Well, I guess I'm not your typical girl. What do you want from me?" She sighed.

"I want you to talk to me, baby. I want you to open up and _really _let me in. I want _you_, Bella."

"Whatever!" she seethed. "Why now? You can say I avoid shit, but so do you. We've been avoiding the elephant in the room for months now."

"You think I don't fucking know that? Damn it, B. If anyone has a reason to be upset by that, it's me." I smacked the wall – hard – making her jump. "I've tried being patient, and I've let you have your space. I've tried to show you how important you are to me and how much I want to be with you, but you've gotta give me something. I'm dying here."

"Just stop, Edward."

"No!" I growled. "You brought it up, so let's get it all out in the open, once and for all. I fucked up in high school. I didn't treat you fairly. I admit that, a hundred times over, and I'm so fucking sorry, but when I called you, I really opened up. I let you see the real me, flaws and all. That took a lot for me. Did you not fucking see that? Did it not matter?"

"Of course it mattered."

"Really? Because I wrote to you, just like I promised – for two goddamn years. Dozens of fucking letters, pouring out my soul. Hoping that you would finally understand and forgive me. Hoping that you would want me, want us – again. But I got nothing. Not one single reply. Why?" I begged her. I needed to know the truth. This shit had been plaguing my mind for years, and I felt like I was drowning at times, suffocating from the ache I felt in my chest, like I couldn't even breathe.

"I can't do this, Edward."

"You _can't_ or you _won't_? Jesus Christ, Bella. Don't you fucking get it? I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been since the beginning. It just took me a while to figure it out. How can you just shut me out? Can't you see how much you fucking mean to me? How I'm here – _really here_ for you – and that I love you, with everything that I am. Let me love you, _please_. You're everything to me. Don't you see that? I'm nothing without you."

I had dreamt about being with her for five years. I wanted to kick myself for not letting her know that I had wanted her, just as much as she wanted me, all those years ago. I thought this was my do over. I could finally make things right with her.

She let out a tormented whimper. "Please, no." She shook her head. "You… you can't. Don't say that."

"I thought that was what you wanted?"

"You're telling me you love me because you think it's what _I_ want. My God, Edward. Really? You have no clue, do you?"

"No! I mean, I thought that was what you wanted, yes. But I'm telling you because it's the truth. Fuck! What do I have to do? How can I make you understand?" I asked desperately. _I can't take this shit!_

"Forget it," she said, dismissing me.

She continued shaking her head as she walked to the front of the apartment. I quickly threw on a pair of boxers and followed her.

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out." I said, pulling her back to me.

"What, like you did to me?" Anger filled her eyes as she glared at me, and a single tear fell down her cheek.

"Baby, come here." I tried to wrap my arms around her, but she pushed me away. "Things aren't like that now, and you know it."

"Do I? _Really?_ What's changed, Edward? We're older? You've finally fucked me? What?" she hissed. "How do I know that you aren't going to get bored and just leave town one day without a second thought? Or that you won't move on to someone else who happens to catch your eye?"

My heart sank. "I would never do that. Bella, I've changed," I said meekly, feeling defeated. _Doesn't she see that?_

"Yeah, well, so have I. I'm not the sweet, naïve girl I was back in high school. And don't say never, Edward. You don't know that for sure. I believed that you would never hurt me once before, and we see where that got us." She shook her head, drops streaming down her cheeks.

"I don't want to lose you, lose us – not again." _I couldn't handle it_.

"You can't lose something you never really had. I have to go," she said, once more, and I could feel the tears slip from my eyes.

"You don't mean that, baby. Please. Let's talk. Stay with me, if not for the night then at least until we've talked this over."

"I can't do this, Edward."

"Bella. Please," I pleaded, panicked at what she meant by _this_? "Don't leave me like this."

"I have to go. I can't…" She shook her head, wiping the wetness and tears from her eyes and cheeks.

_Fuck!_

The words cut like a knife. I felt like she had ripped my heart right out of my chest and shredded it into a million pieces. _Let her go for now, Edward. She just needs to calm down. You'll get through this,_ I told myself. _You're meant to be together._ _Everything will work out._

She picked up her bag, and without looking back, she walked out the door. She left, and I was breaking.

_She'll be back. She has to come back. She has my heart, after all._

**Chapter End Notes:**

So there you have it. Alwaysward is broken hearted, but we all knew it was coming. At least he finally addressed some things that we've all be wondering about for a while. We found out that he really had kept his promise and he did write to her – for two years, in fact! She just never replied back. *sad face* What does this make you feel about him now? What about her? We also found out that she WAS a virgin. However, maybe her reasons for not telling him make a little more sense. It's hard to say for sure without actually being in the situation – especially since she was the one left broken years ago. I do know that they really needed to get this stuff out in the open. A blow up was bound to happen at some point. Now we just have to see what happens. Only one chapter left in Edward's POV, so I hope you show him some love by hitting that little review button. And don't forget to vote! :D

Love, hugs, and smooches to you all.


	20. Chapter 20 Shattered

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx makes sure all the commas are in the right places. I owe her immensely for her mad beta skills.

Thanks to Maxandmo and Holly1980 for pre-reading and being two of the sweetest girls I know.

SM owns Twilight, and Twilight owns me – but I own Alwaysward. Let's hope he doesn't hate me. :(

**Chapter 20 – Shattered**

Nightmares. They were what I saw whenever I closed my eyes. They were what I lived – if what I was doing was living.

I couldn't sleep. As soon as my body would give in and try to succumb to the slumber, my mind would jolt me awake in a sweaty panic. My heart raced, and my whole body ached. It was all for her.

I couldn't eat. Just the thought of food had me fucking heaving in my toilet. I couldn't do anything.

I felt like I was dying inside. I wanted to crawl out of myself, be someone else, or be nothing. I'd never been a suicidal person, but I would have done anything for someone to put me out of my fucking misery.

How could I have been so wrong about her? I loved her, with all of my being. I would have done anything to prove it to her. I thought that I had – that I was. Couldn't she see it, feel how much?

Was this the way she had felt when I left? God, I hoped not. I never wanted to hurt her. I knew that I had, but I needed to figure out my life. I thought that she'd forgiven me – that we were moving past all of the fuck ups.

I tried to give her some space. I tried to tell myself that it was all going to work out, but my brain and heart were battling each other. My brain was winning, telling my heart that I'd really fucked things up, while my heart felt like it was dying a slow and painful death.

I wanted her. I needed her.

I tried working on Friday, but I was useless. I may have shown up, but I wasn't really there. Not that my students minded. A free period to sit and talk or do whatever they wanted. As long as there was quiet, it was fine by them.

I didn't remember driving home, much less going to the liquor store, but apparently I had. There was an empty bottle of Jack lying on my living room floor in a pile of a lot of other broken shit, letting me know.

Three grueling days was all I could take, though.

I missed her. I had to see her.

I called her countless times, leaving message after message, begging her to call me – to talk to me – but never got an answer. We needed to work things out. She had to talk to me. I wasn't going to give up on her. I couldn't. She was my reason for living.

Fuck. I was lost.

I drove by her apartment several times on Sunday. Her car wasn't there. I even tried knocking on her door, but no one was home. No one opened up, at least. I didn't know Garrett very well, but I was sure he'd have answered if he had been home – even if it was just to tell me to beat it. I was seriously out of my mind with worry. For her, wondering if something had happened to her. For us, desperate to make things right.

She loved me once upon a time. She had told me, and I was a fucking fool for pretending it didn't happen. What did I need to do to make her see we were supposed to be together? There had to be a way. I was desperate.

Desperate enough to do something that I had never thought in a million years I would do.

I loved her. I had to try.

~xxx~

_Please pick up the phone_, I thought after hearing the fifth ring. Then nothing. No ringing. No dial tone. Just quiet.

"Hello," I said, not hearing a greeting. "Hello? Can you hear me?" I tapped on the phone receiver, stupidly thinking that would help.

After a few moments of silence, there was an audible sigh.

"Oh, thank fuck, you didn't hang up! Please say you can hear me."

Another sigh. "Yes, I can hear you, but I'm not entirely sure that I shouldn't hang up on you," she said.

"Please don't hang up. I need to talk to you. Even if it's only for a few minutes. Can you meet me?"

She was quiet again, presumably contemplating the situation, but still on the line.

"I know I'm not your favorite person, and we have our issues, but you have to know I wouldn't be calling if I wasn't sincere. Please," I pleaded.

"Fine. Meet me in an hour at the deli by the movie theater. You're buying lunch."

"Perfect, I'll be there. And Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"I'll see you in an hour. Don't be late." And with that, she hung up.

An hour later, we were seated at a quiet table in the corner of the deli she requested we meet in. I was nervous as shit, but thankful that Rose had agreed to meet me.

"You look like shit," Rose said.

"I feel like shit," I replied, not having the strength to return the snide comment. Besides, I needed to win her over, and being an asshole wasn't going to help my cause. "Thanks again for coming. You have no idea how appreciative I am."

She eyed me warily. "Let's not beat around the bush. Why do you need to talk to me, of all people? I'm not an idiot. I get that it probably has something to do with Bella, but why call me?"

"I need your help."

She laughed. "My help? You're kidding, right?"

"No," I replied with complete sincerity. "I love her, Rose."

"You're serious?" She looked shocked.

"Yes, I have never been more serious about anything in my life." It was true. I hadn't.

"Wow. I wasn't expecting that. Does she know? Have you told her how you feel?"

"Yeah, she knows. I told her, at least. Whether she believes it or not is another story."

"When did you tell her?" she asked.

"Thursday night, at my apartment. I've been wanting to tell her for a while, but I didn't know how. This is all new to me. We got into a stupid fight, and that's when I told her."

"Oh, Edward. You told her while you were arguing? Bad timing."

"You don't think I know that? Fuck!" I leaned my elbows on the table as my hands tugged on my hair. "I know it wasn't the best time to say it – not for the first time. She had to know, though. She wasn't listening to me, and we've been avoiding a lot of shit that we needed to address. I know it wasn't the best way to go about it, but I don't regret my feelings or that she knows them. She means the world to me. I need to see her – to talk to her – but she's avoiding me. I'm really hoping you can convince her to talk with me."

"Edward, I don't know that I'm going to be able to help you at this point."

"At this point? What does that mean?" _What do you know? Has she told you something?_

She took in a deep breath and released it slowly. There was a pained look in her eyes, and it almost seemed like one of sympathy. _Sympathy? For me? That's different._

"Edward, I… I don't even know what to say." She reached across the table and grabbed my hand, completely throwing me for a loop. Rose was not a touchy feely kind of person. Not with me, anyway.

"Rose, you're really fucking freaking me out. What's going on?" I asked, looking at her hand over mine, before she squeezed it and pulled away.

"Look, I don't know the whole story. Bella talks to me, but she obviously doesn't tell me everything. I knew that you guys had an argument, but she didn't give me all the details. I know I haven't always given you the benefit of the doubt, and quite frankly, you haven't always deserved it. I can see that you care about her, though."

"Will you help me, then? Can you talk to her?"

"I'm not sure it's going to make a difference, since she's already made up her mind."

"If she would just give me a chance and hear me out, I know we could make things work."

"But, Edward, she's gone."

"Gone? What do you mean she's gone? Where did she go?" I asked, panic rising.

"She didn't tell you?" A look of confusion flashed across her face.

"I just said I haven't seen or talked to her since Thursday. Rose, what are you talking about?" I was on the verge of hysteria. "Where is she?"

"Didn't she tell you that she had a job offer? It was for a better position in a large market. She's been thinking about it for a few weeks. I thought she would have talked to you about it."

"What? No. Where?" I shook my head, hoping like hell it wasn't true.

"In Dallas. Are you sure she didn't mention it? You guys were spending a lot of time together. Seems like she would have said something."

My heart sank all over again, just like it had when she walked out my door four days prior. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my chest and fists tightened as I tried to process the new information.

"This is the first I'm hearing of it. She never said a word. You're telling me she accepted a job offer? And she's gone, like she fucking moved there?"

"Yeah," Rose replied meekly. "She starts next week, so she had to go and get settled. Edward, are you sure she didn't say anything?" Her brow furrowed as she bit her lip.

"Nothing. Not a goddamn word!" I smacked my hand down hard on the table, causing the dishes to rattle and people to stare. I didn't give a fuck, though. "How could she do that to me, Rose? How could she just leave like that?" I seethed.

She looked at me like I was the one person who should have known better than to ask that question. I had done the same thing a few years back. But things were different than they were back then. We'd come so far. Hadn't we?

"I'm no relationship expert, but you say you love her, right? Maybe you just need to give it some time. I know Bella cares about you."

"Why would she leave, then? Why would she move half way across the country without even telling me? That doesn't sound like something a person would do to someone that they care about. And don't look at me like that. Shit! I know I fucked up in high school, but I was a fucking kid. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but we're adults now."

"Have you and Bella talked about all of that, about how you left and what it did to her?"

"Yes. Sort of. I mean, I've apologized. I've tried to make it up to her. I thought that she had forgiven me."

She sighed. "She's my best friend, and I love her to death, but she's not the most open person when it comes to her feelings. And from what I've heard, you haven't always been, either. I honestly don't know why she didn't tell you about the job offer, but I know she has feelings for you, Edward. She always has. But she's scared."

"Of me? I don't want to hurt her," I said, looking up from my hands to meet Rose's gaze.

"Maybe not, but try and put yourself in her shoes. She was devastated when you left. She was in love with you, and she trusted and believed in you. The girl was absolutely broken when she found out that you were gone. It took her months to come back around, and even then, she wasn't the same person she was when she first moved here."

"I hate that I made her feel that way. She's the only girl I've ever really cared about. I should have told her then, but I was too fucked up to realize it."

"I can see that you've come a long way since then. I'm sure she has, too. You've gotta give her some time, though, Edward. You came back into her life out of nowhere. And now you're telling her that you love her. I imagine that she's really overwhelmed. I'm not saying that I agree with how things are – two wrongs definitely don't make a right – but if you love her like you say you do, don't give up. If things are meant to be, they will work out."

"Will she be back, or did she already take all of her stuff with her?"

"I think she packed what she needed. I know Garrett and her parents helped her put some stuff in storage, but I don't know what her plans are long term. Like I said, she doesn't tell me everything."

"What am I supposed to do, Rose? Do you have a number for her? Can you call her?"

"I don't have one yet, but she told me she would call me when she's settled. I can't promise you much, but I'll tell her that we talked and that you're worried about her. You've been a big part of her life. Just give her some space and some time to think things through. She'll come around."

"What if she doesn't? What if this is really it?"

"Then you move on. You go forward and live your life. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but life isn't always simple. We don't always get what we want. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes, though, and make the most of what we're given. I don't know what will happen. I wish I could tell you. You're just going to have to do what's best for you."

"But she's what's best for me. I don't think I can make it without her." The thought of her being gone from my life forever was suffocating. I literally felt like it would kill me.

"You're going to have to try for now. She's made her decision to go to Dallas for the time being. That's not to say that she won't change her mind, but that's where she is at the moment. She needs to figure out what she wants. You got the chance to do that. You went away to boarding school and then college, and she stayed here. Give her the chance to have some adult experiences away from home. Let her really grow up and discover who she is."

"How long are we talking?"

"As long as it takes. There's no definitive answer, you know that. How long did it take you?"

"Too long," I whimpered. "Way too fucking long. I'll lose my mind between now and then, Rose. I need her like I need the air we breathe."

"You've got support here, though. You've got your family and friends. You have a job that you love. Focus on that for a while. I know it's hard. I've gone through plenty of break-ups. It hurts like hell for a while, but it gets easier. It's like that saying, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' It's true. And at the end of all this, you two could be happy together."

"Is that what you think will happen? Do you see us having a future?" _I need to hear that there's a chance._

"Anything is possible, Edward. Hell, I didn't see you making things up to her as much as you have. I certainly didn't think I would ever be sitting here, willingly giving you advice."

"You think I've made things up to her?" I asked, hopeful and needing to have my efforts validated.

She gave me a small smile. "Yeah, I do. I know I gave you a hard time when you came back. I don't regret that. You deserved it for hurting my friend. I don't think that you're that same asshole anymore, though. I don't think Bella does, either. Just keep your chin up. What's meant to be will be."

The server came around with our tab, and I went to grab it, since I'd promised Rose lunch, but she was quick to take it from the table.

"I've got this one," she said.

"But I told you I'd buy since you agreed to meet me." A promise was a promise.

"I know, but I've changed my mind. You can get the next one."

_Next one?_ "Does that mean you actually plan on hanging out with me again?"

"If you're lucky." She smirked. "Just don't do anything stupid and we'll be cool."

We said our goodbyes, with Rose even offering me a hug. It felt good, but they were the wrong arms. Bella's warm embrace was what I needed more than anything. I just didn't know if I'd ever have it again.

Rose promised me she would let me know when she heard from Bella, and that she would relay my message. She told me not to lose faith, but it was hard. I was a pessimist, and trying to change that would prove to be a challenge – probably the hardest of my life.

I went back to my apartment, but it didn't feel like home. Not anymore. My home was with Bella, and she had gone to Texas – far from Maryland and me. I seriously didn't know what I was going to do. Rose had said to give her time and let her figure out what she wanted. I just needed to know if it was me.

Feeling lost and alone, I picked up the phone once again. It was answered after one ring.

"Alice, I need you."

Sitting on my living room floor, I broke down and cried.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Well, there you have it, kiddies. The last of Edward's section. *Ducks for cover* You know what that means, right? Next chapter, another time jump – ten years to be exact. The rest of the chapters will be a little different. We'll get to hear both POV's. I think it will help to tie things up that way. I can't believe we're moving into the home stretch. Lots of stuff is in store for these two in the last section. I really hope you like it.

ALBtY and I have been nom'd for some awards recently. We'd love your vote. If you're inclined, links are on my profile. :)

As always, let me know what you think. Your thoughts are what make the story worth writing and I love you all.

Until next time (or until I see you on Twitter) Love, hugs, and smooches.


	21. Chapter 21 New Beginnings

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is the beta. She rocks!

Special thanks goes out to Ms. Rose Arcadia for making a fuck awesome blinkie for this here little story. She even wrote a review for it. Both are posted on her blog. See link in my profile if you want to check it out.

Here we go. Ten years later…

**Chapter 21 (New Beginnings)**

**End of June 2008 - BPOV**

"No, Daddy, I'm okay."

"You'd tell me if you needed anything, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, I promise. I'm fine. A little tired, but okay. Really."

"And how's that grandson of mine?"

"He's handling things well from what I can tell. He doesn't really understand everything. He's so young. I guess I'm glad for that. He asks questions from time to time. He loves and misses his daddy, but Jake was never home anyway, so I don't think it's fazed him as much as it could have."

"I'm sorry, kiddo. If I were there, I'd kick his ass for what he's done. I have half a mind to come down there and do just that. I wish you had told me things were as bad as they were."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I thought I could make things work, that they would get better. I didn't want to drag anyone else into it."

"Bells, I'm your father. Your mother and I love you. We only want the best for you and Pip. We hate that you're going through this and that you're so far away. Are you sure you don't want to move back this way?"

"I'm sure. I love and miss you both, but I can't do that to my son. Even though Jake and I didn't work out, he's still Pip's father. I can't just rip him out of Pip's life, regardless of how much _I_ don't want to see him."

"You're a good mom, Bells. I'm so proud of you. Your mom and I both are."

"Thanks, Dad. It's nice to hear." I wiped a silent tear from my cheek and closed my eyes, trying to keep any more at bay.

"Okay, well, I'll let you get back to it. Promise me that you'll call us if you need anything. Anything at all."

"Yes, I'll call you," I choked out with a smile. I knew he was worried, and I hated it. It did feel good to know that I had support if I needed it, though.

"Give Pip a hug for us."

"I will. I love you, Dad. Tell Mom I said hi."

"Will do. Love you, kiddo. Talk to you soon."

"Bye, Daddy."

Moving was never fun. It had been a long three days, and an even longer five years. I was ready to put the past behind me and move on with my life – our lives, as I now had another person to think of. Pip was the best thing that had ever happened to me and was for sure the best thing to come of my relationship and marriage to Jacob. He was my whole world, and I was going to make sure he had a happy and loving childhood.

It was a little after nine, and the sun had finally gone down. Pip was fast asleep in his room; his bed being one of the first things I'd made sure was put together. I was completely exhausted myself, but thought I should make the most of the little time I had left before having to go back to work. There were boxes everywhere. I'd labeled them with the rooms that they went to, and the movers placed them inside, but there was still the daunting task of unpacking everything.

I started in the kitchen. Figuring we would need to eat at some point, I began putting away the pots, pans, dishes and utensils. Cooking was always my domain. Jake barely set foot in the kitchen unless it was to grab a beer from the fridge. I honestly didn't know how he'd managed to feed himself before we started dating. I, therefore, didn't feel bad in the slightest for taking the majority of our kitchen wares.

Once I'd finished laying new shelf paper and loading up the cabinets and drawers, it was nearly midnight. I made sure the doors were locked and turned off the lights before padding my way down the hall. I checked on Pip, who was sleeping peacefully, and slipped quietly into my room.

My bed was put together; I just needed to make it, which meant I needed to find the sheets and duvet. I'd washed them before the move, sealing them up in a bedding bag so they'd be ready for use when we settled, but my friend, Leah, had helped me pack up my bedroom and closet, and I wasn't sure which box I'd find them in.

I'd gone through three or four boxes before I found them, sighing a happy relief when I opened their box and saw them at the top. I'd just pulled the sealed bag out, elated at the thought of sleep soon being possible, when I saw my keepsake box nestled at the bottom between some pillows. I hadn't looked at its contents for quite some time, probably in an effort to forget the treasures it held. Items that tied me to another life – another time – another _me_. _God, what happened to that girl? How had she made such a mess of things? How had she become me? _I picked the box up and placed it on the shelf in my closet and closed the door.

I tried pushing the thoughts away by making my bed, brushing my teeth, and getting changed into some pajamas. However, the exhaustion wasn't enough to chase the thoughts from my weary mind. I lay there, willing myself to go to sleep, but it was no use. The box was calling me, begging to be open. _It's not a good idea_, I told myself. _You're moving on, starting a new life. There's no looking back._ But I couldn't help it.

I turned on the bedside lamp and eased down the covers, slowly making my way over to my closet. It was silly, really. The box was mine, as were its contents, but I still felt like a child who was doing something she knew she wasn't supposed to do – something that would get her in trouble. Yet I couldn't stop.

I brought the box back to my bed and sat down, slowly lifting the lid. I was flooded with memories at the first glance inside. Things I'd tried to push to the outskirts of my mind since I'd left. They were still vivid, though. Time hadn't diminished the visions of our time together or the image of his beautiful face.

I was so young, so inexperienced back then. I had no idea what life had in store for me, but I knew that I needed to find out. If I had known how things would turn out, would I have changed them? It would have been a difficult question to answer. Of course I regretted walking away from _him_. He was the love of my life, but I also wouldn't have had the perfect three-year-old little boy that was asleep across the hall if I hadn't, and he was worth every single mistake I'd made – even the biggest one.

After thoroughly making myself even more sad and miserable than I was, I closed the box back up and slid it under my bed, once again locking up the feelings I'd suppressed long ago. I knew it was a bad idea to open it, and the gaping hole in my chest and tears on my face confirmed it. I was a freakin' mess. My emotions had been all over the place, and thinking about the past wasn't going to help. I needed to get myself in check and get some sleep. I had a life to get back on track. Besides, Rose was coming to visit, and she had no problem kicking my pathetic ass if need be. And a Rose ass kicking was the last thing I'd wanted. She was hardcore.

~xxx~

"Bella! What up, bitch? Miss me?" Rose greeted, wrapping me in a hug.

I laughed. "Emmett's really rubbing off on you, huh?" I replied, squeezing her back. It was good to see a face from home, and I did miss her. She'd been my best friend since the tenth grade.

"Whatever. He gets all his best lines from me, but he does rub off – _and on me_ – depending how you look at it." She winked.

"Eww! Gross. I really don't want to hear about your sex life." We both laughed. "Where is the big oaf, anyway?"

"He's grabbing our bags. I told him I get to see you first."

"Aww! How did that go over?"

"I may have had to promise him some favors of the citrus kind." She smirked.

'Well, you'll have a room all to yourselves. Just try to keep the kinky animal noises to a minimum. I don't want Pip to be traumatized," I teased, bumping her shoulder with mine. "In all seriousness, though, I'm so happy that you're finally here. Pip and I have been looking forward to it."

"Where is my little man?"Rose asked.

"He's at the house with Leah. I didn't want to keep him out past his bedtime. He's dying to see his Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmy, though. He was upset that he didn't get to come, but I told him that you'd both be there when he woke up in the morning. So, be prepared to get up early."

"If it were anyone else, I'd say hell no. But I'd do anything for my little love bug – including getting up early. Em and I have been looking forward to this visit, too. Especially since your ass of an ex is out of the picture."

I blanched at the mention of him. He'd been a sore spot with Rose for a while. She knew how unhappy I was the past couple of years and hated that I stayed with him as long as I had. The sad part was that she didn't even know most of the bad stuff. If she had, she would have killed me for staying.

"I'm sorry, B. You know that I love you. I can't help it, though. I hate him. I really hope that I see his sorry ass while I'm here so I can let him know it, too. He needs to be told what a stupid fucker he is."

"It wouldn't matter, Rose. He's not going to change. If anything, hearing you say that would just stroke his ego. He's such an arrogant prick that he'd probably think it meant you cared since you'd even thought about him."

"As if." She rolled her eyes. "I don't know how you put up with him, Bella. I seriously don't. He never deserved you."

"He gave me Pip, so I can't say that there wasn't anything good about our marriage, but I'm not sad that it's over. I'm just ready to move on." Rose squeezed my hand and smiled a sad smile. I needed to change the subject. I didn't want to break down in the airport. I'd been crying enough at home; I didn't want to start doing it in public, too. "Speaking of moving on, let's go find your crazy husband."

We made our way to the baggage claim and spotted Emmett right away. He was a giant grizzly of a man with curly, dark hair and pale blue eyes. He was well over six feet tall and had tree trunks for limbs. However, while he may have looked intimidating, he had the heart and demeanor of a cuddly teddy bear. He was big, beefy, and sweet. Rose fell in love with him as soon as she saw him, though she'd never admit it. She played hard to get for a while, but she eventually gave in. She liked to give him a hard time, but he was good for her. She'd dated a lot of frogs. It was great that she'd finally found her prince. They were married shortly after Jacob and me in a quiet ceremony on the beach.

"Baby Bell! How the hell are ya?" Emmett roared, picking me up in a bone crushing hug.

"Umph! I was fine until you squeezed all the air out of my lungs," I groaned as he swirled me around.

"Put her down, Em. You don't want to break her before we even get out of the airport," Rosalie warned.

He loosened his grip on me, placing me back on my feet and smiled. "I'm sorry, B. I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked sheepishly.

"No, Em. I'm okay. Just not used to your hugs anymore, I guess," I replied, smiling up at him.

"Don't encourage him, Bella," Rose advised. "He'll be hugging you non-stop if you let him. I think he might have missed you more than I did, and you're _my_ best friend."

"You know I love Bella, baby. She's the sister I never had," Emmett said.

"I know, but let's get our stuff and get going. I want to catch up with her, too, but I'd rather do it somewhere other than Baggage Claim D," Rose told him.

He sighed, looking like a child who had just been reprimanded by his mother. I knew the look well, because Pip would give me those same pouty lips and eyes when he was disciplined.

"Okay, fine," Emmett replied.

"Aww, don't be sad, Emmy Bear. Rose is right. We have all week. Come on, let's get you guys back to my place so you can get settled," I encouraged, trying to lighten the mood again.

~xxx~

"Your house is really cute, B. I love it," Rosalie praised, looking around the kitchen.

"Oh, thanks!" I replied. "It's small, but it's big enough for Pip and me. Plus, it was in my price range. Being that I'm going to be paying for everything myself now, I needed to get something affordable. The old house was too big. And it would have been a constant reminder of Jake, since he'd picked it out. I needed something different."

"It's perfect. It suits you. Em and I can help you paint, change light fixtures, hang pictures and shelves. Whatever you need," Rose offered.

"You guys don't have to do that while you're here. This is your vacation. I want you to relax and enjoy yourselves."

"Don't be silly! We can do both. Now, let's open a bottle of wine and talk. Let me just go tell Em to meet us out back."

"Sounds good. Tell him there's cold beer in the fridge."

It was a nice night out. It was hot as hell during the day, but it had rained a lot that week, and the temperature was cooler in the evening. We grabbed two wine glasses and headed outside. I'd taken the patio furniture when we moved because Pip loved playing outside. I just needed to get him a new playset, since his had to stay with the old house. At least he'd have it when he went to stay with his father.

"So, tell me the truth, Bella. I know you've been unhappy for a long time. What finally made you leave his sorry ass? And don't sugarcoat it. This is me you're talking to. I'll know if you try to feed me some bullshit story."

"God, I don't even know where to start, Rose. I mean, you know how he was when we first met. He was very persistent. I was reluctant to get into a relationship, given my past, but he pursued me like I was the last woman on earth. He was sweet and attentive, and I finally gave in. We dated for a couple years, and things were okay. I mean, he was good to me. We had our fights, but they didn't seem out of the ordinary. Most of the time, I had caused them. I had trouble letting go of things – things I should have been over long before." I snuck a quick glance at her as she stared at me knowingly. She knew what those things were.

"Anyway, I'm sure he could sense that, but he was patient with me. He was even that way for the first couple of years of marriage. After I got pregnant, though, things changed. I don't know if it was because he wasn't ready to start a family or what, but he became distant."

"Did you talk to him about it?" Rose asked.

"I tried, but he would blow me off and act like it was all in my imagination. Eventually, that distance turned in to him being condescending. It was like I could never do anything right. He would talk down to me like I was stupid. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt for a long time, thinking that he was stressed with work and all the responsibilities of being a husband and father. But it got worse. Not only did he treat me like I was stupid, he started accusing me of talking to other men. He would go through my phone, looking at my call log and text messages. He would go through my emails. He started acting like a crazy person."

"Sounds like he had a guilty conscience to me," Rose interjected.

"Yeah, well, I should have realized that. I was so preoccupied with Pip, work, and maintaining the house that I didn't have time for anything else; let alone talking to other men. I barely had time to shower and blow dry my hair."

"He's such an asshole. He knows how hard you work and what a good mom you are. Ugh! To even try and put some crazy shit like that off on you is ridiculous."

"I know, but he had me where he wanted me. I was far away from home and from my family and friends. He and Pip were all I really had here. I mean, I had friends from work, but I really didn't want to talk to them about my personal problems. People talk, and I didn't want it affecting the way they looked at me."

"B, you know you could have talked to me. I'd have even flown down here if you'd asked me to."

"I know that, Rose, but I was embarrassed. I mean, I basically ran away from home to find myself and make it on my own, and I screwed everything up. Things were worse here than they ever were back there. I couldn't look you in the eyes. I felt like such a failure."

"You are not a failure. You have a successful career; you're a great mother with the coolest kid on the planet. Sure, your marriage may not have worked out, but that isn't a reflection on you or your character. Jacob Black didn't deserve you. You're an amazing woman, and he's a jackass for not realizing what he had."

"It's just that after being told how stupid and worthless you are for so long, you kind of start to believe it."

"Tell me you don't buy into that shit. Do you have any idea how awesome you are? Shit, my own husband will tell you. He thinks the world of you."

I smiled. Emmett always was my biggest fan. "I don't know, Rose. I'm sure that I could have probably tried harder to please him. I just didn't always know what was going to set him off, though. I do know that I want our son to respect women, and there was no way he was going to learn how to do that living in that house."

"What happened? You've always said he was good with Pip when he actually spent time with him."

"He is, for the most part. Or he was. I think it's just me that sets him off. He gets mad and lashes out. It was one thing when he would say things and we were alone, but toward the end, he would demean me in front of Pip, and I couldn't take that. One evening, while Pip and I were in the kitchen baking cookies, he got mad about something trivial, like a shirt being hung up wrong. He started yelling at me. First, from across the house and then in my face. He called me a stupid cunt, his favorite term of endearment for me, but that time, he'd done it in front of Pip, and something just clicked inside me. That was the breaking point for me. I'd finally had enough."

"I'll fucking kill him!"

Rose and I turned toward the patio door, both of us seeing a ferocious looking Emmett.

"You're saying that worthless piece of shit had the nerve to disrespect his _wife_ and _mother_ of his child by calling her the dirtiest name you could ever call a woman? And in front of Pip, no less?" he seethed. "He's a deadman."

"Em, please don't. It's over, okay? Don't stoop to his level. Getting into a fight with him isn't going to make things better. It isn't going to make him change," I said.

"No, but wiping his sorry ass off the planet would make the world a little bit better," Emmett replied.

"Come sit with us. Drink your beer and try to relax," I urged. "You're on vacation, remember?" I reached my hand out to him. He took it willingly, gently squeezing as he joined us.

We stayed outside, talking until well after two in the morning. Rose and I had polished off two bottles of red wine, and I lost track of how many beers Emmett had. I was just glad that he'd finally calmed down. We talked about the drama that was my life for a while, but Rose and I also got to regale Em with stories of some of our antics from back in the day. It felt good to reminisce and laugh for a bit. It helped me forget about the mess my real life had become – even if it was just for the evening.

"I say we have a cookout for the Fourth of July," Emmett suggested.

"Oh, that would be fun. And we can celebrate a new beginning for your and my little man," Rose added.

"Pip would love that. We have to go see the fireworks over at The Ballpark, though. He'd never forgive me if he missed them. It's one of his favorite things about the Fourth."

"Definitely. You know I'd never want to let my best little buddy down," Emmett assured.

"Okay, sounds good to me," I replied, actually kind of excited at the idea. "We'll make plans for it tomorrow, but for now, I think we need to get some sleep. I know I do, at least. Pip will be up in about four hours."

"I can't wait to snuggle the little brown haired cutie, with his pink cherub cheeks and long eyelashes," Rose said. "He looked so angelic and peaceful in his sleep. Thank God he looks just like you. I don't know if I'd love him as much as I do if he looked like the ass."

"Oh stop! You know you'd love him regardless. But yes, I'm kind of glad for that myself. Just know that he can be a little terror when he wants. He's been waiting for you guys to get here, so be expecting him to come in and jump on you. And be wearing clothes," I quipped.

We all laughed and went inside. It was the best night I'd had in a long time, and sleep found me easily.

**Early July 2008 – EPOV **

"I think that's a wrap, guys. Great job!"

"Thanks, E. We're really excited about this, man," Gary replied as Jay and Joe packed up their gear.

"Yeah, me, too! I think this is gonna be your best album yet," I told him.

"We'll have you to thank if that's the case. You've written some kick ass songs for us, not to mention you put up with us in the studio for months. We'll really owe you big time."

I laughed. "Hey, you never know when I might need to call in a favor."

"Anytime, E. Just say the word and you've got it."

"Thanks, Gary. It's been great working with you guys. You're a stand up act."

Once the three of them had all of their stuff gathered and packed, they met me on the other side of the glass to shake hands and say their goodbyes. We would meet back up in a couple of weeks, giving me time to mix everything down, make sure all the sounds and levels were where they should be, and master the album. Post-production could be a bitch. It definitely took a lot of hours, but music was my life. I loved everything about it – writing, playing, creating, recording, and perfecting it. And it was a good thing, since I was basically married to my job.

The guys left the studio and headed for the airport. They had families to get home to, since they had some time off, and it was the night before a holiday weekend. I, on the other hand, stayed behind. My big plans consisted of being locked up inside and working. Not only did I have an album to finish up, but I'd had some melodies that were rolling around in my head, and I wanted to play around with them. I'd been so busy with recording the past few weeks that I hadn't had time to work on writing anything new.

At a little after two in the morning, I decided to call it a night. I would be back early to start on post-production the next day. On my way home, I stopped by my favorite pizza place to grab some food. One of the best things about living in New York was that something was always open. With pizza in hand, I made my way back to my apartment.

I lived alone again, which was fine by me. Tanya had gotten the rest of her stuff out earlier in the week. Most people who had been in a relationship with someone for several years would have been sad when it came to an end, but I surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, wasn't. I guessed it was because I never really felt like Tanya was the one for me. I cared about her, don't get me wrong. She was beautiful and smart, and any guy would have been lucky to have her. I just wasn't in love with her. She deserved someone who wanted the same things she did. Who could give themselves to her completely, but that person wasn't me. I'd given my heart away a long time ago.

Focusing on work was always my main priority, which didn't make me great for relationship material, anyway. I spent long hours in the studio, locked away from the outside world and the people in it – including Tanya. My schedule was a constant topic of battle with us. In the beginning, she thought it was cool that I was a musician and got to work with famous people on their albums. However, as time went on, and I was away all the time, it wasn't so cool anymore.

I should have known things would end the way they did. I never should have let her move in. She was so fucking persistent about it, though, that I finally relented. My own selfishness had a part in it, too, though. I hated sleeping alone, so having her warm body in my bed every night didn't seem like such a bad option. The sex between us was always pretty good, as well. She was more than happy to please, and I was more than happy to take. I knew it was shitty of me, but it didn't make me change my ways.

I flopped down on the couch with my pizza and flipped on the TV. There was nothing but mindless bullshit on, but the noise helped to drown out the emptiness of the apartment. Call me a hypocrite for saying I didn't mind being single. I really fucking didn't. I just didn't like being alone. It didn't matter if it was Tanya or some other faceless, nameless person. I just liked the physicality of another body close to mine. Hell, I'd have gotten a dog, but I knew I wouldn't be home the majority of the time to take care of it. At least a woman could fend for herself.

_What the fuck ever!_ I flipped the TV back off after I'd eaten a few slices of pizza, and I put the rest in the fridge. I wasn't going to wallow like some sorry sap. I was the one who pushed people away. I'd done that shit to myself. I had always been okay being alone before, and I still was. It was the night time that got to me. That's when the memories would haunt me –awake or asleep. I should have gone after her. I should have made her talk to me, listen to me, see me. But I didn't. I let her leave, because I thought that was what she wanted. _Why did it always come back to this? Why couldn't I just let it go – let her go?_

I'd moved to New York to escape all of that. It was a big town with loads of possibilities, lots of new people, places, and things. I had loved being close to my parents again, and I'd loved teaching, too. I just couldn't stay. I finished out the school year and packed up. I didn't have a job or a place to live, but I had some money saved. Plus, I had the money my grandfather had left for me when he'd passed away. It was enough to get me by for a while.

I worked odd jobs at different studios, played a lot of open mic nights at bars around the city, and spent tons of time writing new music. My parents weren't pleased that I wasn't using the degree that I'd worked so hard for, but I assured them that it would always be there to fall back on if things didn't work out for me as a freelancer. Luckily, though, I'd managed to make quite a name for myself after some time. I'd sold some songs for some pretty decent money and eventually opened my own recording studio. I had no desire to be in the spotlight, so I was more than happy with the successes I'd gained by writing songs and producing music for others. It paid well, and I got to use my musical creativity, but didn't have the pressures of being in the public eye. It was a win-win situation.

But the money and success didn't fill the hollowness inside. Nothing could. I'd accepted that fact long ago. I'd tried drowning it out with liquor, women, and work. It allowed me to be distracted here and there, but it always came back – because she always came back. _Her memory stays with me always, and my heart stays with her. _

I needed some fucking sleep… and maybe a vacation. I poured two fingers of scotch into a glass and then down my throat. If sleep wouldn't come willingly, I'd help it along the best way I could. After another two glasses, I went to my bed to pass out. The morning would be there before I knew it.

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, we got to see a little bit of what these two have been up to the past ten years. What do you think? Is life everything they hoped it would be? Did anything catch you by surprise? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

ALBtY is up for a couple of awards on the Inspired Fanfic Awards site. Best Edward and Best Lemon Under 1K reviews. Alwaysward would love your vote. Link is on my profile, if you're so inclined.

Until next time (or until I see you on Twitter, I'm Dinx219 on there) - Love, hugs, and smooches.


	22. Chapter 22 No Such Thing as Coincidence

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is amazing! She's my super awesome beta, she puts up with my punctuation fail, and she lets me ramble to her about non-sensical stuff like 30 Seconds to Mars songs and wrist licking. LOL! She knows what I'm talking about… Go read her new story, _These Days_. I'm totally hooked, and you will be, too!

Thanks to Holly1980 for pre-reading and being the best cheerleader EVER. Her excitement and bribery attempts to get more details about this part of the story makes me giggle and I love her for it.

Let's meet Pip, shall we…

**Chapter 22 (No Such Thing as Coincidence)**

**BPOV **

I felt soft, tiny hands on my face. "Mama, waked up! It's morning time. Come on, Unkka Emmy and Aunty Ro are coming to see me today," Pip said, jumping up and down on my bed.

"They're already here, baby," I replied groggily, feeling like I'd just gotten to sleep. Glancing over at the alarm clock, I realized it _had_ only been a few hours ago. I groaned. It was early, and my head hurt. Stupid wine.

"They are? They're here to play wif me?" Pip asked, joy and excitement in his voice.

I cracked my eyes open to see his adorable face right in front of mine, his big, brown eyes staring back at me. "Yeah, sweetie. They're in the other room. But they're very tired and sleeping," I said softly. "Why don't we make them breakfast? Do you think you can be very quiet while we do that?"

He nodded. "And then I can see them and we can play?" he whispered enthusiastically.

I giggled and sat up. "Yes, my love. They're very excited to see you. Come on. Let's go to the kitchen and see what we can come up with," I told him.

"Unkka Emmy likes pancakes like me," Pip assured me, grabbing on to my outstretched hand.

"Pancakes, huh? I think we can probably do that."

A huge mess and an hour later, we finally had breakfast ready. Knowing how much Emmett liked to eat, we made a feast. There was bacon, eggs, toast, fruit, and blueberry pancakes – because Pip insisted they were his and his Unkka Emmy's favorite.

"Okay, Pip. Do you want to go wake them up and tell them we made breakfast?"

"Yeah," he squealed, running down the hall to their room and quickly throwing open the door.

"Waked up!" I heard him shout as he jumped on their bed. I'm pretty sure I heard an "umph" and some groans, as I'm sure he'd jumped and landed on top of Em. He used to love waking Jacob up the same way.

I got out plates and silverware and began setting the table while I waited. I'd made coffee, even though I hated the stuff, because I knew Rose and Emmett would be cranky without it. I got out mugs and was pouring orange juice in glasses when they finally made their entrance.

"Good morning, Baby Bell," Emmett greeted cheerfully as he carried a squirming three-year-old on his back. Rose entered behind him.

"Morning, Em! Sleep well?" I asked.

"He slept like a log. You didn't hear him snoring?" Rose interjected before he could answer.

"Nope." I laughed. "Once my head hit the pillow, I was out. First night that's happened in a while. Pip woke me up bright and early so we could make breakfast, though. Right, kiddo?"

"Yep," Pip replied. "We made booberry pancakes, 'cause they're our favowite. Right, Unkka Emmy?"

"You know it, big guy!" Emmett said, raising him off of his shoulders and placing him down in his booster seat at the table.

"Coffee," Rose grumbled, making her way to the counter. "Thank God you actually have some in this house."

"Of course! I knew you were coming. I know how unbearable you can be when you don't have it. I thought I'd make my life easy by stocking up. I'm no dummy," I said, winking.

"Whatever! I'm a peach in the morning," she retorted.

"Rose, this is me you're talking to. And peach would not be a word I'd use to describe you… well, ever – but especially not in the morning.

Emmett guffawed at that one. "I love you, B," he said. "You're the only one who can actually tell her something like that and not get cussed out."

"What's cussed out?" Pip asked.

I glared at Emmett before walking to the table with Pip's plate. "That's when someone says bad words, honey. Something we don't do in this house," I tried to assure him. "Your Uncle Em was just teasing."

"That's right! You know your Aunty Ro would never say anything bad, don't you, little man?" Rose asked as she sat down next to him. Emmett smirked.

"Daddysaysbadwowrds," Pip replied with a mouthful of pancake.

"Pip, manners, sweetie. You know we don't talk with our mouths full," I told him, shooting Em and Rose a look that it was time to change the subject. "Chew your food and swallow before you speak, okay?"

"Okay, Mama," he replied sweetly.

"So, what are we gonna do today, handsome?" Rose asked him.

"Ohh! Can we go to the park? There's a really big slide, and a merry-go-round, and there are swings. I can go really high up. I'm not scared at all, huh, Mama?"

"That's right; you can go really high. You're very brave," I confirmed as I sat down with my own plate.

"Uh huh! And I can run very fast. Mama says I'm like Dash from the Incwedibles."

"I'm sure you are, buddy. You must take after me," Emmett told him, ruffling his hand through Pip's hair.

"Yep," Pip said, shoveling another bite of pancake into his mouth.

"Uncle Emmy suggested we have a cookout for the Fourth of July. What do you think about that?" I asked Pip.

"What's a cookout?" Pip replied.

"It's kind of like a party," Rose answered. "And we cook lots of yummy food and hang out outside."

"Can we have hotdogs with ketchup?" Pip asked.

"We have to have hotdogs with ketchup," Emmett told him.

"We can have whatever you want, baby," I said. "Does that sound like fun?"

"Will we still get to see firewowrks?" he asked, looking slightly alarmed.

"You bet we will. We can't miss that. That's the best part of the day," Emmett assured him.

"Okay." Pip smiled.

"We're going to need to make up a list of what all we're going to need. We can go to Costco while we're out this afternoon to buy everything," I suggested. "Sound good?"

"Sounds good to me. And maybe we can even go by the pet store on our way back," Rose replied, looking at Pip and winking. She smiled at me as I eyed her suspiciously.

"Yay! Can we look at the fishes? I really like the fishes," Pip squealed, bouncing in his seat.

"We sure can," Emmett promised. "Maybe we can even buy one."

"Oh, can we, Mama? Please!"

"We'll see. What do you say we go get you cleaned up, sticky fingers? We need to get dressed and brush our teeth before we can do anything," I reminded him.

"Yay! I'm gonna get a fishy!" he howled excitedly, clapping his hands as I took him down from the table.

"Great! Thanks for that, guys!" I said, glaring at them as he tore off down the hall to his room.

"What? He's our little munchkin. We get to spoil him while we're here. One little beta fish isn't going to hurt anything," Rose replied.

"Remember that. _One_ little fish," I chided with narrowed eyes.

They both threw their hands up. "Yes, ma'am," Emmett replied. "I don't want to suffer your wrath."

"That's very wise of you, Em," I told him, the corner of my mouth turning up into a small smile. "Now, let me go get this little rugrat ready to go. Don't worry about the dishes. Just leave them in the sink. I'll clean up later. Go get ready and we'll head out in a few."

~xxx~

We spent the day running around. First, we took Pip to the park, as promised, and played for a couple hours, but once it started to get hot, we ventured off to do other things. We stopped by Costco and picked up all of the food and party supplies we needed. Emmett insisted on buying a grill while we were there, because the one I had was not going to work. He'd said to grill properly you needed to have a man's grill, and mine was definitely not manly, according to him. I told him he was crazy, but Rose said to let him do his thing. She had just wanted him out of our hair, and apparently, grill shopping was the way to go about that.

We headed back by the house before going to the pet store. We had bought tons of food and didn't want it to spoil in the scorching Texas heat. I didn't know what we were going to do with all of it. There was probably enough to feed twenty. I didn't even know that many people. I'd planned to invite a few friends from work, and then there was the four of us, but that was hardly enough to consume as much as Emmett insisted we buy.

After unloading the groceries and putting them away, we headed out to Pet Smart to look at fish. When it was all said and done, Pip ended up with a blue beta fish he named Mr. Blooey, and a tiny little fish bowl with green gravel.

"Thanks for buying me Mr. Blooey, Aunty Ro. He's excited to come home wif me. He's gonna live in my room, and I'm gonna take good care of him like my mama takes care of me."

"You're very welcome, little man. I'm sure he'll be very happy with you. He's a lucky little fish. He'll get to see your sweet face every day. I think I'm kind of jealous." She jutted her lip out to make a pouty face at him.

"Don't be sad, Aunty Ro. You can come and visit him whenever you want," he said, climbing into his car seat.

Rose laughed. "I'd rather come and visit you. Can I still come whenever I want?" she asked, buckling him in.

"Uh huh." He nodded. "But you have to bring Unkka Emmy with you."

She threw her hand over her heart in mock hurt. "What am I? Chopped liver? I thought you loved your Aunty Ro the best?"

"That's not nice, Aunty Ro. I love you the same," he told her, looking down at Mr. Blooey as he swam around in the clear plastic bag.

"That's my boy" Emmett rejoiced, winking at Pip and earning him a scowl from Rose.

"Oh, fine, you little weasel!" she teased. "But I get the first hugs and kisses, you hear me?" She tickled him, making him giggle and shriek.

After dinner, Rose helped get Pip ready for bed while Em and I cleaned up the kitchen.

"I wish you guys lived closer. Are you sure you don't want to move back to Maryland?" Emmett asked as he helped load the dishwasher.

"You sound just like my dad," I replied.

"Well, he's a smart man," he said, smiling.

"It's not that I don't want to be close to you guys. I'd love it if we were all together again. I just can't do that to Pip. He needs his father."

"His father is an asshole. You've said that yourself. If you're worried about him having positive male influences around him, we would make sure that we were there for him."

"I know you would, Em, and I love you for it. But Jake is his father, asshole or not. He does love Pip. I know he's been less than wonderful in the husband department, but he deserves to spend time with his son. I may not like it, but I won't be the one who messes that up. If anyone is going to screw up their time together, it's going to be Jake."

"He's such an idiot for letting you go."

"Thanks, Emmy Bear," I told him, giving him a hug, wet hands and all.

"We're gonna have to find you a good guy that will make you happy and treat you right. I have a lot of successful, good-looking friends, ya know?"

"Oh, no! I'm done with dating and men for a while. Pip is the only man I need in my life at the moment."

"You say that now, but you might be changing your tune in a couple months."

"I highly doubt it, but thanks for the offer." I laughed.

"Okay. You just let me know if change your mind."

"Will do," I replied.

"Speaking of friends, I forgot to tell you. I have an old college buddy that lives here in Dallas. He moved back up this way after graduation. I thought I might invite him over to the barbecue on the Fourth, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, of course. As long as you aren't trying to set me up with him or anything."

He chuckled. "No worries, B. I actually think he's married now. We haven't talked in a while, but it will be great to catch up with him. And who knows, maybe you'll like his wife and make a new friend."

"Invite away. The more the merrier. Besides, someone is going to have to help us eat all that food."

~xxx~

We spent the next couple of days doing typical touristy things, visiting the zoo and the stockyards in Fort Worth, and the Book Depository and Sixth Floor Museum in Dallas, and before we knew it, the Fourth was upon us.

Rose and I spent a great deal of the morning prepping food and making side dishes, while Em got all of the meat ready to grill. We had quite a spread laid out once people started arriving. Leah and her boyfriend, Sam, were the first to arrive, followed by several other co-workers. The afternoon was going well, and everyone was having a great time mingling and eating.

At a little after two, a handsome blond man called out as he made his way around the side of the house to the backyard. "Hello, are we at the right place?"

"There you are," Emmett bellowed as he went and shook his hand. "Glad you could make it. It's been a long time."

"Yeah, thanks for inviting us. It has been a long time. What are you doing in Dallas? Did you move here?" Emmett's friend asked him.

"Nah, dude. My wife, Rosalie, and I are here visiting our good friend, Bella. This is her house. Let me introduce you to everyone."

"Yeah, sure. Let me just see what's keeping my wife. She was on an important call when we pulled up. I'll just run and grab her and be right back."

"Right on," Emmett told him.

A few moments later, he returned. I just stepped back outside after refilling the deviled egg tray, and Rosalie was standing beside Emmett.

"Jasper, this is my wife, Rosalie. Rosalie, this is my old college roommate, Jasper."

"It's a pleasure," he drawled politely.

"Bella, come on over," Emmett summoned. "I'd like you to meet the friend I was telling you about."

"Hi," I said, holding out my hand. "Bella Black, er, uh, Swan." _Jesus, I must look like an idiot not even knowing my name._

He regarded me strangely for a moment, shaking my hand and then smiling. "Your last name is Black Swan?" he asked.

I laughed, shaking my head. "No, sorry. My married name was Black, but it's going back to my maiden name of Swan now. I guess I just haven't gotten used to saying it yet."

"Okay." He smiled warmly. "Let me introduce you all to my better half," he said, turning to look behind him. "Sugar, get up here." He grabbed the woman's hand and pulled her to his side. "Everyone, this is– "

"Alice Cullen, is that you?" Rose screeched.

I dropped my drink, and my heart momentarily stopped. I was sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights. It couldn't be. She looked just as shocked and confused as she gazed from me to Rose and back again.

"Um, yeah. It's me. But my last name is Whitlock now."

**EPOV**

As I walked home from the restaurant, I began to wonder what the hell I'd been thinking. _Why did you agree to that?_ She had said it would just be a meal between friends. We could be friends. And I had to eat, right? It was possible for two people to get out of a romantic relationship, if what we'd had was considered romance, and into a platonic one. I supposed that would be true if it wasn't Tanya I was dealing with. Or _me_. Fuck, I didn't know. I didn't handle relationships with women well. Shit, I didn't really _do_ relationships with them. My mom and my sister were the only two women I'd managed to successfully keep in my life, and I was sure even they thought I was an asshole at times. What I did know was that meeting her had been a bad idea. A fucking epically stupid, bad choice. Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way.

Dinner started out fairly typical – two people meeting up and making small talk over drinks and food. However, it didn't take long for me to realize that Tanya had other ideas about where things should go. Her subtle looks and touches increased in their intensity, and anger and tears started when they weren't reciprocated. I really fucked that up. It was way too soon. I didn't want to hurt her, but lying to her in the short term would only have made it hurt worse in the long term – for both of us. So much for trying to be friends.

I really needed to get out of the city for a while. Clear my head. I had a lot of work to do, but I'd have been no good at it in the condition my mind was in. I needed a breather, so I decided to take a trip to the family beach house. I knew Mom and Dad were going to be there for the week, so I thought I might surprise them and drive in. Work had been so busy that it had been several months since I'd seen them. A visit sounded good.

The city was packed with people in town for the Fourth, so I decided to wait until Saturday evening to head out. The drive would take about five hours, which wasn't bad. Especially when I had my iPod loaded with good tunes to keep me company along the way.

I was anxious, but driving was somewhat relaxing. I didn't get to do it much living in the city. Everything I needed was within walking distance for the most part, and the things that weren't were accessible by the subway or a cab. I kept my car, though, because it was nice to be able to escape out of the concrete jungle once in a while.

I pulled into Ocean City a little after ten. Our house, being on the bayside, was away from all of the tourists who'd ventured to the beach for the holiday. The lights were on inside and my parents' car was in the driveway. I began to wonder if I should have called. I had my key, but decided it might be best to knock on the door. God forbid if I had caught them in a compromising situation. _Ugh!_ Just the thought made me want to bleach my brain and gouge my eyes out.

"Edward? What are you doing here, sweetheart?" my mom asked, a confused look on her face as she opened the door. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just thought it might be nice to get away for a little bit and visit with you guys," I said, stepping inside so she could close the door behind me.

"Oh, well, what a nice surprise! Why didn't you just use your key?" She gave me a hug, and I kissed her cheek.

"Well, I didn't want to interrupt… anything," I replied abashedly.

"Oh, good heavens! Stop being silly. Your father and I just got back from a late dinner and were just about to go sit out back and relax. I just opened a bottle of wine. Why don't you get settled and meet us out there. I'll take a glass out for you."

"Okay, thanks, Ma. I'll just drop my bag off in my room and meet you out back.

It was a clear, beautiful night. You could hear the water gently lapping against our dock. It was soothing. The wine and the easy conversation with my parents were also comforting. I could already feel the tension leaving me as I sat back on the chaise lounge, feet pulled up and hands resting on the chair's arms.

"How are things with work?" my dad asked.

"They're good. I'm about to go into post-production on an album in the next couple of days. That should keep me pretty busy for the next couple months."

"That's good, son. I've gotta say, I didn't think this whole music thing would pay off, but you've done really well for yourself. I'm proud of you," he told me.

"Yes, we both are," my mom added, smiling and reaching over to squeeze the top of my hand.

I sighed. "Thank you. That means a lot to me, probably more than you know."

"Edward, is everything all right with you? Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy to see you, but something seems off." My mom eyed me concernedly.

"Yeah, I've just been a little bit tense lately. I really needed to get out of the city for a while. Plus, Tanya and I broke up, and she moved out a couple weeks ago. I really wanted to get away and clear my head."

"I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. Tanya seemed like a nice girl the few times we got to see her," my mom said.

"Yeah, she was a nice girl. Too nice, really. She didn't deserve the shit I gave her, but what's done is done. It's a long story. Or maybe it's not. I don't know. I hurt her, though. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't lie to her. It just boils down to the fact that she wanted more than I was willing to give," I explained.

"I don't like seeing one of my babies hurting," Mom said.

"That's just it. I'm not hurting. Not like she is. Not like I should be. I was actually kind of glad when she left. I felt like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders because she would be free to go out and find the person who could give her all the things she wanted and deserved. I just… I don't know. I feel empty, hollow. It feels like there's something missing, but I don't know what it is."

"Is this a new feeling?" my dad asked. "Or did you feel that way before the break up?"

"I guess before. I've felt like this for a while. I don't think about it much, and work usually helps drown it out. Lately, though, not even work has made it go away. Maybe it's just stress."

"Have you talked to someone about this, son?" Dad inquired.

"What, like a shrink?" I laughed.

"Or a psychologist. Just a professional who is trained to deal with things like that," he encouraged.

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine. I really just think I need a vacation. I'm already feeling better just being here."

"Well, promise me you'll let us know if it gets too overwhelming," my mom implored.

"I'm seriously fine, but I promise, okay?"

"Okay," she relented.

The next few days were spent unwinding. I fished with my dad, played on the Sea Doo, laid on the beach, soaking up the sun, and just relaxed. When it was time for me to head back to the city, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world. I said my goodbyes to Mom and Dad, and they promised to make a trip in to the city to visit in the few weeks after.

The drive back to New York seemed so much quicker than the one to Maryland. Maybe that had more to do with the anticipation of wanting to decompress than of the actual time spent in the car. I got back to my apartment and unpacked. I did a little laundry, made myself a sandwich, and was just about to get in the shower when my phone rang.

"Hey, Ali. How's my favorite sister doing?"

"You sure are in a good mood," she said, laughing. "Have you been drinking?"

I chuckled. "No, why? Do I have to be drunk to be happy to talk to my sister?"

"No, but you haven't been very cheerful the past few times I talked to you, so I guess I just assumed you'd be a grouch."

I smiled, imagining the grimace on Alice's face as she called me out on my past bad moods. "Well, I'm very relaxed, actually. I just got back from the beach house."

"Really? You were hanging out with Mom and Dad?"

"Yeah, it was kinda nice."

"I wish I'd known. I would have tried to come up. Then again, maybe it's better that I didn't."

"Why is that? Did you and Jasper have big plans for the Fourth this year?"

"Nope. They weren't big plans, but something _big_ definitely did happen."

"Oh, really? And what exactly was that?"

"You'd never be able to guess in a million years," she replied.

"Yeah, you're probably right. So, why don't you just tell me?"

"Are you sitting down?"

"No, why?" My sister could be so ridiculous sometimes.

"Because you may fall over when I tell you this."

"Just spill it."

"I hung out with Bella."

And just like that, the relaxation was gone.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Eep! That's an interesting turn of events, wouldn't you say? Neither one of them saw that coming. But, like the name of the chapter, there's no such thing as coincidence. Now, what do you think it all means? How do you think that surprise reunion went? How do you think Edward feels about this news? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

A couple stories you guys should be reading if you aren't already: _An Undefined Affair_ and _Fridays at Noon_. They completely own me at the moment, like drop everything and run when I see an update hit my box. Well, when Fanfiction is being fail, that is. You should definitely check them out. Both are in my favorites. You won't be disappointed.

Until next time (or until I see you on Twitter, I'm Dinx219 on there) - Love, hugs, and smooches.


	23. Chapter 23 Conversations with Friends

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx, thanks for agreeing to be my beta so long ago, and actually sticking with me. I know I don't tell you enough, but I heart you big bunches.

Thanks to ccdb932 for pre-reading this go around, and for all of our daily Rob convos! My drives to and from work would be lacking so much fun and laughter without you. XOXO

SM has Twilight, and KStew has Rob, but Alwaysward is all mine. :)

**Chapter 23 (Conversations with Friends) **

**BPOV**

Of all the people in the world that could have walked into my backyard, I never in a million years would have expected it to be Alice Cullen, or Whitlock, as she went by now. Seeing her was quite the shock, and my stomach dropped to my feet, probably mirroring my mouth.

Alice was one of my closest friends in high school, almost as close as Rosalie. But things changed after senior year. In all actuality, they probably changed before senior year. We tried to make the best of it. She was still a big part of my life that year, but it was impossible not to think about her connection to the one person that turned my world upside down and shattered it into pieces.

Edward. The thought of him still came to mind as I saw her face that afternoon. But the pain and regret his memory stirred within me couldn't be placed on him. Not anymore. That was my doing.

Upon her arrival, and realizing it truly was her, my mind was having a hard time keeping up. Alice was his sister. She knew where he was and what he was doing. She knew if he was happy, if he was married or had children. She knew how life had turned out for him, and I ached to know, too. Even after everything that had happened between him and me, after running off to find myself and leaving him behind, I still wanted the best for him – even if it had nothing to do with me.

I didn't know what to say or do at first. I was so thankful that Rose was there. She knew Alice as well as I had. We were all friends once upon a time, and even though Rose was just as surprised as Alice and me, she was so much better at making the situation less awkward. Jasper and Emmett were pretty blown away at the coincidence, too. We all had to laugh at what a small world it really was.

As the evening went on, Alice, Rose, and I caught up while the guys did the same. The glass or two of wine definitely helped lighten the heaviness that had been weighing on me, and before long, it was time to take Pip to see the fireworks.

After the show, Pip was thoroughly worn out. With a sleeping child in my arms, we all said our goodbyes outside the ballpark, but not before Alice had made sure to get my number. She said that she would call me so we could get together. While I was nervous at the prospect, I had missed her and wanted to get to know her again. It would be nice to have a little piece of home near me again.

So, when she called me a few days later, asking me to meet her for dinner the following Saturday, I accepted. Rosalie and Emmett had gone back to Maryland, and it was Jacob's first weekend to have Pip since the divorce papers were filed and we'd moved out. I knew I'd be a nervous wreck because of it, so I welcomed the distraction and company.

We decided to meet in Grapevine. Since she lived in Dallas, and I lived in Arlington, it was a good middle ground for us. Plus, there were lots of restaurants in the area to choose from. We settled on Esparza's, ecause they had tasty margaritas and a great patio to sit on. I was a little bit late getting out of the house, so by the time I made it to the restaurant, Alice already had our table ready.

"Hey," I greeted her as she stood to give me a hug. "I'm so sorry I'm late."

"Oh, no worries. I haven't been here long. I did go ahead and order us some margaritas. I hope that's okay," she said.

"Perfect. I could definitely use one."

"I'm so glad you agreed to meet me. I must say, it was a bit of a shock to see you again, but I'm so glad that I did. I've always wondered where you ended up. What a coincidence that we're in the same city. How long have you been here?" she asked before taking a sip of her frozen treat.

"Umm, it's been about ten years now," I replied, biting my lip. I'd moved just a few days after walking out her brother's door, and even though she may not have known that specifically, I still felt guilty admitting it to her.

"Wow. I had no idea. I guess it must feel like home since you've been here so long."

"It's not bad. I suppose I've gotten used to it. It's never going to be _home_, but Pip's dad is here, so I can't really pack up and leave."

"I'm so sorry to hear things turned out the way they did. I know we only chatted about stuff briefly at your house. How are you holding up with everything? Do you need anything?"

"I'm managing. I'm completely stressed out most days, but I'm handling things."

"So, there's no chance for reconciliation between you two?"

"Definitely not. I've gone through hell with him the past two years, and I've taken all that I can. I'm trying to be civil with him for our son's sake, but there's no going back. He makes it hard enough just to deal with him on a part time basis."

"How is he with Pip?"

"When he's around, he's good with him. He didn't spend a ton of time at home, but he does love his son. It's me that he had the problem with."

"He didn't want to try and work things out?"

"As far as I can tell, when it comes to me, Jake is only happy when he's being ugly. I'm honestly beginning to think I was a game to him – a challenge, because I didn't give in to him so easily. However, once he got me, he didn't really want me anymore. I guess the novelty had worn off."

"That's so shitty. He sounds like an ass. I'm really sorry, sweetie."

"I'm just sorry that I stayed with Jake as long as I did. It wasn't a healthy relationship, so I'm not terribly upset that it's over. I am sad for Pip, though. He's so young, and he loves us both. I just want him to have a good childhood, and I don't want to screw it up for him."

"Yeah," she mused, wiping at the condensation on her glass. "I'm here if you need to vent or if you want to get out and need a babysitter. For whatever – just know I'm only a phone call away."

"I appreciate that, Alice. Really, I do. But what about you?" I asked her, wanting to change the subject. "How did you end up in Dallas?"

"Well, you know I went to school in Austin. I lived there for a couple years after graduation with my college boyfriend, but things didn't work out. A few weekends after we broke up, one of my sorority sisters invited me up to stay with her for a couple days. I ended up meeting Jasper at a party, and we hit it off. We did the long distance thing for a while, talking on the phone a lot and visiting each other on weekends, but it wasn't enough. We wanted to be with each other all the time, so he asked me to move up here with him. I guess the rest is history."

"That is so great, Al. I'm so happy for you. Jasper seems like a nice guy from what I can tell."

"He really is. He makes me happy." She smiled, and I could see the glimmer of love in her eyes. I'd felt that way once – a very long time ago.

"How long have you guys been married?"

"We've been together for a little over four years, and we've been married for two."

"Did you go back home for the wedding?" My parents had never mentioned anything about a wedding announcement for her, and I was pretty sure they would have had the wedding been at home.

"No, actually. You'd think I would have had the big, elaborate wedding, but I didn't. We just had a small ceremony on the beach in Mexico. It was just us and immediate family."

Her family. Her brother. _Him_. I swallowed thickly. "How is your family?" I asked.

"They're good. Mom and Dad just celebrated their fortieth wedding anniversary last month. He's retired now, so they're having fun together – traveling and taking up different hobbies."

"That's good. They were always very sweet to me. You'll have to send them my best." _But you left someone out. How is your other family member? The one we're both seeming to avoid mentioning._

"I definitely will. I'm sure they'll be down here sometime this summer. We'll all have to get together. I know they'd love to see you and meet Pip. He's adorable."

"Thank you, and that would be nice."

"I just know they're going to fall in love with him. They keep hinting that they want grandkids. I don't know, though. It's a lot of responsibility."

"It is, but you'd be a great mom, Al. You have two excellent role models to guide you, not to mention a husband you adore. Any child would be lucky to have you."

"Aww, thanks! We'll see what happens. Jasper has mentioned it a few times. Maybe we'll start practicing. Feel free to loan us Pip anytime you need some alone time." She winked.

"I just might take you up on that."

We ordered our food and continued to make small talk, catching up on jobs and life in general, but there was still no mention of Edward. She asked me lots more questions about Jacob and Pip, never once seeming to hold either against me. In fact, she seemed accepting and sympathetic. It was nice talking to her again, but I also felt like I couldn't let my guard down entirely. Not yet.

"I know we've talked about it, but I still can't believe you're a mommy, Bella. Is it as scary as it seems?"

"It is at times when I think of how I'm responsible for shaping the mind of this tiny human. He's a handful, and I'm constantly tired, but he's so worth it. I don't know what I would do without him. This weekend has been especially hard for me."

"Oh no, how come?"

"It's the first weekend Pip has gone to stay with Jake, and I'm pretty much beside myself. He's my whole world."

"Well, for what it's worth, it looks like you're doing a great job with him. He's well mannered and smart, not to mention the fact that he's cute as a button. I bet your parents dote on him, huh?"

"You have no idea. He's so spoiled. It might be a good thing that we don't live close to them or he'd be rotten." We laughed. "He's great, though. I might not have done so well with the husband, but I did luck out in the kid department."

"You guys are going to have to come over for dinner when Jasper gets back in town."

"Oh, where did he go?"

"He's on a business trip. He had to fly up to New York for a meeting. He tried to play it down and say that it was going to be boring, but I know he's going to have fun. I'm sure he and Edward will find some kind of trouble to get into while he's there."

My heart sank at the mention of his name. "Edward?"

"Umm, yeah. I'm so sorry. I know you probably don't want me to talk about him. I've been trying to watch what I say. I didn't mean to –"

"No!" The word rushed out of my mouth, and she raised an eyebrow. "I mean, not at all. You can talk about him. I was wondering," I said, shrugging. "How is he?"

She sighed with a look of uncertainty. "Honestly?"

My pulse was racing. Was she going to tell me that his life was perfect? That he was happily married with three kids and a dog? I should have wanted that for him. He deserved it. But I didn't. Yes, I wanted him to be happy. I wanted the best for him – in everything. Yet, at the same time, I didn't. The thought of him with someone else made me ache to my very core. What the hell was wrong with me?

I blinked, trying to clear my mind. "Yeah, of course honestly," I finally replied.

"I really don't know. Edward is Edward. You know he was never one to open up about feelings. Not much has changed in that area. He works a lot, I do know that."

"Is he still teaching?" I asked.

"Oh, gosh, no. Edward hasn't been a teacher for a long time."

"Really? But I thought he loved it."

"He did. His real passion was for music, though. He's actually a record producer in New York now. Instead of working with kids, he works with famous people. Lucky bastard." She laughed. "That's why I say he and Jasper are probably out getting into trouble."

"A record producer? Wow. That's really great. His wife must be proud." I didn't know if he had one. _Please say he doesn't have one_.

"Wife? That's hilarious. Uh, no." She shook her head, chuckling. "Edward doesn't have a wife. He's never been married."

"Really?" I asked, sounding way more interested than I should have. _Shit._

Alice smirked. "Nope. No wife. No kids. No pets. Just a thriving career."

I nodded, not knowing what to say, but my mind reeling. _Is he content? Happy? Lonely? Oh, Edward._

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied skeptically, her request ominous in nature.

"What happened with you and my brother?"

"What do you mean?" I knew we would eventually get to that, but I wasn't expecting her to ask it so soon.

"I don't mean to pry, and I know it was a long time ago, but I've always wondered what went wrong with you two. And I'm not referring back to high school. I'm talking about later – when Edward moved back and you re-connected. I know I wasn't there, but he made it sound like things between you guys were good. He was really happy, and I was so excited for the two of you. But then you left. What happened? Was there something Edward didn't tell me?"

I laughed nervously. "I'm not really sure what Edward told you, but it wasn't him that messed things up, if that's what you're wondering."

"So, what was it, then?"

I took a big drink of my margarita. "I wish that I had a good answer for you, Alice, but I don't. Looking back on things now, I was so foolish, but at the time, I was completely overwhelmed and scared. All I can tell you is that I was really stupid, and I let fear get in the way of something that could have been really good."

"He's a different person because of you."

"I really hurt him."

"Yes."

"I'm not proud of it. It was never my intention; though, I'm sure it doesn't seem that way."

"I'm not gonna lie, I wanted to track you down and rip you to shreds when he called me and told me that you'd left. I'd never heard him so hurt before, and it broke my heart. But I also believe that everything happens for a reason. You're not perfect. Neither is he. We all make mistakes, Bella. I know I have. But hopefully we learn from them."

"I've definitely learned more than I'd care to know over the past few years."

Alice reached across the table and grabbed my hand, holding it for a moment and squeezing. "I want you to know that I'm really sorry I wasn't a better friend to you all those years ago. I never stopped caring about you. I just got caught up in school and being in a new place. I hope you can forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Ali. That's life. People come and go. I never doubted that you were my friend, though."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure," I replied.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't left?"

"The truth, and I can't believe I'm actually telling you this, but more than I probably should. It isn't going to change anything, though. It's done and over with, and I'm sure he hates me now." I let out a long, slow sigh.

"Are you okay, B? I mean _really_ okay."

"Am I _okay _as in happy? I don't know that I would use that word to describe what I am. I'm getting by. My son gives me some happiness. I love seeing the joy in his eyes when he learns something new or when he gets excited about going somewhere or doing something. I have a good job that I like. But is life everything I'd hoped it would be? No, not exactly. Is it ever that way for anyone, though?"

"Life is hard at times, but I can honestly answer that with a resounding yes. It absolutely is that way for other people. Look at our parents. Look at me. Jasper and I are very happy. And I'm asking you these things because I care about you. I haven't been around you for a long time, and I know you've been through a lot the past few years, but I don't think you're where you're supposed to be – where you want to be."

"You're right, I'm not, but I'm where I _have_ to be for now, for my son."

"I can't argue with you about that, especially since I've never been a parent. But I know you, Bella. I may be overstepping my bounds, and you can tell me I'm crazy if you want, but I saw the way you looked when I said Edward's name, the way you perked up when I said that he's never married. You still care about him."

"Of course I still care about him. He was a big part of my life. How could I not? But I screwed up. I didn't even let him know how I felt; I just left. And I've regretted it every day. He deserved that much. Seeing you again makes me realize that even more."

"You know it's not too late," she encouraged. "I could always give you his number."

"You're quite the comedian, Ali."

"What are you talking about?" she asked incredulously.

"Surely you jest. You can wipe that smirk off your face, because I really don't think your brother would appreciate you giving me his number so I could call him up, _after ten years of not speaking_, to talk about history."

"He would talk to you, Bella. I know it."

"It's not happening, Al. Things are different now. We've both moved on. Besides, I have enough to deal with in the present before I go trying to fix things in the past."

"Right," she replied sarcastically. "It's amazing how stubborn the two of you are. Edward is the same way. He gets something in his mind and there's no changing it. And if you think for a second that my brother hates you, you're highly mistaken."

"I'm not so sure about that, but let's leave the past in the past for now, okay?"

"_For now_, Bella, I'll leave things alone. Just know that no matter what has happened in the past, it's brought you to this moment. You'll never be able to go back and start over – none of us can. However, you can make a brand new ending, and I'm going to do my best to help make sure it's a happy one.

**EPOV**

It was like my heart dropped down to my goddamn stomach and then someone ripped it out and stomped on it. Again. I thought I was going to be sick when I got off the phone with Alice. How did this person still have so much of an effect on me? It had been ten long fucking years since I'd last seen or talked to her, and she could still send me into a downward spiral.

Alice's news of seeing Bella had definitely rocked me. And while it stirred up the biggest hurtful memory of my life, it brought back a lot of amazing ones, too. She was the one person who broke down all my walls and got inside. Sure, time had passed, and I'd made a new life for myself, but there were still chinks in my armor.

While I wasn't sure I'd ever be completely whole again, I learned to ignore the imperfections, until all that was left was a dull pain. She'd made her choice, and it wasn't me. I'd had no choice but to move on. Hearing about her – knowing that my sister had seen her, talked to her – it brought it all back. The good and the bad, and I wanted to know more, to know her. _Damn it!_ But some things were meant to be left in the past, even if it hurt like hell leaving them there.

It was obvious that my sister wanted to give me details. I couldn't handle them, though. Just the fact that she was still in Texas told me everything. She'd obviously made a good life for herself there. She wouldn't have still been there if she wasn't happy. And even though I'd wished good things for her, I couldn't stand around and listen to them, because I wasn't a part of them.

Alice was her typical meddlesome self, trying to push what she thought I needed on me, but I had to shut her down. I wasn't going on a trip down memory lane with my sister. Not about _her_. To say that Al was frustrated with me was an understatement. She should have been used to it, though. My family knew not to press certain issues with me, and opening up about personal shit was at the top of the list. I talked when I wanted, and if I didn't want to, it didn't happen. End of story.

Before we hung up, she did manage to tell me that Jasper was coming in to town for a few days on business. He'd be tied up with meetings most of the week, but he wanted to get together the following weekend. Jasper was a cool guy. I couldn't complain about him as far as brother-in-laws went. He was good to my sister, and that was all that really mattered. He was easy to get along with, so I told her I'd make time and that he should call me when he was free.

The week passed, and I kept myself busy with work. I'd be lying if I said my conversation with Alice was forgotten, or that I didn't wonder about Bella, but I _tried_ not to think about those things. Whether I was successful in them was another story.

Jasper finally called me late Friday night, and we made plans to go out the following evening. He was going to check out of his hotel and come to my place on Saturday morning. His flight back home wasn't until Sunday night, so he'd stay at my apartment his last night in the city, and I'd take him to the airport.

I'd gotten to know Jasper fairly well over the years. I'd gone to Texas to visit a couple times, and he'd been to New York with my sister on a few trips, as well as a couple of business trips on his own. He was a fun guy. He was easy going, and I could see why my sister liked him. He could drink like a fucking fish, too. He'd proven that on his last trip up. We'd gone out with one of the bands I was working with, and he drank all of us under the table. That was saying something, because the guys we were hanging out with were known for their partying ways and drunken debauchery, and he'd put us all to shame.

It was just going to be the two of us on this trip, though. I didn't have anybody in the studio to entertain at the time, and I wasn't feeling like hanging out with a group of people, anyway. Jack, on the other hand, was definitely someone I wanted to get reacquainted with – preferably in a glass with some ice and some Coke. I didn't think Jasper would object.

He came over and got settled in the early part of the afternoon. I had to run down to the studio to finish up a few things, but told Jasper I'd be back in time to grab dinner and hit a few bars. There was no fucking way we were going to clubs. I was in no mood for the crowds they drew or the perky, up-beat bullshit they played for music.

I was back at my place by six to shower and change, we got dinner by seven, and were sitting at our first bar by eight – with my fourth drink in hand.

"What's going on, man? I know you're busy with work, but there's nothing new about that. You don't seem like yourself, though," Jasper said, taking a pull off his beer.

"Just got a lot on my mind, I guess."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Fuck, I wouldn't even know where to start," I replied, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, bro. I know I'm not very good company tonight."

"Hey, we all have bad days. No worries. What's got you so wound up? Lady troubles?"

"Not the kind you would think," I said, downing the rest of my Jack and Coke.

"Alice told me about Tanya. I saw that her stuff was gone from your place."

"That's the thing. You'd think I would be upset about that, but no. Not at all. If anything, it was a relief when she left." I waved at the bartender, signaling to pour me another.

"So, if it's not about Tanya, what's up? You got someone else we don't know about?" Jasper laughed and I chuckled.

"Hardly. Honestly, it has to do with something Alice told me when she called the other day to tell me you were coming up."

"Oh no. What did she do now?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"She just told me she saw someone I used to know."

"Does this have something to do with that Bella chick? The one she was friends with in high school?"

My stomach was a bundle of nerves at the mention of her name. I hadn't really given it much thought until he said it, but he'd met her. He'd seen her and talked to her. I was terrified for wanting to know more, but my body and soul ached for it – for her. Still. _Fuck. _I needed more to drink_._

"You could say that."

"You date her or somethin'?"

"Or something," I answered.

"She's a fine lookin' woman. If she looked anything like she does now when she was in high school, you were a lucky guy."

_You don't even fucking know._ "She was gorgeous. I was very lucky… until l I fucked everything up."

"So, what does a girl you dated in high school have you so worked up about, E? What happened with y'all?"

"It's a long story, J. Basically, we dated for part of our junior year and the summer before we became seniors. I got into some trouble, which caused us to get into an argument, and I left for boarding school without saying goodbye. Real asshole move. It really fucked her up."

"So, you think she's still pissed? She seemed fine. She was a little surprised to see Al, but it was kind of a strange coincidence given that we were there to see my college roommate."

"Explain to me how that happened?" I asked. "You made plans to go and see your college roommate, and you see someone Alice and I know instead."

"Yeah, but it was the craziest thing. It wasn't something we were planning or expecting. My buddy, Emmett, called to invite me to a barbecue in Arlington for the Fourth. Al and I didn't really have any plans, so I told him we'd stop by."

"So, how does Bella come in to this?" I asked impatiently.

"I'm getting to that. Just hang on a second. So, we get there, and Alice was on her phone with one of her distributors. I left her in the car to finish her call while I made my way to the backyard full of people. I see my buddy, and we chat for a minute, then he introduces me to his wife – "

"Jesus Christ, your college roommate is married to her? Fucking hell. That's just fucking great," I snarled, downing the fresh drink in front of me, and slamming the glass back down on the bar top.

"Hey! Easy there!" the bartender shouted at me from the other side of the bar.

"Sorry." I waved at him as he glared. "Another round for both of us. Please," I added, not wanting to be cut off. I tugged at my hair and leaned my head against my hands, my arms resting on the bar as I let out a heavy sigh.

"Whoa! Wait, what? No, you've got it all wrong," Jasper started. "My college roommate isn't married to Bella, but strangely enough, he is married to someone else you went to high school with. Rose or Rosalie?"

"Rosalie Hale?" I asked, sitting up straight once again.

"Well, technically, her name is Rosalie McCarty, but if you say her last name used to be Hale, I'll take your word for it."

"So, he's not married to Bella?" I didn't have time to think about the Rose situation.

"No, but what is it about this girl? High school was a long time ago. There has to be more to this story. What am I missing?"

"We got back together. Later, I mean. After college. I moved back home, and I kept running in to her. It was like someone was trying to tell me something. So, I finally asked her to meet me for drinks one night, and things took off from there."

"Okay, so what went wrong?"

"Fuck, if I knew that, we probably wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation about her. If I knew what went wrong, I would have fixed it. All I know is that things with us were amazing, or so I thought. I was sure she was the one. But she obviously didn't feel the same because she left."

"How long ago was this?" he asked, pulling at the label on his bottle.

"Ten years," I muttered.

"Ten years? Bro, that's a long time. Why didn't you go after her if you felt so strongly?"

"I couldn't. I told her that I was in love with her. I've never told anyone else that. Not even Tanya. I let her know how I felt, and it didn't matter. She left anyway."

"Maybe she was scared. You said that she was really fucked up after you left her in high school. Maybe she was afraid to let you back in."

"Maybe. Or maybe she wanted to get back at me for hurting her. I don't fucking know. The girl was a mix of hot and cold. One minute she was giving me her fucking virginity and the next she was out the door. What am I supposed to think?"

"Wow. That's a lot to take in. I can't say that I know her, but she didn't seem like the vindictive type. She was really quiet and shy for the most part. And she was preoccupied with her little one most of the night."

"Little one?"

"Uh, yeah," he replied, averting his eyes back to his bottle. "She has a little boy. Cute little guy. I think he probably talked more than she did."

With anxiety taking over, my stomach rolled, and I was beginning to shake. I wanted to punch something and puke my fucking guts out at the same time. "She has a fucking kid? So, she is married, then? Christ, J." _I can't take this shit._

"Calm down. She's divorced, I think. Or getting there. It was her house we went to. My buddy was just in town visiting. I guess he and Rose were there, staying with her for the week. It was just Bella and her little guy, no husband. This has really gotten to you, huh?"

"I'm fucked up, Jasper. I have been for a long time. You asked me what it is about her, and I don't have a good answer for you. I just fell in love with her, and I guess I never stopped. I've tried. Believe me, I have. I'm pretty good at pushing my feelings aside, but they never really go away – no matter what I do. I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"We can't help how we feel. The heart wants what it wants, and if yours wants her, then that's just how it is. Maybe you should try to talk to her. I'm sure Alice could arrange that. In fact, I know she could. I think she's having dinner with her tonight."

"Are you fucking serious? My sister kills me."

"Aw, go easy on her man. She means well. She just wants you to be happy. She worries about you."

"I know she does. I don't need her worrying about me, though. And I can't talk to Bella. She's married. Or was married. And she has a kid. A fucking kid, Jasper. I don't even know how to process that information other than to say she moved on and hasn't looked back. It's over. It's _been_ over, for ten goddamn years. I just want to forget. How do I forget, when all I do is remember?"

We talked some more, and I drank. A lot. Jasper listened to me pour out my heart, something I hadn't done in a long time, while he bought me shots. Then, he helped me get home, because my drunk ass couldn't stand on its own. But when I woke up the next morning, eyes hazy and head pounding, she was still fucking there. _Fuck!_ Maybe Jasper was right. I needed her to tell me _why_ once and for all. Maybe talking to her would give me closure. Like the lyrics to that old Semisonic song, _Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end_. Maybe it was time to start mine. And hopefully, if I was lucky, I'd one day have a chance at a happy ending.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Your reviews so far have been interesting. Some of you are really mad at Bella, but a lot of you truly get the characters, and for that, I'm happy. Regardless of your stance on them, though, I'm glad that you've decided to stick with me. We have a long way to go yet, but it should be clear that these two still have deep, unresolved feelings for one another. We're gonna have to get them in the same place sometime soon so we can address some things. ;-)

That being said, I hope you liked this chapter, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. And if there are any outtakes you'd like to see, be thinking of them so you can let me know. :D

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	24. Chapter 24 The Long Road Home

**Authors Notes: **

A great deal of thanks is owed to Xrxdanixrx on this one! She's always fabulous and does her beta job well, but she outdid herself on this chapter. She knows and understands these characters as much as I do. I seriously don't know what I would do without her. She makes me a better writer.

Thanks to Shelikesthesound for pre-reading this time. I was going a little crazy one night at around 2 am, and she happened to still be awake and on Twitter. I somehow managed to talk her into looking over this beast. She pointed out some interesting questions that really helped show some background for the characters. She also suggested the title, which I thought was pretty perfect. I heart her BIG!

We're starting off with Edward this go around… a few months later. I really hope you enjoy.

I don't own it, but I can dream…

**Chapter 24 (The Long Road Home)**

**EPOV – **December 2008

My meddlesome sister. I was pretty sure the girl could talk an Eskimo into buying ice if she'd wanted. I knew she somehow always managed to get her way growing up, and it was still working for her as an adult – even with me. Somehow, she'd managed to talk me into going home for Christmas. Thinking over the conversation, I really didn't stand a chance.

"Edward, you should come home for Christmas. All the arrangements have been made for the children's party at the rec center. All the donations and instruments have arrived and will be wrapped this week. You really outdid yourself this time."

"I've had a busy year – worked with lots of musicians who wanted to help. I just let them know about the foundation. They were the ones who gave so freely."

"Well, the kids are going to be so excited. You should be there to see it. Can't I convince you to come home? It's Christmas time."

"I know. I've just got a lot going on. I need to get this album done, and I have a couple of meetings set up with some new artists. I'm sure you can handle things without me. You're a pro at hostessing parties."

"But you're the one who's done all the work. Don't you want to see the fruit of your labor?"

"I don't do it for glory or recognition, Al. You know that."

"I know, but I really want you there. And I want a big family Christmas, just like when we were kids."

"You and Jasper are coming into the city for New Year's Eve, right? You'll see me then," I assured her.

She audibly sighed into the receiver, and there was a long pause as we both sat quietly.

"Al, what's going on? Why are you so set on me being there this year? It's just a few days."

"Okay, okay. I didn't want to say anything, because I wanted it to be a natural reaction, but I can see you aren't going to let that happen. I invited Bella. Her and Pip are going to be in town visiting her parents for the holiday, and I think you two need to talk."

"Pip?" I asked, not having heard that name mentioned before. _Fuck, does she already have someone new?_

"Yeah, her little boy. He's the most precious thing. I love him to death."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I could pretend news of her didn't bother me, but it did. And hearing about her kid – it hurt. "Sounds like you've been spending lots of time with them."

"Yes, we have. She's been through a lot. And I know that you have unresolved issues. You should come home so you can see her. I think it would be good for both of you."

"Both of us? Alice, I know that you think it would be great to see Bella and me together again, but I'm afraid that ship sailed long ago." _I would love to see her, but I don't think my heart can take it._

"Don't be that way. You don't know that. Things are different now."

"How are they different, Al? Look, I tried to make things right with her. She didn't want me. We've been over this. Have you forgotten? She left me. I didn't make things this way. She made her choice, and it wasn't me. We've both moved on."

"You don't really mean that, though. It's me you're talking to. You can pretend that you've moved on, but you and I both know the truth. And so does Jasper. Have you forgotten about your drunken heart to heart with him a few months back?"

"No, I haven't forgotten about it. I'm just thinking it might be time to leave the past in the past."

"And how has that worked for you so far, Edward? Because you aren't happy. You haven't been for a really long time. If we're being honest here, it's been since Bella walked out your door."

"What are you saying? What the hell do you want me to do? Put myself out there only to get crushed again? I can't do that," I said, shaking my head and tugging at my hair in nervous frustration.

"What I'm saying is you need to come home. You've never stopped loving her. Yes, you've dated other people, and I know you were with Tanya for a while, but you didn't love her. Not like you loved Bella, at least. Just come home, Edward. I have a really good feeling that things are going to go better than you think. Trust me? Please?"

_Fucking hell, why do you have to know me so well?_ "Aaagh! Why can't we just leave it alone? Ignorance is bliss and all that shit. Besides, I really do have a lot of work to get done and – "

"It's Christmas. You can take some time off. You're the boss," she reminded me. "And ignorance is not bliss. Not with matters of the heart."

Then it was my turn to sigh into the phone. _Damn persistent sister_.

"You know I'm not going to let up until you agree," she said. "Your family misses you. I miss you. I want to see my brother. Besides, you really need to be at the rec center to see all the kids' faces when they get their new instruments. Come home."

"Tell me, does Jasper ever win any arguments in your house?"

"Nope." She giggled.

"Fine," I relented. "But I'm only staying for a few days. And I'm coming home to see you, Jasper, Mom, and Dad. This isn't about Bella or your crazy ideas, so no bullshit. Got it?"

"Got it!" she exclaimed, and squealed. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever. You'll see."

"Yeah, we'll see," I replied, doubtful. "I've gotta run for now, Al. I'll call you in a few days."

"Make sure you don't change your mind. I'll be expecting your handsome face."

"All right, I promise. I'll call you."

"Okay. I love you, big brother."

"I love you, too, sis. I'll talk to you soon."

My sister was a pain in the ass, but she was right. She knew me better than anyone. I wasn't over Bella, but I needed to get over her, and that required us having a conversation. I needed to know once and for all why she left things the way she did. I just wasn't sure how things would play out. Ten years was a long time. Maybe I'd get lucky and she'd be entirely different from the girl I'd fallen in love with so many years ago. People changed – especially when there were that many years involved. I could only hope that would be the case. Surely things would be easier then.

I'd decided to drive back to Maryland. I could have flown, but the airports were always crowded over the holidays, and truth be told, I wanted an easy escape should I need one. If things at home got to be too much, or if my family got to be too overbearing, I wanted a car to flee in. Plus, I rarely got to drive in the city, so it was nice to get in the car and go once in a while.

I waited until the morning of the twenty third to leave. I'd already bought the few gifts I needed to buy and had them wrapped and ready to go. Thankfully, the roads were clear when I left. It had been cold for quite some time, but there hadn't been a major snowfall as of yet – just a few flurries here and there. With traffic cooperating, I made it there in a little over three hours.

I didn't travel home that much since I'd moved. My parents were always great about coming to visit me, and with my work schedule, I didn't really have much free time to do so, anyway. There were so many memories there. So, passing the _Welcome to Garrett Park_ sign, signaling my arrival, was both welcoming and terrifying. And mainly because I knew she was close – or would be.

I fought the urge to drive by her parents' place. It wasn't like she'd be outside waiting for me if she was there. Hell, I didn't even know if I would recognize her. But the thought of seeing her again was exciting and alarming. I needed to reel myself back in. _Closure, man._ _You're here for closure._ I needed to accept that things were the way they were for a reason. I just had to know what that reason was so I could be done.

Pulling on to the street of my childhood home was surprisingly warming, despite the cold. I had lots of great memories growing up – especially at this time of year. The house was trimmed in lots of twinkling lights, and the yard was decorated with animated deer, snowmen, and a giant inflatable Santa. My mom had obviously been adding to her ever growing collection of Christmas décor. The woman couldn't help herself. I had to admit, I kind of loved it, though. It didn't feel like Christmas without a house surrounded and filled with Christmas decorations, and being home with my family was the most festive of all.

I got out of the car and breathed in the familiar cold, winter air. Even though we were just in the suburbs, the air smelled cleaner – fresher – than in the city, and there were trees, something I didn't see much of in New York, unless I went to Central Park.

Stepping up on the front porch, I smiled as I saw the wreath Alice and I had made in grade school adorning the door. Mom was all about tradition, and this wreath had been on our door every Christmas for the past twenty-five years. Home sweet home. _Maybe this won't be so bad,_ I hoped.

~xxx~

My mom and Alice had really done an outstanding job at organizing everything for the children's party. All I really had to do was show up. It was held early in the evening on Christmas Eve, leaving everyone time to spend with their families on Christmas day.

People had already gathered by the time we arrived, so we made our way inside and mingled. I got to meet a lot of the kids and their families, which was pretty cool. I really needed to thank my sister for convincing me to be there.

The evening was going well. It was smooth sailing, or so I thought. Then I saw _her_. She had her back slightly turned as she spoke with an older couple. Her hair, still long and brown, was flowing in loose curls down her back. I hadn't yet seen her face, but there was no mistaking that it was her. My Bella. I could feel it in every pore and bone in my body. But she wasn't mine anymore. _Fuck! This isn't going to be easy at all._

I watched her from afar. My memory hadn't done her justice. The dress she was wearing made that clear, hugging the curves of her body perfectly, showcasing those legs that went on for days. I was sick as I remembered the feel of them wrapped around me, her heels digging into my ass as I plunged in and out of her_. Damn it! _

She was fucking gorgeous. Of course she would be. I didn't know why I'd thought or hoped for any different. Just seeing her from across the room sent my heart racing and made the muscles in my stomach clench up so tight that I nearly doubled over in pain.

I didn't know what to do, didn't know if I _should_ do anything. My sister had told me she'd invited her, but I wasn't sure she would come. I'd told myself I would be ready if she did – that I was strong and could get through it. But fuck, she was a vision. After everything I'd been through – the heartache and pain, the anger and confusion – I still missed her, more than anything. _How am I supposed to say goodbye to her for good, when all I want to do is wrap her in my arms and never let her go?_

I tried to pull myself together. Talking to the parents and kids should have been a distraction, and it helped, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her, either. Her smile could still light up the darkest of rooms. Several times I heard her laugh, and my heart ached to know what caused it. I wanted to do that; I wanted to make her happy. Yet, I was pissed. It wasn't fucking fair. I was miserable, and she was happy – without me. I needed answers, but I had to get through the party first.

~xxx~

Santa made his appearance, and he helped me hand out all the instruments that had been donated over the year. We had contacts throughout the local school district that partnered with us in determining children with an interest in music, who couldn't afford the cost of purchasing an instrument. It was the third year for the foundation, but the first year I'd actually attended the party. Normally, I would leave it to Alice and my mom. But being there to see how thankful and appreciative they were, it made me want to work even harder at getting donations for the following year. It actually felt _good_.

We were at the bottom of the stack when my sister brought one last guest over to the tree.

"Hey, big brother!" Alice greeted cheerfully. "You think you might have one more present under there?"

"Oh, I don't know. We might," I replied, grinning at the two of them. I bent down and was met with big, chocolate eyes. Familiar eyes. "What's your name, big guy?"

He smiled shyly, holding on to Alice's leg. "Pip," he answered softly.

"Pip? That's an interesting name. I'm not sure I've ever met a Pip before," I said, holding out my hand to him.

He placed his tiny hand in mine, and we shook. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Pip. I'm Edward. Do you think you might look down there under the tree and tell me if we've gotten everything?"

"Uh huh," he mumbled, nodding his head.

"Okay, go ahead," I encouraged as I moved to stand back with Alice.

He crawled under the branches and quickly came back out, pulling one last wrapped package with him.

"Wow, buddy! You found something!" Alice exclaimed. "Does it have a name on it?"

Pip began looking all over the package for a tag, but there wasn't one to be found.

"You know, I happen to be good friends with Santa Clause," I said, kneeling down once again. "Do you know what he told me earlier?"

He shook his head no, looking up at me in awe. _Fuck, he looks just like his mama._ Those eyes could have melted me in a heartbeat. They were melting me.

"He said that I would meet you today, and that I needed to ask you a very important question. Do you know what that question might be?"

He shook his head no, once more.

"He told me to ask you if you've been a good boy this year. Have you been good for your mommy and daddy, Pip?"

"Yes," he replied quietly, looking between Alice and me.

"He had a feeling you would say that. So, he told me that I needed to give you something extra special. But you have to take really good care of it. Do you think you can do that for me?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Okay, then. Open up the box and look inside," I persuaded.

"It's for me?" he asked.

"Yeah, sweetie, go ahead," Alice encouraged, and we both laughed.

I didn't have experience with little kids, but I felt drawn to him, comfortable even. I didn't know if it was because I was just caught up in the moment or if it was something more than that – if it was because he was a part of her. It surprised me, though.

We watched as he tore off the wrapping paper and discovered what was inside.

"Do you know what it is, sweetheart?" Alice asked him.

"It's a pinano," he squealed, his eyes full of excitement.

"You can call it that if you want," I replied. "It's actually called a keyboard. But you play it like you play a piano. What do you think? Do you like it?"

"Yes!" he responded eagerly. "Can I play wif it?"

"Of course you can, but you need to ask your mama first. What do you say we go find her?" Alice suggested, eying me for a reaction.

"Okay," Pip replied. "But can we take it wif us? My mama's gonna be so happy because I've been a good boy."

"Yes, you're a very good boy. Your mama's very proud of you." My sister looked at me. "You wanna come with us, Edward?" she asked, hope shining in her eyes.

"No, you guys go ahead. I'm gonna find Mom to see if she needs me to help her with anything else before we head back."

"You sure?" she questioned, to be sure.

"Yeah. You guys go ahead. I'll probably just see you back at the house later."

Alice sighed, grabbing Pip's hand to go off in search of Bella, and as they started to walk away, Pip turned around and launched himself at me.

"Hey there," I said, catching my balance as his little arms wrapped around my legs.

"Thank you for my present, Eward. Mommy says it's not nice if you don't say thank you," he informed me.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Your mommy is a smart woman. You should always listen to her," I told him.

He nodded his head against me as I ruffled his brown hair. _Soft, just like your mama's._

"And you're very welcome for the present. I hope you have lots of fun playing with it. Be sure you take care of it, okay?"

"Okay," he promised. Then he took Alice's hand, and they were on their way.

I didn't know how it was even possible, but I was pretty sure I'd fallen in love with him as quickly as I'd fallen for his mother. Things were so epically fucked up. I really needed to figure out what I'd done to make God hate me so.

**BPOV**

The past two days had seemed surreal. From flying home on the same flight with Alice and Jasper, to being back with my family again, sleeping in my childhood room with my son, and being around the Cullens – it was overwhelming. But none of those things, however bewildering and strange, could ever have prepared me for seeing Edward again. It was more than I'd expected.

Since my parents were heavily involved in the community, they had already planned on being at the Christmas party being held for the kids at the rec center. Alice had mentioned that she would be there with her parents, who were hosting, and I never really questioned it. Carlisle and Esme were always volunteering time and money for different things within the area, so it seemed natural they would be involved. What Alice hadn't told me was that it was much more than that.

The red brick building was all lit up inside and there were Christmas decorations galore. A large Christmas tree stood tall in the middle, and there were presents piled high around it. People stood about, chatting and enjoying refreshments. Nothing too out of the ordinary for a holiday party.

I spotted Alice and Jasper almost immediately and began to make my way toward them to say hello, when I noticed there was someone with them. Someone who stopped me dead in my tracks. _This can't be happening. You had too much eggnog before we left the house_, I thought. But then I remembered Pip was drinking it, too, and Mom would never have offered it to him if it'd had alcohol in it. He was there – right in front of me – after all that time.

Thankfully, they hadn't seemed to have noticed me, because I was beginning to freak out. I sent Pip along with my mom, and I weaved my way into the crowd to try and collect my thoughts. I didn't know what I was going to say, what to do, where to go. My stomach was in knots, and I was entirely too panicked to even think about making conversation with them. Not to mention, I really wanted to throttle Alice.

She knew his presence would throw me. We'd talked about how I'd left things with her brother. I didn't understand why she would spring this on me. Then a whole new string of worries hit me, _Does he know I'm here? What is he expecting? Will he think I planned this? Is he going to be angry and cause a scene? What the hell am I going to say? Will he forgive me? God, he's beautiful…_

I spent the majority of the evening avoiding the situation. I talked to so many people while I was at the party, but none of them were who I really wanted to talk to. I just hadn't found the nerve to actually do it. I didn't know if he'd seen me or not, but hoped that he hadn't. If he had, he made no effort to talk to me, which could only mean that Alice was wrong. Her brother truly did despise me.

Toward the end of the evening, Alice came and asked if she could borrow Pip for a few minutes. I asked her what it was about, but she just said it was a surprise and that she'd bring him right back. Of course, I told her okay, and they skedaddled off. I didn't know what they were up to, but knowing Alice, I was sure it was something fun.

Once they came back, though, I was blown away. He had a brand new, expensive looking keyboard.

"Mama, looked!" Pip exclaimed. "I got a present. Santa said I was a good boy."

"Wow, baby. That's a really big gift," I said, glaring at my sneaky friend. It wasn't unlike her to go over the top with things, but I wasn't expecting it with Pip.

"Alice, what did you do? That is too much. He's only three years old," I reminded her.

"I know he's three. I haven't forgotten. But this isn't from me," she replied. "Besides, he loves it."

I looked down and watched him as he sat on the floor by our feet, ignoring us as he smiled and played surprisingly gently on the keys. He really was happy, but this was more than he needed.

"What do you mean it's not from you?" I asked in a hushed tone, confused. "I thought that you organized this whole thing."

"I helped," she explained. "But the real person behind all of this, the person responsible for making it all happen is Edward." She beamed.

_Edward? Why would he do that? Does he know Pip is mine?_ "What? Are you serious? I mean, wow. Really?" I was terrified and confused to even talk to him for fear that he'd reject me, but then he gives my son a gift. I was blown away. _Is it not an impossibility that he could forgive me? _I wondered.

"Yep. He started the foundation a few years ago, and he handles all of the donation requests. Mom and I just help him with getting them to the kids."

"So, you're saying Edward did all of this? He got this for Pip?"

"Yeah, I mean, don't get mad, okay. Promise me," she requested, batting her eyelashes.

"Ugh, fine, you can stop with the theatrics. What is it now?"

"I may have let him know that you and Pip would be here tonight," she said hesitantly, her nose scrunched up and eyes slightly squinted, supposedly preparing herself for my reaction.

"What? You mean, he knows I'm here? He knows about Pip, and he bought him a present? I just… I mean… what…. how… what does that even mean?" I asked, stumbling over my words and shaking my head.

"It means that he didn't want to exclude him, silly. And he's a good guy. The guy you fell in love with, remember him?"

"Ali, please. You just said he knows I'm here, yet he hasn't approached me once. Enough with the reminders of us as a couple. That's history."

"Come back to the house with us," she encouraged. "I think your parents are coming over. I know Mom and Dad asked them to. It'll be good."

"I really don't know. I feel weird. What if he freaks out on me?"

"He won't. Just come. Bring Pip with you, and once you finally get your head out of your ass and decide to talk to my brother, I'll look after him."

"You're incorrigible, you know that, right? You frustrate the hell out of me."

"Yes, but you love me," she retorted, and winked. _So much like her brother._

I sighed. "Yes, unfortunately, I do."

"Great, I'll see you at the house." She smiled brightly and bounced off.

~xxx~

Being in the Cullens' house again was… weird. I'd spent countless nights there as a teenager, both as Alice's friend and as Edward's girlfriend. While it still held that same comfortable warmth, I still felt out of place. Esme, Carlisle, and Alice had made me feel very welcome, but I couldn't help but worry that I was intruding where I shouldn't be – that I was unwanted by one person who _did_ belong there.

We'd only been there for a short time, and I hadn't seen Edward at all, except for the pictures of him up around the house. I wasn't even sure he was there until I'd wandered into the kitchen to refill my drink and noticed him sitting outside. He was sitting out back on the porch swing, and he was alone, something he hadn't been all evening at the party. I stood and watched him from the window for a while, not realizing anyone had noticed.

"Go talk to him," Alice said from behind me and squeezed my shoulder.

I turned to look at her, and she offered me a reassuring smile. "I don't know what to say. I don't even know if he _wants_ to talk to me. Like I said, we haven't spoken all night."

"He does; I guarantee it," she replied.

"But what if he doesn't… What if he's angry?"

"Bella, you need to talk. I can't promise you that it's going to be easy, and maybe he will be upset, but give him a chance. This is just as hard for him, if not harder, but he needs this conversation as much as you do. Go. I promise it will be okay."

"You're sure?" I asked.

She laughed. "I'm positive. I love you both, stubborn as you both are. But you two are going to be miserable until you work things out. Please try?"

I sighed, looking out at him once more. Deciding to take a chance, I asked Alice if she would keep an eye on Pip, then threw on my coat and headed out. I wasn't sure if he'd want company, especially mine, but Alice was right; I had to take a chance.

I slowly slid the glass door open and stepped outside. The winter air was cold and bit at my face and skin. It was a feeling I was no longer used to, since our winters in Texas were fairly mild.

Upon closing the door and turning, my eyes were met with bright green ones – the same eyes I'd spent the last ten years seeing in my dreams. He was still gorgeous. Time had definitely been kind to him. He still had the same beautiful face, chiseled jaw, and unruly hair, but there were also some differences. He had a rugged look about him, definitely more manly than when I'd last seen him. He had slight stubble from not shaving, and it appeared he still worked out, because he looked even more muscular and toned than I'd remembered – from what I could tell with his layers of clothes, of course. And there was sadness in those eyes. They didn't shine quite as brightly as they used to.

"Hey," I greeted softly.

"Hey," he replied back, almost in a whisper.

My heart was beating so hard, I thought it might jump out of my chest. I'd wanted to talk to him all night, and now that I had the chance, I still wasn't sure what to say – where to start.

"I hope I'm not intruding," I told him. "I can – "

"You're fine, Bella. I was just getting some air," he said, looking away.

"Oh, okay. You mind if I sit with you?" I asked, hopeful that he wouldn't object.

"No, I don't mind." He stopped the swing as I walked toward it, and I swore I could almost feel the crackle of electricity as I got closer to him.

Once close enough, I gingerly sat down next to him. We were both silent and still, and I was afraid he would get up until I felt the swing begin to move again.

We were quiet a few more moments, until I had to speak. "Alice told me how you made today happen. That's completely amazing. You made all those kids so happy. You made _my_ kid happy."

He glanced over at me and gave me a weak smile. It wasn't much, but he wasn't walking away. That was something, at least.

"It's not a big deal, really," he said, looking off in the distance.

"Are you kidding? On the way over here, my dad said most of those kids wouldn't have much of a Christmas if it wasn't for your foundation. They certainly wouldn't have gotten expensive, new instruments. You should be proud. I know your parents are."

He sighed, and when he looked at me, I could see that he was tired. It made me wonder if he looked that way often, or if it was just the effects of a long and stressful evening.

"I'm just doing what I can. I know how much music has helped me work through things in my life. If I can bring that into the lives of other kids, maybe they'll find refuge in it, as well."

"Well, I think it's really great. I'm sure it means more to them than you know."

"I hope so," he said, scraping his thumb nail along the wooden arm rest.

"Pip loves the keyboard you gave him. I don't think he's put it down since he opened it."

"Really? I wasn't sure." He shrugged. "Alice told me he was three. I haven't really been around many kids his age."

"Apparently, it was perfect." I laughed. "I hadn't thought of getting him an instrument. I have a feeling there's going to be very little quiet time in our house from now on."

His eyes grew wide. "Oh, shit. I hadn't really thought about that. See, no experience."

"Don't be silly. He loved it. Seeing him happy and smiling is all I care about. So, thank you."

"Yeah, of course." He shrugged again nonchalantly.

Then, once more, the air was filled with silence, except for the periodic creaking of the swing chains.

I wanted to know what he was thinking. Being near him, talking to him, seeing him next to me – it felt like a dream. I'd imagined what it would be like for so long. It was nearly more than I could handle, but I knew I had to make more than just small talk.

"Edward – "

"Bella – "

We both began speaking as our eyes met.

"I'm sorry, what were you going to say?" I asked.

"No, nothing. You go," he encouraged.

"I just… It's really good to see you," I replied softy, looking down as I fiddled with my hands in my lap.

"Is it?" he asked disbelievingly.

I looked up at him, his clouded eyes trained on me. "Yeah, I've thought about you a lot over the years. I'm glad to see you've made quite a life for yourself."

His brow furrowed. "And how would you know what my life is like, exactly? You walked out of it ten years ago and didn't look back. I never heard from you again."

His words were piercing and cut me deeply. I'd lived with the guilt and remorse for years, and I'd anticipated this reaction, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. _He's not going to forgive me._ "I know you must hate me, but – "

"Hate you?" He laughed, but not out of humor. "God, I wish that were true. Maybe things would be different. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to see you and know that you moved on. Maybe I wouldn't care that you left and took my whole fucking world with you. Why, Bella? Please tell me why," he pleaded quietly.

I could see the desperation in his eyes. It was a mix of anger, confusion, animosity, and sadness. He was like this because of me, and I'd do anything to take it away.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I – "

"Don't," he interrupted, his voice rising. "Don't say you're sorry. That's just going to make it worse. Just tell me why. Tell me there was a valid reason that you had to go without so much as a goodbye or a fuck off. Was it revenge? Is that it? Were you trying to get back at me? Was it all just a fucking lie? Some sort of sick game?"

_Does he really think that? Believe it?_ The thought made me sick to my stomach. "God no! It was never revenge, and it certainly wasn't a lie. I cared about you. So much. But I was scared."

"Of me?" he asked, confused, his irate tone replaced with hurt and anguish.

"Yes. But of my feelings for you, too."

He looked defeated and lost. "Fuck, Bella. Why? I never would have hurt you. Not after realizing how much you meant to me. Not after _being_ with you the way we were."

"Maybe not, but I was afraid to take the chance. I was broken when you left. I know we were young, but it hurt, and it was real, regardless. And even when you came back, I wanted you, Edward – more than anything. But I was so afraid of getting hurt again. I knew my heart couldn't take that pain, so I ran. And I've been sorry every day since."

He sat quietly, deliberating my words. When he finally spoke, there was another shift in his tone and demeanor.

"Why didn't you call me? Talk to me? We could have worked things out. Hell, if you'd told me about your job offer, I would have even moved, if that's what you wanted. But you didn't even give me the chance."

The fact that I'd made a mistake by leaving was never clearer. He really had loved me, and I screwed it all up. I'd made such a mess of things, of life, of us. We could have been happy. We should have been _together_. _How am I going to fix this – make it right?_

I looked down, ashamed of the pain and hurt I'd caused him. "I thought I was doing what was best at the time. It killed me to leave. I wanted to turn around as soon as I left your apartment. I cried for days – weeks even. I can't tell you how many times I picked up the phone, desperate to hear your voice. I knew I'd made a mistake, but then I was afraid you'd tell me to go to hell. I couldn't bear the thought of that, so I lived with your memory. _Our_ memories."

He winced. "You moved on."

I was desperate to make him see differently. "No!" I shouted, and he looked at me, caught off guard. "I mean, I'm sure it seems that way… but no." I shook my head.

"Bella, you got fucking married. You're a mom now. How is that not moving on?"

"Because it wasn't with – "

"Mama!" Pip squealed, bolting out the door and away from Alice's hold.

"Sorry," she mouthed as she followed quickly behind.

"Hey, baby," I replied, looking at Edward apologetically as Pip climbed in my lap.

"I'm sorry," Alice said aloud to Edward and me. "He's fast when he gets excited."

"It's okay. I know he's a handful. Thanks for looking after him for me," I told her.

"It's no problem at all," Alice assured.

"We maded hot chocolate with marchmallows. And Aunty Alice said I'm a big boy. See?" Pip asked, holding out his big boy cup.

"Marshmallows, huh? That was so nice of her. Did you tell Aunty Alice thank you?" I asked Pip, smiling at his chocolate moustache.

"Uh huh." Pip nodded, taking another sip from his mug.

"Did you also tell Edward thank you for giving you such a nice gift, sugarbear?" I asked.

"Uh huh. And I gaved him a hug," Pip assured me.

"You did?" I looked to Edward, who was smiling.

"He did," Edward chimed in. "He informed me of your rule on etiquette when receiving a gift. He's very well mannered."

"Really? I'm so glad. Sometimes, he forgets," I said, running my fingers through Pip's hair.

"Sweetie, why don't we go back inside where it's nice and warm," Alice suggested to him.

"Are you sure, Alice?" I questioned. "I don't want to be a burden. I know you don't get to visit with your parents much."

"Don't be silly. Pip and I are having fun. Right, cuteness?"

"Yep. But can I play more songs on the pinano?" he asked, his big eyes working his magic on her.

"Would I ever tell this sweet face no?" Alice asked him, squeezing his cheeks into fish lips. "Come with me, big boy."

And just like that, Edward and I were alone again.

"You're a mom," Edward stated again, breaking the silence.

"I am. Crazy, right? Who would've thought?"

"I did," he replied.

I thought my heart might stop. _Did he think about it with me?_ "You did?"

"Maybe not in the exact same situation." He shrugged. "It suits you, though. Motherhood. I knew you'd be good at it."

"Thank you. It's scary, and I sometimes feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but I honestly don't know what I would do without him."

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"Yeah, sure."

"Pip?" he questioned. "Is that really his name?"

I laughed out loud. "It's what I've called him since he was a baby, but no. He has a proper name. Phillip Holden is his given name."

"Phillip Holden. A good literary name, huh?"

"You know how I always liked to read."

"I do. _Great Expectations_ and _Catcher in the Rye_, right?"

"Very good. Not many people pick up on that."

He smiled sadly, and I watched his lips, aching to feel their softness on my own.

"Well, not many people know you like I do..." he said.

My heart melted. _And I don't ever want them to._ "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me? Do you think it's possible we could be friends again?" I asked, looking up into his gorgeous, green eyes.

"I've heard it said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

"I'm taking a step," I replied nervously, knowing I would run, jump, skip, whatever he wanted to make things right with us again. I just needed him to give me the chance.

He reached out his hand to me, and I placed mine inside. Warm tingles shot up my arm and ran down my spine, and my heart skipped a beat. He still affected me like no other.

"Then it's a start," he said.

_It's a start._

**Chapter End Notes:**

Thanks so much for reading and showing support for this story. Your reviews and kind words mean more to me than you know.

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	25. Chapter 25 Resolutions

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is beta and validator extraordinaire. Not only did she not kill me when she got this chapter, but she sent it back mega fast. I owe her big!

Thanks to Holly1980 for pre-reading this beast. Her suggestions and pep talks always make things better. I can't wait to give her a hug in person. Labor Day, baby! ;)

Special shout out goes to ilovealion for starting this story and reviewing every single chapter! You rock, bb! *Mwah*

I don't own Twilight, but I do own a TV that will be tuned in to watch the BD trailer on Sunday. Woot! On with the show…

**Chapter 25 (Resolutions)**

**BPOV**

Shortly after my talk with Edward, it was time to leave. It was getting late, and Pip needed to take a bath and get into bed. While I hated leaving, because I wanted more time with Edward, I was really looking forward to Christmas with my family. I hadn't been back for the holidays since I'd gotten married, and Pip had never been there for Christmas, so it was a special year.

We said our goodbyes to everyone, and I promised Alice I would call her. Edward hung back, seemingly taking everything in, but I quietly let him know that I wanted to talk more before we left. When he nodded his head and smiled, it gave me hope.

Christmas Eve was spent running a few quick errands in the morning, baking cookies and pies with my mom, decorating the cookies with Pip, and wrapping up presents. Dad always had me wrap his stuff for him, saying he didn't know how. I didn't know what he did the years we weren't there. I think he just wanted to get out of it, but I didn't mind. I was just happy to be home.

_Home_. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it until I was back. I'd always missed my parents, but I was so busy with work and Pip, that I didn't have lots of time to think about it. Then add the stress of a move, a divorce, and an asshole ex-husband into the mix, and I was completely drained. It felt good to be able to relax and just breathe. It was also nice to have the help with Pip.

Come eight o'clock, the little guy was bathed and in his jammies. He didn't usually give me a hard time at bedtime, but he was never so eager to get to sleep as he was the night before Christmas. He knew Santa was coming, and to say he was excited was an understatement.

"We hafta leave Santa the Rudoff cookie, Momma! I maded it just for him," Pip told me.

"The Rudolph, huh? Okay, let's put it on a plate for him," I said, lifting him up and sitting him on the counter. "You did such a great job decorating the cookies today? Did you have fun?"

"Uh huh." He nodded.

"What made you decide to make Santa the Rudolph cookie?" I asked.

"'Cause he's his favowite. He's the most speshul weindeer," he replied, like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"I see. And what's so special about him?"

"He has a red nose, and it lights up to help Santa see where he's going."

"That is pretty cool. I guess Santa is lucky to have such a great helper like that," I said, ruffling his hair before getting the milk out of the fridge.

"Yep," he replied.

"Okay, well, let's pour him this glass of milk and get you in bed. It's getting late, and we don't want Santa to skip over our house because one little boy is still awake, now do we?" I teased.

"Santa knows I'm here, right Momma?"

"Yes, he knows you're here, baby. Don't worry. He's going to come and bring you presents."

"Kay."

"You ready for night-night?"

"Yeah, but I wanna talk to Daddy. Can we call him?" He looked up at me with big, sad eyes, and I couldn't resist.

"Sure, sweetie. If you want, we can try." I didn't have much faith that he'd be _available_, since he hadn't called the whole time we'd been there, but I couldn't tell Pip no. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number, praying. _Please answer your phone, Jacob. For the sake of our son's happiness, pick up_.

The phone rang several times before his voicemail came on. Not wanting to leave him the ugly message he deserved, I hung up.

"I'm sorry, sugarbear. He didn't answer. He must have gotten busy with work." I hated lying to him, but I couldn't bear the thought of breaking his heart over his father being selfish and irresponsible. "We can try again tomorrow. I'm sure he'll want to hear all about the presents Santa brought you, then."

His eyes drooped, and it killed me to see him sad and missing his daddy. Jacob really didn't deserve the love and admiration this little boy held for him, but I wasn't going to be the one to destroy that. He would do that all on his own in due time.

Mom had decided that she was going to read Pip his bedtime story and tuck him in, since she didn't get to do it often. I think my parents were just as excited for Christmas and Santa as he was. There was no doubt about it, Pip had his nana and pop-pop wrapped around his little finger – an art he'd managed to master with most of the people we considered family. So, I kissed him goodnight, and he was off to bed.

It didn't take him long to pass out, and a short while later, the tree in the family room was surrounded by stacks of wrapped gifts. He wasn't going to know what to do with himself when he woke up. I didn't know how I was ever going to want to leave. The love and warmth in the house was in abundance, and it was something we needed – _I_ needed – a lot more of.

~xxx~

Morning came quickly. At the crack of dawn, Pip's little hands were shaking me, and he was telling me to get up. I peeked one eye open and looked at his sweet, little face smiling brightly at me.

"Santa was here! Come on, Momma! We hafta go downstaiws. He brought me pwesents. Come on, come on!" He squealed with delight.

I laughed. When I was his age, I could never wait to open presents on Christmas morning, either. "Just give me a second to wake up, baby. Are your nana and pop-pop up yet?"

"Nope," he answered.

"Well, why don't you go and wake them."

"Okaaaaaay!" he sing-songed as he ran out of the room and down the hall.

I should have felt bad about waking them so early, but there was no way he was going to go back to sleep, so it was time for everyone to get up. I'd done the same thing as a child, so they should have been expecting it.

We spent the morning opening gifts around the tree. Pip had gotten so many new things; I didn't know how we were going to get them all back home. They definitely weren't going to fit in our luggage, which would be going back on the airplane with us.

After presents, Mom and I made breakfast, while Dad put batteries in various new toys, and Pip ran around the house with his Darth Vader cape and lightsaber, battling imaginary opponents using his force – or something like that. How a three year old could commit so much information from a movie was beyond me, but he did. _Star Wars_ was his new favorite, and it was the theme for everything he asked for, from movies, Legos, action figures, and games, to pajamas, bedding, and t-shirts. Yeah, he was spoiled.

Once we'd gotten through the morning, and things had finally settled, Rose and Emmett came over. They, of course, brought more presents, and Pip was once again excited and bouncing around. Emmett was like a larger version of him, though, as he was just as loud and hyper. He was going to make a great dad when he and Rose finally decided to have their own kid. I couldn't wait until that day, as I planned to spoil him or her rotten like they had with Pip.

~xxx~

"A sled, Em, really?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him as Rose carried Pip off to the kitchen with my mom for a drink. "What's Pip going to do with that? It doesn't snow in Texas. Not very often, at least. There's definitely nowhere for him to go sledding."

"He can keep it here for when he visits," he replied sheepishly. "Besides, they say it may snow before the New Year, and since you'll both still be here, I figured we could all take him over to Strathmore Hill."

"Wow. I haven't thought about that since high school. But wait! How do you know about Strathmore Hill? You weren't around back then."

"Ask your girl Rose. She hasn't ever told you about how she drags my ass there whenever we get a bunch of snow?"

I laughed. "No. That sounds like her, though. We always had a blast when we went there in the winter. Except for the time when Tyler and Eric showed up drunk and almost killed us."

"Whoa! This is a new story," he said. "Do tell, baby B."

"Rose!" I called out to her.

"Yeah?" she answered, making her way back from the kitchen to the family room.

"You never told Em about that time at Strathmore Hill when Tyler and Eric showed up drunk?"

"Ugh, those idiots!" she groaned. "They are so lucky that nothing happened to us, or I would have kicked both of their asses."

"Babe, what happened?" Emmett asked eagerly.

"Well, as I've told you, Strathmore Hill was the place to go when we got a lot of snow. All the kids from our neighborhood and school would meet up there to go sledding, since the hill was so huge. So, a bunch of us had gone there one day, because school was out. We were sledding and having fun, when those two boneheads showed up."

"B says they were drunk?" Emmett questioned.

"Yeah. Plastered was more like it. And apparently, they thought they were invincible, too. Somehow, they'd decided that it would be a good idea to snowboard down the hill, only they didn't have snowboards; they had sleds – the wooden kind with the metal runners. I don't even think they knew how to snowboard.

"Anyway, Bella and I had just gone down the hill and were starting to trek back up to the top, when they began their trip down. Again, on sleds, standing up. So, at about the half way point, they discovered that they couldn't steer the sleds, geniuses that they were." Rose rolled her eyes. "And they were headed right for us. If we hadn't jumped out of the way, they totally would have barreled into us at about twenty miles per hour."

"So, what happened?" Emmett asked, intrigued.

"Bella and I somehow managed to jump out of the way in just enough time to see them fly past us and crash into each other at the bottom. It was a good thing that they were hurt, because I probably would have tried to kill them if they weren't," Rose answered.

"Yeah, so keep that in mind if you ever get any crazy ideas like that, Em," I added, laughing.

"Oh, believe me; I don't want to piss her off. She has a mean right hook." He winked at Rose.

"And don't you forget it," she replied playfully.

~xxx~

It was a really great day. Dinner was delicious, the conversation was happy, and the company was perfect. Other than Pip asking about his daddy several more times throughout the day, I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. I hadn't enjoyed myself that much in a really long time.

The week after passed in much the same way – spending time with my parents, Rose, and Emmett. They both had the week off, since they worked at the university and school was out. It gave us time to take Pip downtown to see the different museums. He really liked the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum and the airplanes at the Air and Space museum. The astronaut ice cream was a hit, too – another thing that he and his Unkka Emmy bonded over.

Time was flying by, as it tended to do when having fun. We were busy from morning until night. Thankfully, the weather had cooperated while we were visiting and, other than being cold, it was nice out.

As much as we ran around, and as angry as I was about Jake completely flaking out on our son, I still couldn't stop thinking about Edward. The feel of his warm hand, the way his long eyelashes almost seemed to flutter when he blinked, the sad look in his eyes that made my heart ache. I needed to talk to him and try to make things right. I couldn't walk away from him, leaving things the way they were, again.

On Friday evening, after I'd gotten Pip settled in bed, I called Alice to see if they had plans the next day, which was New Year's Eve. After getting an earful about not calling sooner, and how she missed us over Christmas, she finally let me know that she had an idea for how we were going to celebrate. She had worked out an elaborate plan that included the six of us – Rose and Emmett, her and Jasper, and Edward and me – a limo, and hotel rooms at the Four Seasons. When I explained that I didn't have money for all that, she told me to consider it a Christmas present, and that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

While I would have typically argued with her about it, she told me that Edward really wanted me to go. She'd said he was really looking forward to the night, and how could I say no to that? I wanted to see him, too.

My parents, who were just as unhappy with Jake as I was, were more than happy to send me out the next night. When I mentioned that Alice had booked hotel rooms, and that it could be an overnight thing, they just told me to "have fun and enjoy myself," and that "Pip would be in good hands."

I was excited and nervous as I pulled up outside the Cullens' house. I knew things could either go really good or really bad, and I wasn't sure what I would do if it was the latter. With a heavy sigh, I got out and made my way to their door.

Esme answered, as Edward was in the shower, and Alice and Jasper were getting dressed. After catching up with her and Carlisle for a bit, Alice came to find me. She said Jasper had talked to Emmett on the phone, and that he and Rose were on their way over.

Just as Alice was pouring us some wine, my phone rang, and I groaned at the name appearing on the display.

"Hey, Ali, I've gotta take this really quick," I said, holding up my phone. I knew she would know who it was when she saw the look on my face. It was always the same – a dead, resigned expression of frustration, but I still had an obligation. And this time, I was pissed. Screwing with me was one thing, but screwing with my kid was another.

Stepping out on the back porch, I answered the phone.

"So, you finally decide to call," I greeted snidely. "Where have you been, Jake? Your son has been asking for you."

"Well, hello to you, too, darling wife of mine." I could hear the smirk in his tone, and I wanted to smack it right off his face.

"Don't call me that. I'm not your wife. Not anymore."

"Funny, I think we still have two more weeks before it's final. I believe I can call you whatever I want."

_And those two weeks can't go fast enough, _I thought_._ "I'm not in the mood for this tonight. If you aren't calling to discuss our son or explain why you've been MIA, then I have nothing to say to you."

"What the fuck business is it of yours? Like you said, you're not my wife anymore. What's the matter, _darling_? That boyfriend of yours not meeting your needs like you hoped?"

"You know there's no boyfriend, Jake. Unlike you, that's not my style. And despite what you think, I could honestly give a shit about what or _who_ you do. However, when it comes to our _son_, and you breaking his heart because he loves and misses his daddy and wants to talk to him on Christmas – or any other time for that matter – and can't, since you don't call or answer your phone, it becomes my business. How could you do that, Jake? How could you not at least call him?"

"I got tied up, okay? Fucking sue me," he spat.

"Tied up? Really? That's your excuse?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief, though I wasn't sure why, as that was typical behavior coming from him. "I don't even want to know what that means. You can't keep doing this."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't fucking do, you stupid bitch. You never learn to just keep your mouth shut. You're lucky that I even let you take him with you."

"Lucky? You think I'm lucky?" I laughed, seething at his audacity. "The nerve you have. Why would it even matter to you where we are? It obviously hasn't so far. You couldn't even call him on Christmas. It's not like you would have been around to see him if we had stayed there. At least he has family here."

"I'm his fucking family, too. Don't even try and pull that bullshit with me. I will _always_ be his father."

"Then act like it! You say you love him, and maybe you do, I don't really know. But if that's the case, it can't just be when it's convenient for you. Being a parent is a full-time job."

"I don't need your fucking advice, or your grief, Bella. I'm so tired of your goddamn mouth always running and complaining about something. Shit is old. Just let me talk to my son."

"Well, you won't have to worry about me or my mouth much longer." _As if you ever did._ "But it's too late to talk to Pip; he's already asleep." _Big surprise that you didn't realize the time, asshole._

Just then, the back door was slid open, and Alice peeked her head out. "You almost ready to go," she called out. "Rose and Emmett are here."

"Yeah, I'll be right there," I replied over my shoulder, holding my hand over the phone.

"Where are you right now? Who was that?" he demanded in a harsh tone.

"It doesn't matter where I am, Jacob," I replied calmly. "Our son is safe and warm in bed at my parents' house. That's really all you have to be concerned with."

"Already running off to fuck your long lost love, you lying whore? You really are pathetic, you know that? I knew that was why you wanted to go back there. You couldn't get to him fast enough. He doesn't want you, though. He would have come after you a long time ago if he did. Besides, you're all used up now. You're second hand goods, _sweetheart_. You think he's gonna want you now that you've got a kid? If anything, you'll be a quick and easy roll in the hay."

"I'm hanging up now, Jake."

"Don't you fucking hang up on me – "

"If you want to talk to Pip, you can call him tomorrow," I said, cutting him off before I lost my composure. I couldn't let him have the satisfaction of hearing the hurt in my voice. Not anymore. "We'll be hanging out at the house all day. Other than that, we have nothing else to discuss."

"I'm not done."

"Well, I am. Happy New Year to you, Jacob." With shaking hands and silent tears, I hung up.

**EPOV**

We were all getting ready to go out for New Year's Eve. Alice and Jasper had decided they were staying through the holiday and convinced me to stay with them, rather than going back to the city alone. It really didn't take much convincing, though. The city was insane on New Year's, there were too many fucking stupid people, and more importantly, I hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Bella again since our talk on the swing out back. I'd been thinking about her all week, and I wondered if things could ever be good with us again – if we could really try to be friends. It fucking scared me to think about it, but I couldn't help wanting to see her again.

Bella had been busy with family stuff all week, which was understandable, but she was coming out with us to ring in the New Year, and I was nervous. I still had so many unresolved feelings and questions, and I didn't want to fight with her, but I still needed some fucking answers.

She'd started to open up to me, and I could see that she was making an effort. It was a start, like I'd told her, but I needed more. Too much time, hurt, and anger had passed to just let her back in without them – even if seeing her again had made me feel like I wanted nothing more.

Alice had made some elaborate plans for celebrating. _Go figure_. She'd rented a limo to drive us to some party downtown, as well as rented us all hotel rooms so we could crash out at the end of the long, drunken night. Jasper had invited his college buddy to come along – the same one who was married to Rosalie – and they were going to join us, as well.

Rose and I hadn't spoken in almost as long as Bella and me. We had never been close, but she was decent to me when my whole fucking world was crashing down and I really needed a friend. I wasn't sure if it was because she could see that I'd truly changed, or if she just felt sorry for my ass, but I would never forget it. Once upon a time, the idea of hanging out with her for a whole night would have been painful, but I was actually looking forward to seeing her again.

Everyone was meeting up at our house, and once I was showered and ready to go, I made my way back downstairs. Rosalie and her husband had just arrived, as had the limo, and Alice was ready to get us all out the door. I hadn't seen Bella, but after a brief introduction to Emmett – a fucking monster of a dude – and a quick hello to Rose, I was being steered toward the kitchen.

"Ali, why are you pushing me? I thought you were ready to go. Isn't the limo out front?" I asked her, confused at what was happening.

"Yes, but I need you to go and tell Bella to hurry up," she replied, continuing to escort me through the house.

"Bella? She's here?"

"Yeah, but she's on the phone with her asshole of an ex. I tried to tell her to come on, but she's still out there. I need you to get her so we can go."

"Al, if she's on the phone, we should let her talk. Maybe it's important." The thought of her with someone else, even if it was past tense, fucking ripped me apart inside.

"Trust me; you didn't see the look on her face when she saw it was him calling. She doesn't want to be talking to him. Pleeeease?" she pleaded. "Just go and get her so we can go."

"I've been hearing you tell me to trust you a lot lately," I groaned.

"Yeah, and it's served you well so far. You and Bella are talking again. You should be telling me I'm the best sister in the world."

I rolled my eyes. "That's yet to be determined. The jury is still out," I replied, grinning at her.

"Whatever! You _are_ the jury, and I know damn well that she's what you need. Just go!"

"Okay, fine! Just stop being so fucking bossy all the time. That's what you have a husband for."

"He listens a lot better than you do, that's for sure."

"Brat," I called her.

"Ass," she retorted, sticking her tongue out at me, and we laughed. Annoying or not, I loved my sister.

But the jovial feeling of kidding around with Alice was soon gone as I opened the back door and stepped outside. I could immediately sense that something was wrong – even with her back turned to me.

Her body was shaking as she leaned against the porch rail overlooking the backyard, and I could see her wiping at her face. _Fuck! She's crying_.

I'd known Bella a long time, and she hated to look weak in front of people, but seeing her upset like that made me want to wrap her in my arms and make the hurt go away. And I didn't even know what had caused it. Alice had said she was on the phone with her ex, so I could only assume it was something with him. I didn't know the guy, but he was quickly moving up in rank on my list of people I wanted to beat the shit out of.

"Bella?" I asked softly, and she appeared to startle, jumping slightly at the calling of her name. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and laughed a little, but I could hear the tremble in her voice. She wiped at her face once more, and I knew she was trying to clear away the tears that she'd shed.

"Rose and Emmett are here. Alice is trying to get everyone out the door. I guess she's in a hurry or something," I added and chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, okay, just give me a second." She laughed again and took a deep breath before turning around.

Her eyes were red and glassy when they met mine, and her cheeks were flushed – either from crying, embarrassment, or both. She smiled in greeting, but it didn't light up her face like it normally did. _What did this guy do to you, beautiful?_

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked, not knowing what else I could offer her at that moment. While I wanted nothing more than to make her feel better, taking her in my arms and kissing away the tears wasn't really a viable option. We definitely weren't at that point, and I wasn't sure it would have worked, anyway.

"There's nothing to talk about. It's nothing I'm not already used to dealing with," she replied, looking away.

"Are you sure? I know Alice can be pretty demanding, but I can tell her to wait."

"No, we should go. Really. It's fine. _I'm_ fine. Come on." She began to walk toward the door, but as she went to pass me, it was as though my body reacted on its own accord, and my hand shot out and grabbed hers.

Warm tingles shot up my arm, just as they had the other night, and, once again, she was startled. But she didn't pull away. She just looked up at me, with the sad, chocolate pools I could get lost in, and sighed.

"Bella, I know things are kind of weird with us right now, and we have a lot of our own shit to work out, but if you need anything – someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, somebody to kick someone's ass – I'm here." I'd thrown in the last part about the ass kicking to be funny, and it did earn me a laugh, but I was sincere about all of it. I wouldn't even have hesitated.

Seeming to sense my sincerity, she smiled the first genuine smile I'd seen on her since I'd stepped outside. "Thanks, Edward. That means more than you know," she said, squeezing my hand. "But I'm okay, I promise. Now let's get going before your sister comes out here trying to kick _our_ asses."

~xxx~

We all piled into the limo, which had been abundantly stocked with champagne and liquor, and we made our way downtown. We had some time to kill before the party, so we rode around the city, taking in the sights, drinking, and chatting.

DC was a beautiful city - especially at night, when all of her flaws could be hidden, and the monuments took center stage, illuminating the darkness with their light. As we passed by the Tidal Basin, we could see the Jefferson Memorial reflecting in the water. Bella had mentioned that it was always her favorite of all the monuments, because it stood away from all the others and had a peaceful beauty about it. I'd never really thought about it, but it truly was gorgeous, much like the girl who'd mentioned it.

Drinks continued to flow as we toured the city from end to end. It was kind of cool being driven around in the back of a stretch limousine while hanging out with old friends. I'd known everyone there – with the exception of Emmett, though he fit in perfectly – for over half my life. And while it could have been an awkward or uncomfortable situation, given the circumstances, it surprisingly wasn't. We all got along great and were having the best time.

"How do you think old Abe feels having to look at Washington's dick all day, every day?" Emmett asked as we passed the Lincoln Memorial, and we guffawed. "I mean, don't you think that's gotta suck having to see that shit reflecting back at you all the time?"

"I don't think the statue really gives a shit, Em. It's not like Abe's buried in there," Rose retorted, rolling her eyes at him.

"I know, but still. Even if he's up in heaven looking down, that's gotta really chap his ass, ya know? What's the deal with erecting a giant penis in George's honor, anyway? It's not like we can go and ask Martha if it was built to scale," Emmett added.

"Where do you come up with this stuff, man?" Jasper asked, chuckling.

"Whatever, dude. You know I'm right," Emmett replied.

"I think you need to stop talking about fucking dicks before I start to worry," Rose told him. "Keep it up, and you won't be putting yours anywhere near me for a while."

"Yes, ma'am," he relented, and we all cracked up.

A short while later, we got to the Four Seasons to check in. Alice had rented four rooms, one for each of the couples, and two for Bella and me. Upon getting our stuff in our rooms, we went down to the party being held in the ballroom. Midnight was approaching, so after asking everyone what they wanted to drink, I made my way to the bar with Rose, who had volunteered to help me.

"So, how are you holding up, kid?" she asked me. "You cool?"

"I'm okay. Why do you ask?"

"Just making sure. When I heard that we were all going to be hanging out tonight, I got a little worried."

"Oh yeah, how come?"

"Because of the way things ended with you and Bella. I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I remember how upset you were. I just wanted to make sure that things weren't going to get crazy, ya know?"

"It's cool, Rose. We aren't going to fight or anything." _What do people take me for? I was in love with this girl. I don't want to hurt her or take out revenge._

"Have you guys talked?" she asked.

"A little. I saw her before Christmas, and we talked a bit then. She said she wanted to talk more before she left." I shrugged.

"What about you? What do you want?"

"What do you mean, what do I want? Like I said, we've barely spoken."

"Look, I won't beat around the bush. I know you and Bella have a lot of unresolved issues, and I understand that it's not really my business, but she's my best friend. I love her like a sister, and I care about what happens to her. I don't know what all you've heard or know, but she's been through a lot. If you talk to her – "

"Not if. When," I interrupted.

"Okay, _when_ you talk to her, please just try and hear her out. I know she hurt you, and she'll have to make amends for that, but know that she's been hurting, too. And despite everything that happened, she never stopped caring about you."

"You're a good friend, Rose – to both of us. I know we weren't very close before, but I've always appreciated your honesty. And just so you know, I don't want to fight with Bella. I don't even want to lay blame. I just want some answers."

"Fair enough," she said, patting my hand. "Looks like we're up."

We placed our order and carried the drinks back over to our friends, just in time to do a quick toast.

"Okay, who wants to start," I asked.

"I'll go," Jasper said. "We've holidays and happy days, and memory days galore. And when we've toasted every one, I offer just one more. So let us lift our glasses high and drink a silent toast. To the day, deep buried in each heart that each one loves the most."

"Aww, that was sweet, babe," Alice said, stretching up on her toes to kiss him.

"All right, I'm next," Emmett started. "May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in each other's arms. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with all of us because we love you."

"Hear hear," we all chanted.

"You are so getting lucky tonight," Rose told him.

"To love and laughter," Alice toasted.

"To friendships, new and old," I added.

"To new beginnings," Bella finished.

"Cheers," we said with clinking glasses, taking celebratory sips.

When the countdown to 2009 had begun, the two couples paired off in anticipation of their midnight kisses, which left Bella and me. She looked at me nervously, biting down on her lip before looking away. She began to fidget, and I knew she felt out of place. Hell, so did I. But it was about to be a new year, and everyone deserved a New Year's kiss – even us, as messed up as we were. So, as the crowd began to call out… "Ten." _What the hell, you can do this,_ I thought. "Nine." I reached my hand out to her in invitation. "Eight." Her eyes met mine, timid and uncertain. "Seven." I gave her my best crooked grin, hoping to ease her fear. "Six." She placed her hand in mine, steeling my own nerves. "Five." I pulled her to me, and her eyes went wide with realization. "Four." My freehand moved to the back of her head, and my fingers wove into her hair. "Three." I cradled her head gently, my heart pounding so fucking hard I could feel it in my ears. "Two." She nervously bit on her lip as I leaned down. _Don't be afraid._ "One." I closed my eyes, moving in closer, and softly placed my lips against her forehead. "Happy New Year, beautiful!"

_Auld Lang Syne_ rang out, as well as noise makers, horns, hoots, and hollers. The room was alive with people, music, and commotion. Yet, at that moment, time stood still. It was the best New Year's Eve I'd ever had, and it gave me hope for the future. Bella and I definitely needed to talk.

The night carried on, as did our time with our friends, and at a little after three in the morning, everyone was finally ready to call it quits. We said our goodnights at the party, as we were all on different floors, but I got to ride the elevator up with Bella.

"I had fun tonight," she said, smiling, and it warmed my heart seeing her happy and carefree again – even if was just for the moment.

"Me, too. I've really missed hanging out like this."

"I know what you mean. I can't tell you the last time I've gone out this late. I almost don't want it to end."

"Do you want to come hang out in my room?" I asked, scared, but hoping like hell she would say yes.

She looked torn. "It's already so late. Aren't you tired?" she asked in return.

"Not really." I shrugged. "I'm used to late hours and no sleep. I understand if you're too tired. I just thought that maybe we could talk, you know, just the two of us."

"I'd like that," she replied, looking up at me through her dark lashes as she bit on her plump bottom lip. _Fucking hell, that still drives me crazy._

"Yeah?" _Wait, did she really just agree? Get your head out of your ass and focus._

"But I have one condition," she clarified.

"Condition? Okay, what is it?"

"That you give me something comfortable to change into. These heels and dress have got to go."

I laughed. I should have expected her to come up with something like that. "You got it. One t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants coming up."

We made it inside my room, and Bella made her way into the bathroom to change into the clothes I pulled out of my bag, while I took off my shoes and raided the mini fridge for drinks. We'd already had plenty of alcohol, so I settled for two bottles of water.

Grabbing the remote, I plopped down on the king size bed and turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels, not really paying much attention to what was on. My mind was on the woman who was undressing in my bathroom. _Fuck! You need to get yourself under control, Cullen. You've had a lot to drink, and she's here to talk. You _need_ to talk_.

She stepped out of the bathroom wearing my clothes, and I couldn't help but think how good she looked in them. They were huge on her small frame, but I'd never seen her look better. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. She looked pretty great naked. But fuck me; I wasn't supposed to be thinking that way. _Mind out of the gutter, asshole. You're talking. Remember? Just talking._

"Hey," I said, grinning.

"Hey," she replied, smiling back. "I look kind of ridiculous, huh?"

"Not what I was thinking at all."

"Oh? What were you thinking?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

_Yeah, telling her you were thinking about her naked, probably not the best idea._

"I was just thinking that I'd always rather liked seeing you in my clothes." Her cheeks immediately flamed red with the adorable blush that I loved, and I laughed. "Come here. Come sit with me."

We both sat with our backs against the headboard, her on the right, and me on the left, both of our legs stretched out in front of us.

"Here, I got us some water," I said, handing her a bottle.

She thanked me and took a quick sip after opening it, then put it down on the bedside table. Awkward silence filled the room for a minute, and I thought for sure she would hear the drum that was trying to beat its way out of my chest. If she did, she didn't mention it, which I was glad for. I felt like I was a goddamn high school kid all over again. I didn't get nervous with women, not back then, and not now. Just with her. She was the only one that made me feel like I might forget how to talk or breathe by just being next to her.

"So, here we are," she said, drawing me out of my head.

"Here we are," I repeated, looking over at her.

"Tell me about the past ten years. What have you been doing? I know you're in New York, but how did that happen?"

"Well, I just needed a change. I gave my notice to the school that I would be leaving at the end of the year, and when summer rolled around, I packed up and moved."

"You just moved? You didn't have a job lined up or anything?"

"Yeah, pretty much." I shrugged.

"That's pretty bold. And to New York? That was courageous."

"Not really. Like I said, I needed something different. I was empty, and nothing else seemed to matter at the time. I suppose it was a little outlandish, but there was no better time to do it. I had nothing keeping me in Maryland."

A look passed over her, but I couldn't tell what it was as she quickly moved on.

"And how did you get into producing?" she asked, taking another sip of water. "I know you always had a talent for music, but that's impressive."

"When I first got to New York, I worked a lot of odd jobs at different studios before landing a steady gig in one. I would often hear about open mic nights from other guys like me, people looking to be discovered or get their foot in the door, so to speak, and I ended up playing a lot of bars around the city. Then, in my free-time, I spent tons of time writing new music.

"After about a year and a half of working full-time for a guy, and getting loads of experience, I began to make a name for myself. Artists would come in to record, and they liked my ideas and work. Pretty soon, more and more bands were requesting me. Plus, I'd sold some songs for some pretty decent money and decided I wanted to open my own studio. The rest is pretty much history."

"Why didn't you try to have your own music career? I mean, if you're writing songs for other people, why not write for yourself?"

"I guess that just wasn't what I wanted. I had no desire to be in the public eye, with people constantly putting a camera in my face or following my every move – especially living in New York. The paparazzi assholes are everywhere, and they're fucking relentless. By writing for other people, I got to work in the industry and be creative, but I didn't have to deal with all the pressures and headaches of being famous."

"I guess that makes sense. It still must be pretty cool to work with famous bands and musicians."

"It has its advantages, I suppose. I've met some pretty interesting people, and I've gotten to do some cool things because of it."

"That tells me about work, but what about a personal life? I can't believe some lucky girl hasn't snapped you up yet. There's gotta be a story or two to tell about that," she said, nudging me playfully with her arm.

"I've dated, but there hasn't been anyone of significance," I said, tearing at the label on my bottle.

"That's it? You've dated? Come on. You're telling me that Edward Cullen, popular high school hotty, who could have had any girl he wanted – and probably still could – just dated."

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I don't know. I guess I just thought you would have been married with three kids by now."

"Maybe I'm not relationship material." I shrugged.

"I don't believe that for a second," she said.

"You give me too much credit, then. And for the record, I did try for a bit. Her name was Tanya. We lived together for a while, but it didn't work out."

"I'm sorry," she replied sympathetically.

"Yeah, me, too… but not because _that_ relationship didn't work out."

She was smiling sadly, and a look of guilt washed over her face. I could tell the conversation was taking a turn for the worse, and that wasn't what I wanted. We needed to talk about stuff, but I didn't want her shutting down and leaving before we got the chance.

"Let's talk about you for a while. You must really like Dallas to have stayed there for so long," I said, changing the subject.

"It's not bad. I've gotten used to it. I'm happier now that I have Alice again. Makes me feel like I have a little piece of home close by. But the main reason I'm still there is because of Pip."

"Because his dad is there?"

"Yeah." She scowled, making me wonder what their story was.

"What happened, if you don't mind my asking?"

"With his dad?"

I nodded. I felt sick thinking about her being with someone else, but if we were going to get things out in the open, we needed to talk about everything – even the hard stuff.

"God, what didn't happen would probably be a better question," she said, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them.

"Did you love him?" I asked tentatively.

"Honestly, I don't even really know. He pretty much wore me down. He kept asking me out, and I would always say no. But after a few months, I was tired and lonely. I thought maybe we could be friends. Everyone needs friends, right? So, I eventually said yes. And things weren't that bad in the beginning. He was attentive and thoughtful, and he was really patient with me. He didn't force me to do anything, but he was very persistent, too. And when he wanted to make things serious between us, I resisted."

"Why? If you were trying to make a new start – a new life for yourself – why wouldn't that include a relationship?"

"The truth?" she asked, and I could hear the hesitance in her voice.

"Always," I assured her, even though I was terrified of what her answer would be.

"Because the only person that I wanted was two thousand miles away."

My heart clenched as I looked into her eyes, and I could see all the hurt and despair. The regret she felt. It was raw and palpable. I knew, because I felt it, too.

"Why didn't you call me, B?" Hearing that she'd wanted me felt amazing, but it killed me at the same time. We could have had a chance at making things right. We could have been together and saved ourselves all the pain and sadness we'd suffered. I should have been the one she married. Pip should have been mine. We could have been living a happy life together. _Shit! This fucking hurts._

"Because I fucked up! I left, and I knew you'd never forgive me. I mean, how could you? I knew what it felt like to be left behind, yet I turned around and did the exact same thing to you. And things had gone so much further with us than when we were in high school. There was no excuse for it. But I was freaked out. I was so afraid of getting hurt, that I did the worst possible thing I could have done. I ran. And then I got myself into an even worse predicament by settling for someone I never should have been with."

Tears started streaming down her face. "It should have been you, Edward. It all should have been with you. But I screwed everything up. And now I'm going through a divorce with a man who would sooner call me a stupid cunt than by my name, has no idea what it means to be a father, and genuinely doesn't seem to give a damn about any of it. Not to mention, I'm stuck having to deal with him for the next fifteen years."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? He's actually called you that?" I was seething, hearing that this man, the one who had promised to love, honor, and cherish her, had disrespected and belittled her like that.

"He's called me lots of stuff, Edward. Pick a name; I'm sure he's directed it at me."

"I don't even know him, and I want to kill him. Tell me you didn't actually believe that shit."

She shrugged. "When someone tells you something enough, it's kind of hard not to."

"Oh, Bella, no. Is he this way with Pip?"

"No, not with him. When he's around, he's good with him. He's just not around much," she answered, taking a deep breath and wiping her cheeks. "Pip adores him, though. It's just, most of the time, Jake is off doing God knows what with God knows who. He doesn't deserve him. He didn't even call him for Christmas this year. Can you believe that? What kind of father doesn't at least call his only child on Christmas?"

I couldn't answer that. I didn't know what kind of man could do that, but he didn't sound like a good one. Not when it came to a sweet little boy like theirs, or the beautiful woman sitting beside me. I would've killed to have had what he was seeming to just throw away.

"Alice said that's who you were talking to on the phone earlier."

And with just the mention of the call, she began sobbing and buried her face in her knees.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm sorry I brought it up," I said, pulling her in to my chest to lean against me. "We don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry. Please, Bella, don't. I'm so sorry."

I felt like an ass for dredging up whatever had upset her earlier in the night, so I cradled her against me, running my fingers through her hair, until she was finally relaxed again.

Then, after a few moments, I felt her laugh, and she sat back up, all red eyes and tears.

"You mean, you aren't the slightest bit appeased that things didn't work out, and that I got what was coming to me?" she asked.

I was kind of dumbfounded. Had she really thought I would want that – for her of all people?

"Bella, I would never wish bad things for you. Not ever." I shook my head. "I was sad and hurt when you left. Truth be told, I still am. But I've never wanted you to be unhappy. The fact that you were – are – makes this even worse. So much time has been wasted – for both of us."

"I want to say I would take it all back," she said. "But at the same time, it gave me Pip. I hope you can understand why I can't be sorry for that. I seriously don't know what I would do without him. He's my whole world." Her face lit up just talking about him.

I smiled, remembering how excited he was to get the present at the rec center. "He looks just like you," I said, brushing some hair behind her ear. And he did, which was part of the reason I was so taken by him.

"Yeah, Rose always tells me that it's a blessing, because if he looked like Jake, she wouldn't love him near as much. She's kidding, of course. She would love him regardless. But it does make me laugh."

"I think it's great that you guys have stayed in touch all this time."

"Really?" she asked. "I always thought you hated Rose."

"Granted, we weren't the best of friends, but she had her reasons for being hard on me. I deserved it, at the time. Besides, she isn't the cold-hearted bitch I thought she was."

"Oh yeah? What made you had a change of heart?"

"We talked," I told her.

"You talked? When, tonight?"

"Yeah, but before that. When you left. She met me for lunch."

"You and Rose had lunch? How come she never told me this?"

I put my hands up in surrender. "You'd have to ask her that one. I really couldn't say."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"You. Me. Us. She told me that I needed to give you time. I think it almost killed me, but I listened. I had to let you go so you could figure out what you wanted."

"I was such an idiot. I was so scared and confused. I always knew what I wanted, Edward. That part never changed," she said, running her hand down the side of my face before pulling it back to her lap. "I was just too afraid to let myself believe I could really have it – that I did have it. I know that I really messed things up, and I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I know that I did, and I swear from the bottom of my heart, it wasn't intentional. I hope you can believe me."

"I want to. It's not going to be easy to forget, but I want to try. And I'm sorry for my part, too. I should have come after you the moment I found out you were gone."

"But the things I said at your apartment, the way I left things – "

I pulled her to me once more, gently cradling her against my chest as I tucked her head under my chin. "It's in the past. We've both made so many mistakes. Yet, like you said, here we are."

"Here we are," she repeated the words back to me.

"Neither one of us can go back and change what's already happened. Believe me; I would have done it a long time ago if it were possible. All we can do is make the best of things going forward. I don't know everything that you've been through with your ex, and honestly, I don't know if I want to. What I've already heard is enough to make me want to rip his head off and shove it down his throat."

"So, what does this mean?"

"It means I don't want to walk out of this room and lose you from my life again."

"I don't want that, either," she replied.

"Good, because, quite frankly, I couldn't take it."

"What comes next?" she asked, her fingers absently fiddling over my heart.

"I can't make you any promises or guarantees about what comes next, because, truthfully, I don't know. But what I can tell you is that I want to get to know you again. I want to learn about the woman you are now, I want to talk to you and see you when I can, and we'll see where the road takes us. Does that sound like something you could live with?"

"Yeah, that sounds like something I can live with. Does this mean we'll talk on the phone, email, what?"

"Look at you planning things out. You really have missed me, haven't you?" I teased, laughing when she poked me in the ribs. It felt good to be playful with her, like maybe we could get back what we'd lost.

"You've missed me too, and you know it. But yes, I want to know what to expect. Is that wrong?" She lifted her head slightly to look me in the eyes.

I chuckled. "No, it's not wrong. We can do whatever you want – talk on the phone, text, email, Skype. We can visit each other. I think you'd really like New York."

She sighed and started to pull away, but I held on to her, tucking her close.

"What's wrong? What did I say?" I asked, worried I'd said the wrong thing.

"It's just, New York is so far from Texas. I'm not going to be able to come and visit you, and…"

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't start worrying about that stuff now. We'll figure it out as we go. Besides, my sister is always asking me to come and visit. Maybe I'll have to take her up on that."

"You're right. I'm being silly. We'll take it slow."

"Whatever is meant to happen will happen. One step at a time," I affirmed, gently combing my fingers through her soft hair.

"Okay," she murmured, her breaths rising and falling slow and even against me.

"Goodnight, my sweet girl. Sleep well," I said, kissing the top of her head. And before I knew it, we were both asleep.

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, what do you think? You got to hear a little bit from just about everyone this time. Even Jacob. Eep! I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading, my loves!

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	26. Chapter 26 Promises Kept

**Authors Notes: **

All mistakes are mine. I'll spare you with the long authors note and let you get on with the good stuff. I'll see you after. Enjoy…

I don't own it. I just brought the characters with me to Texas for a bit. ;)

**Chapter 26 (Promises Kept)**

**BPOV**

Two days after the New Year, I found myself back in Texas and returning to work. The time I'd had at home was shorter than I'd have liked, but better than I could have ever imagined. Waking up in Edward's arms was surreal. Pressed against his firm, warm chest, I could feel his heart beating strong, and his arms were wrapped around me tightly. I felt safe and cared for – something I hadn't felt in a really long time. It was like a dream, and I never wanted to wake up.

That morning at the hotel, Edward and I had talked some more. For once, it finally seemed like we were on the same page. We both knew that we didn't want things to go back to the way they were. We wanted to be in each other's lives, we just didn't know exactly how things would play out. Edward had a life in New York to get back to, and I had to get back to Dallas with Pip. So, we'd decided that we would take it one day at a time.

Our private little bubble didn't last for long. Before we knew it, our friends were pounding on Edward's door. No one seemed all that surprised to find me there. I simply got a couple looks from Alice and Rose that told me they'd be expecting the details later.

Apparently we'd been so wrapped up in our talk, we hadn't realized it was snowing. There were already a couple inches on the ground, and it was still coming down. Emmett, staying true to his word, vowed that we had to get home. He'd promised Pip we would go sled riding before it was time to go back, and he couldn't wait to make right on that purpose. In fact, everyone was excited to go.

With the limo being long gone, the six of us piled into the SUV Alice and Jasper had so thoughtfully borrowed from Carlisle and Esme and had left at the hotel the day before. Alice was nothing if she wasn't a planner.

We got back home, each of us going to our respective houses to get changed, and were quickly headed to Strathmore Hill with sleds in tow. Pip had a blast. He'd never seen snow in person before, so he was pretty amazed. We each took turns taking him down the hill, laughing as he would squeal and scream to go faster. I was clearly raising a little dare devil.

It was a great day. In addition to sledding, we made snow angels, built a snowman, and had a massive snowball fight, in which Edward and Pip tag teamed against me. While my son was conspiring with Edward, it warmed my heart to see him so happy. The fact that it was with Edward didn't go unnoticed. Most men wouldn't take to another man's child so easily, but it seemed like Edward welcomed him with open arms. How I'd ever thought this man wasn't capable of true love and understanding was beyond me. He seemed to exhibit it at every turn.

But then it was back to the real world. Saying goodbye to my parents, Rose, and Emmett was always hard. I hated living so far away from them. However, saying goodbye to Edward was even harder. I didn't want to leave. We'd just reconnected, and I was so afraid that the distance would come between us. The thought of that killed me. He'd promised that he wouldn't let that happen, though. Not again.

So, we exchanged numbers and email addresses, and Pip and I got on the plane and went back to Texas. But it wasn't home. Home was with the people who loved us most in the world, and that place wasn't where we lived.

Upon landing, I sent Edward a quick text to let him know we'd made it back safely, and I called my parents to let them know, as well. Alice and Jasper were on the return flight with us, so we picked up our bags at baggage claim, then said our goodbyes with promises for dinner later that week.

After driving home from the airport, I was exhausted. I got our bags inside and plopped down on the couch as Pip went to check on Mr. Blooey, his fish. Angela had been coming by to check the mail and feed him while we were gone, and Pip was anxious to see him.

As I lay there, I thought back over the time away. I couldn't remember when I'd had more fun or been happier. Now that we were back in Texas, I was worried it would be a while before I felt that way again. That old saying "out of sight, out of mind" had me nervous, and the fact that Edward hadn't replied back wasn't helping. I knew I was probably being silly, but my mind was on overdrive. And as if he could hear my thoughts, my phone beeped, alerting me that I had an incoming text. I couldn't help but smile when I saw his name light up on the screen.

_Sorry, I was on the on the road when you texted. Just got back myself. Can I call you later? I miss your voice. – E _

My heart skipped a few beats. I missed his voice, too. Knowing that he felt the same way made me feel so much better.

_I'm glad you made it back safely. Yes, definitely call me later. And I miss your face. – B_

_Just my face? I have my work cut out for me then, don't I? I'll have to correct that quickly. – E_

_It's a great face. It's possible that I miss more of you, but you just miss my voice, so… ;-) – B_

_Oh yeah? I'd love to discuss this "more" further. ;) And for the record, I'm pretty sure that I miss all of you. – E _

He was flirting with me, and I loved it. I hated being so far away, but I was starting to see how we could still have fun with each other despite the distance.

_Pip goes to bed at 8 p.m. Call me after that. And I'm pretty sure that I miss all of you, too. – B_

_Just pretty sure? ;) – E _

_You're incorrigible. LOL! Okay, very sure. Happy now? :) – B_

_More than I have been in a long time. – E _

And you could have put a fork in me, because I was done. Edward Cullen officially had me wrapped around his finger, and he didn't even know it. I made him happy. That in itself was more than I ever could have imagined – especially after all we'd been through.

_Good. Me, too. :)_ _Now let me go unpack so we can talk later. – B_

_Yes, ma'am. ;) I'll talk to you in a few hours. Tell Pip goodnight for me. – E _

If he hadn't already convinced me that he was wonderful, that text would have done it. I was completely over the edge and falling… hard.

I spent the next few hours unpacking and doing laundry in preparation for the week ahead, while Pip played in his room. After dinner, a bath, and story time, it was Pip's bedtime.

"It's back to daycare tomorrow, kiddo. You ready?"

"Do I hafta go, Momma?" he asked, climbing under the covers.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but yes. I have to go back to work. But just think of all the stories you can tell the other kids about the fun trip you had and all the great things you got to do," I said, tucking him in.

"I guess." He pouted.

"What's wrong, baby love? What's that sad face about?"

"I miss Nana and Pop-Pop."

"I know you do. I do, too. We'll see them again, though. And you can call them on the phone."

"Can I call Unkka Emmy and Aunty Ro, too?"

"Of course you can. I'm sure they'd love that."

"What about Eward?"

"What about him?" I asked, unsure of what he wanted to know.

"Can I call him?"

"You want to call Edward?" I repeated his question, and he nodded.

"I like him. He's nice to me."

"He is nice to you," I said, smiling and running my fingers through his soft hair. "In fact, he told me to tell you good night."

"He did?" His eyes grew big.

"Cross my heart," I told him, tracing an X over my chest. "Now you, my handsome little man, need to get to sleep."

"Do the bug, Momma! Do the bug!"

"Okay, and then it's time for nite-nite." I tucked the blankets under him tightly from his feet to his chin until he looked like a little burrito. "There you go, snug as a bug in a rug." He smiled.

"Night, Momma."

"Night, my angel." I leaned down and kissed him before turning off his light and slipping out the door.

With Pip tucked away in his bed, I had a few minutes left before Edward's call, and decided to take a quick shower. Just as I was drying off, my phone rang from across my bedroom, causing me to run and jump across my bed to reach it in time.

"Hello," I said out of breath.

"Bella?" Edward greeted, sounding concerned.

"Hi," I replied more steadily and let out a laugh.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Umm, yeah." I chuckled nervously. "I was just… uh… gettingdryedofffromashower," I mumbled quickly, completely embarrassed.

"What was that?" he asked, and I could hear the humor in his voice. I was pretty sure he had understood what I'd said, but was just trying to get me to repeat it.

"I was just drying off from a shower," I said again more clearly.

"Hmm. Thanks for the nice visual, beautiful. Will you always be giving me those when we talk? I certainly won't complain, if so," he crooned.

"Shut up! I thought I was going to have more time."

"Do you want me to call you back later?"

"No, I'm good. I can talk to you and get dressed at the same time."

"Or you could just stay the way you are," he said suggestively.

"Edward Cullen, you keep flirting with me like that and you're gonna need to make a trip to Texas."

"I'm planning on it. Just tell me when," he replied, and I sighed.

"Why does New York have to be so far away?" I asked.

"I'm always just a phone call away. I know it's not the same as being there, but it won't be like this forever. We'll visit each other as much as we can until we figure stuff out."

"I suppose it will make our time together all the better."

"I promise you it will," he said.

"So, do you have a busy schedule this week?" I asked.

"Yeah, but it's all just post production stuff. I don't have anyone in the studio. What about you?"

"I'm honestly not looking forward to the next couple weeks, but it's not because of work," I groaned. I knew he would know what, or rather _who_, I was referring to.

"Has he called or stopped by since you've been back? He hasn't gotten ugly with you again, has he?"

"We haven't seen or heard from him. That would actually require effort on his part. I can't really say that I'm sad about that, but I know Pip would be happy to see him. I'll just be so glad when this divorce is final and we can move on with our lives. We're supposed to finalize custody terms this week, providing he shows up."

"Do you think he will?"

"I have no idea what he'll do. If he thinks he can prolong things and make them harder, then probably. We have an extensive log of all the crap he's pulled over the past couple of years. Birthdays and holidays he's missed, visitation weekends he hasn't shown up for. I'm not really worried about him getting custody. I'm just worried that he won't follow through with whatever they do decide to give him, and Pip will get crushed. He's already been through enough."

"The dude sounds like a first class asshole, if you ask me. I still want to kick his ass for the shit he pulled while we were home."

"You, my dad, and Emmett." I laughed.

"Glad to see we all think alike."

"I really don't want to think about him right now. Let's talk about something else. Distract me."

"Okay, so, tell me... what are you wearing?" he asked flirtatiously.

"I said for you to distract me, not the other way around." We both laughed.

Our conversation continued on for hours, as they did every night thereafter. We really got to know a lot more about each other. He would text me sweet messages throughout the day to let me know he was thinking about me, and I would do the same. He even sent me flowers a few times. It never failed, if I was having a bad day, he would call or send me a message at just the right time to cheer me up. Edward was truly the best therapy I could have ever asked for. Not to mention, he was sweet to my son.

Pip and Edward had even started talking that first week we were back in Texas, and they continued to do so every week. It began with Pip calling all our friends and family to say goodnight one evening, and it grew from there. They would talk for a few minutes every night, and it drew me to Edward a little more each and every time.

Mine and Jake's divorce was finalized in the middle of January, and our marriage was officially over. He got the big house and his last name back, and I got our child. I didn't see how I'd lost out. He was entitled to have Pip every other weekend, which would have been okay if he'd really cared. I knew it would only be a matter of time before he flaked out, though. I was just going to bide my time and hope for the best.

Things with Edward were good. I missed the hell out of him, but having the distance between us allowed us to really talk things out without the distraction of our strong physical chemistry. Not that I didn't welcome his _distractions_. We just needed to go about things in the right way. There were still things that I needed to say to him – to show him – but I wanted to save it until we were face to face. I owed him that much.

On one particularly stressful day, I got home from work with Pip, and I just wanted to decompress. Edward had said he had an important meeting that evening, but that he would text me when he could. I threw off my shoes, put on some cartoons for Pip, and sank into the couch. Just as I had gotten comfortable, my doorbell rang, and I groaned.

"I can get it, Momma!" Pip offered.

"No, sweetie. That's okay. Momma will get the door. You just hang tight." I looked through the peep hole and saw Alice.

"Al, what are you doing here?" I asked, opening the door. "We didn't have plans tonight, did we?"

"Nope. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd come by to see my favorite nephew and sister-in-law," she replied.

"Sister-in-law? Isn't it a little early for that. I just got out of a marriage, and you're already marrying me off?"

"You know it's going to happen. It might not be tomorrow, or even this year, but you know I'm right. My brother will ask you, and you'll say yes." She sounded so sure of herself.

"Alice, you're crazy." I laughed.

"You see, you didn't deny it," she said, winking, which only reminded me of her brother. God, I missed him.

"Speaking of Edward, have you heard from him today?" she asked.

"I think he has a meeting. He told me he would text me when he got out."

"Oh, okay. Well, you mind if I hang out for a few? I hope I'm not keeping you from anything."

"Nope, just spending a quiet night at home," I answered as my phone beeped.

"Speak of the devil," Alice said, and I smirked. _Freaky how she just knows things sometimes, _I thought, and shook my head_._

_How was your day, gorgeous? – E _

"Hey, Al, I'm just gonna reply back and see if he can call me later. Give me a minute. Feel free to watch SpongeBob with Pip," I told her as I began to type out my reply.

_Long and stressful. Yours? – B_

_Hectic, but looking up. :) – E_

_Your sister just came over. – B _

_Oh yeah? She did always have impeccable timing. LOL! – E _

_I miss you. – B_

_I miss you, too._ _– E_

_Will you call me later? – B _

_Actually, I was wondering_ _what you'd say to dinner with me tonight? – E_

_How are we going to have dinner together when I'm here, and you're there? – B _

_Why don't you come outside? – E_

_Why would I go outside? Wait, did you just say come, as in you're here? – B_

I moved to look out the window, and there he was – leaning against a car in my driveway – and my heart nearly stopped.

**EPOV**

I'd been missing Bella since the moment she stepped on the plane to head back to Dallas. Talking to her over those next few weeks only made me realize how fucking much I needed to see her in person. So, when I asked Ali if she thought it would be a good idea to visit, she started scheming. I hadn't really thought about making it a surprise, but Alice convinced me that it would be amazing and to leave the details up to her. I was slightly terrified that the whole thing could backfire on me, but decided to go with it. I just wanted to see Bella. I wanted to take her on a date and hold her hand over the table. I wanted to spend time with her and look into her eyes while we talked. And then, at the end of the night, if things had gone well – and I hoped that they would – I wanted to kiss her.

The day I flew in, Ali was meeting with a new supplier for her shop, so Jasper picked me up at the airport, and we shot the shit over lunch and beers. It was only the second week in February, and despite being a winter month, it was already getting warm outside – much different from the miserably cold fucking weather in New York. That was a change I thought I could definitely live with. _Where the fuck did that come from? Slow your roll, _I thought to myself.

After lunch, Jasper took me by the rental car place to pick up the car I'd reserved for the week. That's right – I'd planned to stay for a week. I'd made a promise to Bella that we'd see each other, and I planned to fucking keep it. We had so much lost time to make up for, and while I'd have loved for her to visit me, I knew it was easier for me to get away than it was for her. She had responsibilities way beyond a career, and truth be fucking told, I wanted to get to know the most important one, and that was Pip. If Bella and I had any chance at a relationship or a future, he was going to be a part of it, and that meant we needed to spend time getting to know each other, too.

I followed Jasper back to their place and got settled into one of the guest rooms. By the time I was unpacked, Alice was home and jumping at the bit for us to head to Bella's. The plan was for Ali to pop in for a quick visit while I distracted Bella with texts. I would ask her to dinner and tell her to go outside so she could be surprised, while my sister and Pip looked on. And to my own surprise, the plan worked out better than I could have hoped for.

I was leaned up against the rental when Bella's front door flew open, and she stepped outside. She'd had no idea I was coming, but she still looked absolutely breathtaking. I couldn't help the huge fucking grin that was plastered across my face as she ran toward me, her own gorgeous smile beaming back.

Stopping just short of me, she looked up into my eyes. "You're here," she whispered.

"I'm here," I said, stepping closer and pushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"You're here!" she repeated excitedly, throwing her arms around my neck.

I wrapped her up in my arms and held her tight. "I know I didn't tell you that I was coming. I hope it's a good surprise, though."

"Are you kidding? It's one of the best surprises ever! I can't believe you're really here," she murmured against my neck, her warm breath sending fucking tingles down my spine. _Christ, how does she have this affect on me? __She's just talking._ "Come inside." She turned and headed toward the house, our hands locked together as she guided me. "I'll have to ask your sister if she can stay and watch Pip. I wasn't expecting you, so I didn't plan – "

"Bella," I interrupted, pulling her back to me. "You don't really think it's a coincidence that she just popped in, do you? That's what she's here for, beautiful. " I smiled, winking at her as she gaped at me.

"Alice Whitlock!" she yelled, her pace quickening once again as she steered us both inside. I had to laugh. My sister was a force to be reckoned with, but so was Bella when she wanted to be. I had a feeling I was in for a show.

"Alice Whitlock!" she shouted again as we got inside, her eyes becoming glaringly small slits as she spotted my sister on the couch. "You sneaky little woman! Why didn't you let me know your brother was coming? I could have made plans."

She didn't get a chance to reply back before another little person interrupted.

"Eward!" Pip shouted, jumping out of my sister's lap and running toward me. I bent down and picked him up as he held on to my neck with his little hands, giving me a tight hug. We'd started talking on the phone since he and Bella had returned, and he would tell me about his day or something new that he'd learned, and I would always tell him goodnight. The funny thing was, I never really thought I'd do very well with a little kid, but he made things surprisingly easy.

"Hey, buddy!" I greeted him, and the two girls became silent, watching our interaction.

"What are you doin' here?" he asked.

"I thought I would come to visit you and your Momma. Is that okay?" I looked from him to Bella, hoping I wasn't overstepping my bounds. When she smiled, looking pleased, I was reassured.

"Uh huh." He nodded. "You can stay wif me in my room if you want," he offered, and I smiled.

"That is a really great offer, champ, but I'm staying with Aunty Ali at her house this week," I explained, realizing for the first time that it hurt to see him pout. _Hurt._ It was a totally fucking unexpected revelation. He may not have been mine, but I didn't like seeing him that way. And the fact that he wanted me to stay with him – with them – only made it harder. However, I also didn't want Bella to get the wrong idea. I wanted to start things over, but I wasn't trying to fucking railroad myself into her life. "I promise we are going to see each other, though. Would you like that?"

He smiled up at me. "Okay! Can we go to the park? My Unkka Emmy takes me to the park. We can go down the slide, and you can pushed me on the swing. I can go really high up." He squealed.

"We can do whatever you want. Providing Mommy is okay with it. You think we can convince her?" I whispered.

"Yep! Momma, Eward and I can go to the park, right? I promise I'll be really good, and I'll holded his hand and mind him," he told her, and I was so fucking glad to see him smile again.

"Baby, Edward just got here, but if he has time, he can come to the park with us. We'll just have to figure out a time," Bella replied.

"Speaking of time, shouldn't you two be headed to dinner?" Alice interrupted.

"Don't think that I've forgotten about you, missy. I can't believe you knew Edward was coming and you didn't tell me! I'm so getting you back for this!"

"Yeah, yeah. There's plenty of time to talk about all that later. For now, you need to get ready, so go!" she ordered, pushing Bella out of the living room."

"I'm going, I'm going!" Bella shouted as she made her way down the hall.

About twenty minutes later, Bella reappeared in a fitted black dress with thick tights and boots. Her hair cascaded down over her shoulders and back in loose curls. Fuck, she looked gorgeous.

"Wow, you look amazing," I said in awe as I stood from the couch.

"Yeah, Momma. You look pwetty," Pip added.

"Thank you, my love," Bella replied, smiling and caressing his cheek. _Beautiful indeed_.

"Are you ready to go," I asked.

"Yeah, I just need to grab my coat and my purse," she replied.

"Where are you going?" Pip questioned.

"Edward and I are going out to dinner," Bella answered as she gathered her things.

"Ohh! Can I come?" Pip asked excitedly.

"Not tonight, lovebug. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I need you to stay here and keep me company," my sister began. "Uncle Jas isn't home tonight, so you're going to be my dinner date. How does pizza sound?"

"Can we have peppewoni?" Pip requested, seemingly appeased by her response.

"Of course, it's the best." Alice confirmed, winking at him, and Pip squealed as he began jumping up and down on the couch.

"Settle down," Bella told him. "You know we don't jump on the furniture. Will you promise to be a very good boy for Aunty Ali tonight?"

"Okay, Momma. I pwomise," he said as she leaned down to kiss him goodbye.

"He'll be fine, Bella. Go out and enjoy your dinner," Alice assured.

"Goodnight, big guy! I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I promised.

"Goodnight, Eward. Don't forget," he replied.

"Okay, well, call me if you need anything. I'll have my phone with me," Bella reminded her. "And make sure he's in bed by eight."

"Go!" my sister said, pushing us both toward the door. Sometimes my sister's peskiness was one of her best traits.

"Thanks, Ali," I said, and we made our way outside.

~xxx~

"So, where are we headed?" Bella asked after we were settled in the car and en route.

"Do you really want me to tell you or do you want it to be a surprise?" I asked, winking over at her.

"I think I've had enough surprises for the day." She chuckled.

"Fair enough. We've got reservations at Five-Sixty in the Reunion Tower at seven-thirty."

She gasped. "We don't have to go there. There are tons of places right around here that we could go to instead."

"Bella, do you not want to go there? I mean, have you gone before and not liked it?"

"No, I've never been there, but – "

"Have you heard bad things about it?"

"No, I've heard great things about it."

"Well, why shouldn't we go then?"

"It's just that… well, it's so expensive. I'm a simple girl. I don't need super fancy restaurants and dinners. I'm not expecting that. I mean, you already came all this way. That is so much more than – "

"Bella." I reached across the car and grabbed her hand, soothingly rubbing circles on the top with my thumb. "I know that, beautiful. Hell, you didn't even know I was coming, so there's no way you could be expecting me to take you anywhere. I know you don't need all that stuff, but I want to give it to you anyway. We have so much time to make up for. You deserve it, and so do I. So, let me spoil you a little bit. I don't get to take you out on dates very often. In fact, we haven't been on a date in over ten years, and I think our first one should be special. Don't you?"

"Just the fact that we're together makes it special. You know that, right?" She smiled, squeezing my hand two times quickly.

"I know. But I still want to take you somewhere really nice. Indulge me?" I implored.

"Okay. But next time we go somewhere less fancy."

"Sweetheart, we can go wherever you want. I just want to spend time with you. It doesn't matter where."

"Good, because spending time with you sounds perfect," she replied.

Our conversation continued to flow throughout the drive. Bella had commented on how she was impressed that I was able to navigate her city so well given that I'd only visited Alice on a couple of occasions, and things just seemed so easy between us. There were no awkward silences or uncomfortable moments, and her hand never left mine the entire way to the restaurant. It was like we needed the physical connection we'd been missing those past few weeks, and neither of us wanted to let go. Sure, the conversations we had were great, but nothing compared to being together in person.

The valet took the car upon our arrival, and we made our way to the elevators. Five-Sixty was a well-known restaurant that sat atop of one of the most recognizable Dallas landmarks, The Reunion Tower. Housed inside the massive, rotating, round ball, the restaurant overlooked the city with its floor to ceiling windows. The tables were arranged around the perimeter of the restaurant with the kitchen in the middle, giving us a perfect view. It was actually pretty breathtaking, but it held nothing to the gorgeous woman seated across from me.

"This is pretty incredible, Edward. I know it's just beginning, but thank you for an amazing evening."

"We haven't even had dinner yet, beautiful. The night is still young," I said, taking a sip of the freshly poured wine.

"I know. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you."

"Thanks, doll. But you don't need to thank me. It's my pleasure."

"So, how long have you had this trip planned?" she asked, sipping from her own glass.

"Umm, about two weeks," I replied sheepishly.

"What, really? And you kept it a secret that whole time?"

"Trust me, I almost told you a bunch of times. I didn't want you to get freaked out for one, but I almost let it slip on accident a few times when we were talking about our work schedules and stuff. You really are okay with me being here, right? Because I don't want to push you or make you go faster than you want."

It was her turn to do the reassuring this time. She reached across the table, taking my hand in hers as the waiter came to our table. Once we'd ordered, Bella continued. "It's more than okay. I thought that our nightly conversations made my days better, but having you here in person is a million times better. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. So much more than I thought possible."

"I feel exactly the same way. I wish we didn't live so far apart." She frowned.

"Hey, let's not think about that right now. I'm here, and we're together. Let's enjoy our time. You've got me all week, if you want me that is."

"Of course I want you. But it sucks that I have to work. If I had known you were coming, I would have requested a few days off."

"I, uh, actually wanted… to ask you about that," I stammered.

"What about it?"

"I was thinking, and well, Pip is a huge part of your life."

"Yeah?" she replied, looking confused.

"I was thinking that it would be great to get to know him better on this trip, too. That maybe we could do some stuff together."

"I think he'd love that, Edward. You already know he wants to go to the park with you. What did you have in mind?"

"I know I don't have a ton of experience with kids his age, and you can totally say no if you want, but I was thinking maybe we could spend a few days together. While you're at work, I mean."

"Really?" Her brow furrowed, and she bit her bottom lip. "Just you and him?"

"Yeah. I was thinking I could take him to the zoo or the aquarium one day. Then we could go to the park another," I stupidly continued as she sat there looking at me like I'd grown a second goddamn head. "Am I being fucking crazy here? I am, aren't I? I mean, what do I know about kids, right? Shit! Just forget it," I shook my head, feeling foolish. _It's too much too soon, jackass. Didn't you see the look on her face?_

"No, it's not crazy."

"It's not? But the way you were looking at me – "

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you think it was crazy, Edward. I'm just a little surprised is all. I'm sorry for reacting badly. I think it's great that you want to spend time with him. Truly, I do. And I think Pip is going to be so excited. I know he's already your biggest fan."

"Wait. So, does that mean you're okay with it?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes. If you're sure about it, so am I." She smiled, and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face.

"Thanks for trusting me with him. I promise I'll guard him with my life."

"I'm not worried. I know you'll look after him. Just don't feel bad if you need to call me for help. I know when I first had him, I felt like I was calling my mom every five minutes."

"You're doing a great job, Bella. From what I've seen, you seem like a natural."

"Thanks, I try. I mean, with one absentee parent, I feel like I have to try extra hard sometimes."

"I'm sorry you've had to go through so much alone. I hope to change that," I assured her.

Our food was served, and we continued talking easily over dinner and dessert, stealing little touches here and there, and sampling each other's dishes. By the time we had finished, it was almost ten. It had been a long day, and Bella had to work early the next morning, so we decided to go back to her place.

When we made it back, Ali was lying on the couch watching a movie, and Pip was sound asleep.

"So, how was it?" Alice asked, getting up and folding the throw blanket she'd been covered with.

"It was incredible, Al. You and Jasper have got to go," Bella told her. "The food was delicious, the view was spectacular, and my date was pretty amazing, too." She blushed, looking over at me.

"Good, I'm glad you guys had a nice time," Alice said, smiling at us.

"How was Pip? Did he mind you?" Bella wondered.

"He was a perfect angel, of course. We ate pizza. There are leftovers in the fridge, by the way. Then we played some games, he got his bath, I read him a story, and he was off to bed," Ali informed.

"So, he didn't give you a hard time?" Bella seemed surprised.

"None at all," Alice replied.

"I should have you come over every night at bedtime then." Bella laughed.

"I'll be here anytime you need me. That being said, I think I'm gonna head out. Jasper called a little bit ago. He's back home now, and I'd like to spend a little time with him before he goes to bed. I trust that you know how to get back, big brother?" Alice asked, raising her eyebrow with a smirk.

"Yeah, I know the way. I won't be long," I told her.

"No, no. Take your time. I know I'll see ya. Call me tomorrow, B," Ali said, hugging her goodbye.

"I will, thanks again."

"Love you guys!" Alice called out as she closed the front door, leaving just the two of us. Alone. In a warm, cozy house with a big, comfy couch. _Fuck_, the things I wanted to do with Bella. But I couldn't. I had to take it slow. Not to mention, Pip was just down the hall, asleep in his bed. It didn't stop the thoughts running through my mind, though. Memories of how it felt to be inside her.

"Do you wanna watch a movie or something?" Bella asked.

"We can, but are you tired? I know you have an early day tomorrow."

"I'm okay. Besides, I was hoping for some cuddle time with you."

"Is that right? Well, by all means, put on a movie and get over here then," I said, patting the couch.

Bella put in a DVD, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what it was. Because once she sidled up next to me, curling into my side with her head on my shoulder and my arm around her, I wasn't thinking about anything else but her.

"B?" I said, running my fingers through her hair.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

"Why did we let things get so messed up in the past?"

"I don't know," she replied sadly. "We were young and had a lot to learn."

"If I could take it all back, I would."

"I know you would."

"Promise me we won't let anything get in the way this time. I don't think I could take it."

"Hey, what's wrong? Where's the guy from dinner who was telling me to enjoy our time together?" she asked, looking up at me.

"He's still here," I said, cupping her face. "And nothing's wrong. In fact, everything's right. _We're_ right. You're it for me, Bella. I don't want to be with anyone else. As far as us living in two different places, we'll figure that shit out. That's just geography, right? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that we need to rush things. We can continue to take it slow. I _want_ to take things slow. I just need to know that you want me. That you want us."

"Edward, baby," she whispered, placing her hand over my thudding heart as she looked deep in my eyes. "I've missed you every single day for the past ten years, and now that I have you back in my life, I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you here. I may have been too scared to let myself realize it before, but you're it for me, too. You always have been. I love it that you want to take things slow, because so do I. Just know that even though we aren't rushing things, my feelings for you are strong and they're real. Okay?"

I smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear."You know what two things would make this night even better?"

"No, what?" she asked, grinning.

"One would be to hear you call me baby again. Fuck, you don't know what hearing you say that did to me."

"Oh, really." She smirked, bringing her hand up behind my neck. "Then, tell me, _baby_," she cooed, scooting closer. "What would be the other?" Her gaze traveled from my eyes to my mouth, and she licked her lips. It was all the invitation I needed.

"This." Simultaneously leaning down and pulling her to me, my hand wove into the hair at the back of her head, and our lips touched. The kiss was soft slow, and deliberate. Her mouth felt so fucking good against my own, and hot spikes of desire shot through me, going straight to my cock. I moaned, her mouth catching the sound as she opened it, allowing me entrance. Our tongues swirled together, reacquainting themselves in a dance they only did for each other. She tasted amazing and sweet, and goddamn it, I fucking wanted her.

The kiss grew frenzied, and before long, Bella was in my lap, her legs straddled over me as my hands worked their way down to her hips. She was still in her dress, which had now ridden up, and she was rubbing against me right where I wanted her – needed her. But I knew if we didn't slow down, things would go further than either of us had intended.

It was fucking hard, no pun intended, but I broke away in a pant, willing myself to remember why we weren't rushing things. We needed to do things right this time – we needed to take things slow. But with her mouth working its way down my neck and her in my lap, I was starting to forget.

"Bella, baby, ungh. Fuck, we have to stop," I groaned, pulling her lips back to mine for a few quick, gentle pecks. "Slow, remember? I want you. God, I want you. But not tonight. Not like this."

"You're right. God, you're right. You must think I'm horrible. I mean, Pip could have come out here at any time, and look at me," she said, sliding off me and back onto the couch.

"Hey, I don't think that at all. Our chemistry has always been palpable. Hell, I'm just as much to blame as you are. There's no need to rush, though. It will happen eventually. But when it does, I want it to be in a place where I have you all to myself, with no interruptions, because I'm going to take my time with you. I'm going to make you feel so good, you'll be screaming my name."

"Yes, please," she said without hesitation, her face flushing my favorite shade of crimson – the color of her blush, and I laughed. "You know I'm going to hold you to that."

"Good, you better. Because I'm keeping my promises, and that's most definitely a promise." I assured, pecking her lips once again. But as much as I hate to say it, I should get going." Reluctantly standing to make my way to the door, I turned back to her. "Do you want me to get Pip in the morning? I don't have any plans, so it's up to you. I'd love to spend the day with him, though."

"Wow, yeah. That would be great. We normally have to leave the house by seven. Is that too early?"

"It's never too early to see your gorgeous face. I can be here as early as you need me. Besides, I'm still on east coast time, so it will really be an hour later." I winked.

"Okay, how about I make us breakfast?"

"I'd love to have breakfast with you guys. I can't think of a better way to start the day. Well, maybe one, but I won't go there… yet," I said, winking.

"You've gotta stop teasing me. My willpower is only so strong."

"I'm counting on it." She smiled, and I lifted our intertwined hands to my lips. "I had a great time with you tonight, beautiful."

"Me too. Thanks again for dinner. And for the cuddle time." She grinned. "I've missed making out with you."

"That was my favorite part," I told her.

"Mine, too," she replied.

"Come here," I said, pulling her closer. I cupped her face, my thumb gently caressing her cheek as I leaned down to taste her perfect lips. Once again, slow and sweet turned into fervent and impassioned. Lips, tongues, and teeth – kissing, sucking, and nipping – igniting us into a fiery blaze of wanton need.

"I'm never going to leave if we don't stop," I murmured against her before pulling away.

"God, I love kissing you," she breathed. "It's been so long since I've kissed like that, I didn't realize how much I'd missed it. A girl could get used to doing that."

"Please do, because I plan on doing a lot more of it."

"Tomorrow?" she asked hopefully.

"Definitely."

"Goodnight, baby," she told me, and I had to kiss her once more. She was seriously going to own my ass if she kept calling me that. Oh, who was I kidding? She already did.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Aww! Any warm fuzzies yet? What do you think about these two? Are you looking forward to Alwaysward learning what it means to be Daddyward? Next chapter up is Edward and Pip's day out. :)

I need to say thank you to some people. First off, my beta had an emergency and couldn't look this chapter over. Maxandmo was kind enough to lend me her eyes to point out some things I hadn't thought of or realized. I owe her immensely. Same goes to Shelikesthesound for pre-reading this go around. I love you ladies huge bunches and hope I get to meet you both in person one day so I can squeeze you! =]

Two other people who are completely amazing are Errontrisha and Love Rob. Errontrisha started the story and reviewed every single chapter. So epically awesome. And LoveRob sent another reader my way, who was sweet enough to let me know. Thanks, girls! You rock! *Mwah*

I know it took me a long time to get this chapter out, and for that I'm sorry. I have no spectacular reasons to explain this other than life sometimes gets in the way. I just hope you understand and stick with me. I love you all. Oh, and there are pics on my profile for some of the chapters. There's one of Five-Sixty restaurant here in Dallas, if you're interested.

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	27. Chapter 27 OUTTAKE  Dear Bella

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is beta and validator. She does a great job at catching all my errors so you guys don't have to read them. :)

Thanks to DivineInspiration for pre-reading this time. She just marked her story, The Mystery of You, complete. If you haven't read it, go check it out and be sure to leave her some love. You can find the link in my favorites.

So, a lot of you were surprised to find out that Edward had written to Bella like he'd promised, and I got a lot reviews with people wanting to know what those letters said. I thought now would be a good time to show you. I hope it gives you better insight into his frame of mind during his time away. Enjoy...

* * *

**OUTTAKE – Dear Bella…**

November 16, 1992

Dear Bella,

I hope this letter finds you well. I'm currently sitting in my trig class and wondering what the teacher is doing. I should probably be paying attention, but my mind just isn't in it today. I keep thinking about our conversation last night. And I've been thinking about you. God, I really fucked things up, huh? If I could turn back and do things over, I would. I'd do anything to make things right. I hope that you believe me.

I didn't get to tell you on the phone, but I tried out for the football team here, and I made it. I sent you my football pic. What do you think of me in my jersey? Pretty hot, huh? ;) Just kidding. Well, sort of. My ego will never die. Haha!

Practices have been grueling, but it's helped me clear my head a little. I wish you were here. We have a game this Friday, and I'd love it if you could come. I know that's not really possible since you're so far away, but I wanted to tell you anyway. Maybe you can come down for a visit sometime. You could stay for a weekend, and I could show you around.

I've made some new friends. My roommate, Drew, is pretty cool. He's on the team with me, and we like a lot of the same stuff. His family lives pretty close to the school, so they're always coming by and bringing us shit. I think his mom feels bad that I'm so far from home, so she's made me her honorary son or some shit. I guess I can't complain. I still miss home, though. And I miss you – probably more than anyone.

Anyway, class is about to end, so I need to run. I promise I'll write more later. I hope I hear back from you soon. Send me pictures. I'd love some for my room. You're on my mind. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

November 20, 1992

Dear Bella,

Hi, beautiful! I know it's only been a few days since I last wrote, but I can't help it. I fucking miss you. God, I'd give anything to have you here right now, to be able to look into your gorgeous brown eyes and hear your voice next to me telling me everything is okay. Is it? Okay, I mean. I want it to be. I know I'm an idiot for pushing you away the way I did, but I promise you, I won't do it again.

Anyway, we won our game tonight. Everyone seems pretty stoked because we've had a good season so far. I guess I'm excited, too, but it's hard not having anyone here cheering me on. My parents haven't been able to make it to any games so far this season, and my sister has school. Plus, I think she's still kind of pissed at me. I hope you guys are talking and hanging out again. She really does care about you, B.

How are things with you? Have you decided on a college yet? I'm sure you have your pick of places. You're so fucking smart. I know you're going to do well with whatever you choose. I hope you'll tell me about it. I don't really know what I'm going to do next year, since I'm kind of late at getting started, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm finally making a future for myself. Better late than never, right? That's what I keep telling myself, at least. I just hope you'll be there when I come home.

Anyway, it's really late, and I need to try and get some sleep. Coach wants us back out on the field at six a.m. I hope you're having sweet dreams. I'll be dreaming of you. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

November 24, 1992

Dear Bella,

It's me again. I'm hoping that you're getting my letters. I promised you I would write, so I hope they aren't getting lost in the mail. I'm just hoping you've been too busy to reply.

I talked to Alice the other day. She said you two made plans to go to the movies. I'm glad to hear you haven't cut her out of your life. I know she's my sister, but she's your friend, too. She can be a pain in the ass at times, but she's one of the most loyal and caring people I know. Hopefully you can see that in her.

Thanksgiving is coming up. I was thinking of coming home, but I've decided to stay here. Dad has a work conference to go to, and he's taking Mom and Alice along. Normally, I would get pissed that they decided to bail out on a holiday, but it's fucking Hawaii. I'd want to go too if I were them. They offered to get me a ticket, but I'd have to be back here by Saturday, because we have another game, so I told them to go ahead. I'll probably just tag along with Drew to his house. His mom supposedly goes all out with dinner, and I guess a home cooked meal would be good.

What about you? Any plans for the holiday? It should be nice to have a few days off school. I know I used to live for those days. Now, I actually kind of miss it. School here is different. In some ways, it's better, but I miss seeing you between classes and having lunch together. I just miss you.

Anyway, I hope you're doing well. I'd really love to hear back from you – even if it's just a few lines. I should go, but I'm thinking of you. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

December 19, 1992

Dear Bella,

I'm starting to worry. I haven't heard back from you, and it's making me a little crazy. If I had a car here, I'd be headed your way. Maybe you wouldn't want that. I really don't know. Please tell me what you're thinking. I was never good at reading your mind, and I certainly haven't gotten any better at it from 300 miles away. I told Alice that I've been writing to you. She said you hadn't mentioned anything about any letters, though. Why is that? Are you even reading them? I hope you are. I would call, but I thought I should leave that up to you. Just say the word and I'm on it.

Our football season is over. We didn't make it to the state championship, but we were only one game away from it. I guess that's not too bad. I had fun playing, and I have some great memories to look back on, but I'm kind of glad it's over. I can focus on other things now.

So, Christmas is just around the corner. I'm sure Alice has told you that we're going to see my grandparents in Chicago this year. It fucking sucks. I thought that Thanksgiving was a bust, but had hopes for Christmas. I want to see you. It's been over a month since we last spoke, and even longer since I've seen your gorgeous face. Do you miss me? Because I miss you… so fucking much that it hurts. Please know, if it were up to me, I'd be there over winter break, and I would find you before I found my house.

I don't know what's going on with you, but I want to. I hope you decide to reply, because I'm not going to give up. I'm here, and I miss you. I miss us.

If I don't hear from you, Merry Christmas, beautiful. You're in my thoughts. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

January 8, 1993

Dear Bella,

Happy New Year! I'm back at school and trying to get back in the swing of things. It feels strange to be back in my dorm. Spending time with my family made me realize how much I've missed them, how much I miss home, how much I miss you.

I hope you had a nice Christmas. Alice said that you had family coming to town this year. That must have been fun. Christmas in Chicago was okay. It was good to see my grandparents. My mom inherited her love of the holiday from Grandma Platt, so it was a little over the top. It's all in good fun, though. I mainly got clothes from everyone, and Alice got me some CDs. What about you? Was Santa good to you this year? You've been a good girl, haven't you? Never mind. Don't answer that. I don't think I could take it if you haven't.

Are you ever going to talk to me again? What can I do, B? I know I have a lot to make up for, but I need your help. I feel like I'm fucking this all up. You'd tell me if I was, right? Even hearing you tell me what a fuck up I am would be better than silence. I feel like I'm a fucking stalker or something. Pretty ridiculous since I'm 300 miles away, but you get what I'm saying, don't you? Shit, I don't know.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm back and wish you a Happy New Year. Maybe I'll get to do that in person sometime soon. Until then, I miss you. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

February 10, 1993

Dear Bella,

I hear you guys had a blizzard. Alice said that school's been out for three days. I'm jealous. We got some snow here, but since we live on campus, they haven't canceled classes. There aren't even any good hills here. I bet you guys are having a blast at Strathmore Hill. Al said that she was going sledding with you and Rose today. I hope that you're careful. That hill is steeper than it looks. Trust me; I know. I've been going sledding there my whole life, and that shit is fast. But you won't be reading this until after the fact, so I guess it won't really matter.

I can't help but wonder if there are things that Alice leaves out about you. She doesn't tell me much. Just that you seem happier. Are my letters a part of that happiness or have you just moved on? I wouldn't be able to blame you if you had, but it would still hurt like a mother fucker. I don't want to focus on the negative, though, so please forget I mentioned it.

It's hard to believe there are only a few months left of high school. I used to think that day would never get here, but now that it's in sight, I don't know if I'm ready. Are you?

I was thinking I could come home this summer. Maybe we could take a trip somewhere. We could always go to the beach again. I know our last trip there wasn't a complete success, but I can make it up to you. If you'll let me, that is.

I went to the mall with some friends today. There were red and pink hearts and fucking cupids everywhere you looked. It made me wonder what you're doing for Valentine's Day. If I was there, would you let me take you out? Cause I would. I'd even buy you flowers and teddy bears with hearts and fucking candy. Anything to put a smile on your face. I miss it, you know – your smile. I see it in my dreams, but it's not the same as seeing it in person.

Oh, Bella, what are we doing? What am I doing? I just miss you. I don't know what else to say. I know I keep telling you that. Maybe one day you'll actually believe it.

Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day. You are missed. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

April 30, 1993

Dear Bella,

It's been a while since I've written. It's not because I stopped thinking about you. I just thought I'd give you some time. I guess it's just my wishful thinking that maybe you'd actually decide to write back after not hearing from me for a while. You know, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. A guy can fucking dream, too.

Prom is coming up. It kills me to think of you going with someone else, but you should go. It's an important rite of passage. Being that I'm at an all boys school, you don't have to worry about me. I doubt that you are, but I thought I'd mention it, just in case. You should know that you're the only girl I'd want to go with if we did. If you do go, just make sure that the dude who is lucky enough to take you does it right. I'm talking limo, dinner, flowers, and all that, because you're a fucking catch and you deserve it. Just spare me the details, okay? Unless he hurts you, that is. In that case, I'll be all over his sorry ass.

I heard that our graduations are the same day. Crazy shit, huh? I was kind of hoping that mine would be earlier so I could come home to see you and Al walk the stage, but it's like I'm just not meant to come home. Maybe it's my fucked up karma. I don't know. It pisses me off, but what can I do? Mom is upset, but I think I finally convinced her that things will be okay. She's going to stay there for Alice's ceremony, and Dad is going to come here for mine. One parent is better than none, right?

Anyway, I'm still holding out for a picture of you. Maybe you can have your mom take one of you in your dress. I'm sure you're going to look beautiful. I promise not to be jealous, or I won't tell you about it, at least. Just don't send me a couple shot, okay? I'm not strong enough for that.

I miss you and I'm thinking of you. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

June 4, 1993

Dear Bella,

I'm so confused. I write you these letters, yet I don't hear back. Should I back off? I don't want to, but every time I send you one and don't get a reply, I feel like another little piece of me breaks off. Why won't you fucking talk to me? Did I really fuck things up so badly that it's just too late? You have to tell me.

Dad is coming here tomorrow, and graduation is on Friday. I think he's gonna stay and hang out through my birthday. Not sure if that was his or Mom's idea, but it's cool that he's doing it. Maybe I'll get some new clothes out of it. ;) That's not what I really want for my birthday, but I guess it will have to do.

I was going to come home. I wanted to. But maybe it's not for the best. Some guys from school are going on a cross country road trip this summer, and they've asked me to go along. I'm thinking it might be a good idea. I don't have a college picked out yet, anyway. This may give me the chance to decide where I want to go and what I want to do.

I miss you like crazy, but I think I need to take some time for myself. I know you probably think I've had all kinds of time for myself since I've been gone. I have, to an extent. I've learned a lot since I've been here, but I need to figure out where my life is headed. Right now, I just don't know.

I care about you, Bella. So much. You're one of the most important people in my world. For now, though, I need to regroup. I think some time on the road without the stress of school, or family, or us will be a good thing. Does that make sense?

I want you to know that I'm so fucking proud of you. Valedictorian? Really? I'm sure your speech is going to be kick ass. Mom said she would record it. Knock 'em dead, beautiful. I'll be looking forward to watching it when I get back.

Congratulations, graduate of the class of 1993! I really hope you have an amazing summer. Be good, and give my sister a big hug from me. I'll see ya, okay?

Yours. Always,

Edward

* * *

September 13, 1993

Dear Bella,

Happy birthday, beautiful. Have you missed me? I've missed you. So fucking much. God, I have so much to tell you. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I can start with I have a new address! After spending the past couple months driving all over the US, I've finally settled. I'm in Arizona. I've gotta tell you, it's gorgeous here. You have to come and visit. The sunsets out here are one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. The color the sky turns is indescribable. You just have to experience it.

Any plans for your special day? How was your summer? I don't have your address at school, but I figure your parents will give you any mail you may get. I'm hoping so, at least. Things here are good. I just got an apartment here with one of my friends. It's too late to enroll for this semester, but I enrolled for the next one. I'll be a freshman at the University of Arizona. If you don't already know, that's in Tucson. Our apartment is just off campus, but Dad is driving my car out to me next month, so I'll be able to get around easier.

I'm working full-time at the mall. It's not the greatest of jobs, but it gets me a paycheck. I've come to realize I can't depend on my parents for everything anymore. They're going to help me with school, but I need to pay for everything else. Who knew Edward Cullen would actually fucking grow up? I sure as hell didn't. It feels good to be responsible for once, though. And I think my parents are finally proud of me for a change. It means a lot, but it would mean even more if I knew how you felt.

Are you ever going to write back? I don't have expectations of you, B. I just want to hear from you. I want to know how you are and what you're doing. Are you happy? Because you deserve to be. Maybe I wasn't the person to give you that happiness, but it doesn't mean I don't still wish it for you.

That's the abridged version of what I've been up to. I'd love to tell you more. Maybe another day, though. You let me know, okay? I really do hope you're having a great birthday. Have a piece of cake for me.

Still thinking of you. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

January 14, 1994

Dear Bella,

Hi, B! How's life? Things here are good. Been busy, actually. Ever since school started, I feel like I haven't had time for anything else. I guess that's good, though. Keeps me occupied. I still have no idea what I want to do, but I'm having fun trying to figure it out. What about you? How are your classes? Have you declared a major yet? I remember you were always so good at writing, and you almost always had a book in your hand. Then again, it's been a while. Maybe your interests have changed. I'd love to hear about them.

Have you talked to Alice lately? I haven't. I haven't really talked to anyone except for my professors. I barely even see my roommate. We both have pretty hectic schedules. That makes me a pretty dull and boring guy, huh? It's a far stretch from the high school kid I once was. I'd like to think you would like the new, grown-up version of me. I don't know, though.

My hair is a little longer, and I might have grown some since you last saw me. I'm definitely more selective with the people I choose to be friends with, but not everything about me has changed. I still use my egotistical attitude to cover up my insecurities at times, and I still don't let people get too close, but I'm working on it. And, of course, I still miss you. I can picture your smile and the way you bite down on your lip when you're nervous. I can see your eyes and the way you roll them when I say something goofy to make you laugh. I can even hear you in my dreams. God, B. Why do you still haunt my memories? Is that my punishment for hurting you the way I did? Or is it more? I just can't seem to fucking let go! I'd give just about anything for one of your hugs.

Anyway, I've got class in a few minutes, so I've gotta bail for now. It might be a while before I get to write again, but I will. I hope you're taking care of yourself. Miss you. Always.

Yours,

Edward

* * *

May 21, 1994

Dear Bella,

School's out. I was going to come back to DC for the summer. I thought I could get a job and save up before I have to be back here, but then I realized there isn't anything back there for me except you and my family, yet not really. Alice is going to Italy with one of her sorority sisters, and my parents are going to be tied up with work shit most of the summer. As for you, I don't even know if that's true anymore. Hell, you might not be there, either. I don't even know if you're getting these letters, or if you read them.

I miss you, Bella. I've been thinking about things for the past two years, and I know that I wasn't fair to you. I wasn't fair to a lot of people, but you especially. You know me. I try to act like things don't affect me, but you always did. Other than my family, you were the only one that I really let inside. I was just too fucked up to let you know it. I see that it's too late now, but you have to know how I felt – how I feel. Maybe then I will have finally set things right. Maybe we can both have closure that way. The truth is I love you. I think I always have. It was such a foreign emotion to me that I didn't recognize it until I'd fucked everything up. The written words may not be the same as the spoken ones, but the sentiment behind them is just as real.

I think you're an amazing person, and the rest of the world deserves to see that. Don't let anything some stupid high school punk did keep you from going out there and living life. Even if that stupid punk was me.

I think this will be my last letter. It kills me to think that I won't have this outlet to reach out to you anymore, but I think I have to let it go. I have to try, at least. And I'm saying that for both of us. You're never going to be able to move on with these constant reminders of the past, and neither am I. It's not that I don't care, because I do. So much. But I need to try and live in the here and now, and so do you.

Go show the world how incredible you are, Bella Swan. And if we should someday cross paths again, I hope we'll be friends.

My best. Always,

Edward

**Chapter End Notes:**

Thoughts or feelings? I'd love to hear them. We'll be back to a regular chapter next time, and you'll get to read all about the Adventures of Pip and Edward at the zoo.

Until then… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	28. Chapter 28 Special Friends

**Authors Notes: **

TGIF! So, today is my last day at work, which has me kind of bummed. (So bummed, I'm posting this from my desk. Shh!) That being said, I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter, because I'd love to hear from you. I could use some happy.

My amazing beta and validator is xrxdanixrx. Without her, this story would be a mess. She keeps me on track and I love her lots.

I wish I owned it. I wouldn't have to look for a new job then. *sigh* Anyway, long note at the bottom. I'll see you down there.

**Chapter 28 – Special Friends**

**EPOV**

The anticipation of the next day had my mind racing, and I couldn't fall asleep. Thinking about the time I'd spent with Bella had me wound up, and I was anxious to see her again – to kiss her, to hold her – and the fact that she was going to trust me with Pip meant the world to me. I wanted to get to know him, too. He was a part of her, and I wanted them both in my life.

I lay in Alice's guest bed, staring up at the ceiling and replaying the events of the day. It had been one of the best, and I couldn't help but feel like they were only going to get better. The thought made me smile – even alone in the dark room. I was happy, fucking giddy even, and I wasn't ashamed one bit. Man, what that woman did to me.

At some point, I finally drifted off, but as promised, I was back at Bella's bright and early with a grin planted firmly on my face. She let me inside, and I snuck a quick kiss from my girl. _My girl_. Fuck, that felt good to say. Pip had just woken up and was making his way down the hall as I was following Bella to the kitchen. He was rubbing his eyes, still half asleep, as he padded toward us in his footie pajamas.

"Good morning, babycakes," Bella greeted him cheerfully. "Did you sleep well?"

"Morning, Momma," he replied, finally looking up, a slow smile lighting up his face as his eyes met mine. "Eward, you're here!" He squealed and leaped forward.

"Hey, buddy! I made you a promise, didn't I?" I asked, bending down to his height, and he nodded his head.

"You sure are a happy camper this morning." She chuckled at him then winked at me. Fucking winked. _Damn, she's stealing all my moves. _I had to discreetly adjust my pants, and she smirked. Yeah, she knew what she was doing. _Minx_.

"Edward has a surprise for you, handsome," Bella said, smiling at him as she started pulling stuff from the fridge.

"A supwise? For me? I love supwises! What is it? What is it?" he shouted impatiently, bouncing on his feet. Clearly, he'd been around my sister a good deal. She had a tendency to do the same thing when she got excited.

"What would you say about spending the day with me at the zoo? I hear it's really nice, and I could use a buddy to tag along with me. You up for it, big guy?" I asked, hoping his excitement would hold.

"Yay! I'm going to the zoo. I'm going to the zoo," he sang out, dancing around in his PJs, and I laughed. "Does that mean I don't have to go to school, Momma?"

"No, you're going to go with Edward today. But you have to be really good for him and listen to everything he tells you.

"I will, I pwomise. Can we see the elepants, Edwad? They're my favowite," he explained, looking at me with big, beautiful eyes like his mama's. There was no way I could deny him anything.

"We can go see whatever animals you want, little man. We have the whole day," I assured him.

"Honey, why don't you go to the bathroom to go potty, and I'll meet you back in your room in a few minutes so we can get you dressed?" Bella asked him.

"Okay, Momma," he answered, and turned to skip back down the hall.

"Anything I can do to help you, beautiful?" I offered, slowly gravitating toward her.

"Sure, that would be great. You can set the table. Plates are in the cabinet on the far right, glasses are to the left of the sink, and utensils are in the top drawer at the left of the stove," she instructed, pointing to each.

She had already started whipping up some scrambled eggs, and there was bacon frying in a skillet. I quickly got the dishes out and placed before moving in to the kitchen and starting on some toast. We were working well together, side by side, and I smiled, thinking it could always be that way.

"What are you smiling at?" Bella asked, bumping her hip into mine as she slid next to me to grab another plate from the cabinet above the toaster.

"I was just thinking how nice this is, how I can picture us working to get meals together every day."

"Is that so, Mr. Cullen?" She turned and leaned back against the counter, her smile lighting up the whole room.

"It is, Ms. Swan." I moved to stand in front of her, boxing her in with my arms as I placed my hands on either side of her and leaned against the edge of the counter. I gazed from her eyes to her lips, and she licked them in invitation. The quick kiss from earlier wasn't enough; I needed more. She sucked in a breath, and I slowly I moved in, mouths barely touching, when…

"Momma, hurried up!" Pip squawked, suddenly standing in the kitchen with us in nothing but a pair of Sponge Bob underwear.

"Hey, babylove," Bella said, turning to him, and I quickly righted myself, releasing her from my captivity. "I'm sorry, I'll be right there."

Pip scampered off again, and I was back to making toast, feeling like an asshole. I knew she wanted to introduce things with us to him slowly, and I almost fucked up the whole plan by not keeping my hands, or my mouth, to myself.

Seeming to sense that I was mentally beating myself up, I felt her hands wrap around my waist and her cheek against my back.

"Edward, hey. Stop! Look at me."

I tentatively turned, meeting her gaze. There was no anger or disappointment to be seen.

"It's okay. We weren't doing anything wrong. I doubt he even thought anything about it."

"But what if he did? You wanted us to ease into things with him, and what if I screwed that all up? What if he starts asking questions?"

"Babe, he's three. He's going to ask questions. And we're going to have to tell him about us eventually. Yes, I want to ease into it, but if that doesn't happen, we'll handle things. I need to go get him dressed. Promise me you'll stop worrying about this, though."

I sighed.

"Edward. Promise me," she repeated.

"Okay." I raised my hands in surrender. "I promise."

"Good." She reached up on her toes and gave me a reassuring kiss, grinned, then smacked my ass. "Now finish up with that and move over to the table. We'll be right back."

~xxx~

The breakfast we ate together in Bella's small kitchen was probably the best fucking breakfast I'd ever had, and it wasn't just because of the food. Don't get me wrong, Bella's cooking was amazing, but being there with the two of them and just talking about what our day was going to be like was so easy. It reminded me of my parents and having breakfast with them and my sister when I was younger. It was everything I never thought I needed or wanted, but with them, it was perfect.

Time flew by. Bella had to set off to work, and Pip and I had a full day of fun to embark on. So, after a long list of instructions and phone numbers, Bella walked us out to my car. I tried to tell her she should finish getting ready, but then she explained that I would need Pip's car seat. I felt like such a dumbass. Of course he still needed a car seat. He was three. I just prayed I didn't fuck anything else up.

After installing the seat in my car and showing me how all the straps and buckles worked to lock Pip safely in place, she gave him a kiss and reminded him to be on his best behavior. He cheerfully agreed, and she shut the door.

"Okay, you're all set," she said, turning and looking at me with her gorgeous smile.

"How are you not worried that I'm going to fuck this up?" I asked her. "I mean, I hadn't even thought about him needing a car seat for Christ's sake."

"You're going to be fine. Do you think I knew all this stuff when I became a mother? I can promise you I didn't. I'm still learning things. Sometimes you just have to learn as you go. Besides, he's such a sweet boy. He barely gives me any problems. And the fact that he adores you tells me that everything will be okay. He'll listen to you. Just keep your eyes on him, and you won't have any problems."

"You have way too much faith in me."

"No, I don't. I'm just making up for the mistake of not having enough of it in the past. I trust you. You can do this, baby. I know you can. Now, go have fun, and I'll see you boys later. I'll make dinner."

She started to head back toward the house as I opened my door, but quickly turned back.

"Wait," she called out.

"What's wrong? What did we forget?" I asked, worried.

"This," she said, and stood on her toes to give me another quick, yet firm, peck on the lips.

I grinned. She knew just how to make everything feel better. "Thank you. We'll see you this evening."

Smiling, she stood on the porch and waved us off. _Here we go._

~xxx~

The drive to the zoo wasn't far. Alice had printed out a map with instructions for me to get there from Bella's house, and it was only about a twenty minute ride. Pip and I passed the time by talking.

"So, have you been to this zoo before?" I asked, glancing back at him in the rearview mirror. He was kicking his feet up and down happily and looking out the window. I couldn't help but smile.

"Yep. Momma said we've been to the zoo bunches of times, but I only remember going once when Nana and Pop-Pop camed to visit."

"Oh yeah? Did you see lots of animals?"

"Uh huh. We sawed giwaffes, and tigers, and monkeys. Pop-Pop liked the monkeys the best, but I like the elepants."

"The elephants are definitely cool."

"Do you have a favowite animal, Edwad?" he asked.

"Hmm. I guess if I had to pick just one, I'd probably go with the lions."

"Oohh, good one, Edwad! I can roar like a lion. See, ROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!" he boomed, mimicking claws with his fingers.

I laughed. "That's a pretty good impression you've got there. Can you do others?"

After a wide display of Pip's animal sounds, we arrived to our destination. As I parked the car, we heard a train whistle, making us both look to see where it had come from. To the left of the parking lot there was a train station, and a train had just pulled in.

"I wanna ride the twain," Pip said. "Can we, pwease?" He looked up at me with those huge brown eyes, and he had me. Who was I to deny him? There was no way I could have, even if I'd tried. Bella's eyes had the same effect on me.

"Sounds like fun to me. We better hurry, though. It looks like the train just pulled up, and we don't want to miss it."

"Yay!" He squealed, flying out of his car seat.

"Do you think you can walk fast or do you want me to carry you on my shoulders?" I asked as I closed the door and locked up the car.

His eyes went wide. "You can do that? Momma says I'm too heavy now."

I chuckled. "I'm sure you are heavy for your mama, but she's not as big as I am. Here, stand in front of me, and I'll lift you up."

He did as instructed, and I hoisted him over my head and onto my shoulders. _Light as a feather._

We made our way over to the depot just in time to buy tickets and get on the train. It was called the Forest Park Miniature Railroad, and it was a little orange and yellow train that ran along the outside of the zoo.

"All aboard!" the conductor called out, blowing the train's whistle, and soon we were off.

Pip and I were seated on a bench toward the rear, with me on the outside. I didn't want to take the chance of him falling out, especially if he got overly excited and tried to stand. It didn't last long before he was on my lap, though. He wanted to see everything clearly as we passed, and I was happy to hold him.

The train ride lasted about forty-five minutes and covered around five miles of track. We crossed over several bridges, passed a pond full of ducks, and went through a tiny forest of trees – though they were still bare – and all the while we chatted.

"Thank you for taking me on the twain, Edwad. I like twains!"

"I like trains, too. You know, we have lots of trains where I live. They run underground."

"You do? Is it where my nana and pop-pop live?"

"No, they do have them there, but I don't live in Maryland anymore. I live in New York. Have you heard of that before?"

He shook his head.

"New York is a really big city. It's a few hours away from where your nana and pop-pop live. But we have lots of trains that run underneath the city. It's the fastest way to get around."

"Faster than a car?"

"Much faster. You and your mama will have to come visit me sometime, and I'll take you. We have lots of cool stuff to see. We have a huge park in the middle of the city. It's called Central Park. There's a zoo there, too."

"Really?"

"Really. I'll have to talk to your mama first, though, to see what she thinks."

"I think she'll like to come there."

"You do?" I asked, wondering what was going on in his little mind.

"Yep."

"What would you think about it?"

"I'd like it, too. You're nice to me," he said, smiling up at me.

"Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you think so. I really want us to be good friends."

"You're already are my friend, silly." He giggled.

"Good to know, little man, 'cause I think you're pretty great, too." I ruffled his hair. "Now, what do you say we get off this train and go see some animals?"

"Yeah!" he shouted.

After getting our tickets and a map of the zoo, we spent a couple hours walking around, looking at different exhibits, until Pip decided that he was hungry. Upon checking out our options, he decided he wanted pizza. Pepperoni pizza, because it was his favorite. I loved that he was so opinionated at such a young age. The boy knew what he liked, that was for sure.

We got our food and sat down, discussing what we had liked best from our excursion thus far. Pip was still in awe of the elephants, and he really enjoyed the dinosaur exhibit – though there were only statues, and not living creatures, to observe. He was very animated when he talked, and he couldn't seem to sit still. It was fun just listening to him bounce from subject to subject as he told me about his school, movies they'd watched, his teacher, and what they were learning.

"It sounds like you really like school and you're learning a lot," I said, finishing off my slice.

"Yep. I can say my alpabet. Wanna hear?"

After singing the alphabet song to me and telling me the other things they were learning, he told me about all of his friends. Which lead to some interesting questions on his part. Questions I'd hoped I hadn't fucked up the answers to.

"Do you think Momma's pwetty, Edwad?"

"Pip, I think your mama is beautiful."

"Cause she's your fwiend too, right?"

"Of course, buddy. I've known your mommy for a long time. She's my very good friend. Why do you ask?"

"But are you her special fwiend?"

"Her special friend?" _Fuck, I knew he saw us in the kitchen this morning. How do I handle this? What do I say?_

"Yeah, like Unkka Emmy was to Aunt Ro before they got mawwied," he explained. _Too smart for his age._

"Well, she _is_ very special to me. I care about her a lot. Are you okay with that?" I asked tentatively. I hadn't had much experience with kids, but he seemed pretty fucking perceptive for a three year old. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I didn't want to say too much, but I didn't want to lie to him, either. I needed Bella. I was certain I was going to fuck everything up.

"You're always nice to her and make her smile," he replied.

"I like to see her smiling and happy."

"Me, too. Daddy isn't always nice to her, and it makes her cry."

God, I wanted to kill that bastard. How he didn't see how amazing his family was and what he had lost was beyond me. The fact that his sweet, innocent, three year old son could see how badly he had fucked things up was pitiful.

"That must be really hard to see, but you know that isn't something you need to worry about, right?"

He looked up at me, sad and confused, and I fucking melted. He and Bella deserved so much more. I was more determined than ever to be the one to give it to them.

"Sometimes, grown-ups say things they shouldn't, but your mommy loves you very much."

"I don't want Momma to be sad," he said woefully.

"Me neither, buddy. But I promise you that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that she's always smiling from now on, okay? That goes for you, too. What do you say?"

"Okay." He smiled. "I hafta go potty now," he informed me, totally changing the subject. _Three year olds_.

"Alright, big boy." I chuckled, shaking my head. _That went better than I thought. Maybe this won't be as hard as I anticipated._ "Let's throw away our trash, and I'll take you to the bathroom."

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly. We saw all the animals, rode the train inside the zoo, ate ice-cream, and even shopped in the zoovenir store. Pip got a t-shirt and a stuffed elephant that he named Blue Bonnet, like one of the elephants we'd seen that day, and we got Bella a wind chime to hang on her back patio. All in all, it seemed like a success, and I couldn't wait to get back to see my girl's gorgeous face.

~xxx~

"Momma!"

"Hey, honeybunny! How was your day?" Bella asked him as he ran into the kitchen to find her. She scooped him up and hugged him tight as she looked at me and smiled.

"We rode on the twain, and we sawed all the animals. We even sawed a monkey pee-pee in his own mouf," he answered excitedly. "It was gwoss. And looked, Edwad bought me an elepant. His name is Blue Bonnet like the real elepant we sawed today."

"Wow, it sounds like you had a lot of fun." She laughed at the slew of information he'd given her. "Did you tell Edward thank you for taking you and for the gifts?"

"Thank you, Edwad!" Pip belted out.

"You're welcome, champ. Thanks for going with me. It wouldn't have been the same without you," I assured him.

"We got you a pwesent, too, Momma!" he exclaimed.

"You did? You didn't have to do that," she said, looking from him to me.

"We wanted to. Right, buddy?" I confirmed, and winked.

"Uh huh. Edwad let me picked it out," Pip told her, handing her the gift bag. "Open it! Open it!"

Bella placed Pip back on the floor and removed the tissue paper from around the wind chime.

"It's beautiful," she said, holding it up. "I love it. We'll have to hang it up outside. Thanks, guys." She bent down and gave Pip a kiss, then walked over to me, cupped a cheek with one hand, and kissed the other. "Really. Thank you."

"If kisses are my reward, I'll buy you a million more gifts," I whispered, earning a blush before she turned away. I fucking loved how I could still make her do that with just a few simple words.

"I have dinner ready," she informed us. "You two go wash up, and I'll set the table."

~xxx~

As Bella was giving Pip his bath, I finished cleaning up the kitchen, thinking. The chicken and broccoli rice casserole Bella made was delicious, but sitting and having dinner together, just the three of us, was even better. Just like when we'd had breakfast, it felt like I had a family of my own, and I didn't know how I was going to go back to New York and leave them behind. I'd only been in Texas for a few short days, but they'd managed to wrap me around their tiny fingers, anyway. How was I supposed to go back and function when my heart would be with them?

I had just turned off the kitchen light and sat down on the couch when Bella came and curled up next to me.

"He's just getting his pajamas on. He wants us to read him a bedtime story together."

"He does?"

"Hmm," she said, leaning against me, and I kissed the top of her head.

"He's such a cool kid, B. And smart. Maybe too smart." I laughed, thinking of our conversation at lunch.

"What do you mean?" she asked, sitting up and looking at me with a furrowed brow.

"Not in a bad way, beautiful," I quickly explained, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. "He just… he asked me some questions today, and I wasn't really expecting them. I hope I did the right thing by answering the way I did."

"What did he ask?" She looked worried.

"Let's just say he's very perceptive. I know that we've been worried about how he'll handle things with us, but I think maybe we've underestimated him. I don't know. You're better at this stuff than me."

"What happened?"

"He asked me if I was your special friend. When I had him clarify what he meant, he used Rose and Emmett as an example – the way they were _special friends_ before they got married."

"Really?" She laughed.

"It's not funny!" I nudged her playfully. "It freaked me the fuck out. I told you he saw us this morning."

"You're right, I'm sorry. So, what did you tell him?" she asked.

"I told him that I care about you and want to see you happy. I asked him if he was okay with that." I shrugged.

"What did he say?"

"He said he was. He told me that I'm nice to you and I make you smile."

"You are, and you do." She leaned her head back on my shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"He also said that his daddy makes you cry. I didn't really know what to tell him about that. I just said that grown-ups sometimes make mistakes and say things they shouldn't, but I reminded him that you love him a lot. I hope that was okay."

"You said all that?" she asked, sitting up once again.

I nodded, suddenly nervous that I'd said the wrong thing.

"It sounds to me like you've got this parenting thing down, and you've only spent one day with him."

"So, I didn't fuck anything up?"

"Aww, baby, no. It sounds like you explained things just as good as I could have, if not better. I'll have to talk to him. I can't believe he asked you all that. I'm sorry if he freaked you out."

"It's okay. I was more worried about saying the wrong thing than anything. I just didn't want you to get pissed at me. Other than that, it was a breeze. You were right; he listened to me and held my hand everywhere we went. He made it easy."

"Like I said, it's a learning experience. I think you did great, though. She ran her hand through my hair and was gazing in my eyes, just about to lean in for a kiss, when Pip made his reappearance. I adored the little guy, but he was definitely the best three year old cock blocker on the planet.

**BPOV**

We tucked Pip in and said goodnight one last time before closing his door. Out in the hallway, Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to him.

"Hi," he whispered softly, gazing at me with hooded lids, and I could feel the burn in the pit of my stomach.

"Hi," I replied, wrapping my arms around him, swayed by his warmth and proximity.

He bent down, weaving his free hand into my hair as his mouth pressed against mine. Soft, warm lips and pliable tongues, caressing and doing a greeting of their own.

"I missed you today," he murmured, sucking in my bottom lip and biting down gently before pulling away. "I've been waiting to do that all fucking day."

"Mmm. I've been waiting for you to do that all _fucking_ day." I smiled, and he smirked.

"I love it when you say dirty things to me." His mouth was once again on mine, hot and heavy, our hands everywhere – needing, wanting, consuming. Before I knew it, I was pressed against the wall with Edward's hand up my shirt, panting as he licked and sucked on my neck. I couldn't help the moan that escaped me.

"Baby," I said between kisses. "Not here." _Kiss._ "My room." _Kiss._ "Ungh. Now." _Kiss._ My hands ran down over his chest, and I pushed him backward, grabbing his hands to pull him with me down the hall.

Still somewhat out of breath, I watched him as he entered and looked around. I shut the door and moved quietly over to the bed, anticipation doing crazy things to my heart – its beat fast like a hummingbirds wings, fluttering in my chest. "So, this is my room," I said, nervous and feeling like a high school girl afraid of getting caught with a boy in my parents' house.

"I like it. It's private. Does the door lock?" He winked, and I bit down on my lip.

He crossed over to sit next to me then turned to cup my face. "That's my job," he replied seductively, pulling my lip from my teeth with his thumb. _Gah,_ _panties drenched_.

His eyes moved to my mouth, and he brought his lips to mine, sucking my bottom one in. His tongue soon peeked out seeking mine, and I quickly allowed him entrance.

Kissing Edward was amazing, and feeling his hands on me again was almost more than I could handle. He gently nudged me until we were lying down, me on my back with him mostly on top. The weight of him was welcome, one of his legs nestled between mine, rubbing me in just the right place as he left wet kisses all along my neck.

His hands once again sought purchase under my shirt, brushing softly against my stomach and working their way up. My skin prickled as he reached my breasts, his thumbs sweeping over my hardened nipples. God it felt good. _He_ felt good.

I pulled his mouth back to mine, parting his lips and pushing my tongue past. Our tongues curled, moving together deliciously, and I could feel the searing tingle at my core. Oh, the affect he had on me.

My hands began to do their own explorations, needing to feel more of him, and soon enough, our shirts were off, and our pants were unbuttoned. Things were getting intense. I wanted him – needed him – had to have him inside me again. It had been so long, for both of us. But we said we'd go slow. This wasn't slow. This was fast. But maybe that was okay. Maybe we'd gone slow for far too long. We needed to catch up to where we should have been. We were ready. I was ready. Or I wanted to be. It was all overwhelming. But there were things that still needed to be said – things that Edward still needed to know. We had to do things right, and I needed to be the one to make them that way.

"Baby," I panted between kisses as his hand began working its way down my pants. I didn't want him to stop, but we needed to talk.

"God, I want you," he grunted, his fingers so close to where I wanted them.

"You've got me," I whispered, kissing him again. "But I need to tell you something."

"Okay, what is it?" he murmured against my neck, not stopping his ministrations with his fingers – or his tongue.

I grabbed hold of his hand to stop him from going further and pulled it up to my mouth, kissing his knuckles. He looked at me, confused, and I could see the hurt and worry forming in his apprehensive gaze.

"I want you, too, Edward. So much," I said, reassuring him with my own eyes. "But there are some things you need to know first – for this to be right."

He slowly moved on to his side, propping his arm up on the bed and leaning his head on it. "Is everything okay? Should I be worried?" he asked, looking down at his other hand still on my stomach.

"No, handsome. There's no need to be worried." I sat up and cupped his face. "I just want everything to be out in the open with us. No more secrets."

"What's going on? You're kind of freaking me out, beautiful. I thought we were being honest with each other."

"We are. It's just… Here, let me up. I'll explain it better if I can show you," I said, standing.

"Show me? Where are you going?" His brow furrowed.

"Just to the closet. I need to get something. I opened the closet door and stepped inside. Reaching up on my tippy toes, I grabbed the box from the shelf and came back to the bed, placing it in front of him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Open it," I said.

He slowly pulled the lid off, and his eyes grew big at the sight of the contents. Pictures, notes, ticket stubs, my stuffed panda, dried flowers, my charm bracelet… all things that had once tied me to him.

Relief washed over his face as he began looking through the stuff, smiling as we reminisced about things we'd done, places we'd gone, memories we shared.

As he dug deeper into the box, he came across a bundle of letters. About a dozen of them. The ones he'd written me from school pouring his heart and soul out to me. The ones that he thought I'd ignored.

He gasped as he realized what they were. "You have these?" he asked, looking at me incredulously.

I nodded and smiled timidly, trying to gauge his reaction.

"But I thought they didn't mean anything – that you either didn't read them or just threw them away because you were angry. Why did you keep them?"

"Because they were from you. I've kept everything that you've ever given me."

"I don't understand," he said, shaking his head.

"Edward, I know you think that I stopped caring about you back then, but there couldn't be anything further from the truth. I wanted to, believe me. I wanted to forget about you – about _us_ – and move on with my life. Yet, no matter how much I tried to let go, or how much I wanted to forget, I just couldn't.

"After everything that happened, I was sad, angry, confused, but mostly, I was hurt. The truth is, I fell in love with you, and even after all of the drama and heartache, I still cared about you. You were the standard that no other guy could ever live up to. I just couldn't let you know."

He sat there looking dumbfounded, blinking as he held the letters in his hands.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" he asked, looking up at me with clouded eyes.

"I was scared. You came back, and it was like things were moving so fast with us. You were being really sweet and wonderful to me. I found myself getting pulled back in, but I was afraid to let go. I was terrified that once I let you in again, something would happen, and you would leave. I couldn't bear that."

"So, why tell me now?"

"Because we're building something new, and I want it to last. For that to happen, we need a strong foundation, and that means you need to know the truth – about everything."

"Thank you." He smiled. "I'm a little bit overwhelmed. I don't know what to say."

"There's more," I told him.

"More?" His brow furrowed again.

"There's something else in the box. It belongs to you."

"To me?"

I reached in and pulled out a thick, hardbound journal. "Here," I said, handing it to him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"It's everything."

The crinkle on his forehead deepened. "I don't understand," he replied, opening it to the first page, and his breath caught.

"I may not have written back to you, but I did reply – to every single letter. Everything that you asked has been answered in this journal. All my thoughts, hopes, fears, and feelings are written on the pages of this book. And they were all for you."

I tried not to get upset, but my emotions were taking over, and tears began to run down my cheeks.

Reaching over, Edward cupped my face, wiping away the wetness with his thumbs. "Don't cry, baby."

"I'm sorry. I'm not sad; I promise. It's just that it feels good to get this out – to finally tell you the truth after all these years. I just want to clear the air once and for all. Now that you know about the letters, I need to explain something else… about my first time… _our_ first time together," I said, biting my lip nervously.

"Bella, you don't have to – "

"I do. I need to tell you this. You were right. I wasn't very forth coming with you about a lot of things, and I should have told you that I hadn't slept with anyone else. You deserved to know that much."

"Sweetheart, it's fine. I shouldn't have made you feel so uncomfortable about it. I know it's partly my fault for making it a touchy subject." We both looked at each other and laughed. "No pun intended," he added, smiling.

"It's okay. I was just embarrassed. I mean, I wasn't exactly saving myself for you. No offense, but I had no idea if there would even be a you and me after you'd left. However, you came back, and I had never found anyone else that I wanted to be with like that. I felt safe with you, and there was no denying our attraction to each other. I just want you to know that I'm glad my first time was with you."

"Me, too," he said, leaning over and kissing me softly. "I was an immature prick about a lot of things. I was so busy freaking out about shit all the time that I didn't stop and appreciate things the way I should have."

"We both made mistakes. Let's not make them again."

"Never," he promised, and I believed him.

"So, can I have this?" he asked, reverently running his hand over the cover of the journal.

"Of course, baby, it's yours. I should have given it to you a long time ago."

"I can't wait to read it." He smiled.

"I'm not gonna lie, it's not all happy. It's real and it's honest, but it's also from the heart, and my heart never let you go."

"Come here," he said, laying back and pulling me close. I snuggled into his chest as he held me tight and kissed the top of my head. "I'll cherish every word."

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he replied, running his hands through my hair.

"Thank you."

"What for, beautiful?"

"For today. For being so wonderful to Pip and to me. For being you," I said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry it took us so long to get back to this point."

"I know you are. So am I. The important thing is that we got here. And I'm never letting you go."

"Good, then you can stay here tonight," I said, curling back into his chest.

"What?" he asked, leaning up to meet my eyes again.

"You said you wanted to take Pip to the park tomorrow, so you'd be coming back over early tomorrow morning, anyway. You should just spend the night."

"But what about Pip? Isn't he going to wonder why I'm here?"

"Not if he thinks you slept on the couch. Besides, he already thinks you're my _special_ friend," I teased, "He knows we're going to spend time together."

"_Would_ I be sleeping on the couch?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Only if you want, but I don't want you to."

"Is that so? What did you have in mind for this sleepover?" he questioned teasingly, smirking.

"You know that I want you, right?"

He grinned. "I have a pretty good idea, yes," he replied, flipping us over and kissing my neck.

"But you also know that Pip is right across the hall and – "

"It would be really hard for you to be quiet if I did the things I want to do to you," he interrupted, and my cheeks flamed.

"So, you agree that we shouldn't go any further than we already have tonight?"

"Bella, we can go as slow as you need. We have all the time in the world."

"Okay, that being said, I'd still like to kiss you some more and then fall asleep in your arms. I can wake you before Pip gets up in the morning, and you can move to the couch. But it's up to you. I'll understand if you want to go back to Alice and Jasper's."

"I love my sister, and visiting with her is great, but you're the reason I'm here right now. And just so you know, I'm not expecting anything, but if it means we get to make out some more, and I get to wake up to your gorgeous face, I'd love to stay. You can wake me up as early as you want."

I tenderly caressed his lips with mine, lingering in the taste of his sweet breath. How I got so lucky to have Edward back in my life I'd never know, but I was going to treasure every moment with him. We kissed, cuddled, and talked for several more hours, until I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer.

The night was coming to an end, and the morning would soon be upon us, but for once, I was actually looking forward to it. As long as we were together, all of my tomorrows would be perfect.

**Chapter End Notes:**

So, what do you think of Pip and Edward's day out? He's a smart little guy and asks some interesting questions. LOL! Poor Edward got a tad freaked out, but I think he handled it pretty well. Especially for not having any experience with little ones. :)

Then, what do you think of Bella's revelation to Edward? She really surprised him with all of that. She's been holding in a lot for a very long time. It's good that they're talking and getting everything out in the open, don't you think? After all, communication was always their downfall, so it's definite progress.

Now, if you're curious about Edward's letters and Bella's journal, you don't have to wonder for long. The last chapter posted, Dear Bella, had all of Edward's letters to her. Then, the next chapter posted will be Bella's journal, with everything she had written to Edward. I'm already working on that, so it shouldn't be long. I think they will give you better insight into what they were thinking and feeling, so I hope you give them a read. You'll have to let me know what you think.

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	29. Chapter 29 OUTTAKE For Edward

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx should be submitted for sainthood. I don't know how she puts up with my excessive lack of commas and overuse of the word "that." She deserves a prize or a trophy or something. I need to think on this… LOL!

This is the companion piece to the outtake of Edward's letters, only there are more entries than replies since she continued to write long after the letters stopped. Consider it a bonus. I hope you like it!

I don't own Twilight, but I do own a box of letters from special people in my past. *sigh*

**Chapter 29 – OUTTAKE For Edward**

Edward, this is for you . . .

November 19, 1992

I could start this out by writing Dear Diary, but I don't really see the point. Especially when the majority of what I'm feeling and writing is meant for a person, not a book.

I got a letter from Edward today, and I feel like I'm back at square one. Especially after looking at his football picture. I miss him so much, but it pisses me off that he actually looks happy when I'm miserable. I feel like I should rip them both up and throw them away, but I can't because they're from him. Instead, they're haunting me from my nightstand drawer. What the hell is wrong with me?

I haven't been able to stop thinking about what he wrote. How could he do it? I've listened to and read everything he's said, and I still don't understand. I thought what we had was special, that it was important and meant something. It meant something to me, at least. I've never opened myself up to anyone like I did with him, and I thought that he had let me in as well, but it all feels like a lie now. He should have told me what was going on so I could have helped. If anything, I might have understood. I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't have, but he didn't even give me the chance. Now, he's away at school – away from me – and I don't know if he just wants forgiveness because he has a guilty conscience or what, but I just can't give it.

I wonder if he has any idea how I really felt about him, how I feel now. I know I'm only seventeen, and I know I don't have much experience when it comes to relationships, but the ache I feel in my chest tells me that it was real. It still is. I love him, and it's killing me inside. I don't know what to do now that he's gone. It's like a piece of me was ripped out of my chest, and I feel like I can't breathe. I thought I was doing better, but hearing from him hurts. I know he says he's sorry, and maybe that should make me forgive and forget, but I don't know how.

I don't even know what I'm doing. Instead of writing to him, I'm writing in this journal. All I can hope is that getting the words out will help, because right now, I feel like I'm about to burst. It's hard enough to make it through the day and pretend like I'm okay when everything reminds me of him – my friends, school, this place. But he's not here. He's out living his life, meeting new people, and trying new things. Yet, I'm still here… and I feel stuck. How do I move on? How do I forget when he's all I think about? It's not fair.

* * *

November 23, 1992

I seriously want to scream right now! Why is he doing this to me? I got another letter today. He says he misses me, and I want to believe him, but how can I? If I really mattered that much, we wouldn't be here, or he wouldn't be there, at least. Ugh, it's so frustrating.

Then he has the nerve to try and give me advice on my friendship with his sister. He pretty much lost the right to tell me anything when he left the way he did. Besides, things with Alice are fine. I know it's not her fault that her brother did what he did. Yeah, it's sometimes hard for me to be around her because she's such a strong reminder of him, but I don't blame her for anything. I just know that everything about this situation sucks.

Edward should be here, and we should be going through our senior year together. We should be happy. I'm far from it, though, and I can't help but wonder if he is. I mean, is this what he wanted? Is being away from home – away from me – what he needs? Because it all feels wrong. This isn't the way it was supposed to go. I thought falling in love was supposed to be rainbows and sunshine. It's only brought me dark clouds and rain.

I miss him. I miss him so much that it's physically painful. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I try, but I don't think I'm really fooling anyone. I'm hollow inside, and I don't know how to fix it. How do I fix my heart when it's gone? I lost it when he left.

At night, I lay and pretend he's next to me. I imagine what we would say to each other and what would happen if he was really here. I remember past moments that we spent together when I did wake up in his arms, feeling him kiss me with his soft lips as he woke me. I would give anything to go back, to do things over so they wouldn't be so epically fucked up.

Then, to make matters worse, I seem to want to punish myself even more by looking at his picture all the time. I seriously need help, but for now, I have his panda to hug. Though, it's nothing compared to him.

* * *

November 25, 1992

I went to the movies with Alice tonight. She wanted to see _The Bodyguard_, but I just didn't have it in me to watch Whitney Houston sing about how she would always be in love. Love sucks, and I don't want to be reminded of it. I do that well enough on my own. Alice seemed to understand, because she didn't push the issue like she normally would have. We ended up watching _The Crying Game_ instead. Uh, yeah, that movie was whack. The chick turned out to be a dude, and they actually showed his penis. It was just all kinds of fucked up, but at least it helped me forget about my own life for a while. That was until I climbed into bed and pulled out Edward's picture. Now, I'm wide awake and missing him even more. I just want to be someone else.

* * *

November 27, 1992

It's Thanksgiving. Normally, this is a fun holiday for me. Mom makes all of my favorites for dinner, and we stuff ourselves until we can't eat any more. Well, until dessert that is. There's always room for pumpkin pie with lots of whipped cream on top. Yet, this year, I wasn't hungry. I just wanted to hang out in my room and listen to music. I find myself really listening to the lyrics to try and somehow relate them to my life. Depressing huh?

It doesn't help matters that the letters keep coming. I find myself wondering more and more if he could really be sincere. I know it's probably wrong that I'm not writing back to him, but I'm afraid to let him back in like that. I keep telling myself it will be easier if I keep my distance, but I'm kind of a mess. I should probably tell him to stop writing, but I still want to know what he's doing and how he is. That's sick, right? I can't help myself, though. I'm like a glutton for punishment or something. I just feel like I've already given him so much. If I reply back, I'll be giving him even more and then there will be nothing left. I just couldn't handle that. He already has the most important part of me.

I've read his letters a hundred times, and I look at his picture every night. I want to reply, yet I can't. I've thought of telling Alice about the letters so he'll at least know I've received them, but I haven't. I haven't told anyone. Mom knows that he's written, because she checks the mail, but I haven't talked to her about them. I know she's probably wondering, because I see the way she looks at me when she hands them to me. She wants to ask, but she doesn't. I'm glad for that, at least. I don't think I can talk about it. Not out loud. Writing in here is easier.

I'm so scared. He already consumes my every thought when I'm broken. What happens if I share even more with him? He's three hundred miles away, and I have no idea if he's coming back. He could easily find someone there to replace me. Truth be told, I wouldn't even have a way of knowing. I only know what he writes. For that reason, I can't let him back in. I just don't trust him not to hurt me.

I do hope he's having a good day, though. I can't lie. I really was hoping that he would come home. That probably sounds ridiculous considering everything else I've written, but it's true. I know how important his family is to him. I'm sure it's probably hard being away from them today. I guess I was also hoping if he came back and saw me in person, he'd realize how much he misses home – misses me – and that he would want to come back for good. That's not going to happen, though, is it? It sure doesn't feel like it.

Anyway, that's all for today. I'm gonna try to be social with Mom and Dad downstairs.

* * *

December 5, 1992

I went to a party with Rose last night. She's been talking to a guy that goes to Landon, and he was having people over, since his parents were out of town. She said it would just be a few of his friends, but it was more like a couple hundred of them. Who even knows that many people? And did I mention that his house was a freaking mansion? I thought Rose's house was big, but this house made hers look like a shack. I felt really out of place. Rose is from a wealthy family, so houses and people like him and his friends don't really faze her, but I'm not used to it. They weren't assholes to me or anything, I just didn't feel comfortable. Rose was drinking and wanted me to let loose with her, but one of us had to be able to drive us back to her house. There was no way I was spending the night there.

A couple guys talked to me. They were cute, too. A year ago, I would have actually been interested, but not anymore. I just kept comparing them to Edward. They didn't come close. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Maybe I should just have a random hook-up with someone. Maybe that would make me forget about him. That's not me, though. Arrrgggh! I just don't know what to do. I need a hobby. Tomorrow, I need to start looking into that.

* * *

December 24, 1992

I sure wish Santa was real, because I have a Christmas wish I'd like him to make come true. I already know that won't be happening, though, because said wish is in Chicago right now. It obviously isn't meant to be or these opportunities wouldn't always fade away.

This has always been my favorite holiday. Ever since I was little I've loved Christmas. I think it's because Mom always makes such a big deal of it. She loves everything about the season. The house has been decorated for weeks, there are a bunch of presents under the tree, and Gran and Gramps are here this year. Even Dad is excited. I just don't feel very merry, though. I'm trying, but it's hard.

Edward has me second guessing myself. I don't know what to do. He writes me these really sweet letters, and I find myself wanting to give in. I want to be with him, but I just don't see how it's possible. He's not coming back here anytime soon, and giving in to talking is just going to hurt me more. I miss him enough as it is. If I were to allow myself to call him or write back, I would just be asking for more heartache, because I would need to see him. Maybe that wouldn't make sense to anyone else, but it's how I feel.

I miss being enveloped by his arms and his smell. I miss his eyes and his kisses. I miss his laugh and the way he rakes his hand through his hair when he's frustrated or nervous. God, I miss everything about him. Sometimes, I think I'm losing my mind.

I hope that he, Alice, and their family have a great visit. I'll do my best to be cheerful tomorrow. Just please let me have peace of mind.

* * *

January 1, 1993

It's 1993, a new month, and a new year. Somehow, I was hoping that something would just click inside me when the ball dropped, and I would be fixed – a new Bella Swan – but that didn't happen. Nope. I'm still the same, sad teenage girl I was before.

My parents are at the neighbors' house for their annual New Year's party. I went over for a while, but I left. Being around a lot of drunk, old people really isn't my idea of a fun time. I think I'm just gonna go to bed.

Happy New Year, Edward. Where ever you may be.

* * *

January 8, 1993

The house is back to normal again. Gran and Gramps went back home New Year's Day, and school started back the day after. Most people were dreading the end of the break, but I was looking forward to it. School isn't all that exciting, but it keeps me busy. And being busy means I have less time to think about Edward.

Am I making a huge mistake by not writing back? I just don't know. I still haven't talked to Alice or Rose about the letters, but I know that Alice knows. Edward mentioned it to me in one of his letters. Should I say something to her? She hasn't asked me, and that isn't like her. She usually has no problem meddling, so why isn't she saying anything now? Does she know something I don't? Maybe he isn't being sincere, and she knows it. Maybe she just doesn't want me to be with him. Why does this have to be so hard?

The girls are determined this is going to be the best semester ever. They're both excited for prom and graduation, and while I'll be glad to be out of high school, I'm dreading prom. I don't even want to go. What's the point? The only person that could make me change my mind is gone.

They say time flies when you're having fun, but what about when you're lonely? I can tell you, it drags on forever. Hopefully, college will be better. There's gotta be more to life than this.

* * *

February 14, 1993

We had a bit of a blizzard, and school was out for days. I actually had fun for the first time in a long time. A whole group of us went sledding at Strathmore Hill. We spent the whole day out there. By the time I got home, my toes felt like there were going to fall off, but Alice and Rose came back with me, and we had cocoa and watched movies. It was as close to normal as I've felt in months. But then we finally went back to school, today, Valentine's Day, and I'm immediately reminded of how much I hate life. Ugh. This is officially my least favorite holiday. Whoever thought we needed a special day to express our love was lame. I can't believe the school thought it was a good idea to sell rose val-o-grams. If I didn't already feel invisible, it was definitely confirmed today. Granted, I haven't really given anyone a reason to think I'd be interested in them, but I couldn't help but feel even more depressed and alone as one of the only girls not carrying around at least one rose. I mean, Alice and Rosalie had several. Rose even offered to give me one of hers, but how desperate would that be?

Then, go figure, I got another letter from Edward. Ironic that it showed up today, of all days. He seems to be worried that I'm having some fabulous life here without him. Just another reason I don't want to write back. How can I tell him how pathetic and miserable I really am? He'd be sure to come to his senses and walk away for good then.

He mentioned that he plans to come home this summer. He even wants to go on a trip together. God, I'd love nothing more than to go somewhere with him, just the two of us. I really think that if I got to see him in person, and we could talk, things could be different. He needs to come home, though. I need to know that he's not going anywhere. As it is, I don't know that. I love him so much, but I have to keep my guard up. For now, at least. I can only hope that his words are sincere and that we'll make things right this summer. Having something to look forward to would be good.

* * *

March 15, 1993

I'm starting to think that Edward may have moved on. I haven't heard from him in over a month now. I come home from school every day, hoping to find a letter waiting. Sadly, there's been nothing. It's my own fault. I should have written back. He thinks I hate him. There couldn't be anything further from the truth, though. God, I'm such an idiot! And to think I was looking forward to seeing him soon. Maybe it's time to talk to Alice. What is she going to say? Will she be mad that I've kept this from her? Will she even want to help? What should I do? I'm so confused.

Ugh, Mom is calling me. I'll write more later.

* * *

April 10, 1993

Well, I didn't talk to Alice about the letters, but I did talk to Rose. She isn't Edward's biggest fan because of how things ended with us. I'm not sure she was much help really. She thinks I should forget about Edward and doesn't buy his sincerity. She kept saying, "too little, too late" and "serves him right to be left hanging." She wants me to stay strong and not give in. What if she's wrong, though? Is this ever going to stop hurting?

I'm going to the mall with Alice and Rose today. They want to look at prom dresses. Alice is going with Jared Cameron, one of Edward's old friends, and Rose is going with the Landon guy, Collin, who she's been dating. She says he has lots of cute friends that would want to go with me, but I feel weird about it. I've always imagined that I would go to prom with someone that I loved, not a random guy I was set up with. I told her I would think about it. Maybe if I find a dress I like I'll be convinced. Wish me luck.

* * *

May 3, 1993

God, why do you hate me? Seriously.

I've been going along with things, trying to be a typical high school senior, buying a dress, and asking a guy to prom. He's even a cute guy, sweet even. Brady Fuller is his name. He goes to Landon with Collin. We've gone out as a group to the movies a few times to get to know each other before the dance, and things haven't been terrible. But then I get the letter I got today. It's like Edward knew. Could Alice have told him? I would be so pissed at her if she did, but how can I really blame her? He's her brother.

Edward tells me that he wants me to go. He thinks it's an important rite of passage. I don't know about all that. Maybe it is. I guess I wouldn't want to look back on high school and regret not going, but I really just wish it was with Edward. Don't get me wrong, Brady seems to be a great guy, but he's not _the_ guy. I need to give that up, though, because Edward is definitely not going. Is it wrong that I'm glad he goes to an all boys school?

The dance is on Friday. Please just let me make it through. Four days. That's not too much to ask, is it?

* * *

May 8, 1993

It's a little after one in the morning, and I just got home from prom. Is that early? It seems late for me. I haven't stayed out this late in forever. Things went well, I think. Brady was a perfect gentleman. He got me a really pretty wrist corsage, paid for dinner, and we shared a limo with Rose, Alice, and their dates. It was fun. We spent the night dancing, laughing, and hanging out with people from our senior class. It went better than I thought. Well, until I had to turn away from a goodnight kiss. I felt awful, and things got really awkward, but I'm nowhere near being ready for that. Not with him. His eyes aren't the right color, his lips aren't as inviting, and his name isn't Edward. Hopefully, he understands, but it won't be the end of the world if he doesn't. I never led him to believe that I ever wanted to be anything more than friends.

Mom did take some pictures tonight before we left. There were some individual shots and some with the group. Edward wants me to send him one of me in my dress. I don't know if that will happen, but maybe I'll include one next to this entry. You never know. Maybe he'll read this one day. If that happens, don't be jealous, Edward. Brady had nothing on you.

I'm exhausted and need to get to bed. Goodnight, my love. I hope you're sleeping well tonight.

* * *

June 4, 1993

School is out. I can't believe high school is finally over. Graduation was good, but I was so scared. I can't believe they picked me for valedictorian. It was a huge honor, but I'm terrified of public speaking. Everyone tells me I did a great job, but I don't know. I tried picturing everyone naked, but that crap doesn't work. Especially when some of the people are your family members. Yeah, no, not helpful at all. I'm just glad it's over.

Mrs. Cullen was there for Alice, but Mr. Cullen was with Edward, since he graduated the same day. I really hope he comes home soon. Maybe we can work things out. How great would it be if we were going to the same college? I wonder if he's decided. He should have. Alice may know, but she hasn't mentioned it. She's been very respectful of the "no Edward talk" rule, which makes me curious about how much information she gives about me. Hopefully, I'll find out in a few days! I've missed him so much and can't wait to see his face.

* * *

June 7, 1993

He's not coming home. I can't believe I let myself get excited at the possibility of him coming back. I'm so glad I haven't written to him now. I knew this was going to happen. This is why I can't let myself get pulled back in.

I need to forget about Edward and this journal. I'm going to enjoy my summer if it's the last thing I do.

* * *

September 19, 1993

It's been a while since I've written in here. I didn't think I would need to again, quite honestly. So much has happened since my last entry. Looking back, I was so angry and hurt. I had let myself think that Edward and I could actually have a chance. Obviously, that didn't happen.

I had a really great summer, though. We went to a few concerts, hung out at Rose's pool, went to the beach for a week, and made the most of the time we had left together. Rose and I are both going to the University of Maryland, but Alice went to school in Austin at the University of Texas, and we won't be seeing her much. It feels weird, the three of us being apart, but I guess that's life. I'm gonna miss her.

School has been hectic these first few weeks. Getting used to the campus and living in a dorm has been interesting. College is definitely different. I feel more like an adult now. I can come and go as I please, I don't have a curfew, and I can even have boys over if I want. Only problem, those boys are non-existent.

For the most part, my classes are okay. I lucked out with the professors I have, because I've heard there are some real assholes. It is only my first year, though. I'm sure I won't be that lucky forever. I never am. Like I said, Rose is here at school with me, which I'm glad for. We aren't sharing a dorm because we didn't get to pick our roommates, but she's in the same building as me, so it's all good.

I've made some new friends. I think one of the guys in my English class wants to ask me out, but I think he's shy. I'm actually kind of glad for that, because he's really not my type. That is, if I have a type. I just know that I don't get those butterflies in my stomach, and my heart doesn't beat like it wants to jump out of my chest. I've only ever felt that with one person before. Maybe I should take that as a good sign, though, since we know how that turned out.

That brings me to today. I came home for the weekend to visit Mom and Dad, have a late birthday dinner with them, catch up on laundry, and get my mail. What do you think that means? If you guessed a letter – more specifically, a letter from Edward – you would be correct. Apparently, he's in Arizona. Warm, sunny, beautiful Arizona. He seems good, like me. I'm good, but hearing from him makes me realize that good isn't necessarily happy. Is happiness even a possibility? Other people seem like they are. My parents and grandparents are good examples, but when it comes to me, I just don't know anymore. I do know that as long as I keep reading these letters and allowing his words to fill my mind, I'll never let go. I don't even know if that's possible, letting him go, but I have to try. I'm going to focus on school and the life I have. I have to do this for me. Hopefully, he will, too.

* * *

June 20, 1994

My heart is breaking. Edward wrote me one last letter, which I told myself I wouldn't open, but I couldn't help but give in this morning. I know I said I wouldn't be writing in here anymore, but how could I not? This day is nothing if not a reminder of him. He's nineteen today, and he told me he loves me, but he's given up, just like I'd hoped. He even closed it with _My Best_ instead of _Yours_. He always signs it with _Yours_. He's not mine, though. He really has let go. I can't be angry, but it still hurts. It figures that he would tell me the three words I've always longed to hear from him at the same time that he says goodbye.

Even though you're moving on, I still miss you. I love you, and I'm thinking of you. Happy Birthday, Edward. I wish you lots of love, happiness, and success – today and always.

* * *

November 1, 1994

I just had the most intense dream. It felt so real. I'm a sweaty, panting, heart racing mess. I was so sure it was happening. He was here, in my dorm room. Edward. He woke me from a deep sleep, climbing into my bed – his hands and mouth on me – whispering words of love, need and desperation. I could feel him inside me, finally giving in to the urges and desires that were ignored for so long. Fingers, tongue, and cock – rubbing, flicking, pumping in and out. Dammit, why wasn't it real? Fuck me, if sex with him would have been anything like that dream, I missed out.

Thank God my roommate isn't here tonight. Pretty sure I wouldn't want to explain this to her. How am I supposed to go back to sleep now?

* * *

September 12, 1996

Ugh! I am so pissed off right now. I can't believe that prick broke up with me. I mean, we've only been dating for a few weeks, but still. How shitty is it to break up with a person the day before their birthday – their twenty-first birthday, at that? What a sleazeball. And to think he had the nerve to say it was because I wouldn't sleep with him. Grrr. I swear to God, if I see him on campus, I'm going to embarrass the shit out of him. He's not even that good looking. And from what I can tell, he probably has a small penis, anyway. Stupid jock asshole! I should just give up on guys. None of them ever measure up to _him_. I haven't come across a single great catch. There's been nothing but a sea of losers. Maybe _he_ wanted it that way. Maybe he wanted to ruin me for all future men. Well, he seems to have done a very thorough job. I should just stick to helping Garrett with his boy toys.

* * *

May 22, 1998

You'll never believe what happened tonight! I still can't believe it. I went out with Rose for drinks, which isn't so unusual. We met up with her boyfriend, James, in Dupont at The Brickskeller, but that isn't the crazy part, either. No, the crazy part is who else was there. Edward Cullen. He was there, with James. I can't fucking wrap my head around it.

Things were a little awkward between us at first. We were both nervous. He thought I hated him, but we know that's not the case. I've had a lot of different emotions for Edward over the years, but hate has never been one of them. I was just trying to keep from having a heart attack for the first hour or so.

He's still gorgeous, and from the looks of it, he's been working out; however, he was so much more than that. Besides being devastatingly handsome and muscular, he's really grown up. There's no doubting it; Edward Cullen is all man now.

I ended up giving him a ride home. Talking with him was easy, even though my heart felt like it was trying to climb out of my throat. I almost wanted him to ask me for my number, but he seemed unsure, so I said goodbye. He did say that he'd see me around, though, and I really wouldn't be opposed to that. It could be fun to get to know grown-up Edward. Maybe I'll get lucky and run into him. We live in the same neighborhood, after all.

* * *

July 15, 1998

Edward and I have been spending a lot of time together. Things have even gotten pretty intense at times. I think I should keep my guard up, but it's hard. I'm so confused. I've been offered this really great job in Dallas. It's my dream job, in fact. But things with Edward are really starting to pick up. I don't know what to do. Do I pass up what I've been working so hard for the past five years, or do I just enjoy things with him while I can? I really need to figure things out, because I'm falling in love with him all over again.

* * *

August 30, 1998

We did it! Yes, by it, I mean we had sex, made love, fucked like bunnies, whatever you want to call it – all of the above. I'll just call it amazing. I really _have_ been missing out. Being with Edward, feeling him inside me for real, was way better than any dream or fantasy I've ever had in the past.

Edward is really good in bed. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but he was gentle, passionate, tender, caring, sensitive, and warm. He even told me that I was worth the wait. _Me_. What he doesn't know is that he was the one worth waiting for. He's my first. I would tell him, but I'm kind of embarrassed. I mean, I'm twenty-three for Christ's sake. That makes me pretty pathetic by most standards. I'm already worried that I'm not enough for him. I don't want him thinking that I'm some kind of loser who couldn't get laid. Plus, I really don't want him freaking out. I was ready. I wanted him, and I don't regret any of it. Being with him was perfect.

God, he is amazing, though. I can't wait to do it again. I just wonder how long it will be until the bubble bursts.

* * *

September 17, 1998

I've had my share of bad nights and difficult situations, but this has got to be the worst of them all. Even sitting here, writing this, I'm having trouble seeing the letters on the page from all the tears. I can't stop crying. Why do things always have to be so complicated?

This week started out perfect. I thought I was okay spending time with Edward while I could, but then he went all out and gave me the sweetest, most romantic birthday of my entire life. I mean, I thought we would have dinner or something, but this was so much more than that. The bracelet he gave me is beautiful, and the meaning behind each of the charms is so special. He really put thought into it. It made me realize how much I love him. I've never stopped.

Then I went to work and was told they needed my decision. I had to let them know what I was doing with the job offer, because the Dallas office needed the person there in a little over a week. It wasn't enough time, but if I said no, there wouldn't be another offer like this for a long time. They just don't come that often. I had to say yes, but how am I supposed to tell Edward? I love him and want to be close to him, but how can I ask him to give up his life here when he just got back and settled? His family is here, who he missed, and he has a new job as a teacher. I can't do that to him. I can't ask him to give everything up for me, and I can't take him saying no if I do.

I wanted to tell him over dinner. I started to a bunch of times, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I even started thinking that maybe we could try the long distance thing, but then that skank showed up, putting her hands all over him, and I realized I would be far away soon, and girls would be pulling crap like that all the time. How could they not? He's a catch. Only, I wouldn't be here to stop them. So, I freaked out.

Edward tried to assure me that she meant nothing, and I believed him, but I still couldn't handle the idea of being away from him for weeks at a time and not worry. I trust him, but I'm jealous. It seriously took everything in me not to gouge that bitch's eyes out tonight.

The ride home was hard. I sat in the car, trying to come up with a way to tell Edward about the move, but there was no good way to do it. He was going to be pissed, and I was scared. So, instead of doing what was right, I seduced him. As soon as we got back to his apartment, I flew at him. I'm sure he was confused, but he didn't complain. Edward is always happy to please in that regard, and I needed him. I needed that connection, one last time.

The sex we had was intense, like always, but then I started to panic. He was looking at me like I was the most important person in the world, and it killed me. I had to get out of there, which only made him ask questions I wasn't ready to answer. We started arguing, bringing up stuff from the past, and it was awful. Edward and I have only had two fights, and both of them left me shattered. Only, it's my fault this time, and I think he's even more broken than me. How am I supposed to live with that?

He told me he loves me, that he's in love with me and always has been. I thought it meant something in the letter he had written me so long ago, but it was nothing compared to hearing the words come from his mouth as he looked at me.

He begged me not to leave. I could see the frustration and hurt in his eyes, but what really killed me was the guilt I saw. Edward blames himself. He thinks he somehow deserves this because of our past, but he's so wrong. He's more than made up for the hurt I felt back then. It's me. I'm the fuck-up here. I'm the coward too afraid to allow this man to love me. He deserves someone who will be able to open up to him without reservation, someone who will be here to take care of him when he's sick, to go on dates with him, to love him the way he deserves to be loved. Clearly, that person isn't me. No, Edward deserves better. I just need to find the strength to really let him go for good so he can find the person meant to be his other half.

* * *

March 6, 2000

It's been so long since I've written in here. I guess I can't help myself, though. Whenever I've got a lot going on in my head, it feels good to let it out. Since there isn't anyone that would really understand some of these things, it's easier to write them down.

I talked to Rose today. Emmett proposed last night. I'm so excited and happy for them. She's finally met her prince. Lord knows, she kissed a lot of frogs to find him. They really are good together. I'm glad they're finally taking this next step. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever meet mine. I have a feeling that I already have and let him go. Sometimes, I really regret not telling Edward the truth. Maybe things could have worked out differently. Instead, I left him like he left me – with no explanations – and now it's too late to turn back.

I'm miserable without him. I do love my job, but it doesn't keep me warm at night. It surely doesn't love me back. Hopefully things have turned out better for him. He deserves to be happy.

* * *

May 10, 2003

Oh, Edward. Tell me I'm doing the right thing. Tell me you've moved on, and you're happy, and I need to try to do the same. You'd give me a sign if something was wrong, right? Just like you sent me that letter all those years ago, when I was ready to move on, you'd do it again, wouldn't you?

I know I left, but you never came looking for me. I'm taking that as your answer that you've let me go. Because I'm getting married today. It should be the happiest day of my life, but I can't help but feel like something is off. Jake has been good to me these past two years. He's been more than patient with me as we've slowly muddled out of friend mode. God knows, I haven't made it easy for him. I care about him, don't get me wrong, but why is it that I'm thinking about you today? The truth is, I still think about you all the time. I just try not to admit it. Silly, considering I'm only lying to myself. I miss you.

I guess I just wanted a chance to let you know that you're not being replaced. There could never be another who replaced what you mean to me. You're my soul mate, my one true love. You'll always hold a special place inside me, because you're my heart. I just need to make a little more room now for someone else. I hope that you're happy, Edward, and more than anything, I hope you know that you're loved. Always.

I have to go, but I hope you're taking care of yourself… and having a happy life.

* * *

May 18, 2005

I'm a mommy. Can you believe it? Today, I brought home my perfect, little angel. Phillip Holden Black was born on May sixteenth at four-thirty in the morning. He weighed seven pounds and was nineteen inches long. I wish you could see him, Edward. He's beautiful. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love this little guy. After you, I just didn't think it was possible. I don't want to put him down for fear that it will all be a dream. Things since my last entry haven't been great, but none of that matters now that I have this little boy in my arms.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this news with you. I still can't believe I was given this amazing gift. In a perfect world, we'd be sharing this joy together, but maybe you've already felt it with your own children. I don't know where you landed, but I hope it's somewhere happy.

* * *

June 20, 2007

This day is always a hard day for me. Today has been especially difficult. My marriage is a sham. I know that I never should have married Jacob, but I'm trying to be strong for my son. He's the only good thing that's come of this miserable relationship. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I've made so many mistakes. I just need to do right by Pip. He's my whole world. I'm trying my hardest not to crack, but I don't know how much more I can take. Please let me find the strength.

I hope you're having an amazing birthday, Edward. You're in my thoughts.

* * *

July 4, 2008

Of all the people to walk in my backyard today, I never expected to see Alice. I don't know if this is some kind of divine intervention, or if it was purely coincidence, but I can't ignore it. What am I supposed to do? Do I ask her about Edward? What if he really is happily married with kids? Do I really want to know that? I mean, I've always wanted him to be happy, but would I really be able to handle hearing about it? Deep down, I guess I've always hoped that he was out there somewhere, thinking about me. I know it's foolish. I'm probably the only person on the planet who would harbor such intense feelings for a person she hasn't seen or spoken to since a lifetime ago. I let him go. It's my fault he's not a part of my life, so I can't be upset that he moved on. It would still hurt to hear all the details, though. Probably more than I'd care to admit.

I would like to be friends with her again, though. I really have missed her. I guess we'll just have to see how things go. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

* * *

December 24, 2008

When Alice told me that Edward had never married or had children, I couldn't help but feel relieved by the information. I know that's probably wrong and totally hypocritical of me, but it gave me the tiniest bit of hope that there was still a chance. A chance for what, I don't know, but a chance for something.

Then, coming home and actually seeing him, it was overwhelming. I mean, he gave Pip a present. I don't know any other man who would do something like that. His kindness and generosity blew me away. The fact that he thought enough to do something for my child, despite our history, made me realize once and for all how absolutely amazing he is.

I was so scared to talk to him. He kept his distance from me all evening, until I couldn't hold out any longer. I forced myself to go to him. He seemed so sad and lonely. I could see it in his eyes when I sat next to him on that swing. I was so afraid he was going to get up and walk away. Lord knows, I deserved it. But he listened to me. I don't know how much was resolved, but I'm determined to show him my sincerity. I have to make things right.

* * *

January 3, 2009

God, so much has happened in such a few, short days. I've never been so happy and so sad at the same time before. Edward and I have a long road ahead of us, but for the first time in, well… ever, I feel like we're finally on the right path. New Year's Eve was perfect. Spending time with him, talking, and getting to know each other again was everything I've hoped for and more. He still makes my heart beat a million miles a minute, and it's exciting and scary, but I feel so safe with him, too. To hear that we've shared so much of the same hurt and sadness was hard. We've both wasted so much time. I'm not going to allow that to happen again. Somehow, some way, we're going to make this work – even if it takes forever. He's it for me. Waking up in his arms, surrounded by his warmth, is where I want to be every morning. I know this without a doubt, and it feels so good to say it and believe it. Life is going to be better from here on out.

* * *

February 9, 2009

Edward, by now, we've talked and I've given you this journal. I know parts of it were probably pretty hard to read, but I hope it's made you realize how much you mean to me – how much you've always meant. You're such an amazing person, and I can't believe how blessed I am to have you in my life once again. I want you to know that I'm serious about us. I'll never let anything or anyone come between us again, no matter what. As long as we have each other, I know we'll be okay. Thank you for making me see that and really believe it this time. I'm yours, now and always.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Lots of feelings and emotions in this one. It spans several years, so how could it not? The main thing is that she never forgot about Edward and never really let go. How do you think he's going to feel after reading this? We'll find out soon enough. I'm working on that chapter now. I'd love to hear your thoughts, though. Do any of you still write in a journal? I haven't in a long time, but I used to. I got one out recently and read through it. Interesting stuff. I guess you could call it cheap therapy. ;)

Special thanks to a few ladies who recently started reading and reviewed every single chapter – ToTheDreaming, Twilover76, and LadyTazz. You girls are all kinds of wonderful. Thanks so much for your sweet words. They also write their own stories, which are amazing. You should check them out.

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


	30. Chapter 30 Rediscovering You

**Authors Notes: **

Xrxdanixrx is my awesome beta and validator. She didn't get a chance to look at this one. So, all mistakes are mine. BellaSunshine tells me it's okay, though. I hope you agree. :)

I don't own Twilight, but I do own a Journey: Greatest Hits cd, and it inspired a very important part of this chapter. You'll see….

**Chapter 30 – Rediscovering You**

**EPOV**

The alarm on my phone woke me at a little after five. Bella was still sound asleep, tucked into my side, with her head on the pillow beside me. I laid and watched her for a while, stroking her hair, listening to her breathe. She was peaceful and so fucking beautiful. How I had lived so many years without her, I'd never know. This was how I wanted to wake up every morning – with Bella in bed next to me.

I wanted to be sure I was on the couch before Pip woke up, though. So, I quietly and reluctantly got up, put on my jeans, and made my way to the living room. But not before grabbing the journal Bella had given me.

To say I was surprised about the box she'd showed me was an understatement. It was like a time capsule of our history together. Learning that she'd read and kept all of my letters meant the world to me, but receiving her journal and hearing that she wrote to me in it, words couldn't express how that made me feel. I was desperate to read it.

Settling on the couch with the pillow, sheet, and blanket we'd arranged the night before, I opened the journal and read. She was angry with me at first, which I understood. It hurt like hell to know I was the cause of so much pain. I'd heard from Alice how distant and shut off she was when I'd left, but reading her words, I could feel the sadness, and it was like a knife was shoved into my chest. I hated that I ever made her feel that way.

As time went on, and I wrote more letters, I could see that she still held a sense of hope for us. If I had known then that she had felt that way, I would have done everything in my power to get back to her. I thought she had moved on, though. Seeing that she hadn't, it sickened me. I was such a fool not to have tried harder. I should have gone home, forced her to see me and talk to me. It made me realize just how much time we really had wasted.

Then, reading about how she felt when I did move back – when we were finally together – it was bittersweet. Knowing she was happy then, and that she felt loved, it was a huge relief. I'd always wondered what I could have done differently. Leaving the way she did truly almost killed me. It still hurt to even think about that point in my life. However, the fact that she had struggled with her decision, and the way she had been worried about what was best for me, I could sympathize with. I'd been there. It didn't make it right, in either of our cases, but it was something I could relate to.

The entry that hit me the hardest was the one on her wedding day. _Fuck!_ That day should never have happened. Her _ex_ should never have happened. She was thinking about me. I should have been the one committing myself to her forever. She was mine, not his. Never his. I was determined to right this wrong. She would be a Cullen one day.

Her passage on the day she brought Pip home ripped me up a little more. She was so happy and in love with him. It made me wish I'd been there sharing that joy with her. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt that she had a child with someone else. It did, bad. Even more so after reading that she wanted to share that with me. Pip could have been mine. Man, if I could have turned back time…

So many different emotions throughout the years, so much time and sadness. Yet, through it all, she never stopped thinking about me; that much was clear. But more than that, she never stopped loving me. I was so fucking grateful that she finally trusted me enough to show me how she felt, and I was determined to do the same. No more holding back.

After I'd finished reading, I lay staring up at the ceiling – remembering, thinking, planning. I only had a few days left before I was due back in New York, and I wanted to make the best of them. I had an album to record when I got back, and that was going to take a while. In the past, being busy like that would have been a relief, but things were different now. The amazing woman and little boy down the hall changed that for me. I wanted more. I wanted them.

Bella's alarm sounded in her room, and I smiled knowing I would see their sweet faces soon. I was becoming such a fucking sap. I loved it, though, because I loved them. Yes, I was sure of that, and I wasn't going to waste any more time.

Soon enough, I heard little feet making their way quickly down the hall.

"Eward, you stayed over!" Pip shouted, jumping on me, and I laughed as Bella entered behind him, smiling when our eyes met. Fuck, she was beautiful.

"Good morning, sport! You ready for another day of fun?" I asked, sitting up to make room for him next to me.

"Yep! Are we gonna go to the park?"

"We can… but I was thinking about the aquarium. I know you really like fish, and I hear the aquarium here is pretty awesome. What do you think?"

"Wooo Hooo! Momma, did you heard that? Eward is gonna take me to see the fishes." He clapped, jumping off the couch.

"That sounds so fun, sweetie. I'm kind of jealous," she replied with a pout. "I have to go to boring, old work today."

"I'm sorry, beautiful. Can you get the day off and come with us?"I questioned.

"Yeah, Momma. Come wif us." Pip and I both looked at her expectantly.

"It's tempting, baby love, but if I don't want to be working over the weekend, I need to go in."

"Would you rather we did something else and save the aquarium for the weekend when we can all go together?" I offered.

"You're so sweet, but you two go and enjoy your day. We'll do something else together this weekend."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." She smiled.

The rest of the morning was spent eating breakfast and getting ready. Actually, that described our mornings together for the remainder of the week, as I moved my stuff over from Alice and Jasper's house to Bella's that same day. We wanted to spend as much time together as possible. It only made sense for me to stay.

Every day, Pip and I would embark on a new adventure together. Then, at night, Bella and I would tuck him in with a story before going to her room and making some adventures of our own. We still hadn't done much more than some heavy making out, but we were taking our sweet time, and sweet it definitely was. There was nothing better than kissing my girl, and falling asleep beside her, in her bed, was enough for me. Then, each morning, I would get up and move to the couch before Pip was any wiser.

By Friday, Bella and I were both excited and ready to spend some uninterrupted time together. She picked up some movies and take-out on her way home from work, and the three of us vegged-out in the living room. Pip was sound asleep before the first movie was even over.

"So, I was thinking, I'd really like to take you out tomorrow night," I said, running my fingers through her hair as she leaned against my chest. After reading her journal and learning how much she disliked Valentine's Day, I wanted to change her mind on the holiday.

"You would?" she asked, turning to face me.

"Yeah, I mean, if you can. I wasn't sure if you could get a sitter for Pip. If not, we can do something else. You know I love spending time with him, too. I'd just like to have some adult time, if we can."

She smiled. "I'd like that. I'll ask Angela tomorrow. I'm sure it won't be a problem. She told me she'd be around this week, if I needed her."

"If not, I can always ask my sister."

"Oh my gosh, Alice must hate me right now," she said, sitting up.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because we've monopolized all of your time. I'm sure she wants to spend some time with you before you leave."

"We've gotten to hang out. We've had lunch a couple times this week. She understands why I need to be here," I assured her, pushing loose strands from her fallen pony tail behind her ear.

"But still, we should try and hang out with her and Jasper. We can all go out tomorrow night." She paused, looking deep in thought. "Hang on. I just realized something. Tomorrow is – "

"Saturday," I interrupted, and her eyes narrowed. She knew I was averting the subject.

"Yes, it is Saturday, but it's also the fourteenth of February."

"Yeah, and?" I grinned. She was definitely on to me.

"Edward Cullen, you know what that means," she said, climbing in my lap. "Please tell me you aren't going to do anything crazy or over-the-top."

"I promise I'm not going to do anything crazy or over-the-top."

"And no presents," she added, sliding her hands behind my neck.

"That, my valentine, I can't promise."

"Edward, you've already given me more than I deserve."

"Baby, if we're going to be together, you're going to have to get used to me spoiling you. I've missed out on a lot of Valentine's Days and holidays, and I plan on making up for all of them. So, please don't get upset if I feel like getting you presents. And as far as being deserving, I'll be the judge of that." I winked.

She sighed. "But I've been so busy, I didn't get a chance to go out and get you anything."

"Are you kidding me? Sweetheart, the gifts you've given me this week far outweigh anything you could ever buy me. You shared something so personal and special with me, showing me how much you trust me and care. Giving me that journal, allowing me to read the words inside, it means more to me than I can ever tell you. Knowing I was in your thoughts through it all, I'm overwhelmed."

"So, you weren't upset after reading it, then?" she asked, biting down on her bottom lip nervously.

"A couple of entries made me want to track down some fuckers and beat the shit out of them, but that's the over-protective, irrational asshole in me. I mean, I'd be lying if I said reading about you with other dudes, thinking about you with them, didn't hurt, but I have no right to get upset about a time in your life when I wasn't around. All I can do is assure you that I'm never going to let you go again. Do you believe me?"

"Yes, wholeheartedly." She nodded, running her fingers through the hair on the back of my head.

"Good," I said, pulling her lips to mine, the rest of the movies forgotten.

~xxx~

The next day, the three of us went to the park, we ran and played with Pip, ate ice-cream, and I got to hold Bella's hand. I felt like we were a family. It was a perfect afternoon.

Bella had talked to Angela earlier that morning and agreed to take Pip to her house for the night, as Angela was also babysitting her nephew and suggested they could play. It was the perfect arrangement. Having the house to ourselves sounded perfect, but it had me scared shitless at the same time. Even though we had slept in the same bed all week, knowing that we were truly alone made it feel different. Excitement coursed through me like it had so many years ago, and I hoped it would always be that way.

Bella had made me promise not to go all out, so we ordered pizza and ate dinner together as a family. Since we hadn't left her sight, she was very unsuspecting, but Pip and I already had her presents tucked away from a shopping trip earlier in the week.

Just before it was time to get packed up in the car for Angela's, Pip and I surprised her with her gifts. I had to give him credit; he was good at keeping a secret. I'd have to remember that in the future.

"Oh, no, you guys! What did you do?"Bella asked.

"Open them, Momma!" Pip squealed, jumping and clapping.

She looked at both of us then back to the boxes we held in front of her. "I thought we agreed no presents," she said, eying me.

"No, _you_ said no presents. _I_ said I couldn't make promises on it. Besides, we already had them by that point," I explained.

"Well, thank you," she relented. "Whose should I open first?"

"Open mine, Momma. It's really pwetty, like you," Pip told her. I nodded my head in agreement. _Smart kid._

She gently untied the ribbon and opened the lid to find what waited inside.

"Oh my gosh, it's beautiful. Did you pick this out, lovebug?"

"Uh huh. It's me and you," he said, pointing to the figures on the charm.

"I see that. A mother and child. I love it. Thank you so much! Can I have a kiss?" she asked him, leaning down, to which he puckered up and laid a big, wet kiss on her mouth, and she laughed.

"Open Eward's now!" he directed next, and I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm.

"Here you go, beautiful. I hope you like it," I said.

"It's from you. I'm sure I'll treasure it," she replied, lifting the lid and pulling out the sterling silver heart shaped charm.

"I had it inscribed. And the heart… it's symbolic." I shrugged. And it was. My heart was hers.

"_Third time's a charm_," she read, her eyes tearing up as they met mine. "Oh, Edward! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's perfect."

"Only happy tears now, baby," I whispered as she hugged me.

"Aren't you going to give Eward a kiss, too?" Pip questioned, earning a bright pink blush from his mother.

"Oh, um, sure, sweetheart," she replied, caught off guard and flustered as she turned to me.

"Thank you. Really, I love it." She placed one hand on my cheek and stood on her toes, bringing her soft lips chastely to mine.

"You're welcome." I smiled, reminding myself to spoil the shit out of Pip. He was seriously the coolest kid on the planet.

"We did good. Huh, Momma?" Pip asked, beaming with happiness. We all were.

"You did really good, sugar bear."

"I hope you don't mind that we got you charms. It's just, I saw your bracelet in the box the other day, and it didn't have any new ones on it. I thought it might be nice if we added to it."

"It was so thoughtful. I don't mind at all. In fact, I think I'll wear it tonight."

Charms attached, and bracelet adorning Bella's wrist, we packed the car and headed out. Once Pip was safely at Angela's, we met up with Alice and Jasper at a little dive bar near their house. With most people out celebrating in swankier places, it was nice and quiet, leaving the jukebox, single pool table, and dart board in the back all to us.

We played several rounds of pool and a few games of cricket before the girls insisted we dance off some of the alcohol. That turned into a couple hours on the dance floor, singing, laughing, and having a great time. Finally needing to take potty breaks, the girls headed for the restroom, allowing me to play a few more songs on the jukebox as Jasper ordered more drinks.

Deciding to take a break, we sat back at our table for another round. Alice and Jasper were in their own little bubble, and Bella was in her seat, sitting sideways and leaning against me, my arms wrapped around her, and my face buried against her neck. Journey began to play on the jukebox – the song I'd selected specifically for her, because the lyrics were perfect.

_Highway run into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind _

"Dance with me, Bella?" I whispered, kissing below her ear.

"A slow song this time, huh?" she asked, turning to face me.

I smiled and stood, nodding my head toward the tiny dance floor as I held my hand out to her.

"Well, okay, if you insist," she said, grinning up at me as she placed her hand in mine.

**BPOV**

He led me to the dance floor, pulling me close, swaying, as the words to _Faithfully_ played throughout the tiny bar.

_Right down the line it's been you and me Lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be Oh girl, you stand by me I'm forever yours Faithfully_

"I love this song," I murmured, peering up at him.

"Good, because I chose it for you. I swear, the words are meant for us," he said softly, brushing the hair behind my ear as we continued to move.

"Hmm. You're so sweet to me, baby. I can't believe the week is almost over."

"Shh." He placed his finger over my lips. "I don't want to think about that tonight."

"I'm trying not to. It's hard, though. I like having you here."

"I like being here."

"Promise you'll come back soon."

"Baby," he began, and his eyes met mine with an intensity and a look that I knew was only reserved for me. He brought his hands up from my waist to cup my face, gazing at me as if I was his whole world, and he sang to me.

"_Wondering where I am lost without you  
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you_

"Oh girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully" 

I couldn't hold back the tears, but seeing some fall from Edward's gorgeous eyes did me in. They weren't just lyrics to a song; they were so much more than that. He laid it on the line and opened himself up. It was how he felt about me – how we felt about each other – and I was coming completely undone. I was in love with him, and I didn't want to wait anymore. I needed to tell him. I wanted to show him more than ever.

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh  
oh oh oh oh oh oh Faithfully  
I'm still yours _

Leaning down, he tried to wipe at the tears, but I didn't care about that. At that moment, the world could have stopped moving and I wouldn't have known it, because nothing else mattered besides him and me.

Pulling him down the rest of the short distance, I brought my lips to his, needing to feel him, taste him, love him. With hands fisted in hair and parted mouths, our lips met, needy and desperate, kissing as the rest of the song – _our_ song – played out.

_I'm forever yours  
Ever yours  
Faithfully_

"Let's go home," I breathed with certainty. It was time. We both knew it.

We said our quick goodbyes to Alice and Jasper, who didn't seem at all surprised to find us in such a hurry. Hell, with the charge of energy crackling around in the air, they probably felt it, too.

The ride back to my house was quiet, with the exception of nervous laughter, as we held hands and glanced over at one another periodically. Pulling in to the driveway, I couldn't wipe the giddy smile off my face. We had the rest of the night… _alone_. The anticipation of what was to come had my skin prickling and my insides doing flips. I couldn't even wait for him to open my door before I was up and out of the car.

Racing up the front porch steps, I had my key out, ready to unlock the door, when I felt his hands grab on to my waist and pull me back against him.

"In a hurry?" he muttered, skimming his nose up the shell of my ear before nipping at it, and I could feel him smile against my neck as he placed small, wet kisses all the way back down it. I loved his confidence; it gave me my own.

"Just to get inside," I half moaned at the feel of his tongue and hot breath against my skin.

"Okay, good," he said, placing one last kiss on my shoulder as I pushed the door open.

Once inside, though, that confidence turned shy. It felt like the first time all over again. Only, this time, all my walls were down, and so were his.

With my keys and purse already thrown down on the coffee table, I took off my jacket and toed off my shoes. Edward did the same, both of us watching the other with scared and vulnerable eyes.

"So, do you want to go to bed?" I asked, biting my lip nervously.

"Yes," he replied, and I could have sworn that he blushed. _Blushed_. Him. _God this man is sexy._

"Are you tired?"

"No…" He hesitated, his eyes dropping for a second before meeting mine once again. "Are you?"

I shook my head, yet stayed firmly rooted in place.

"I can lock up," he offered. "You know, if you need to get ready or whatever." He shrugged, looking embarrassed.

"Oh, uh… okay." I smiled. Knowing that he was just as nervous as me somehow made it all better. "I won't be long."

I practically ran to my bedroom, tripping over my jeans as I tried pulling them off along the way. With my clothes discarded and placed in the hamper, I opened my dresser and pulled out the short, silk nightie I'd gotten a couple days prior on a lunch trip to Victoria's Secret. I wasn't sure when I'd need it, but wanted to be prepared should the time come soon. _Planning ahead for the win!_

Sexy lingerie in hand, I made my way to my bathroom. I'd already shaved my legs that morning, so all that was needed was a quick brushing of my hair and teeth, slipping on of the nightie, and a spritzing of perfume. It didn't take long, but by the time I was done and stepping back into my room, Edward was waiting for me.

Sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxer briefs and shirt unbuttoned halfway, he was gorgeous, but still way over-dressed.

"Hi," I said shyly, turning off the bathroom light and moving toward him.

"Wow." His eyes trailed over me. "You're just… Wow… Breathtaking," he stammered.

"You like?" I asked, doing a little twirl so he could see the rest, then stopping in front of him.

"I more than like." The look in his eyes told me he was talking about more than the lingerie, and I was more than okay with that.

I moved to stand between his legs as his hands found my hips, pulling me closer. "Good, because I more than like you." My hand ran down his cheek and over his jaw before sliding behind his neck and into his hair. "That song tonight, you were right, it was perfect; you're perfect – for me, at least. We've lost so much time in the past by running away from our feelings. I can't do that anymore. I won't do that. I need you to know how I feel. I'm in love with you, Edward, and I don't want to hide from it."

He closed his eyes for a moment, and he leaned his head against my stomach. He was too quiet, and I started to worry.

"Hey," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair. "Are you okay?"

"Say it again," he said, looking up at me with sparkling, hopeful eyes.

"Which part?" I had a pretty good idea, but I wanted to be sure.

"The part about how you feel," he replied, and I smiled. _I love this man_.

"I love you. I'm in love with you."

"One more time," he begged. "Please."

"I love you, Edward." He grinned, gripping onto me tighter, and I chuckled.

"God, do you have any idea how long I've wanted to hear you say those words to me? How many times I've imagined what it would be like to hear them? Baby, I love you, too. So much my heart feels like it might burst."

My heart felt the same way, but I needed to hear it again. Repeating his words back to him, I said, "Say it again."

"I love you, Bella. I'm in love with you and have been for as long as I can remember. But just so you know, it's not just you, it's Pip, too. I think he has me wrapped as tightly around his finger as you do."

"Remind me to thank your parents the next time I see them."

"What for?"

"For raising you to be the amazing man you are. I seriously don't know how I got so lucky."

"Oh, Bella, I'm the lucky one. I get two people to love out of this deal. You've seriously made me the happiest man on the fucking planet. Nothing could make me happier."

"Really?" I ran my nose against his cheek and up to his ear, biting down playfully. "Nothing at all?"

His hands moved from my hips to my ass, and he squeezed, raising his eyebrows at the feel of bare skin. "No panties?"

Having forgone the matching thong in my drawer, I shook my head no and smirked. "Don't need 'em."

"Hm. Maybe there is something," he said huskily.

I straddled him, both of my knees resting on the bed as I kissed and sucked along his neck. "I think you have entirely too much on right now, baby. It needs to come off so I can feel you."

Undoing his buttons the rest of the way, I slowly slid the shirt back and off his shoulders, feeling his firm muscles tighten and flex as he slid his hands up and under my nightie. Strong fingers gripped my ass, rubbing me against him in just the right spot, and by the sounds and feel of it, the friction felt just as good to him.

"Edward, I know we said we'd go slowly, but I don't want to wait. I need you," I panted between kisses. "Right now. I want you inside me. Tell me you need me, too." My mouth moved over his jaw and down his neck as he held me tighter.

"God, baby." He moaned. "I've never needed or wanted anything or anyone more than I do you."

Breaking the kiss for long enough to stand, I slid back and stepped off the bed, my fingers trailing over the smattering of hair on his chest, over the dips of his taut stomach muscles, until my hands were in his, tugging him up.

Both of us needing the contact of skin on skin, he pushed his fingers under the waistband of his briefs, sliding them down as I lifted the nightie up and over my head. Barriers discarded, our eyes stayed locked for a few moments before trailing down over the other.

Seeing Edward standing naked in front of me was almost a religious experience. I'm sure there were some cultures in the world that would have looked at him and thought he was a god. There could have been statues molded after him. It definitely left me feeling a little self conscious – especially after having gone through child birth.

I subtly tried to cover myself with my hands, but he knew me so well. His eyes slowly traveled back up my body, meeting mine once more. "Perfect," he muttered, licking his lips and stepping forward. I was far from it, but the look he gave me made me feel like I was. _Insecurities be damned_.

His hands sought purchase on my waist as he walked me backwards. "You're so beautiful, baby," he whispered, never taking his eyes off mine as he guided me to the bed.

At the edge, I sat and began to work my way back, Edward following closely behind, leaving gentle kisses in his path.

Pecks on the tops of my feet, shins, and knees, my legs widened, allowing him between. Soft nibbles on my thighs and the inside of my legs. "I've missed these wrapped around me." He moved further, his warm breath setting me aflame as his nose grazed along my pelvis. "I've missed kissing you here." His lips met my pink flesh. "And tasting you here." His tongue peeked out and licked my slit, causing my whole body to tremble. "And sucking right here." He wrapped his mouth around my clit, and I couldn't help the squeal that escaped me.

"Oh, God, that feels good, but I need you inside me, baby. Please."

He slowly crawled over me, continuing to kiss his way over my stomach, ribs, tits, and neck until his gorgeous mouth was on mine. Tongues twirling and lips molding around each other, nice and slow, and I could feel him, long and hard at my entrance.

"Fuck!" he blurted out, startling me.

"What's wrong?"

"Condoms. They're in my bag. I – "

"Do you want to use one?" I interrupted. "I mean, I'll understand if you do. I guess we should have talked about that. I haven't been with anyone in almost a year. Jacob was the last, and when I left, I got tested... just in case. I was clean. I _am_ clean. And I'm on the pill."

"Do you want me to wear one? I trust you. And I haven't been with anyone in… well, it's been a while. And when I was, I always wore a condom. I just want you to feel secure."

"I've never felt safer than when I'm with you, and right now, I'd really just like to feel _you_ inside me."

I rocked my hips up and toward his, so wet and eager for him, the slight movement causing just the tip of his cock to enter.

"Mmmmmm," I moaned out, my hands sliding back up and over him, pulling his weight on me. "God, I've missed you. Please, baby. I need to feel all of you."

Keeping his weight on one arm, his other hand moved from the mattress to my cheek, cupping my face as he gazed at me intensely. "I love you, Bella. So much."

"I love you, too. Always."

He brought his lips to mine, soft and firm, as he pushed in; filling me, inch by glorious inch. My legs widened, wrapping around him, and my eyes watered, overwhelmed by the sensations and emotions he made me feel. I was literally and figuratively filled with love, and I'd never felt more complete.

Slowly, him pumping, my hips rolling – _in, out, in, swirl, out, in, out, in, swirl, out…_

"Oh my god, baby! Yes! That's good. Soooo fucking good," I mewled at the perfect rhythm we found so easily, as though our bodies were made for each other.

"Jesus, beautiful. You're so warm and tight," he growled, plunging deeper with each pass.

"Unnngh! God, so amazingly good. Only… like this… with… you," I panted as he nipped and sucked on my nipples, pebbled and tingling from his skilled mouth and tongue.

"I'm not gonna last long, baby," he grunted against my skin. "Not this first time. I'm sorry. But, ohhhhhh fuck, you feel good."

"Harder, Edward, please. I want you inside me like this forever."

"I know, baby. I can't get close enough."

Pushing and pulling, faster, sinking further and further, harder. It wasn't going to take me long, either. I was getting so close.

"I'm right there, baby."

Thrusting, over and over, my heels digging into his ass cheeks, pushing him harder, closer – more. Knowing how to get me over the edge, his hand ghosted down my body, seeking out the part needing his touch. So expertly, he placed a thumb over my clit, circling at a delicious pace.

"I want to feel you come, baby. Let me feel you clamp down around me," he muttered with quickened breaths. "Please. I need you to come, because fuuuuuuuuuckk, I can't wait."

_In – out – in – swirl – out – in – out – in – swirl – out…_

He moaned out my name, and I screamed, "Unnngh, Edwaaaaard!"

My walls tightened with the feel of him squirting and hot inside me. My whole body began to spasm. I could feel his heartbeat, thrumming fast in his chest and keeping beat with mine, as he fell against me. I was on sensory overload. It felt like every cell and pore in my body had opened, and all the love and light I felt was shooting out of me, covering us in a blanket of bliss.

What words couldn't say, we said with our eyes, lips, fingers. Gentle looks, touches, and kisses. Rediscovering you – it was everything I'd dreamed of and more.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, baby. Happy Valentine's Day," he said, pulling me onto his chest.

"Best holiday ever." I giggled.

"Then, mission accomplished," He grinned, one hand caressing my back and the other on my ass. "Now, rest up. You're gonna need your energy, 'cause I'm not done with you."

"Yep, Happy Valentine's Day, indeed."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Eeep! So, what do you think? Were the words to _Faithfully_ perfect or what? I love Journey. Edward has been singing that in my head since the early parts of this story. *sigh* He's such a romantic. =)

She loves him. And he loves her. And they told each other! It's about freakin' time, right? And we earned our M rating again. Woot! I really hope it was everything you anticipated. We're in the home stretch now. I'm thinking maybe 5 chapters left. We'll see. They could always change that. ;)

I'm working on a new story now, too. It's something completely different from ALBtY. I hope to start posting it soon, so put me on author alert if you want to check it out. :) DreamOfTheEndless is helping. I love her so much! If you aren't reading her story, Beautiful Sorrow, you should be. It's in my faves.

Until next time… Love, hugs, and smooches.


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